by Perry, J L
“What! Fuck no. Is that what you think?” I shrug my shoulders. I don’t really think that, but it’s one of the many scenarios which have gone through my head. He leans over, removing the knife from my hand, placing his hand on my shoulder, turning me to face him.
“It was perfect. You were perfect,” he says, reaching up to tuck a stray piece of hair behind my ear. “Please, don’t ever think that.”
“Then why?”
“I don’t know.” He shrugs while contemplating how to answer. “Because I freaked out, I guess.”
“About what?”
“About how you made me feel.”
“I don’t understand.” I’m not sure what he means.
He sighs, bringing one of his hands up, running it through his hair. I can tell this conversation is making him uncomfortable. “You made me feel things I’ve never felt before.”
“Good things or bad things?” I ask.
“Do we really have to talk about this now?”
“Yes. If we’re going to be friends, we need to talk about this. It’s the only way we can move past it. I don’t want to be left wondering for the rest of my life what I did wrong.”
“You did nothing wrong.”
“Then why? I understand you freaked out, but why did you act like I didn’t exist? You broke my heart, Chase. I thought our friendship meant something to you.”
“Our friendship means everything to me …you mean everything to me. It’s just…”
“Just what?”
“I can’t be with you like that.”
“Oh.” I wasn’t expecting him to say that. I swear I feel my heart tear in two. I know we agreed to be just friends, but hearing him say he doesn’t want me like I want him, is not something I want to hear. I try not to react. I don’t want him to know I’m disappointed with what he just said, but I’ve been so emotional the last few days, I can’t stop the tears that threaten to come.
I quickly turn away from him, picking up the knife, trying to focus on the fruit I’d been cutting a few moments ago. The tears in my eyes cloud my vision.
“Please, sweet-cheeks. Don’t turn away from me,” he begs. I just ignore him and keep chopping. If I look at him, he’s going to know what he said has upset me.
“Ouch,” I say when the knife cuts into my finger. Shit. Cutting fruit with tears in my eyes wasn’t a very smart move.
“Jesus. Give me a look at that,” he says as he reaches for my hand.
“It’s fine.” Before I get a chance to say anything else, he has my finger in his mouth. I exhale, but I keep my head facing forward, looking down at the chopping board. I shouldn’t like the feel of his lips on my skin after what he just said, but I do.
“Look at me,” he demands, gently sliding my finger out of his mouth.
“No.” Using his other hand, he places his finger under my chin, turning my face towards him.
His face drops when he notices the tears in my eyes. “Jesus. Come here,” he says pulling me into his arms. “I’m sorry if what I said upset you.”
I shouldn’t let him hold me like this anymore. It’s only going to make things harder, complicate things. Yet, I love being in his arms, so I lean the side of my face against his chest and close my eyes, letting the tears freely fall.
“Don’t be sorry,” I whisper against his chest. “You can’t help it if you don’t feel the same way about me, as I do you.” He pulls my head away, cupping my face in his hands so he can look at me.
“Is that what you think? That I don’t have feelings for you?”
“Well you just said that, so yes.”
“No I said I can’t be with you. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to.”
“Well if you want to, why can’t you?”
“Because…because you deserve better than a guy like me.”
“Oh, someone like Riley?”
“No,” he growls. “I don’t know what you ever saw in that fucker.”
“He was the only guy, apart from you, who showed me an ounce of attention. Nobody else wanted to date me.”
“Everybody wanted to date you, Angel.” Yeah right. I find that hard to believe since not one person, other than Riley, showed any interest.
“I don’t think so.”
“It’s the truth.”
“Why didn’t anybody else ever ask me out then?” I ask, challenging him.
“Because any guy who showed any interest in you, was warned to stay away.”
“By who?” I asked, shocked.
“By fucking me. That’s who.”
“What? You warned guys to stay away from me?” I practically scream, pushing myself off of him. I’m pissed he would do such a thing, especially since that’s the very reason I moved here in the first place. “I think you better leave,” I say, as I try to walk around him, but he grabs hold of my arm.
“Angel please. Let me explain.”
“I’ve heard enough, Chase,” I say shrugging my arm out of his hold. “Just go.”
As I walk towards my bedroom, tears threaten to fall again, but I’m so fucking angry right now. I refuse to shed another tear over him.
How could he do something like that to me? Because he’s an arsehole, that’s how.
••••
Chase
Fucking hell. This whole conversation is going from bad to worse. If she thinks I’m going to go, leaving things this way between us, she’s wrong. I’ve just got her back, and there’s no fucking way I’m going to lose her again.
She storms down the hall towards her room. I’m right on her heels though. I’m not letting her get away. “Angel,” I call out as she walks into her bedroom.
“Fuck off, Chase,” she says, spinning around to close the door. Nope, not happening. A small smile tugs at my lips.
Angry Angel is fucking hot.
My foot comes out, stopping her from slamming the door in my face. She looks down to see what’s blocking the door and then back up at me. Her eyes narrow as she says, “Move your fucking foot, Chase.”
“Nope.”
“Fine. Arsehole,” she says, letting go of the door and spinning around. I follow her into the room. She makes her way towards the bathroom, but I’m not letting her hide in there either. Reaching out, I grab hold of her arm, spinning her around and pinning her with my body against the wall. “Get off me,” she snaps trying to push me away. I love my sweet Angel, but angry Angel is turning me the fuck on.
“Not until you let me explain.”
“I don’t want to hear anything you have to say.”
“Too fucking bad. You’re going to listen to what I have to say whether you like it or not.” She doesn’t answer, but narrows her eyes at me. She looks so cute when she shows that obvious defiance. I’m sure that’s not the effect she’s going for though.
“Why are you so angry with me?” I ask.
“Why? Fucking why?” She laughs in disbelief at my question. “Are you kidding me? You may not know this, but I moved to Melbourne because my father sabotaged any relationship I ever tried to have. I was a twenty-two year old virgin until I met you. All I wanted was to experience everything life had to offer, which included men.”
“Wait,” I say holding up my hand when what she just said finally registers. “You were a virgin when we got together?”
“Yes. So?”
“Soooo,” I drag out. “Fucking so. You let me take your virginity, and you didn’t think to tell me first? Fuck, how did I not know that?” I ask, more to myself than anyone else. Taking a step back I fist my hands in my hair. Jesus Christ. I was her first and look at how I treated her. That makes what I did so much fucking worse. I wasn’t even gentle with her the first time we had sex.
“I don’t see what the big deal is,” she states crossing her arms. Big deal? She’s fucking kidding right?
“The big deal is it was your first time. Your first time should be with someone special. Someone you care about.”
“It was,” she says matter-of-fa
ctly. Even though I’m touched she thinks I’m special, I’m still pissed at her for not telling me. I tilt my head back looking up at the roof. I exhale an exasperated breath. Now I’m the one trying to keep my temper at bay.
“Why didn’t you have sex with anyone before you met me?” I ask. I’m curious to know why she waited so long. I’m positive I’m not the first person to try.
“I just told you. My dad put an end to every relationship I ever had, before it even began.”
“Fuck.”
“Yes, fuck. Now can you see why I’m angry at what you did? Why would you do something like that to me?”
“Because.”
“Because fucking why?” she screams in my face.
“Because I wanted you for myself,” I admit, getting back up in her face. Her sweet mouth opens in shock. I know I shouldn’t, but fuck me I’m going in.
I step forward, gently grabbing hold of her ponytail and tilt her head back, allowing me full access to those luscious lips of hers. Before she has a chance to protest, my lips are on hers. It’s not a soft kiss like the one I gave her last night either.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Angel
I must admit I’m confused. One minute we’re screaming at each other, the next he’s kissing me like his life depends on it. And boy what a kiss. My anger dissipates immediately, and is replaced with red hot-desire.
Sliding my hands around his waist, I pull him in even closer. I can already feel his arousal pressed against my lower-stomach, but unlike when I was pinned down by Riley, this doesn’t freak me out one bit, quite the opposite.
He growls into my mouth, thrusting his pelvis against me. This kiss is so wild. I love it. I’ve dreamt about having his lips on me again like this. I love the way he makes me feel. If I was honest with myself, I’d probably admit I’m falling in love with him too, but I’d never say it out loud.
He lets go of my ponytail, cupping my face with his hands, thrusting his tongue into my mouth. I’ve never wanted anything as much as I want him right now.
I lift my leg, wrapping it around his waist. I use the heel of my foot to draw him in closer. I need more…I need him. He moans into my mouth, and just when I think this kiss may go where I want it to, Chase pulls back from me.
My eyes search his. I’m confused. Why did he stop? He looks conflicted, so torn. “I can’t do this,” is all he says as he pushes away from me, before walking out of my bedroom. I stand, completely dumbstruck.
What the hell!
My head falls back against the wall behind me as I close my eyes. How could he walk out on me, again? Tears threaten, but I fight them back down. Instead, I focus on the incredible hot kiss we just shared.
Something happens between us when we’re together. Surely he feels it too, he has to. I’m not imagining it.
I push myself off the wall, making my way into the bathroom. I’m not even sure if he’s still here, but I refuse to go out and check.
Fuck him.
After turning on the water, I strip off, stepping under the spray. This is the first time since the attack I don’t have the urge to scrub myself raw. It’s probably because I can’t get that damn kiss out of my head.
I’m not sure how to control these feeling I have for him. I’m not sure if I even want to. He told me he can’t go there again. Walking out on me just now proved he’s serious. I guess I need to respect that, even if it’s not what I want.
Picking up the body wash, I squeeze some into my hand. My senses are still heightened from that kiss, making my skin tingle as my hands glide over my body. A small moan escapes me as my hands move over my breasts, sending scorching heat coursing throughout my whole body.
For the first time in my life, I have an inclination to do something I’ve never done before—masturbate. I need to relieve this pent up sexual tension that’s present every time I’m around Chase. Maybe it will help me not want him so much.
Who am I kidding?
••••
Chase
The last thing I wanted to do was walk away from her again, but I had to. I didn’t have a choice. I can’t lose her again. If we took that kiss any further, that’s exactly what would’ve happened.
I had to put some distance between us, and fast, before we both did something stupid. Walking away from her again was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Denying myself something I want more than anything, sucks arse. I want her with every fibre of my being. I want to claim her, make her mine. But I can’t do it to her. She deserves so much more than I can ever give. So much fucking more.
She probably thinks I’m going to leave her again, but I’m not. Right now she needs me. Needs a friend. So, I’m not going anywhere. I’m just going to have to keep my distance, if either of us is going to survive this ordeal.
I stand at the glass windows at the back of the house, looking out over the ocean. My hands fisted in my hair. Fuck, that kiss! That kiss is going to haunt me for the rest of my days. I know it. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs, “Why can’t I fucking have her?” My cock aches for her, my heart aches for her, I fucking ache for her.
I give myself a few more minutes to calm down and try to pull myself together. When she doesn’t come out of her room I decide to go back in there. I need to see her. I don’t want her to think I’ve left. I couldn’t do that again, even though it would be the smart thing to do right now. I need to apologise for what I just did. She’s probably feeling confused as hell. She’s not the only one. This thing between us is making me bat-shit crazy.
As soon as I step into her bedroom, I hear the shower running. Fucking great. That’s not going to help my aching cock. What I wouldn’t give to be in there with her right now, rubbing soap all over her heavenly body.
As I turn to leave, I hear a noise. It stops me in my tracks. Then I hear it again. Fuck me was that a moan? It fucking was. I remember that sound well. Those sweet noises she made when I brought her undone. It’s a sound I’ll never forget.
My cock is so hard now it hurts. I should kick the door down and ask her what the fuck she’s doing. I shouldn’t be pissed she’s pleasuring herself, but I am. I want to be the only one who gives her pleasure. I had my chance a few minutes ago, but being the dumb fucker I am, I walked away. That’s what I need to do right now.
Walk the fuck away, Daniels. Walk the fuck away.
••••
I’m not sure how long I sit out here, but it’s a while. My mind is so fucked up right now, my head hurts. “Hey,” I hear a small voice say from behind me. I turn my head to find Angel standing there.
“Hey,” I reply, tapping the spot next to me. She gives me a small smile before coming to sit beside me.
“I thought you may have gone home.”
“Nope. I just needed to clear my head.”
“Well you picked the perfect place to do it,” she says. I look over at her. She has her knees pulled up to her chest, her arms wrapped around her legs, as she stares out at the ocean. Her hair is down and still wet from her shower. Her pretty face is resting on top of her knees. I let out an exasperated breath. She looks so beautiful and smells good enough to fucking eat.
Her cheeks look flushed, and I can’t help but think it’s from what she was doing in the shower. I’m still pissed about that. I want to tell her I forbid her to do it again, because I want to be the only one who gives her pleasure.
I have no right to give her orders. Not when I refuse to give her what she wants, what she needs. That must be the selfish side I get from my mum, rearing its ugly head again.
“I love it out here,” she says, breaking my train of thought.
“I can see why,” I answer turning my head in her direction. “It’s beautiful. Peaceful.” Not as beautiful as her. Finally she turns to look at me.
“You know you’re under no obligation to stay here with me. I’d hate to think you feel you have to stay if you don’t want to.”
“If I didn’t want to be here, sweet-cheeks,
I wouldn’t be. That simple.” She gives a small smile. “I’m sorry I walked out on you before, it’s just…”
“Don’t Chase, please. Let’s just forget it ever happened, okay?” Yeah right. As if that’s ever going to happen.
“Sure,” is all I say. I guess there’s no point talking about it. Neither of us have the answers to solve this fucked up predicament we’re in.
“Why don’t you come back inside? I’ll get started on dinner while you have a shower.”
Fucking shower. Why did she have to mention the damn shower? I already know I’m not going to sleep tonight, just thinking about her getting herself off in there. It has my cock aching already.
I do need a shower though—an ice fucking cold one.
We manage to get through the rest of the night without incident. What happened isn’t mentioned again.
••••
The next morning I think we both look worse for wear. I hardly slept a wink, and judging by the bags under Angel’s eyes, I’m guessing she didn’t either. I wish I had the answers, but I don’t.
I sit at the breakfast bar drinking my coffee, watching her make us an omelette. I know I shouldn’t sit here pining over her, but I do. I want her so much it hurts. I wish more than anything I was good enough for her, but I’m not. I never will be.
She looks sad this morning, and I can’t help but think it’s because of me. I desperately want to hold her and let her know it’ll all work out in the end, but she’s hands off for me from now on. She’ll find someone who’s worthy of her love, one day. That thought makes me sick to the stomach.
I watch as she reaches over for something on the benchtop, the sleeve of her T-shirt riding up. I see black marks on the top of her arm. They look like bruises. I’m off my stool in a flash, going to her. Eager to check her over.
“What’s that mark on your arm?” I ask. Before she even has a chance to answer, I’m pushing up her sleeve to take a look. “Who left these fucking marks on you?” You can clearly see the outline of fingers.
“It’s nothing,” she says, pulling the sleeve out of my hand and pushing it back down. I haven’t noticed them before today, so I’m guessing they’re from yesterday afternoon.