“Cathy, it’s me, stop. Cathy, it’s Addy, please Cathy, come back.” Louder voices, male voices, more hands, and a scream so loud, it hurt her ears. Then she heard growling. Growling? Warm fur brushed her face, a cold nose, and a whimper. What? A slobbery kiss and a heavy weight on her chest, another one at her back. What was going on?
Whiskey, she could hear him talking, recognized his voice. “Addy, get them back, so I can make sure she’s okay.” Addy talking, in German? Pleading with Whiskey that she didn’t know any more words. Cathy shook her head, trying to come back. It wasn’t easy, she was stuck, but another whimper caught her ear. Dogs, her dogs, Clare and Edgar.
Opening her eyes, it took her a second to comprehend what she was seeing. Edgar’s big old face an inch from hers, his copper eyes watching. Cathy reached out and petted him, “Good boy, Edgar, absetzen.” The big old dog seemed to look at her more closely, making sure he was hearing her right. Cathy was telling him to stand down, a command he knew well, but he wasn’t reacting like he usually did, so she repeated it in a firmer voice, one he would recognize, “Absetzen, Edgar.” He whimpered, gave her one more lick, and moved back, sitting only a half a foot away from her. Clare was still at her back, so she repeated the command to her; she moved quickly, but not very far away.
Sitting up she looked at the horrified faces of Whiskey, Addy, and a couple of their farm hands. This wasn’t good. This wasn’t good at all. Before she could say anything, Addy charged her, hugging her, getting right down on the ground with her.
“Oh, Cathy, you scared me so bad. Are you okay? Do you need me to call someone? Anything? Do you want me to get Crank over here or Kayla? Maybe Kayla.” Addy was holding her so tight, Cathy could hardly breathe, but she was more embarrassed than anything.
“Can you, please, just ask them to leave,” Cathy whispered in her friend’s ear. Addy squeezed her, acknowledging her request.
“Whisk, why don’t you take the guys and head on out. I’m going to get Cathy settled and bring her up to the house in a little while.”
“Addison?” Whiskey asked. Cathy knew he didn’t want to leave her with the crazy woman, and she felt like crap, but she didn’t want to face any of them right now.
“Babe, please, I got this. Head on out, I have my phone, and if we need anything, I’ll call you. Jinx is watching the feed. It’s safe. Go ahead, I promise we’ll be there in a little while, okay?” Whiskey grumbled, but Cathy listened as his booted feet, along with the other men, left the barn. Once she heard the door shut, she burst out crying.
“I’m so sorry, Addy, I was so stupid.” She just kept saying it over and over again while Addy held her, rubbing her back. When Cathy calmed down, Addy sat back and looked at her.
“You have nothing to be sorry about. Hell, I think I know what you’re feeling better than anyone else. Being in here, remembering what happened that night. I have a little secret for you, this is only the second time I’ve been in here by myself since it happened. It took Whiskey coming with me every day and Link showing me all the cameras before I felt safe enough and didn’t panic as soon as I walked in the door. I still jump every time I hear a noise that seems out of place. I used to love coming in here, taking care of the animals. Now, I’m lucky to spend a half hour before it becomes too much. So, I get it, and you have nothing to be sorry about.”
“I was so full of myself, thought I was so much better. Hell, I didn’t even think about it before I walked in here. It had been a good day, a good week, and then bam, it all came back, and I couldn’t stop it. I could hear you screaming, and it was like you were there with me, and it all became disjointed. I wasn’t in the barn, I was in the cave, those men touching me, hurting me. Then I was back here again.” Reaching her hand out she petted Edgar, urging him closer. Cathy hugged him, and when Clare whimpered, she did the same, urging her closer until the two pit bulls were practically laying on her.
“I was going to give them up, dismiss them, even called Peyton to take them away. How could I do that, Addy? I trained them, I know what they’re capable of, but without Brut and Dalilah, I just I couldn’t be around them, didn’t want to remember. But they helped, they brought me out of that.”
“Cath, you're being way too hard on yourself. You’re healing, it will take time. You made decisions you thought were for the best that’s all you can do. It’s all any of us can do. Come on, cut yourself some slack, girlfriend. Were all your decisions right before this happened?”
“Yeah,” Cathy laughed, “not even close.”
“Then why should they be now?”
“Shit, Addy, I was such a bitch to you the last time we talked. I came out here thinking I could apologize, and we could maybe start over. I was just at the end of my rope, and I….”
“Oh, stop right there. Listen, did it hurt to hear those things? Yeah, but I also could see what was happening. Don’t even think about it, I’m a big girl, I can take a few sharp words,” Addy laughed, but Cathy was still feeling like shit. She noticed something a little different about her friend; her coat was open, and her stomach was bulging out.
“Addy, you're pregnant,” Cathy said placing her hand on Addy’s stomach. “Oh my God, Addy, you're pregnant,” Cathy said hugging Addy. “I’m so happy for you. Are you okay? We should get out of this barn, it can’t be good for the baby. Come on, get up off the floor.” Addy laughed, brushing away her helping hands.
“It's fine, Cath, being out here isn’t going to hurt the baby. I would have told you, I just didn’t know how to after you said what you did about what happened to you, that you can’t. Shit, Cathy I just didn’t know what to say, I didn’t want to cause you any more pain.”
“Addison Sinclair-Frost, are you serious right now? I might have my issues, some I may not ever get over, but you and Whiskey having a baby, that’s good news. Fantastic news. Please, tell me, how far along are you, do you know what you’re having? Was Whiskey blown over when you told him?”
“How about this?” Addy laughed and stood up. “I’ll tell you all about this little guy if you come with me up to the house. Whiskey is probably pacing the floors, trying to figure out what we’re up to out here, and after your scare, I don’t think the poor man can handle much more.”
Cathy stood up and followed Addy out of the barn to the house, and she was right, Whiskey was standing right by the door, waiting for them. Cathy hugged him and went to apologize, but like Addy, he said there was no need although he did make Cathy promise to tell Crank about what happened. She was reluctant at first, not wanting him to know she’d already lost it after one day of being out of treatment, but she also didn’t want to keep any more secrets.
They talked for hours until Cathy finally left, going to the little guest house on Kayla’s property. She was going to have to either find her own place soon or ask Kayla if it was okay to bring Clare and Edgar back with her. She hated leaving them, but right now, she didn’t have a choice. Which sucked. Getting herself some food, Cathy sat down and thought about everything which had happened that day.
Finding out Addy was pregnant was bittersweet; she was happy for her friends and knew they would make great parents, but she was also mourning something she would never have and the life which was ripped from her. She was starting to feel a little overwhelmed again when the phone rang. Looking down, she saw Crank’s smiling face. It was an older picture, but one she loved. They had gone on a poker run with the club for charity; it had been such a great day. At the last stop, they got their last card, giving them a full house. Cathy had pulled him back into her, still seated on his Harley, and snapped the picture. The phone rang again, and she picked up.
“Hey, you,” Cathy said in greeting.
“Hey back. How was the rest of your day? Did you get your errands done?”
“About that. Listen, I don’t want you to freak out and come running over here, but I’m sure you're going to hear about it. I kind of had a breakdown in Addy’s barn.” Cathy bit her lip and waited to see what h
e was going to say or do.
“What do you mean kind of had a breakdown, babe?”
“Well, it was more like a full meltdown. Being in there brought everything back, and I couldn’t stop it. Edgar and Clare helped, they brought me back. I’m going to keep them, Crank. Is that okay?”
“Babe, it’s more than okay. So, you're better now? I could come over, we could talk.”
“I’m okay, and really, I think I’m just fried. How about we just talk now, on the phone?”
“Ah, okay.”
There was a long pause, and she wondered if this wasn’t just a little too weird for them. Maybe she should ask him over?
“So, what are you wearing?”
“You first, big guy,” Cathy laughed. “Tell me about that G-string you have hiding under those tight jeans I know you're wearing.”
“You wish, babe, no banana hammock for my boys.”
They talked for over an hour, and Cathy felt good. Better than she had in a very long time.
Chapter 17
He and Cathy had been talking for weeks on the phone, and it surprised Crank, but he liked it a lot. He was getting his girl back. She was opening up to him more, and he found out things he hadn’t realized. She hated it when he would compare something he’d done to something she was excited about. They’d talked about it for over an hour. She just wanted him to say great job, but when he put in—well, I did this and got this result—she felt like it diminished what she’d accomplished. At first, he didn’t get it, but after they talked, he realized it was a pretty douche move on his part.
There were other things, too. She always felt he was one step out the door which couldn’t have been further from the truth. Damn his fool mouth for saying the shit he had in the past. He would always be an asshole to some extent, it was who he was, but he needed to think before he talked. Sometimes. He could and would do that for her.
That was another thing; the date hadn’t happened, not because he didn’t want to go out on a date with her, but he really had no idea what to do. Take her to dinner? She didn’t like going out to dinner. Take her to the movies? She preferred books. So, that’s why he was in the common room, sitting at a table with Tuck, drinking a beer, trying to get up the courage to ask. Fuck, if she had the courage to go through with all she was dealing with, he could do this one little thing, right?
“Dude, can I ask you a question?” Crank asked, clearing his throat.
“Shoot,” Tuck said, not even looking up from the papers he was looking at.
“What do you do when you go out on dates?”
That brought his eyes right to him, and Tuck burst out laughing, “What the fuck do you mean when I go out on dates?”
“Fuck you, asshole, exactly what I said. What do you do when you go out on a date? Movies, dinner, what?”
“I don’t date, I fuck. Big difference. Why?”
“Because I need to take Cathy on a date, and I don’t have the first fucking clue. We didn’t date, we fucked. Then I was deployed, then she was deployed. We got back, moved in together, fucked some more, lived, worked. Now, I need to date, and I don’t have the first fucking clue.”
“Ask Whisk or Link, they have Old Ladies.”
“Ask me what?” Link said, taking a seat at the table.
“Crank wants to know how to date his old lady.”
“What, haven’t you two been together for like decades? How do you not know how to date?”
Crank rubbed his hand down his face, this was getting ridiculous. He only asked Tuck because well, damn it, they were friends. And his friend was currently laughing his ass off. Crank got up to leave.
“Fuck you.”
“No, hold up,” Link said, “I’ll help. Carrington and I go to wine tastings when we’re in Lexington. She really digs that shit, and some of the vino is pretty good,” Link said with a smirk like he remembered something delicious. Crank was pretty sure it had nothing to do with the wine he’d tasted.
“You go to wine tastings?” Tuck started laughing again. “Like swirl that shit around in your mouth and spit it out, saying shit like, it has a fruity tone with woody after tones? Do you wear a tie and shit, too, or press the wine stem between your two little fingers, holding up your pinkie, just right?” Tuck even demonstrated what he was talking about with his beer bottle.
“Fuck you, and no, I drink that shit. She likes it. What can I say?”
“I’m not taking Cathy to no fancy-assed wine tasting. She only drinks beer and some fruity shit.”
“Dude, every chick drinks wine, and it’s not about that, it’s about doing something she likes to do and the blowjobs I get after,” Link said with a shit-eating grin. Yep, Crank thought, there it was. He knew there was more to Link going to wine tastings than just the wine or making Carri happy. He was a good guy, but he was also a man’s man—beer, bikes, occasionally some football. Crude, rude, and rowdy.
Whiskey and Addy walked up and sat down. “What are you guys talking about,” Whisk asked.
“Blowjobs,” Link blurted out, but Tuck the asshole said, “Crank wants dating advice. He wants to know where to take his old lady?”
“What? You and Cathy? I mean aren’t you guys like practically married? What the hell are you dating for?” Addy slapped Whisk’s arm, and he shut up, which made everyone at the table laugh.
“What, you would rather talk about your brother getting blowjobs? I think it’s sweet Crank is taking Cathy out,” Addy said.
“Yeah,” Link, mumbled behind his beer, “you would.” Addy gave him a dirty look.
“Yeah, forget this,” Crank said, pushing back from the table. “I’ll figure it out.”
“No, wait,” Addy said. “Why don’t you just do something you both like to do?”
“We like to fuck, and I’m pretty sure that’s off the table. Any other suggestions?” Crank said sarcastically and instantly regretted it. He was just so frustrated; he’d been trying to come up with something for weeks, and these assholes weren’t helping.
“Dude, that wasn’t cool, and you know it,” Whisk stated, giving him the eye.
“Yeah, I do.” Crank knew he fucked up and apologized, “Sorry, Addy, that was uncalled for and rude. I’m just…”
“Freaking out about dating your Old Lady?” Tuck said, laughing again, but this time Crank didn’t have to say anything because Carri walked up.
“Shut up, Tuck, you wouldn’t know how to ask a nice woman on a date any more than I would know how to change a carburetor on your bike. Crank, take her to dinner and talk. It’s not about the place or what you’re doing, it's about being together.”
“And getting a little drunk,” Link added, not helping.
“Yeah, don’t listen to any of them. Just do what you think is best. You know Cathy better than any of us, you’ll pick the right thing.”
Crank doubted it, but he would give it one hell of a try.
Chapter 18
Cathy got dressed up in a fucking dress. Shit, it had been years since she went through the torture of putting on a dress and heels. She didn’t like it, but wasn’t that what you were supposed to wear on a date? She wouldn’t know because she’d never been on one. This was so stupid, she thought, sitting down on the bed.
When the doorbell rang, she answered the door, all she could do was shake her head. Crank was standing there in dress pants, his motorcycle boots, and a button-down under his cut. He looked good, really good, but he also looked nervous as hell. He thrust out his hand and gave her a bundle of tulips.
“These are for you,” he said gruffly.
“Thanks,” Cathy said taking them, but just stood there waiting to see if he would say or do something else. When he didn’t, she said, “Okay, let me put them in some water.” She went into the kitchen, regretting her decision to do this, it was so awkward.
“Listen, Cath, I want to do this for you, but hell, I don’t know how. This isn’t who we are. I planned this fancy dinner and everything, but it just feels wrong
. Maybe we can just try again some other time.” She heard his feet on the hardwood floor, and she knew he was going to leave.
“Wait! I know what you mean. I put this dress on, and Crank this isn’t me. I don’t want it to be me, either. Why does it have to be this way why is this so hard?”
“I don’t know, babe.” Crank was looking down at the ground, shifting his feet. It was like seeing him as she imagined he was as a teenager.
“What’s in the bag?”
“Oh, Addy said I should bring you something you love, so I got this stuff, but now, I feel kind of stupid.”
“What did you get me?” Cathy laughed, walking over to him.
“Just some stuff, it's stupid,” Crank said, turning around. Now, Cathy was really curious and wanted to know what was in that bag. It was just plain brown paper, no logos or anything, like something you get from the convenience store.
“Come on, I want to see what you got me.”
“Fine, sit down.” Cathy took a seat on the couch and waited. Crank opened up the bag and pulled out an Almond Joy. “I got you this because every time you're stressed out, you buy one for yourself.” Cathy smiled; she remembered in the beginning of their relationship, Crank would buy her a candy bar every Valentine’s day and leave it for her when he left for the day. She also remembered him sending them to her while she was deployed with little notes attached to them.
“Thank you.”
Then he pulled out a gift card and handed it to her. “I got you this so you could load up your Kindle. I went to the bookstore, but I didn’t know what to buy. The sales lady tried to help, but I couldn’t remember any of the authors you liked. I knew one was Ava or Avery or something, but shit, Cathy, I couldn’t remember.”
Wow, Cathy thought, the fact he even had part of one of her favorite author's names right was a pretty big thing as far as she was concerned. It also showed how much he’d paid attention when she thought he hadn’t. She was going to say thank you again, but he was already reaching his hand into the bag again.
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