by Perry, J L
He breathes out before putting his head down. When he looks back up at me he runs his fingers through his hair. He goes to say something, but decides against it.
Instead he turns away from me, making his way to the service counter. I stand rooted to the spot. He pays for his bottle of bourbon and walks out. Not once looking back. He walked out on me again, for the last time.
I feel like crying, but I don’t. I’ve shed enough tears over that arsehole. It’s time to forget about him. Time to move on.
••••
Chase
I’ve fucking done it again. I walked away from her when everything inside me wanted to do the total opposite. What I wanted to do was pull her into my arms and tell her how sorry I am for the way I’ve treated her. How much I’ve missed not having her around. But I couldn’t do it. I’m no good for her. She deserves so much more than I could ever give her. We can never be together. She needs to move on. And so do I.
That thought makes my chest ache. I don’t want to move on, and I sure as fuck don’t want her to. My mind is so screwed up. All because of her and her damn sweet-cheeks. Why does she have to be so irresistible?
Women. Life was so much simpler before she came along.
I haven’t even fucked another girl since being with her. I just can’t seem to go through with it. Don’t get me wrong, I tried everything to help forget her. About a week after I’d walked out on her, I was still pining for her. I was a miserable prick. Even Pops noticed. I never told him why though.
Instead, I brought a girl home. I’m not sure why but I felt guilty, like I was cheating on Angel. Dumb I know. You can’t cheat on someone who’s not yours to begin with. Well anyway, I couldn’t get it up that day. First time that’s ever happened. That’s when I realised I was fucked. Well and truly screwed.
I ended up making this chick suck me off. The worst part is I had to close my eyes and pretend it was Angel, just so I could blow.
Sweet-cheeks has ruined me. I’m not happy about that one bit. I can’t have her and she’s ruined me for all the others. Fucking great.
I’ll admit it was a relief to see her back in Melbourne just now. I was worried when I got word she’d gone to the airport a week ago, that she’d never come back. I couldn’t bear that. I’ve been going out of my mind all week.
Even though I’ve been avoiding her every chance I get, I’ve been keeping tabs on her. I have a few of Pops’ guys from the club keeping an eye out. I hate the thought of her being in that big house all alone. Sure, she lives on the rich side of town, but that doesn’t make her safe.
It also gave me a chance to see what she’s been up to. I’m thankful there’s been no one else since me. I know I can’t have her, but the thought of anyone else touching what’s mine, does my fucking head in. Even the thought that someone has already touched her before I did is bad enough. I know it’s selfish. Maybe I get that part from my fucked up mother. Who knows?
But I can say this, I can’t even fathom the thought of another man’s hands on my sweet-cheeks. The very thought makes me crazy. If I can help it, that will never fucking happen.
CHAPTER FOUR
Angel
It’s been a week since I ran into Chase at the bottle shop. I’ve seen him around here and there, but he continues to act like I don’t exist. I try not to let it get me down. Onwards and upwards is my new motto. I refuse to shed one more tear over him.
I called into Dana’s coffee shop on the way to school today. My usual morning vanilla chai latte and a pep talk from my best friend, is always a good way to start the day.
Now that she knows what went on between Chase and I, she’s been so supportive. I wish I hadn’t left it so long to confide in her. She was furious at the way he had treated me. “I’m gonna kick that fucker’s arse if I ever see him in the street,” she said with all seriousness. It made me burst out laughing. I wouldn’t put it past her. She’s very protective of the people she cares about.
I made her promise not to mention it if she ever did run into him. If you get on the wrong side of her, be prepared to deal with her temper. I hope I’m never on the receiving end of it, I can tell you.
Chase has transferred out of a couple of our classes we shared, but he’s still in a few. The seat next to mine that used to be occupied by him when we were friends remains empty. He now sits on the other side of the room. The furthest away from me he can get. Arsehole. I’ve caught him looking my way a few times during class, but as usual he turns away as soon as I notice. I try not to look at him anymore. It’s easier that way.
••••
When I walk into my first class, I don’t even check to see if Chase is in the room. I just focus straight ahead. Everything in me wants to turn and look, but I keep true to my word. I swear I feel his eyes on me, but that’s just wishful thinking I guess. I’m proud of myself for not giving in to the temptation. First step forward.
After sitting at my desk, I pull my folder out of my bag and go over some notes, when someone sits down beside me. My first thought is Chase. No such luck. It’s Riley, another guy in my class.
“This seat taken, beautiful?” he leans over and whispers in my ear. I turn my head to look at him. He’s smiling at me. Apart from Chase, he’s the only other guy on campus who’s paid me any attention since moving here.
Figuring I was new in town, he offered to give me a tour around Melbourne. I’ve been coming to Melbourne with my family since I was a little girl. I knew the place well, but I never told him that. I never got to go on the tour either.
I saw Chase in Riley’s face, near the lockers, that same day. After that, Riley never spoke to me again. It was obvious they didn’t like each other. Maybe he stayed away, because Chase was always hanging around.
“No, it’s not taken.” Not anymore.
“Do you mind if I sit near you?” he asks.
“That’s fine,” I say, even though I don’t really want him to sit next to me.
“How are you enjoying Melbourne?”
“It’s beautiful,” I reply, forcing a smile.
“So, you still up for that tour?” he asks. Everything in me wants to say no thanks, but this is my chance to move on. I’m nowhere near as attracted to Riley as I am to Chase. Sure he’s hot. Super hot. I’m not sure if anyone could measure up to Chase though. There are no sparks with Riley. Nothing. Maybe that’s because I’m still hung up on someone else.
By the time class is over I’ve agreed to meet him later on in the day for coffee. It’s my first big step at moving forward. He seems nice, and funny. He even made me laugh a few times during class. Laughing is good. I haven’t been doing enough of that lately.
“I’ll see you at 4:00 p.m. then?” he says with a smile before walking off.
“Okay, great.” Honestly, I’m not looking forward to it, but it’s something I need to do. It’s only coffee. It’s not like I’m going to have sex with him. I’ve learnt my lesson there.
When I pick up my bag and go to walk out of class, my eyes betray me. Looking over to where Chase usually sits, I find him standing next to his desk. His body is stiff and rigid. His arms are crossed on his chest. He’s not happy at all, I can tell by the look on his face. He’s shooting daggers at Riley as he walks out of the room.
••••
Chase
By the end of the day I’m feeling like shit. Not from the raging hangover I woke up with this morning, but from that fucker, Riley Benson. I warned him over a month ago to stay away from Angel. Looks like he’s going to need another talking to.
There’s something about him. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I don’t trust that cocksucker one little bit. He acts like he’s untouchable, just because his father is high up in the police force. I don’t want him anywhere near my Angel.
I feel like going home and getting shitfaced again, but after hitting the bottle pretty hard last night, I promised Pops I’d slow down. He’s worried about me, I know. I’m worried about me. I haven�
��t been myself lately.
Fucking sweet-cheeks.
I finally told him about Angel last night. He wouldn’t stop pestering me until I did. He knows I’m not usually a drinker, but the last few weeks I’ve been drinking a lot. Pops has always discouraged me from that kind of lifestyle. I hardly drink. I’ve never smoked or done drugs. My old man would’ve kicked my arse if I did.
I remember a few years back someone at the club passed me a joint. Pops knocked it out of my hands and then broke the guy’s nose. “Keep that fucking shit away from my boy,” he screamed. He’s really quite passive most of the time, but when it comes to me he’s a protective bulldog.
He’s also noticed my lack of female company. I don’t think he’s used to seeing me without one or two hanging off me. So, when I told him there was nothing wrong, he called bullshit.
He wants to have a talk with me when I get home this afternoon. It’s the last thing I want, or need.
I jump on my bike and speed out of the car park. Instead of heading home, I pull up outside this little coffee shop across from campus. For two reasons: One, I need coffee, some strong mother-fucking coffee. And two, the longer I can put off going home the better.
I’m grateful when I step inside. It seems to be pretty quiet this time of day. I’ve never been in here before. It’s nice. I walk over to the counter to order my very strong black coffee. None of that fancy girly shit for me. That shit’s for pansies, as Pops would say.
There’s a young girl wiping down the counter as I approach. She looks like she’s just out of high school. When she looks up at me her eyes bug out of her head. She drops the rag and proceeds to wipe her hands on her apron as she swallows nervously. Fuck knows why I have this effect on women. I’ll never understand it.
I decide to throw on the charm. I feel my lips curl into a smile when her face flushes red. Another lady comes out from the back. She’s a redhead, about my age. She’s a looker, too. When her eyes meet mine they narrow into slits. What the hell!
“Oh, if it isn’t Mr. Fuck-‘em-and-chuck-‘em,” she says snidely as she marches towards me. Again, what the fuck!
“Excuse me?” I want to make sure I heard her correctly. To the best of my knowledge, I’ve never met her before. The young girl who was serving looks horrified as she steps aside. I have no idea why she’d say that to me. I suppose I do have a pretty bad rep around town when it comes to women. So fuck-‘em-and-chuck-‘em could easily apply to me.
“I don’t think we have what you’re after in here,” she says as she places her hands on her hips. Fuck she’s got some attitude. I almost want to laugh at her.
“This is a coffee shop, isn’t it?” I reply with a raised eyebrow.
“Yes,” she snaps back.
“Well, I think I’m in luck then. I’ll have a large, strong black coffee, thanks.” Her eyes narrow at me again. I smirk, trying to hold back the laugh that’s building in my throat. The younger girl grabs a large takeaway coffee cup off the stack. Her hands are shaking.
After picking up the lid and pulling a sharpie out of her apron, she asks me my name. “Give me that,” the redhead says as she snatches it out of her hand. She walks over to the coffee machine and starts slamming things as she makes my coffee while the younger girl takes my money.
I’m still none the wiser for the lip she’s giving me, but I find it rather amusing. I’m not used to women speaking to me like this.
I pay and move to the end of the counter to wait for my coffee. The redhead gives me the stink-eye as she passes it over. Once I have it in my hand I look down at the lid. “Pig” is what is written where my name should be. Fuck me, if it doesn’t make me crack up. I’m sure it was meant to offend me, but it has quite the opposite effect.
I hear her huff at my amusement. “You’re lucky I didn’t spit in it,” is all she says as she turns around and storms off. I have no idea what that was all about, but it’s brightened my mood somewhat. That didn’t last fucking long though.
“Thanks for the exceptional customer service,” I say smartly to her retreating back. When she flips me off over her shoulder, I crack up again. Fucking women.
“I’ll be out back if you need me,” I hear her say to the other girl.
I make my way to the booth right at the back. I don’t want anyone to disturb me. All I want is to drink my coffee in peace.
After removing the lid off my coffee, I blow on the hot beverage before taking a sip. How much coffee did she put in this? I asked for strong, but fuck me. There’s enough coffee in here to keep me awake for a damn week. I look over towards the counter and she’s standing there smirking at me. It brings a smile to my face.
I hold up the cup to her. “Fucking delicious,” I say as my smile widens. She growls at me and turns away. I shake my head and chuckle. This is fun. The coffee tastes like shit, but I’ll be drinking this fucker, you can count on it, if only to prove a point.
“I’m going to rush to the bank before it closes,” I hear redhead say when she emerges from the back room again. When she gets to the door, she turns and narrows her eyes at me, so I blow her a kiss. She huffs, before turning around and storming out into the street.
The door opens again. My head snaps up. I’m thinking she’s coming back for another round. I could do this all day. It’s not her though, it’s fucking Benson. I feel my blood pressure rise again for the second time today. I’ve been stewing about that fucker since he sat next to my sweet-cheeks in class. I’m glaring at his back as he looks up at the menu board. A minute later, my heart drops into the pit of my stomach when I see Angel walk in, heading straight for him. Fucking great, just what I need.
I quickly look around for another exit. There’s none. I have to walk out the same way I walked in. Fuck. I’m trapped. I slump down into my seat. Thankfully they haven’t noticed me sitting here. It’s bad enough I have to witness this.
When he places his grubby fucking hand on the small of her back, I see red. I have to control the urge not to run over there and crash tackle that prick to the ground.
Get your hands off my girl!
He leans over and whispers something to her and she giggles. I love the sound of her laugh. It’s sweet. Just like her. When she smiles at him, the red I was seeing instantly turns to green. She used to look at me like that, until I screwed everything up.
Once they have their drinks they make their way over to a table. He just plonks his punk arse down. Doesn’t even pull out her chair. My old man maybe a rough and tumbled biker, but he always taught me to be a gentleman.
Sitting here watching them together is more than I can bear right now. I need to get the hell out of here. It’s not like I can walk straight past them. Well I can but I won’t. I don’t trust myself not to say or do something. I’m gonna have to sit here and suffer through the torture of seeing them together, all fucking cosy and shit.
One hour. That’s how long I had to watch them together. The hardest part for me was she looked so happy, like her old self. It’s been killing me to see her so sad and lost this past month, but seeing her happy again, at the hands of another man, is so much fucking worse.
CHAPTER FIVE
Angel
A little over a week has passed since I had coffee with Riley. We ended up exchanging numbers that afternoon. He’s been calling and texting me every day since. I like him, but he’s a little full of himself. He’s still sitting with me in class and at lunch. Just like Chase used to. The thing is, he’s not Chase. He doesn’t make me feel the things Chase did.
It’s still early days, so I’m not giving up on him just yet. I’m taking things slowly though. I’ll never again give myself to a man so easily, like I did with Chase. Next time I want to be one hundred percent sure that’s what I want; that he’s worth it. I don’t need a repeat of last time.
I’m still avoiding Chase every chance I get. I’m proud of myself for resisting the urge to look his way when he’s around. It’s still hard, but with time I’m sure it’ll get eas
ier.
As Riley and I make our way out of class, he drapes his arm around my shoulder. The more time we spend together, the more comfortable he seems to become with me. We haven’t even kissed properly yet. He pecks me hello and goodbye, that’s it. I’m not fussed though. I’m actually kind of glad. I’m not ready for anything too serious right now.
“Are you free Friday night?” he asks as we walk down the hall to our next class. “I was thinking maybe we could go on a real date. Out to dinner and maybe a movie. How does that sound?”
Before I get a chance to answer, Chase storms past us, knocking his shoulder into Riley’s in the process. Riley stumbles forward, taking me with him.
“Watch where you’re going next time Daniel’s,” he calls out to Chase’s retreating back.
“Go fuck yourself, Benson,” Chase responds while giving him the finger over his shoulder. Riley lets go of me and stalks towards Chase. Oh shit. He walks up behind him and pushes him in the back. Chase spins around.
“You did not just fucking do that,” he says through gritted teeth as he throws his bag down. It all happens so quickly. There’s no time to react. I stand there in shock as Chase barges towards Riley, tackling him to the ground, landing on top of him with a thud.
My knees turn to jelly as Chase raises his fist and brings it down to connect with Riley’s face. Is it wrong that I’m more concerned about Chase getting hurt, than I am about Riley? Shit. I’ve never actually watched a real fight before. I hope this is the first and the last time too. I don’t like it—at all.
Thankfully, a few guys rush over and pull Chase off Riley. “You’ll fucking keep,” Chase spits out as he bends down and retrieves his bag and walks away.