by Perry, J L
••••
Two coffees for me, tea for her, and an hour of small talk later, I can see she’s getting tired. Occasionally I saw glimpses of the old her, but on the whole, I’d say what she went through with Benson has fucked her over. Sure she’s trying to hide it, but I can see straight through her façade.
As much as I don’t want to leave, I should. The thought of leaving her alone though, doesn’t sit well with me.
“You look tired,” I state. “I’m happy to hang around if you want to get some sleep,” I offer. Maybe having me here will make her feel safe. Then again, maybe it won’t.
“Yeah. I am a little sleepy,” she says. “There’s no need for you to hang around though… I’m fine being here on my own.”
She’s not fooling me. She couldn’t even look me in the eye when she said that last part. “Look, Angel. I’m quite happy to sit out here if you want to go lay down. It’s no trouble.”
“I appreciate your offer,” she replies, “but honestly, there’s no need.” Again she doesn’t make eye contact. I’m not going to force it. I’ll hang around outside if I have to.
“Do you still have my number?” I ask. I’m hoping she says yes, but I wouldn’t blame her if she deleted it.
“Ummm, I’m pretty sure I do.”
“Well let me write it down just in case.” She goes back into the kitchen and opens one of the drawers, passing me a piece of paper and a pen. “Call me if you need me, okay?”
“Sure,” she says with a small smile. She takes the paper out of my hand and looks down at it while she speaks. “Thank you again for everything you’ve done for me tonight. I’ll never forget the kindness you’ve shown me.”
I rise from the bar stool I’m sitting on and go around the breakfast bar to her. Her head is still lowered. I place my finger under her chin and tilt her face upwards so she’s looking at me. The tears I see pooling in her eyes is almost my undoing.
“You don’t need to thank me, okay. And I meant what I said. Call me if you need me to come back, or if you just want to talk. Better still, I’ll go home and get my Pops’ pick-up and come back and sleep out front if that helps.”
“Oh god no. I couldn’t expect you to do that. I’ve already put you out enough.”
“Hey, stop staying that. You haven’t put me out. I’m happy to be here with you. Granted under better circumstances, but honestly, I’ve missed you, sweet-cheeks.” I don’t know why I added that last part but it’s true. I have missed her.
When the first tear falls, I feel a lump rise to my throat. “Fuck,” I breathe as I pull her into my arms. “Are you sure you want me to go?” She doesn’t answer, but nods her head against my chest. I don’t want to leave her like this.
I hold her for a few more minutes before pulling away to look at her, lightly placing my hands on her delicate shoulders. She brings her uninjured hand up and wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. She has little black lines running down her face from her makeup. I want to reach up and wipe them away, but I don’t. Her hair is all over the place, but to me she’s still breathtaking.
My hand has a mind of its own as it rises up and brushes the hair off her face, lingering on her cheek. She leans her head into my palm. It makes me smile on the inside, even though I’m hurting for her.
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” I ask again. She just nods. I lean forward and place a soft kiss on her forehead. “Please call me if you need anything.”
“I will. Thanks,” she whispers. I reluctantly turn and walk towards the door. When I reach the door I turn to face her.
“Promise you’ll call if you need me, for anything.” A small smile graces her beautiful face.
“I promise,” she says. I’m still in two minds about leaving, but it’s what she wants.
“Lock up after I go,” I say before opening the door.
“I will.” As I reach for the door handle she adds, “Chase. Thanks again, for everything.”
“Anytime,” is all I say. Tonight has put things into perspective for me. It’s made me realise there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her. Sure, I’ve been an arse the last few months, but that’s in the past. I honestly thought it was the best thing for both of us. I was wrong.
Tonight has made me see just how much I need her, and just how much she needs me. Tomorrow is going to be a new day for us. I’m going to do everything in my power to make her see just how special she is, and just how much she means to me.
••••
I swear I break every speed limit on the way home. The quicker I can get home and get Pops’ truck, the quicker I can be back to her place and keep watch. There’s no way I’ll be able to rest being on the other side of town, and so far away.
Honestly, I don’t think Benson would be stupid enough to go to her house tonight, but I need to be there just in case.
CHAPTER NINE
Angel
After Chase leaves I lock up, checking and double checking all the windows and doors. I also set the internal alarm. That’s something I’ve never done since living here, but tonight I feel I need to. It’s surprising how one event can totally change you. I feel like Riley robbed me of so many things tonight.
I wasn’t prepared to feel so scared and vulnerable once Chase left. In a way I wish I’d let him stay. Truth is, I needed some alone time. Time to sort through everything that’s happened tonight. Time to wrap my head around it all.
Once I’m positive all the locks are secure, I head to my bathroom. More than anything I need a shower. The overwhelming feeling I have to wash myself, wash the feel and smell of Riley off me, is consuming me. I’m not sure if it’ll help, but I need to do something. The smell of his sickening cologne lingers on my clothes, in my hair, on my skin. It’s making me feel sick in the stomach.
I go to the basin in my en-suite, removing the bandage Chase wrapped around my wrist. I get a shock when I look in the mirror and take in my appearance. I’m a mess. Great. Another thing to add to the things Chase witnessed tonight.
My external appearance is the least of my worries right now. It’s what I’m feeling on the inside that worries me. Chase did a pretty good job of distracting me from my thoughts while he was here. Now I’m alone, it’s all starting to resurface.
Before undressing, I walk towards the bathroom door, shutting and locking it. Something else I’ve never done.
I throw my jacket in the clothes hamper and slide my dress over my head. As I ball it up in my hands I notice the green grass stains over the back of the white dress. Memories of tonight, Riley chasing me, throwing me to the ground, pinning me down, all flash through my mind. Instead of throwing my dress in the hamper, I walk over to the bin next to the basin and drop it in. I then remove my underwear, doing the same.
Riley’s cologne is all over me. I can smell it. That smell is going to stick with me forever, I know it. I quickly go to the shower, turning the water on. I don’t even wait for it to heat up. The urgency to wash it all away is overpowering.
As I stand under the spray of the shower, letting the water cascade over me, the enormity of what happened hits me full force. I can’t feel the tears running down my cheeks because my face is positioned under the spray of the water, but I know they’re there. I feel dirty and violated.
I pump some body wash into my hand, rubbing it over every inch of my body. It doesn’t help. I pick up my exfoliating sponge and add some more body wash onto it. By the time I’m finished, my skin is tingling because it’s red raw. I can still feel his disgusting hands all over me, in me. How could I have been so wrong about a person?
Bile quickly rises, as images of him hovering over me destroy any confidence I was beginning to feel. I quickly get out of the shower and wrap myself in a towel as I run towards the toilet bowl, dropping to my knees.
After I’ve emptied the contents of my stomach, I need the heat and water of the shower again. I continue to scrub my body over and over, but it doesn’t help. Maybe daddy was right. Maybe
I’m not ready to live on my own yet. A big ugly sob escapes me as I wrap my arms around myself and sink to the shower floor. I’ve never felt so much despair in my life.
I’m not sure how long I stay there, but it’s a while. I eventually pick myself up and turn off the water. I wrap a towel around myself and head for the basin. I brush my teeth over and over. I hate how his mouth was all over me. I feel a chill run through my body as flashes of Riley’s face keep running through my mind.
After quickly drying off, I slip into a clean pair of panties and one of my brother’s T-shirts I pinched before moving here, and crawl into bed. My hair is still wet but I don’t care. I just need the comfort of my bed.
I lay there for ages listening and freaking out at every noise I hear outside. It’s funny how the natural sound of the waves gently crashing against each other, or even the sounds of the wind rustling the trees outside, have never bothered me before. Now, every sound I hear makes me think it’s Riley coming back to finish the job.
I eventually drift off into a troubled sleep, but I’m awoken a few hours later by the phone ringing. It’s my landline, so I know it is probably my parents. The last thing I want to do is talk to them, but I don’t really have a choice. If I don’t answer the phone they’re only going to worry about me and start blowing up my mobile.
If daddy knew what happened to me last night, he’d be on the first plane down here. Not only would he rip Riley apart for what he did to me, he would also take me back to Sydney with him. I know he would. I don’t want that. Despite everything, I like it here. I don’t want to leave Dana, or Chase for that matter.
I reluctantly reach over to my bedside table and pick up the receiver. “Hello,” I croak. My throat feels rough. It’s probably a combination of all the screaming, crying and vomiting I did last night.
“Hi, baby.”
“Hi, mum.”
“You sound like you just woke up,” she states.
“Yes, your call woke me.”
“It’s unusual for you to sleep this late. Are you feeling okay? Do you need me to fly down?”
“No. Honestly, I’m fine. You sound like daddy. I had a late night that’s all.”
“Well, I’m your mother. I’m allowed to worry about you, you know. It’s just as hard on me as it is on your father having you so far away.”
“I know. I didn’t mean it like that. I love that you both care about me so much.” Just thinking about how much my parents love me has the tears rising in my eyes.
“Did you go out last night?” Shit. Why did I have to mention the late night?
“Ummm, yes. I went to a party.”
“Oh. Your father never mentioned you were going out when he got off the phone with you last night.”
“That’s because I didn’t tell him. I went on a date last night and I knew he’d probably freak out if I mentioned it.”
“Oh, sweetheart, that’s wonderful. Now I understand why you didn’t mention it to him,” she says with a chuckle. Any other time I would’ve laughed too. If anyone knows how overprotective my dad can be, it’s my mum.
“I’m glad you’re moving on. I’ve been worried about you since you came home for that week.” I don’t know why, but her words make me breakdown. I know I can always talk to her. We’re close like that. This though, I’m just not sure about. I couldn’t ask her to keep a secret like this from my dad.
“Sweetheart, are you crying?”
“I’m alright. I’m just kind of emotional, that’s all.”
“Did something happen last night?”
“No, it’s nothing, honestly.”
“Angel!” she says sternly. I’m silent. I don’t want to tell her what happened, but I have to tell her something. She’s not going to let it go if I don’t.
“It turned out to be a pretty shitty date, that’s all,” I lie. Well it’s not really a lie. It was the worst date ever.
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“I’d really rather not talk about it right now, mum, if that’s okay.”
“Okay, honey. I understand. Was it the sex?” Oh my God, she did not just ask that.
“Jesus. I’m not discussing my sex life with you.”
“It’s an important part of any relationship, Angel,” she says matter-of-factly.
“Mum, please. Can we change the subject?”
“You’re an adult now. We should be able to talk about these things. You know I was lucky with your father. I hit the jackpot you could say.”
“Ewww mum, STOP!” I screech. “If you mention anything about your sex life again, I’m hanging up. There are some things a child doesn’t need to know about their parents.”
I hear her giggle. “Fair call, sweetheart. I’m sorry.”
“How are daddy and CJ?” I ask trying to change the subject.
“They’re good. We’re going to spend the day with your grandparents. Chris might drop in later. He has band practice first.”
“Oh that’s nice. I miss them. I miss all of you.”
“We miss you too, baby,” she says. “Are you sure you’re okay? Do you want your father and I to come down and spend a few days with you, or I can come on my own? I can fly down this afternoon.”
“No, mum, honestly I’m fine.” I really hate lying to her, but I think it’s for the best. If I tell her my date tried to rape me last night, it’s not going to go down well. Things are complicated enough without adding my parents to the mix.
I try again to reassure her I’m okay before ending the call. I get the feeling she doesn’t really believe me though.
“I love you, baby girl,” she says.
“I love you too, mum. So much.” I feel tears burn my eyes again, but I manage to hold them in. “Give my love to everyone, okay.”
“I will, baby. Just remember if you need me I’m only a phone call or a flight away. I’ll be there in a heartbeat. I’ll call you later, when I get home.”
“Thanks, mum.” I hate knowing she’s going to spend the rest of the day worrying about me. Hopefully by tonight I’ll be feeling better and it’ll ease her mind.
After getting off the phone, I lay in bed for a while until my mind starts to drift to the events of last night. Immediately I roll over and climb out of bed. Laying around thinking about Riley is not going to help me. What I need to do is stay busy, so I don’t think too much. I’m not sure what I need to do to get past this, but I have to try. One day at a time I guess.
What worries me most is going back to Uni on Monday. I don’t know how I’m going to face Riley. Seeing him every day isn’t going to help. Thankfully it’s Saturday, so I have the whole weekend before I need to worry about that.
Going for a run, or spending some time at the beach is what I usually do when I’m troubled or upset about something, but the thought of leaving the house now petrifies me. I hope that feeling passes, because being cooped up inside is something I hate. I’ve always been an outdoorsy kind of girl.
I walk into the bathroom, splash water on my face and brush my teeth. I resist the urge to have another shower. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to forget the feeling of Riley’s hands on me. God, I hope so.
After running a brush through my hair and putting it into a messy bun on top of my head, I head to the kitchen for a cup of tea. I’m still half asleep, so when the internal alarm goes off I almost jump out of my skin.
When realisation hits that I set it before going to bed, I run to the box near the front door to deactivate it. Before I get a chance to put in the complete code, there’s a loud banging on my front door. My heart starts to race and panic sets in. What the hell!
“Angel…Angel, it’s me, Chase. Are you okay?” Why is Chase here this time of the morning? He continues to pound the door whilst calling my name.
After punching in the rest of the code and shutting down the alarm, I open the door. I find Chase with his hand raised, ready to knock again. The look of panic on his face surprises me.
“Fuck me,” he says a
s he pulls me into a crushing embrace. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I barely squeeze out because he’s crushing the life out of me.
He lets go, pulling back and cupping my head in his hands. When he looks over my face, I see relief settle over him. “You scared me half to death,” he says, pulling me into his arms again.
“I forgot I set the internal alarm before going to bed last night,” I inform him as I try to push out of his arms. He releases me and steps back.
“Sorry,” he says, anxiously putting his hands in his pockets.
“What are you doing here?”
“I…ummm…” He turns and points to a shiny, hotted up black pick-up parked out front. “I came back last night just to keep watch. You know, to make sure you were okay.” He runs his hands through his hair nervously as he talks. I’ve never seen him so unsure of himself. He’s usually so confident and put together. It’s kind of sweet.
“You’ve been out here all night?” I ask, surprised.
“Well…ummm…it didn’t feel right leaving you alone.” My hand goes to my chest as I feel a surge of happiness course through my whole body. I can’t believe he would do that for me.
“Awww,” is all I say as a smile grows on my face. It’s a dumb thing to say, but I’m so touched. It’s funny how that simple gesture has totally lifted my mood. “Thank you.”
He just shrugs as he looks down at his boots. It makes my smile grow even bigger. He’s cute when he’s embarrassed.
I step back, holding the door open. “Come in. I’ll cook you some breakfast.”
“Nah, I better get going.”
“Please. Just for a bit. It’s the least I can do.”
“Well, okay. Truth is, I’m starved.” He walks past me and I follow, closing and locking the door behind me. “Can I use the bathroom quickly?” he asks.
“Sure. You remember where it is, right?” He nods making his way down the hall. I head towards the kitchen so I can get a start on breakfast.