Interlude

by Chantele Sedgwick

  I’ll take your hand and you’ll take mine,

  We’ll leave our troubles far behind

  I’d love to get away from here

  Run away from my life, to be with you my dear.

  —J.S.

  The air is warm, the lights bright as we stroll down the sidewalk toward Times Square. It takes him a few minutes, but Jax finally reaches out and takes my hand, which makes me feel all giddy inside. And not because he’s famous.

  It’s because I kind of like him. Okay, I like him. He’s kind and selfless and so real. Which is the total opposite of any movie star or rockstar I’ve ever read about. I guess there are some nice ones out there, but you never know what they’re really like from all the shows on TV and videos on the Internet. And Jax? I feel like he’s been real with me for the short time I’ve been with him. I’ve seen a side of him I’m not sure he’s shown a lot of people. Like he said, no one really knows the real him. They know the rumors and the stories that make him popular, but not him.

  But I feel like I do.

  My heart skips a beat when I realize something: I’m leaving tomorrow and will probably never see him again.

  I don’t know how I feel about that. But then I think of Maddy and the guilt creeps in. How can I sit here and enjoy myself when Carmen destroyed any hope I had left for saving her? How can I fall for someone when Maddy will now never get that chance?

  It’s a lot to take in. I came to New York full of hope, and tomorrow I’ll leave with nothing but sorrow and guilt and disappointment.

  “Watch out,” Jax says as he pulls me around a pile of bags on the sidewalk. I snap back to attention and leave my thoughts of despair behind for the moment.

  There are several things I never knew before coming to this city. One, businesses in New York set their garbage on the sidewalk next to the curb every night so the garbage trucks can come pick it up the next morning. And some of those piles of garbage are taller than I am and obviously do not smell good when we walk by. They’ve been sitting in the heat, fermenting for hours, leaking onto the street. But it’s garbage, I guess. It’s not supposed to smell like scented candles or flowers. Still, it’s kind of weird. Where I come from, we have garbage cans we set out once a week. And rarely does my town—even the downtown—ever have this much garbage. Kind of takes the shine off the big city, in a way.

  Two. So many people walk here. Like, almost everyone. There aren’t a lot of cars. Well, I guess I should rephrase that. There are tons of vehicles, but most are taxis. And they’re everywhere. People either walk, taxi, or take the subway since the traffic is a nightmare. Plus, I’ve seen the prices posted on the garages. Hundreds of dollars just to park every month? No, thanks. I know I’d never own a car if I lived here.

  Ha. Me living in a big city like this? Not likely. I like the calm. And it’s so busy here. There’s noise all the time. Every hour of the day and night. Honking cars, people yelling things out their car windows and at each other on the sidewalks, sirens, music blasting from car stereos or from bands playing on the street, and fun stuff like that.

  And then there are the buildings. They’re enormous. As we walk down the street, all I can see when I look up are buildings. Brick and glass, so many stories up. I’m feeling claustrophobic again, so I tighten my grip on Jax’s hand and move closer to him. Which doesn’t make sense when you’re claustrophobic, but hey, it works for me.

  He must notice my uneasiness. “You okay?”

  “Yeah.”

  “We’re almost there.” He picks up our pace and we pass crowds of people as the lights get brighter. He’s still wearing his hat, avoiding eyes and keeping to himself. I don’t blame him.

  And then we’re standing in Times Square, surrounded by crowds and crowds of people. And it’s fabulous. And so beautiful to the point it’s overwhelming. There is so much to take in. Pictures and movies don’t do it justice. Like at all. I never ever thought I’d ever stand here. But here I am.

  “Wow.” It’s the only word that comes to my mouth. “Can you … uh … can we take a picture? I mean, I don’t have to take one with you if you don’t want to, but—.”

  “Of course.” He pulls out his phone and I pull out mine. “I’m not a fan of selfies, but if you’re in the picture with me, I’ll be happy to take one.”

  “Yeah, I’m kind of anti-selfie, myself. But like you said. We’ll both be in it. We should call it a double selfie.”

  He laughs. “Sounds about right.”

  I step beside him and he wraps one arm around me as he holds his phone up to snap the picture. I hopefully give it my best smile. Which usually doesn’t happen. I’m not the most photogenic person in the world and I’m not ashamed to admit it. “Here. Can you do mine, too?”

  He takes my phone and we both smile again. “Hopefully I don’t look too stupid,” he says. He hands it back to me and I’m shaking my head.

  “That’s not possible.” I pull up the picture and smile. I really want to text it to Maddy, but I’d rather talk to her in person. At least about this. And she’s so sick. The last thing I want to do is make it seem like I’m at my happiest and off on a vacation when she’s at her worst and stuck in the hospital.

  I miss her. I need to see her and make sure she’s okay. Because she’s not okay. She’ll never be okay.

  The emotions from the conversation with Carmen come back full force then and I struggle to keep them under control. I can cry later. When I’m alone.

  Jax leans over my shoulder then to look at the picture. “We look good together.”

  I nod, but then stop, realizing what he said. I look at him out of the corner of my eye and blush under his gaze. The intensity of that gaze almost knocks me down. After I catch my breath, he takes my hand again.

  “You ready?”

  “Yeah.” It’s all I can say. I can’t get over the way he looked at me. No one’s ever looked at me like that before.

  And that’s when I realize I need to get out of here. I need to be home with Maddy. Not that I’ve forgotten her at all, but I shouldn’t be here. Not now. Not when she’s waiting for me with no idea what has happened with Carmen. She still has that hope. The hope I lost the second I walked out Carmen’s door.

  “Jax,” I say as we walk toward the restaurant. “I want to go back to the hotel. I … need to get ready to go tomorrow.” Not that I have a lot to pack. Just the crap I shoved in my backpack.

  “You’re not hungry?”

  “Well, yeah, but, I just …” I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling to him, but he nods anyway.

  “I’ll order you some room service then.”

  “You’re not mad?”

  He shakes his head. “Of course not. You’ve had a hard day.”

  I nod, not able to speak for the wave of emotions welling up again. It has been a long day. And I need to get out of this fantasy and get back to my real life with my sister.

  She needs me.

  We turn around and start our walk back to the hotel.

  “I wish you could stay,” Jax says, his baseball cap low over his eyes.

  “I have to get home for Maddy. And … I’m not meant for the city.”

  He lets out a long sigh. “Neither am I.”

  There are a lot of people on the streets and I hang on tight as he pulls me through the crowd. Once we’re kind of to ourselves, I speak again. “You know how to handle the big city, though. I’d get lost in the madness and never be able to find myself again.”

  He plays with his eyebrow ring a moment, then puts his hand down. “You just have to remember who you are.” I smile as he reaches out and runs his knuckles down my cheek. “You wouldn’t forget yourself. You’re too strong.”

  I snort. Which is the worst possible thing I could do at the moment, but oh well. The moment deserved a snort. “I’m only strong when I have to be.”

  “I know.” He stares straight ahead and messes with his eyebrow ring again.

  I have to say, even though I’m still
not a huge fan of piercings, it’s kind of growing on me.

  We reach the hotel and Jax walks me to my room again. “You can find your way from here?” he asks when the elevator door opens on my floor. He puts the password in and swipes his keycard.

  I chuckle. “Yeah, I think so.” I fold my arms, ignoring the beating of my heart and the feelings of … I don’t know what … That come rushing through my body.

  I like him.

  I can’t.

  But what if I could?

  I can’t.

  “I’m sorry about tonight,” I say.

  “It’s no big deal. Jeigh will understand.”

  “She was so nice. Tell her good-bye for me, okay?”

  “I will.”

  I reach out and take his hand. “Thank you. For everything.”

  He stares at our hands and pulls me to him, wrapping his strong arms around me. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning and ride with you to the airport.” he says, resting his chin on the top of my head. “If that’s okay?”

  “More than okay.” As I pull away and head into my room, I’m confused. I really do like him. And I really, really want him to kiss me. Like really. But he can’t. There’s no point. So many cant’s and not enough can’s.

  It’s all for the best, though. I’m leaving tomorrow. I’ll probably never see him again. Why would we start something we can’t finish? I don’t want to be a fling. I want more than that. I want something real.

  “Don’t forget to order yourself some dinner. It’s on me,” he says.

  “Okay.”

  “Bye.”

  “Bye.” I see him put his hand up to wave good-bye as I close the door.

  Sometimes love stories suck.

  CHAPTER 24

  The only phrase that describes what I feel doesn’t do it justice.

  The words come out, but here I sit, miserable and alone.

  I miss you

  —J.S.

  Jax sits next to me at the airport, one hand in mine and one resting on his knee. We watch people in silence as they go from here to there, rushing, meandering, happy, sad. The rush of emotions I feel is overwhelming to say the least. I can’t describe them, so I’m quiet. Calm. Worried about Maddy. Not ready to leave Jax.

  “So, are you glad you came? Or do you regret it?” he asks.

  “I don’t regret coming here. I do regret the hope I had before I came, though. I thought it would be a simple task and it turned out to be nothing at all. I wish I could have done more for Maddy. Something. I just … don’t know what else I could have done.”

  He nods. “If it makes you feel any better, I’m glad you came.”

  “Me too. Even if we had the weirdest meet-cute, ever.”

  “Meet-cute?”

  “When a guy and a girl meet the first time. If you remember right, I insulted you and your band. Pretty bad.”

  “Best. Meet-Cute. Ever.”

  “If you say so,” I say, chuckling.

  As we sit there together, knowing the inevitable is coming, I feel a sense of loss, I think. I admit the feelings I have for Jax are new. Fresh. Ridiculous after only a few days of meeting each other.

  But they’re real. Intense. Raw. I grieve for him already and we haven’t even said good-bye yet. I grieve for the memories we’ve made, the things we’ve shared. His past addictions and life full of the spotlight and lies.

  I wish I could ask him to come with me, but I know it won’t happen. We have very different lives. Different struggles we’re both dealing with. We need to figure things out independently before anything could ever happen between us. The timing is off.

  Such is my life.

  My eyes fall on our entwined hands. I never expected to have a whirlwind romance while trying to save my sister’s life. It feels so wrong. But I couldn’t have finished this journey without Jax. In so many ways, he helped me do what needed to be done. And I’ll never be able to repay him for that.

  I know it’s insane to think, but he’s perfect for me. I know it, and even though I don’t know if he knows it, I’m sure he feels something. He has to. But we both know we can’t be together. It would never work. The small-town girl and the Hollywood rockstar only works in the movies. And this is real life.

  Real life, where I’ll go home to watch my sister die with only my parents to comfort me. Everyone else I know will walk around on eggshells before and after it happens and they’ll ask if there’s anything they can do for me, and I’ll reply no.

  I still cling to the slight hope that she’ll move to the top of the donor list, but I know it’s a long shot. I’m going to have to prepare myself if things get worse. I have to prepare myself to let her go.

  I wish real life was more like fairytales sometimes. It would be much easier to deal with an evil queen than a nasty disease. Sure, they’re both scary and death is usually involved, but in the fairytales, everything works out for the best. The princess is inches from death and the prince always finds a way to save her or she finds a way to save herself.

  It’s probably almost time for me to head upstairs to my gate. I wish Jax could come with me, but I know they won’t let him through security, despite his celebrity status.

  I pull out my phone and look at the time. “I’d better get going. I have to go through security and stuff to get to my gate.”

  He nods.

  I stand and sling my purse over my shoulder while I pick up my backpack. I don’t know what to say, so I just look at him and smile.

  “I wish we had more time,” he says.

  “Me too.”

  “I’ve only known you a few days, but I swear I’ve known you forever. I don’t …” He clears his throat. “I don’t want to …”

  “Say good-bye?” I finish for him.

  He nods. “Yeah.”

  “Good-byes are never easy.” I lean forward and wrap my arms around his waist, leaning my head against his chest and breathing in the scent of him, perhaps for one last time. We live a whole gigantic country away. And long-distance relationships never last. Or so I’ve heard. “Thank you. For everything.”

  I feel his chin on the top of my head as he pulls me close. “No. Thank you, Mia. I hope everything works out for your sister. You both deserve to be happy.”

  “Thanks.” I don’t know what else to say. I’m positive this is the last time I’ll ever see him. Besides on TV and videos online, I guess. If he wanted to, he could forget me in a few days, seeing how more than half the country’s women are in love with him. He has a crazy lifestyle and mine’s just boring in comparison. But I’d rather my boring over his crazy, I think.

  I know I’ll never forget him, though. He took a chance on a stranger. Even after that stranger insulted him and his band the first time he met her. I’ll treasure the memories I’ve made with him. “Well … good-bye.” I let my hands slide from his and turn to walk away.

  I almost make it to the escalator to go upstairs when someone grabs my arms and whirls me around. “What the—”

  Jax leans in close, his blue eyes searching mine. “Do you believe in fate, Mia?”

  “I …”

  “Because I can’t help but feel like we were meant to meet. I know that sounds super cheesy, but it’s true.”

  “Fate. Honestly, I have a hard time with fate. I don’t trust it. It’s fickle and indecisive. Just when you think fate has lent you a helping hand, it rips that hand away and puts disappointment in its place.”

  “I agree. To a point. But I’ve never … You …” He struggles to find the right words. “You have no idea how much meeting you has changed my perspective. On a lot of things, actually. My band, my problems. My life. I don’t think I can handle seeing you walk away from me forever. I just found you.” He touches my face, his knuckles skimming my cheekbone. “I don’t want to lose you. Not now.”

  “Jax, I …” I trail off. I know I’m out of time. If I don’t get to my gate, I’ll miss my flight. And every extra second I spend here is one I don’t get to
spend with Maddy. But there’s so much I want to tell him, and I can’t find the words. So I do the only thing I can think that will show him how I’m feeling.

  I kiss him.

  He reacts by wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me close. I melt into him and savor the moment as long as I can. The kiss is kind of intense for prying eyes, but for once, I don’t care. It’s everything a first and last kiss should be. Full of passion, regrets, screwed up emotions, and a bit of sorrow. Perfect.

  I finally pull back, just a little, still not believing I kissed him first, but mentally applauding the spontaneity of it. “Please, take care of yourself.” I meet his gaze, his blue eyes beautiful, glistening with what look like tears.

  “I will.” He leans his forehead against mine and sighs. “Have a safe flight. Is it … okay if I call you? Maybe I can come visit sometime? You know, if you don’t mind. I have some things to do, of course, like figure out my career and stuff, but … in the future?”

  “Of course I wouldn’t mind.” I smile, but the rational part of my brain doesn’t believe that will ever happen. Out of all the girls in the world, why would he fly across the country to visit me? I’m a nobody compared to everyone else he knows.

  He clears his throat. I know he’s just as affected from the kiss as I am. “Oh, and take this so you’re not bored.” He pulls his MP3 player and some earbuds out of his pocket and sets them in my hand.

  “I can’t take these. They’re yours.”

  He closes my hand around them and smiles. “I can afford another.” He winks. “And besides, I want you to have something to remember me by. Until I … figure things out.”

  Emotion bubbles way too close to the surface and all I can do is nod as I swallow the lump in my throat. “Thank you. Good luck with whatever you have to do. I know you’re brave enough to do it.”

  He leans forward, kissing my forehead, and backs away as I turn to go up the escalator. For real this time. My foot hits the step and I start to rise, but I turn around and keep my eyes on him as I move farther away. He stands in the same place, his hands in his pockets, wearing his same old hat, a sad smile on his face.

  I squeeze the MP3 player in my hand, thankful for a small part of him to take with me. Before I turn the corner, I take one last look at him and lift my hand in a small wave. He waves back, and I swear to myself I won’t cry.