Interlude

by Chantele Sedgwick

  He pauses again, and when he speaks, it’s quieter than before. “She’s in Greenpoint.” He sighs as though he’s just told his deepest, darkest secret and I wish I were next to him so I could give him the biggest hug ever. “That’s where her family lives, and I’m assuming she’s still around there. If not, they’ll help you. They were always very kind. Her mother and sister, especially.” I know he’s been protecting me all these years, and I’m sure it took a lot for him to give me that tiny piece of information. An address. One simple address that could change our future for the better, or unravel all of my plans. Either way, I’m ready to do this. For Maddy.

  Emotion fills my senses and I don’t realize my eyes are watering until the room gets blurry. “Thanks, Dad. And I’m sorry I sort of ran away. Not really, but you know what I mean.”

  He’s quiet for a moment, his light breathing all I can hear on the other end. “Please. Be careful, Mia. You have no idea what’s out in that city.”

  “I’ll be fine, Dad. I won’t go out at night. I won’t talk to strangers. I won’t go down any creepy alleys or go to a bar with my fake ID.”

  No laughter or chuckles. I shouldn’t have joked.

  “You’re not making me feel any better, Mia.”

  “Sorry. I was trying to lighten the mood a little.”

  “I noticed. But the moment wasn’t the right one.” He’s not amused. “New York is a big place. I want you to go straight to Carmen’s tomorrow, do whatever it is you have to do, and catch the first plane possible to come home. Promise me.”

  “I will.” I debate on telling him about Jax, but decide against it. If he knows I’m hanging out with a rocker and staying in his hotel room, he’ll find a way to jump through the phone and beat the crap out of him. It’s better to leave it alone until later. I’ll explain everything then. “I’ll let you know when I get a flight. Okay?”

  He breathes a sigh of relief. “Okay. Now, make sure your door is locked, don’t let anyone in your room, and get some sleep.”

  “I will.”

  We’re both quiet, neither one of us says good-bye first.

  “Thank you, Daddy. For trusting me enough to let me do this.”

  “You know I wouldn’t have let you go, but I have to remember you’re not my baby girl anymore. So as angry as I was and still am that you did this without telling me or your mother, I know it’s because you care about your sister so much. And speaking of Maddy, she’s right here and wants to talk to you.”

  “Okay.” The phone makes a rustling sound and I hear Dad in the background now. “Maddy?”

  “I knew you were planning something crazy, but not this crazy.” She sounds brighter than earlier but still tired.

  “You know me. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

  “It’s fine.”

  “How are you feeling?”

  She hesitates, and when she speaks I can hear the frown in her voice. “I’m okay. Just bored and ready to go home.”

  “Have they said when you’ll be able to?”

  “No.”

  “Let me know if you get any worse, okay?”

  “I’m fine. A souvenir would cheer me up, though. And make it a cool one.”

  I laugh. “If I can scrounge up enough pennies, I will.”

  “I knew you loved me.”

  “You know I do. I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “Tell Mom and Dad I love them. And Zack, too.”

  “Will do. Goodnight.”

  “Night.”

  I end the call and let out a long sigh that seems to echo through the huge bedroom. The huge, creepy bedroom. I’m not used to so much space. I’m really glad Jax checked for monsters now.

  And that reminds me … I grab the piece of paper with Jax’s number on it and type it into my phone. He told me to text him, so after a moment of internal freak-out, I do.

  Me: Here’s my number. Thanks for everything.

  The phone blinks two seconds later.

  Jax: Yes. It worked. I got your number.

  Me: Haha. You’re tricky.

  Jax: I try. Get some rest. See you tomorrow.

  Me:

  I smile and send Dad a quick text so he knows where I’m staying and shove the phone back in my pocket, wondering how I ended up texting a rockstar.

  After getting ready for bed, I grab some blankets off the bed and drag them into the other room and onto the couch. Might as well make it a real sleepover. It’s brighter in the living area with the New York lights shining all around and it feels more … comfortable.

  I lay there for a while, the whole day feeling like a blur. I still can’t believe I’m here, by myself, ready to hunt down Carmen to beg her to save Maddy’s life. I know what I have to do. The problem is, I’m terrified to do it.

  Having Jax with me makes me feel a little braver. And at least he knows how to get around the city.

  With a few tosses and turns, and one more glance toward the glow of lights out the window, I drift off to sleep.

  CHAPTER 15

  Through all the bad times and the good

  I’ll always be misunderstood.

  They look and chase and try to follow

  Never leave me. Hard to swallow

  They try to find truth when they look in my eyes

  But all I can give are secrets and lies

  Secrets and lies are a part of me

  A part I hope you cannot see.

  —J.S.

  Someone’s knocking on the door. My eyes fly open and bright sunlight is shooting me in the face. I close my eyes, seeing light dots, and pull the covers over my head, remembering Dad’s words last night.

  Don’t open the door for anyone.

  Who would be knocking this early? I guess it’s not too early, since the sun’s up, but early for me.

  Tap, tap, tap. “Room service,” a high voice says.

  Pretty sure I can make an exception for that. I’m starving. I kick my blankets off and shuffle over to the door. One look out the peephole confirms the woman’s voice is that of a hotel employee. She’s holding a tray of silver platters with silver lids.

  I get free breakfast at this hotel? Sweet.

  My stomach growls. I don’t really want anyone to see me just yet, so I clear my throat. “Just leave it there. I’ll get it in a moment. Thank you so much.”

  The woman nods and sets the tray on the floor before walking down the hall and into the elevator.

  I open the door, take a quick glance around, and grab the tray like I’m some kind of starving animal. Once I have the door locked again, I take the tray to the couch. Whatever is underneath the three silver platters smells delicious. I take the biggest one’s lid off and grin. French toast. With whipped cream and strawberries. Holy freak, I’m in Heaven.

  My phone dings and I glance at the text message. It’s from Jax, and I can’t stop the smile from creeping to my face.

  Jax: Thought you could use a little pick-me-up. I’ve always been a fan of French Toast. Hopefully it’s to your liking. I’ll be there in an hour to show you around the city. –J

  I type a quick reply, refraining from using “heck yes” or “I’m dying to see you” or “take me I’m yours.” A simple “sounds good and thank you” works great. And isn’t stalker-ish. But for real—how nice can the guy get?

  After wolfing down the French toast, hashbrowns, and eggs, I jump in the shower, get dressed, and have my hair done in record time. Ponytails are the best.

  I stare at my reflection for a second and take a deep breath. I’m going to meet my birth mom today. My stomach drops and I make a face at myself. I wonder if I look like her. Would I recognize her on the street? Will she remember me? Will she save Maddy?

  How different would my life be if I’d have grown up in New York with her?

  I let my thoughts stew while I wait for Jax. What I say and how I act could be the difference between Maddy living or dying. I have to make my visit count.

  I wi
sh Mom and Dad were with me.

  Someone knocks on the door an hour later and I peek out, smiling as I hurry and open the door.

  “Hey,” Jax says, his hands in his pockets.

  “Hey.” I surprise myself by not stuttering.

  “Did you enjoy your breakfast?”

  “I did. Thank you.”

  He looks amazing. He’s wearing a red shirt, jeans, and a baseball cap with SF on the front. Must love the Giants. I keep the fact that I’m a Dodgers fan to myself and note that he smells amazing. Too much cologne always makes me gag, but I must really like him, because I’m pretty sure he could be wearing a whole gallon of it and I’d still be cool with it.

  He grins and backs up a step. “So … You ready?”

  I’m staring at him like a fool. “Oh. Yes! Let me just grab my purse.” I rush inside, grab my phone, and shove it in my purse. I do a once-over in the mirror, even though I know exactly what I looked like two minutes ago, and shut the door behind me.

  We walk down the hall and I’m still trying to get my purse situated. It’s so messy. Which makes me think: how does a purse manage to get so messy? All I should have in it are keys and my wallet. But no. Random pieces of makeup, a bunch of receipts from fast food runs, a handful of loose change, tickets from a concert I went to like six months ago, a brush, the card Carmen sent me, and … A random sock?

  Really. I’ve got to do a major clean out when I get back.

  “So, do you want to see your mom first? Er, birth mom?” Jax asks.

  I wince. “Uh … maybe?” Not really, but yes.

  An easy smile as he pushes the elevator button. “Are you nervous?”

  Yes. Terrified. “I’m good.”

  “Great. Why don’t you give me the address and we’ll track her down then.”

  “Okay.” I dig through my purse again and pull out the paper I wrote the address on, which Dad texted to me late last night because he knew I’d forget. Of course.

  “Greenpoint. That’s a nicer area. You lucked out.” He waits for me to step onto the elevator and follows me inside.

  The sound of crappy elevator music fills my ears instead of the silence between us. You know how awkward elevator rides are with people you don’t know? That’s kind of how I feel right now. We both just stand there and look anywhere but at each other. I don’t know where the awkwardness came from, but I can feel it all around and can’t handle it anymore.

  “You … uh … know where Greenpoint is then?”

  “Of course.” The elevator opens, thank the heavens, and we walk into the lobby.

  “Have a nice day, Mr. Scott,” the hotel manager says.

  He nods at her. “You, too. Thanks for everything.”

  I hurry to catch up to him. “You stay here often?”

  He shrugs. “When I have to.”

  I’m guessing it’s a lot.

  Jax calls a cab and, before I know it, we’re headed toward Greenpoint.

  I’ve never ridden in a cab before. It kind of smells like grease and cigarettes mixed with old pizza and beer, which sounds about right for a cab. Another smell assaults my nose as I switch positions in the seat.

  Stinky feet.

  Nice.

  “First time in a cab?” Jax asks, a smirk on his face.

  “That obvious?”

  He chuckles. “Nah, you look like you’ve done this a million times.” He gives me a goofy grin and I punch him in the shoulder.

  My eyes fall to his tattoo and, before I can stop myself, I touch it. “How long have you had this?”

  “About a year.”

  I trace the lines with my finger and pull away when I notice him shiver. “Sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry.” The corner of his mouth turns up and he looks away. “I got it last year after my dad died.”

  My heart feels like it stops for a second, and I feel so bad that I have no words. “I had no idea. I’m so sorry.”

  “You didn’t see the headlines?”

  I shake my head. “I told you I don’t keep up with celebrity stuff. Are you … doing okay?”

  “It was rough at first, but I’m getting over it. Slowly.”

  I hesitate a moment before I ask, “Do you mind if I ask what happened? If it’s too personal, don’t feel obligated to tell me.”

  “You’re fine, I promise. He had a heart attack. We were playing basketball for a charity event and … it happened on the court. He died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. Holding my hand.”

  I don’t know what to say. I can’t imagine losing my dad in such an unexpected way. “I’m sorry, Jax. If there’s anything I can do.”

  He’s already shaking his head. “I’m fine. And it’s okay. It takes some getting used to when you lose someone, but life goes on. And they’d want us to keep going, you know? He’s the reason I quit partying. I knew he’d be disappointed. And now he can maybe, hopefully be proud of me for trying to do what’s right.”

  I nod and swallow the lump in my throat as I think of Maddy. What would I do if I lost her? What would it feel like to wake up every morning knowing she wasn’t going to be there to talk to or laugh with anymore? I shake my head at the thoughts slamming into my head and stare out the window instead. Because it’s a very real possibility that it could happen. It’s just a matter of time.

  “I didn’t make you sad, did I?”

  I glance over, surprised at the amount of emotion I can see on Jax’s face. “No. You didn’t make me sad. I’m so sorry you lost your dad. I was thinking about how I’d feel if I lose my sister. And I’m just nervous about … You know.”

  “You sure you’re up to going right now?”

  “Yes. I need to just get it over with. It’s the reason I came. Even if I’m slightly regretting my decision now.”

  He reaches over and grabs my hand. “Everything will be okay. No matter what happens. You came here for a reason, no matter the outcome.”

  “I know.”

  He doesn’t let go of my hand. And that’s not a complaint.

  CHAPTER 16

  The only road I walk alone is the road I paved myself.

  —J.S.

  Jax tells the taxi driver to pull over once we reach the right neighborhood, and he does as he says. “Thanks,” Jax says as he gets out of the car and pays the driver.

  I swear I’m going to owe him thousands of dollars by the time I’m ready to go home.

  “This is nice,” I say as I get a look around. The street is charming. Apartment buildings stand on either side of the street, all different colors in the mid-day sun. I’m surprised it’s such a clean street, actually. Considering all the movies I’ve seen that take place in what I’m assuming is another part of New York. You know—the not so great neighborhoods full of gangs, murder, the usual.

  We walk a few paces down the street and my stomach is in knots. Maybe I shouldn’t have eaten breakfast because it feels like it’s going to come back up.

  “This is it,” Jax says, pulling me to a stop. “You ready?”

  “No.”

  He squeezes my shoulder. “You’ll be fine. Do you want me to come with you?”

  I shake my head. “No. I need to go myself.” I stare at the apartment building in front of me and surprise myself by taking a deep breath and starting toward it. I look over my shoulder at Jax. “I don’t think I’ll be too long.” I want to ask him to stay and wait, but I don’t want to sound needy. I think he notices my distress because his face softens.

  “I’ll just wait for you out here then.”

  I let out a relieved breath. “Thank you.” I shoot him a small smile, which he returns and turn around again.

  As I near the stoop, I notice the car in the driveway. A black BMW of all things. There’s a little pink bike with training wheels and a bigger one without them leaning against the side of the building. Boxes of flowers line the window sills on the ground floor, all lovely and in bloom.

  Everything looks so … normal. A normal home with normal
people who ride normal bikes and drive normal—well, normal expensive—cars and live on normal streets with normal flowers in little boxes around windows.

  How can someone so normal leave their husband and children and run away?

  I can feel myself freaking out.

  My palms are sweaty and my stomach is sick. I swallow the lump in my throat and let out a slow breath. This is going to be fine. You’re fine. Relax, Mia. She’s a person, not a monster. A stranger, yes, but still. She’s just a person.

  I’m shaking as I climb the three steps, walk across the porch, lift my hand, and knock on the door as though I’ve been here a thousand times.

  It takes a second, but the door opens and an older woman stands in front of me wearing a light green apron and holding a black dishtowel. She adjusts her wire-rimmed glasses and smiles. “Hola?”

  Say something, Mia.

  “Um … hi. Does Carmen Santalina live here?”

  “English then.” The woman smiles, then shakes her head. “No. I’m afraid she doesn’t.” Her Spanish accent is thick and warm. Welcoming. Not at all what I was expecting.

  My stomach twists and turns. I can’t believe Dad gave me the wrong address. I feel like an idiot. “Oh. Sorry to bother you.” I start backing away.

  “My daughter lives in Queens,” she says. “Wait here one minute.” She disappears around the corner and I look back at Jax, who stands with his hands in his pockets on the sidewalk across the grass. I muster a tiny smile and turn back around. I hear her rummaging around her house and then she appears in the doorway again. “Here’s her address.” She hands me a piece of paper. “She works until five, so don’t bother going over there this early. No one will be there.” She looks at me, for real this time, her eyes never leaving my face. “I’m sorry, but do I know you?”

  My cheeks flush. It just barely registered that this woman is my grandmother. I have another grandmother. Flesh and blood. And I’ve never met her before in my life. Does she know I exist? Have a clue who I am? I should tell her, especially since Dad said she was nice, but the words don’t come out. I wouldn’t know what to say if she started asking a bunch of questions. So I just smile and shake my head. “No. Thank you so much for your help.”