Christmas with the Single Dad

by Louisa Heaton

  Nathan smiled broadly. ‘Thanks, Sydney. I really appreciate it. I got a lot of rest and I feel much better.’

  ‘Glad to hear it. Anna was brilliant. The animals adored her.’

  ‘They all do. Thanks again.’

  ‘No problem. See you around.’

  She began to walk away, turning to give a half wave, feeling embarrassed at doing so. She got in her car and drove away as fast as she could—before she was tempted to linger and revel in the feeling of family once again.

  It felt odd to be back in the car, alone again after that short while she’d been with Anna and Nathan. The car seemed empty. The music had been silenced and returned to the glovebox.

  By the time she got home her heart physically ached.

  And she sat in her daughter’s old room for a very long time, just staring at the empty walls.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  SOMEHOW IT HAD become December, and November had passed in a moment. A moment when natural sleep had continued to elude her, but her strange, mixed feelings for the new village doctor had not.

  She’d listened as her own clients had chatted with her about the new doctor, smiled when they’d joked about how gorgeous he was, how heroic he was. Had she heard that he’d saved lives already? One woman in the village, who really ought to have known better, had even joked and blushed about Dr Jones giving her the kiss of life! Sydney had smiled politely, but inside her heart had been thundering.

  She’d seen him fleetingly, here and there. A couple of times he’d waved at her. Once she’d bumped into him in the sandwich shop, just as a large dollop of coleslaw had squeezed itself from her crusty cob and splatted onto her top.

  ‘Oh!’ He’d laughed, rummaging in his pockets and pulling out a fresh white handkerchief. ‘Here—take this.’

  She’d blushed madly, accepted his hankie, and then had stood there wiping furiously at her clothes, knowing that he was standing there, staring at her. When she’d looked up to thank him he’d blushed, and she’d wondered what he had been thinking about.

  Then they’d both gone on their way, and she’d looked over her shoulder at him at the exact moment when he’d done the same.

  She felt that strange undercurrent whenever they met, or whenever she saw him. She kept trying to ignore it. Trying to ignore him. But it was difficult. Her head and her heart had differing reactions. Her head told her to stay away and keep her distance. But her heart and her body sang whenever he was near, as if it was saying, Look, there he is! Give him a wave! Go and say hello! Touch him!

  Today frost covered the ground like a smattering of icing sugar, and the village itself looked very picturesque. Sydney was desperate to get out and go for a walk around the old bridleways, maybe take a few pictures with her camera, but she couldn’t. There was far too much to do and she was running late for a committee meeting.

  The Silverdale Christmas market and nativity was an annual festive occasion that was always held the week before Christmas. People came from all around the county, sometimes further from afield, and it was a huge financial boost to local businesses during the typically slower winter months. Unfortunately this year it was scheduled to fall on the one day that she dreaded. The anniversary of Olivia’s death.

  Sydney had previously been one of the organisers, but after what had happened with Olivia she hadn’t been involved much. Barely at all. This year she’d decided to get back into it. She’d always been needed, especially where the animals were concerned. She’d used to judge the Best Pet show, and maintain the welfare of all the animals that got involved in the very real nativity—donkeys, sheep, cows, goats, even chickens and geese! But she’d also been in charge of the flower stalls and the food market.

  It was a huge commitment, but one she had enjoyed in the past. And this year it would keep her busy. Would stop her thinking of another Christmas without her daughter. Stop her from wallowing in the fact that, yet again, she would not be buying her child any gifts to put under a non-existent tree.

  She sat at the table with the rest of the committee, waiting for the last member to arrive. Dr Jones was late. Considerably so. And the more they waited, the more restless she got.

  ‘Perhaps we should just make a start and then fill Dr Jones in if he ever gets here?’ Sydney suggested.

  Everyone else was about to agree when the door burst open and in he came, cheeks red from the cold outside, apologising profusely. ‘Sorry, everyone, I got called out to some stomach pains—which, surprisingly, turned out to be a bouncing baby boy.’

  There were surprised gasps and cheers from the others.

  ‘Who’s had a baby?’ asked Malcolm, the chairman.

  Nathan tucked his coat over the back of his chair. ‘Lucy Carter.’

  Sydney sat forward, startled. ‘My Lucy Carter? My veterinary nurse?’

  His gaze met hers and he beamed a smile at her which went straight to her heart. ‘The very same.’

  ‘B-but...she wasn’t pregnant!’ she spluttered with indignation.

  ‘The baby in her arms would beg to differ!’

  ‘But...’

  She couldn’t believe it! Okay, Lucy had put some weight on recently, but they’d put that down to those extra chocolate bars she’d been eating... Pregnant? That’s amazing! She felt the need to go and see her straight away. To give her a hug and maybe get a cuddle with the newborn.

  ‘It was a shock for everyone involved. But they’re both doing well and everyone’s happy. She told me to let you know.’

  A baby. For Lucy. That was great news. And such a surprise!

  It meant more work for Sydney for a bit, of course, but she’d cope. She could get an agency member of staff in. It would be weird, not seeing Lucy at work for a while. They’d always worked together. They knew each other’s ways and foibles.

  She sighed. Everyone else seemed to be moving on. Lucy and her new baby. Alastair and his new bride, with a baby on the way. Everyone was getting on with their lives. And she...? She was still here. In the village she’s been born in. With no child. No husband. No family of her own except her elderly parents, who lived too far away anyway.

  She looked across at Nathan as he settled into his seat and felt a sudden burst of irritation towards him. She’d been looking forward to getting involved in these meetings again, getting back out there into the community, and yet now her feelings towards him were making her feel uncomfortable. Was it because he’d brought news that meant her life was going to change again?

  ‘Let’s get started, shall we?’ suggested Malcolm. ‘First off, I’d like to welcome Dr Nathan Jones to the committee. He has taken over the role from its previous incumbent, Dr Richard Preston.’

  The group clapped, smiled and nodded a welcome for their new member. Sydney stared at him, her face impassive. He looked ridiculously attractive today. Fresh-faced. Happy. She focused on his hands. Hands that had just recently delivered a baby. And she felt guilty for having allowed herself to succumb to that brief, petty jealousy. She looked up at his face and caught him looking at her, and she looked away, embarrassed.

  ‘I’d also like to welcome Sydney back to the committee! Sydney, as I’m sure most of you know, took a little...sabbatical, if you will, from the organisation of this annual event, and I’m most pleased to have her back in full fighting form!’

  She smiled as she felt all eyes turn to her, and nodded hellos to the group members she knew well and hadn’t worked with for so long. It did feel good to be back here and doing something for the community again. The Christmas market and nativity was something she hadn’t been able to find any pleasure in for some time, but now she was ready.

  At least she hoped she was.

  ‘The market is going to be held in the same place as always—the centre of the village square—and I believe we’ve already got lots of things in place fro
m last year. Miriam?’

  Miriam, the secretary, filled them in on all the recent developments. Lots of the same stalls that came every year had rebooked. Music was going to be covered by the same brass band, and the school was going to provide a choir as well.

  Sydney listened, scribbling things down on her pad that she’d need to remember, and thought of past activities. There was a lot to take in—she’d forgotten how much organising there was!—and as her list got longer and longer she almost wished she could write with both hands.

  She’d also forgotten how soothing these meetings could be sometimes. The hum of voices, the opinions of everyone on how things should be done, the ebb and flow of ideas... She truly appreciated the need for all this planning and preparation. Even though sometimes the older members of the committee enjoyed their dedication to picking over details a little too much.

  Briefly, she allowed her mind to wander, and the memory that sprang to her mind was of a happier year, when Olivia had played the part of Mary in the nativity. In the weeks beforehand Sydney had taught her how to ride the donkey, shown her how to behave around the other animals. She remembered holding her daughter’s hand as they walked through the market stalls, making sure she didn’t eat too many sweets or pieces of cake, and listening to her singing carols in the choir.

  She smiled, feeling a little sad. She had those memories on camera. Alastair had videoed Olivia riding the donkey in the nativity, with her fake pregnancy bump. Olivia had loved that belly, rubbing her hands over it like a real pregnant mother soothing away imaginary kicks.

  ‘And that brings us back to our star players for the nativity,’ Malcolm continued. ‘I have been reliably informed by Miss Howarth of Silverdale Infants School that our Mary this year will be played by Anna Jones, and Joseph will be Barney Brooks...’

  Sydney was pulled from her reverie. Anna? Dr Jones’s Anna? She was going to play Mary? Visions flashed through her mind. Anna wearing Olivia’s costume... Anna riding Olivia’s donkey... Anna being the star of the show...?

  It simply hadn’t occurred to her when she came back that someone else would be playing Olivia’s part. But of course. There had already been new Marys in the years that she’d stayed away. She’d just not seen them, hiding away in her house every year, longing to clap her hands over her ears to blot out the sound of all those Christmas revellers. It had been torture!

  It hurt to hear it. It was as if Olivia had been replaced. Had been forgotten...

  Her chair scraped loudly on the floor as she stood, grabbing her notepad and pen, her bag and coat, and muttering apologies before rushing from the room, feeling sick.

  She thought she was on her own. She thought she would get to her own car in peace. But just as she was inserting her key into the lock of her car she heard her name being called.

  ‘Sydney!’

  She didn’t want to turn around. She didn’t want to be polite and make small talk with whoever it was. She just wanted to go. Surely they wouldn’t mind? Surely they’d understand?

  She got into her seat and was about to close the door when Nathan appeared at her side, holding the car door so she couldn’t close it.

  ‘Hey! Are you okay?’

  Why was he here? Why was he even bothering to ask? Why had he come after her?

  ‘I just want to go, Nathan.’

  ‘Something’s upset you?’

  ‘No, honestly. I just want to get home, that’s all.’

  ‘Is it Lucy? Are you worried about work?’

  ‘No.’ She slipped on her seatbelt and stared resolutely out through the windshield rather than looking at him. Her voice softened. ‘I’m thrilled for Lucy. Of course I am!’

  ‘Is it me?’

  Now she looked at him, her eyes narrowing. ‘Why would it be you?’

  He shrugged. ‘I don’t know. Things haven’t exactly been...straightforward. There’s a...a tension, between us. We didn’t exactly get off to the best start, did we?’

  ‘It’s not you,’ she lied.

  ‘Well, that’s good, because they’ve asked me to work closely with you, seeing as I’m new and you’re an established committee member.’

  What? When did I miss that bit?

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘That’s quite good, really, because—as you heard—Anna came home from school today and told me she’s been picked to play the part of Mary. Apparently that means riding a donkey, and she’s never done that before, so...’

  ‘So?’

  Push the memory away. Don’t think about it.

  ‘So we’ll need your help.’

  He smiled at her. In that way he had. Disarming her and making her feel as if she ought to oblige him with her assistance. His charming eyes twinkling.

  ‘Know any good donkeys? Preferably something that isn’t going to buck and break her neck?’

  There was someone in the village who kept donkeys. They were used every year for the nativity. And she trusted the animals implicitly.

  ‘Do you know the Bradleys? At Wicklegate Farm?’

  He pretended to search his memory. ‘Erm...no.’

  ‘Do you know where Wicklegate Farm even is?’

  He shook his head, smiling. ‘No.’

  Feeling some of her inner struggle fade, she smiled back. Of course he didn’t. ‘I suppose I’d better help you, then. Are you free next Saturday?’

  ‘Saturday? All day.’

  She nodded and started her engine. ‘I’ll pick you up at ten in the morning. I know your address. Does Anna have any riding clothes?’

  ‘Er...’

  ‘Anything she doesn’t mind getting dirty?’

  ‘My daughter is always happy to wallow in some mud.’

  ‘Good. Tell her I’m going to teach her how to ride a donkey.’

  ‘Thanks.’

  He stood back at last, so she could finally close her car door. She was about to drive off, eager to get home, when Nathan rapped his knuckles on her glass.

  She pressed the button to wind the window down, letting in the cold evening air. ‘What?’

  ‘Lucy’s at home. And waiting for your visit.’

  She nodded, imagining Lucy in her small cottage, tucked up in bed, looking as proud as Punch with a big smile on her face.

  ‘Has she picked a name for him?’

  ‘I believe she has.’

  ‘What is it?’

  He paused, clearly considering whether to say it or not. ‘She’s named him Oliver.’

  Oliver. So close to...

  A lump filled her throat and she blinked away tears. Had Lucy chosen that name in honour of her own daughter? If she had, then...

  Sydney glanced up at Nathan. ‘I’ll see you on Saturday.’ And she quickly drove away, before he could see her cry.

  * * *

  Nathan had driven round to Paul and Helen’s to check up on them after the accident. They lived on the outskirts of Silverdale and were pretty easy to locate, and he pulled into their driveway feeling optimistic about what he would find. Helen had been released from hospital a while ago and he only needed to remove Paul’s stitches from the head laceration.

  As he drove in he saw the horse grazing in a field, a blanket wrapped around its body, and smiled. They’d all been very lucky to escape as easily as they had. The accident could have been a lot worse.

  But as he pulled up to the house, he spotted another vehicle.

  Sydney’s.

  Why was she here? To check on the horse? It had to be that. It was odd that she was here at the exact same time as him, though.

  Just lately she’d been in his thoughts a lot. The universe seemed to be conspiring to throw the two of them together, and whilst he didn’t mind that part—she was, after all, a beautiful woman—she did tend to remind
him of all his faults and of how he could never be enough for her.

  His confidence had taken a knock after Gwyneth’s departure. Okay, they’d only been staying in their struggling relationship because she’d learnt she was expecting a baby and Nathan had wanted to be there for her. He’d always had his doubts, and she’d been incredibly high-maintenance, but he’d honestly believed she might change the closer she got to delivering. That they both would.

  She hadn’t. It had still been, Me, me, me!

  ‘Look at all the weight I’m putting on!’

  ‘This pregnancy’s giving me acne!’

  ‘I’m getting varicose veins!’

  ‘You do realise after the birth I’m going straight back to work?’

  Nathan had reassured her. Had promised her it would be amazing. But it had been his dream. Not hers.

  It had only been when she’d left him for someone else that he’d realised how much relief he felt. It had stung that she’d left him for someone better. Someone unencumbered by ill health. Someone rich, who could give her the lifestyle she craved. But he’d felt more sorry for his baby girl, who would grow up with a mother who only had enough love for herself.

  In the weeks afterwards, when he’d spent hours walking his baby daughter up and down as he tried to get her off to sleep, he’d begun to see how one-sided their relationship had always been.

  Gwyneth had always been about appearances. Worrying about whether her hair extensions were the best. Whether her nails needed redoing. How much weight she was carrying. Whether she was getting promoted above someone else. She’d been a social climber—a girl who had been given everything she’d ever wanted by her parents and had come to expect the same in adulthood.

  He’d fallen for her glamorous looks and the fact that in the beginning she’d seemed really sweet. But it had all been a snare. A trap. And he’d only begun to see the real Gwyneth when he’d got his diagnosis. Multiple sclerosis had scared her. The idea that she might become nursemaid to a man who wasn’t strong, the way she’d pictured him, had terrified her.

  When Nathan had discovered his illness, and Gwyneth had learned that their perfect life was not so perfect after all, her outlook had changed and she’d said some pretty harsh things. Things he’d taken to heart. That he’d believed.