by Bry Ann
“Uh yeah. Old nickname. I was a kid.”
“You knew Rex as a kid? What the hell... Wait Alexa, what?”
“Mind your own damn business Sam! Text me when I fucking leave.”
… and it wasn’t long before I fucking left. I was on a flight fairly soon after that conversation. I tried to focus on Dana, but, honestly, no matter how much I worried about Dana the fear of seeing Rex again overpowered everything. What if I had to go in his house? HOLY. FUCKING. HELL. I couldn’t do that.
The driver Sam had set up drove me to the place Dana was staying. All my panic momentarily left me. All I cared about was making sure she was okay, and Gunner didn’t fuck up again. Well, I knew he wouldn’t fuck again. He realized what he had with Dana was irreplaceable. I was confident in his feelings for her, and that put me somewhat at ease.
I walked in the condo and met Dana on the couch. I tried to be gentle with her. I felt somewhat better seeing her in person, knowing she was okay. That was until Rex walked in the door and laid eyes on me.
Fuck Sam.
This was totally a set up. She was trying to get us to ‘work things out’. She had no idea what she was meddling in. I felt like I’d been zapped with electricity. Then fucking Dana and Gunner had to leave. I mean I wanted them to because they needed to work their shit out, but I couldn’t be alone with Rex. I felt defeated. As they were leaving my only reassurance was that Dana felt just as shitty about leaving with Gunner as I felt staying with Rex. She was still beyond furious at him and wanted nothing to do with him. It’s sick, but it was good to know I wasn’t alone in my suffering.
Once Rex and I were alone it was like someone put the world on pause. Neither one of us moved or spoke. We were both nervous, and shocked we were back in this position so quickly.
“You can sit,” Rex eventually said, curtly. “I mean you’re here. You’re stuck here, unless I kick you out so make yourself comfortable.”
I stayed standing. I couldn’t get comfortable in his house. No way. No fucking way.
“I’m fine. Thanks.”
Rex paused.
“I still hate you. You know that, right? You know I’ll never forgive you for what you’ve done to my family and me. For leaving us alone with your mess.” Rex’s eyes were cold.
“I know,” I turned away, so he didn’t see my tears.
“You fucking think I don’t know you’re crying. You have no right to cry over this Alexa. It’s YOUR mess.”
That was it, the point where I snapped. Where anger came in to save me from my pain.
“You know what? I know that Rex Carter. Okay? I fucking know. Jesus! I live with it. My memory isn’t fucking gone. I live with it every day!”
“I’m sure the ones where you are the victim are perfectly intact,” he sneered.
I grabbed a vase off the nearest counter and chucked at the wall, before falling to the floor.
“Fuck you Rex. Just, fuck you.”
Then I cried. I couldn’t stop, even when I heard the loud sound of a door being kicked in. Soon Dana was by my side. I was in such a world of pain I wanted the one person I’d known the longest by my side. Looking back, it was pretty bitchy of me to ask for Sam with Dana right beside me. I prayed Dana would understand. She was just way too sweet. She’d never understand me like Sam could. Dana of course sprung right to action. She grabbed her phone and left the room to call Sam.
“Never thought I’d have to get on the floor and comfort you,” I heard Gunner say from above my head. Even in my emotionally wrecked state that made me smile. Me either. Me fucking either. Jesus. A laugh slipped out of my lips.
“Ya know, I thought no one could top the drama of Sam’s life. Then me and Dana came along. We were nuts. Even with all that, you and Rex take the cake. Geez, Rex Carter causing drama. Never thought I’d see that. I’m not surprised that you’re involved though.”
I untucked myself from my ball and laughed. Wow, Gunner could be funny... and nice. Who knew? Gunner extended a hand and helped me to my feet. I was still quietly laughing to myself when Dana walked in.
“Who are you?” she asked Gunner, sounding like she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Not that I blamed her. How the hell did Gunner calm me down in all of two seconds? The fuck? He’s that annoyingly perfect human who is hot and good at everything.
Despite being somewhat better I was glad Sam was coming. Something had to give. I couldn’t keep doing what I was doing if I wanted to live. I didn’t know what I had to do, but I had to do something. Even if it meant running away.
Sam came a little while later, looking exhausted, but cool and collected as ever. I immediately put my wall back. What if I had to leave them?
Sam came over and sat on the couch next to me.
“I hear you’re causing all sorts of trouble bitch?” God, she always knew what to say.
“Thanks for coming,” I said softly. She deserved a heartfelt moment from me. She just left her kid and flew across several states to see me.
Sam gave a firm nod, acting like it was no big deal. Honestly, to her it probably wasn’t, because if there is one thing Sam had proven to be countless times, it was loyal to the people she loved. She gave up her whole childhood for her mom, and nearly gave up her life for Dana. She certainly gave up a large part of her sanity for both of them.
“Anything to pass on Jazmine to somebody else.”
She winked and nudged me playfully. I pretended to smile but was busy looking into her soulful hazel eyes. There was no way I could leave them. Especially her. I wouldn’t survive it. I’d lost Rex. I couldn’t lose the only other person I truly loved.
I had reached a crossroads. All this led us to the moment Sam asked me to open up to her, to all of them, about my past. About Rex and me. About everything. I was done. Done lying. Done arguing. Done denying the truth. If I ever had to leave again at least my friends would know why. I couldn’t make that mistake again. Pytor could take a lot of things, but I wouldn’t let him steal my friends trust in me ever again. No friend of mine would ever feel abandoned by me again if I had a say in it. And that’s my story. That leads us back to now.
I lift my gaze, looking into the eyes of my friends. Nervous as shit. I’m a new person now. Ever changing. A chameleon, but I'm done with the disguises.
I'm not Alexa. They don’t really know me. I see in their faces they realize the same thing. There is a strong chance they won’t like me anymore. That it’ll be too much. I fidget, their eyes momentarily giving away nothing but shock. I feel Rex’s eyes on mine the most intensely. I can tell he is still confused. He held onto a different reality for so long, I can tell this one is difficult for him to accept. His world has just been flipped upside down. Finally, Dana talks, well cries.
“Alexa I can’t believe you have been going through all this alone. I feel horrible. I was complaining about my life. I… “
Her head falls into her hands, as a sob escapes her lips. I look over at Gunner. His eyes are narrowed. He is staring at me with an intensity that sends chills up my spine. I quickly turn to face the ground. I can’t face Sam, not yet. I can’t lose her. I’m so scared I will. What if she’s mad at me for keeping this from her? What if she’s sick of the drama? What if she doesn’t want to get to know me? Without my walls. My barriers.
I hear the sound of someone getting up, and for a moment I really think Sam is leaving. My eyes cloud over as I stare at a speck on the floor. Fuck, I’m so vulnerable right now. I’m gonna lose Sam. I’m gonna lose her.
I feel a presence in front of me. I look up. Sam is right in front of me, crouched down looking up at me with soft eyes.
“Alex.”
She said Alex. My name. She’s accepting me. Really accepting me. I’m gonna cry. Fuck, I’m gonna cry.
“You were the first person I let in. You accepted me blindly and never judged, asked questions or let me down. I get why you never told me. This is weird, and we’ve never had a relationship conducive to that, but we are growing up now and I want
that to change. I’m here for you. Hell, the only thing offending me right now is that you actually think I’d walk away. Like I’d leave my #1 bitch.”
I see Dana smiling at Sam, looking at her at like she is her idol. In a lot of ways Sam is. She’s the leader of this pack, the mentor. Guys included. She got her shit figured out and turned into a damn good human being.
God, I love this group. They’re the best of humanity.
“Thank you, Sam.,”
Sam smile and nods. She squeezes my knee, then gets up to go take her spot by Logan’s side. There’s a super awkward silence that ensues after Sam finishes speaking. For some reason my gaze flickers back over to Gunner. He’s stiff as a board, like he gets when he’s ready to attack. When he means business. Dana notices too. She is squinting, looking at me curiously through her tear stained eyes. Rex is sitting next to me still. I can hear him breathing deeply, trying to take everything in. I’m just fucking overwhelmed. I can’t take it. I want to tell everyone I need air, I need a moment to breath, but that’d be rude after the moment we just had. I feel the overwhelming pressure in my head. Rex stiffens next to me.
“What do you guys say we get some fresh air?” he asks the group. “This has been a lot to digest.”
Rex’s gaze flickers back over to me. He knows I’m overwhelmed. He reads me so easily. Like he has the key to my mind. With the rest of the world I am a rock, rude, cold, but I’m putty in his strong, capable of hands. Soft. Feminine.
The group doesn’t really understand why Rex is asking them to leave but trusts Rex’s word. Sam most of all. Sam gets up, instantly Logan follows. Logan looks really disturbed. Logan’s a very honorable man, like Rex. I can tell it’s hard for him to digest how a man could treat a woman so terribly. Dana follows the three of them to the door. There’s a few mumbled goodbyes, then the soft click of the door closing.
I can finally breathe again when I am alone. I gasp for air like I’d been oxygen deprived for far too long. I can’t remember the last time I took a deep breath, slow, letting all the air fill my lungs. For as long as I can remember it’s been shallow breaths. Just enough to survive. I hear the door click open. My head snaps up. I'm not alone.
The person who enters takes a few steps forward. Gunner. His eyes are dark and narrowed, his posture stiff. Yet he looks calm as can be. Determined, but completely in control.
For some reason I feel uneasy.
“I need everything you know about the Russian,” he says, his eyes carrying an intensity I haven’t seen up close.
He doesn’t have to say his name. He doesn’t have to clarify. I know ‘the Russian’ well.
“No Gunner. I… He’ll kill you. I’d never do that to Dana.”
Gunner’s eyes darken, and he cocks an eyebrow.
“He’ll kill me, huh? You really think that?”
Having seen him with Dana so much it was like I’d almost forgotten the raw power Gunner possessed, something he kept tightly under lock and key around her.
“You’re not a hitman Gunner.”
“Not by trade, no, but I am a man of many talents.”
I cross my arms over my chest. “And what will you tell Dana?”
“The truth.” He says it like it’s the most obvious answer in the world. I’m beginning to question his sanity.
“Dana,” I laugh. “You think Dana will let you go after a powerful Russian mobster who’s killed at least and two… and a half people.”
“First, Dana does let me do anything. I live my life, she lives hers and we trust each other within reason. Trust me, she will definitely understand this. Dana may be all sunshine and lollipops on the outside, but there is power there too, a desire to protect. Second, what do you mean two and a half people?”
“Anna, Mia, Me. Who I could have been.”
Both his eyebrows raise now in full understanding. “You didn’t even hesitate on that shit.”
I shrug a shoulder. “I’ve known it for a while.”
“Give me the information Alexa.”
It’s not a question. It’s a demand. There’s the promise of vengeance in his eyes, but I don’t understand why it’s there. He notices the question in my eyes.
“I retrieved Mia’s body. I saw his mom’s dead eyes as I dragged her out of the warehouse, knowing she’d never again see her daughters smile. You’re Dana’s friend and the shit he put you through is inhumane, and this is me speaking. It’s not like I have high standards. To take advantage of a young, broke girl is fucking pathetic.” Gunner’s voice is close to a growl. “I won’t take that. I won’t. A real man doesn’t let pussies like him roam around killing and raping women.”
I search Gunner one more time. There’s a twinge of guilt in my chest, but there’s more there than that. Gunner’s given me a gift. That fire I once felt. The thirst for revenge is back in full force. I feel a shift take place in my body. Gunner notices it too. He smirks. Gunner and I have always been two of a kind in a way. We both have a darkness in us that the others don’t have.
“Welcome back,” he says smugly.
I fold my arms over my chest. “You wanna know about Pytor or not? My only conditions, you get the girls he’s holding out and he suffers like Mia and Anna did.”
“Done.”
Then I tell him. Everything.
Every key to unlocking Pytor. To killing him. I even tell him step one.
Find Anatoli and Tobias.
I thought I was done with them, but I’m not.
“Call me when you find them,” I say as Gunner goes out to tell his girl he’s leaving. He’ll be gone by tonight.
He turns back to me with a fierce gaze. “You have my word.”
… the game is on.
I’ll win this round.
Chapter 31 (Rex):
Shattered.
That’s how I’ve felt since Mia died. My mom’s been there for me, but there is a hole in my life only Mia can fill. I always blamed Alex. I thought she sold her out, but now I feel like shit forever thinking that. She’s been just as much of a victim in all this. In fact, she went through everything because she tried to save Mia. I should have never doubted her. Especially after my mom told me Mia’s last words. The last thing she said before her precious breath left her body.
“Save Alex. Don’t let Rex leave her. Mom please…”
Then she died.
Still I didn’t listen. I was too angry when my mom told me. Then Blaze’s darkness possessed me. He blamed Alex as well. I understood. Everything he was scared of happening with Alex around, did. It was his worst nightmare. He’s wrecked now. Possessed by darkness, and I can’t help him. No one but Mia ever could. He was all southern charm with her.
I can’t dwell on all that now. I have to save the girl I love. The hard ass, who for some reason, has chosen me to show her soft side to. She lets down all her walls around me, and I see her.
She’s the tough one of the group. That’s how her friends see her, but I know better. I know her. She’s vulnerable, and everything she says and does is calculated. It’s a wall she puts up to protect herself.
Now I have to obey Mia’s last wish. I have to do what I’ve always set out to do. To do what someone should have done a long time ago. I knew Gunner’s plans when he went back in the room with Alex. We had made eye contact while she was talking. Made an unspoken agreement. I made sure Gunner sought out the revenge Alex so desperately craved. I didn’t do it because I wanted revenge. Years have passed, and despite occasional lapses, I know revenge is never the answer. My mom taught me that. No, it’s because I want one thing for Alex more than any other.
My purpose, my mission, is for her to know she’s SAFE.
The happy end of Rex and Alexa’s heart shattering love story coming March 30, 2018.
BONUS SCENE:
Chapter 32 (Gunner):
I’ve watched his prick for three days. Watching and studying him. I want to kill him now, but he’s protected, and the kill would be too easy. He doesn’t deserve
a shot to the head. He deserves more. I haven’t felt this sort of darkness or blood lust in years, but when I saw the look on Rex’s face, and the destruction in Alexa’s, I knew what I had to do. I am still fucked up from the day I saw Rex’s dead sister. For that alone this Pytor needs to die. I should have done something then.
First, patience. I sought out the two men Alexa told me to. Usually I don’t take advice or instruction, but when I saw the darkness in Alexa, the thirst for revenge, I trusted that shit. There was a reason she wanted me to find these two men in particular. What’s that annoying saying?
Hell, hath no fury like a woman scorned.
Alexa let loose would do more damage than I ever could. I’ve always found it interesting I had no attraction to Alexa. We are two of a kind. She just never let the darkness fully take over like I did. I respect her for that shit. I have no idea how she did it. I still crave this. When Rex asked me with his eyes to do this, I was way too fucking excited.
I’d never dive back in fully, because I’d hurt Dana. And I pick her every fucking time.
… But I'm relishing in this now.
The two men I’ve pretty tracked pretty much across the country are sitting in a warehouse across the street. They look like they are in a heated discussion.
I figure I’ll give them a little surprise. I burst through the door. No warning. I don’t need a pussy entrance. The older of the two men, the one I know as Anatoli, immediately whips a gun out and points it at me. No hesitation. Interesting. I don’t flinch. I keep my face impassive. The younger of the two, the one I see a hint of my old self in, just watches me. Even without the gun in his hand he’s the one I know would kill me if I don’t play my cards right.
“What do you want?” Anatoli asks. “You have two seconds to tell me before I shoot.”
“You know an Alex Ray?” I cock an eyebrow, when I see his grip on the gun slip. “I need to kill Pytor.”
I lean against the wall casually.
“And you two are going to be the ones to help me.”
See Gunner in action in SAFE March 30, 2018.