Kiss

by Wilson, Jacqueline

  The bottle moved slowly this time, round once, round twice, slowing down already, looking as if it might be stopping at me, but it edged past, crept past Raj too and pointed at Alice.

  ‘There you are, darling!’ said Miranda. ‘Soooo, who are you going to snog, mmm?’

  She spun the bottle again. Alice sighed and rolled her eyes, pretending not to care. I could see a little pulse beating in her pale forehead. Maybe she was hoping for Carl too?

  ‘Raj!’ said Miranda as the bottle stopped.

  Raj smacked his lips and made silly kissy noises, lunging at her.

  ‘Give over!’ said Alice. ‘Not here. Outside.’

  She stalked off, with Raj trotting eagerly behind her. They were only outside the door two seconds and then Alice marched back in.

  Their applause was paltry.

  ‘Hey, call that a kiss? I’ve had better kisses from my great-aunties,’ Raj complained.

  ‘You should smarten up your sweet-talk then, little boy,’ said Alice.

  ‘Give me another go, Miranda,’ said Raj as she set it spinning.

  ‘I don’t choose. I have no control over this bottle whatsoever,’ said Miranda. ‘It’s psychic force, darling. Fate. Whatever. Isn’t that right, Sylvie?’

  She smiled at me. I couldn’t help smiling back. She set the bottle off again. I knew what was coming next. The bottle spun. I felt I was spinning with it, whirled round and round so fast I grew giddy and could barely breathe. The bottle slowed and we all watched it edge towards me.

  ‘Aha!’ said Miranda. ‘Sylvie’s turn!’

  I swallowed. ‘I’m not sure I want a turn,’ I said.

  ‘What sort of total wimpy response is that?’ said Miranda, snorting. ‘Of course you want a turn!’

  ‘No I don’t. I’ll give my turn to Raj as he wants another go.’

  ‘You can’t do that! Now, stop pontificating and we’ll play. We have to see who your snog partner is.’ She looked at me. ‘Who do you want it to be, Sylvie? Use your psychic power to influence the bottle.’

  I knew I didn’t have much chance. Miranda had mastered the spinning so that with the right twist of her fingers and flick of her wrist she could make the bottle point wherever she wanted. Still, I stared at the bottle and tried willing it where I wanted. I wanted it to point to Carl, of course. I didn’t want to kiss anyone else but him. I was scared though. I loved Carl. I hated it that he’d kissed Miranda. I wanted him to kiss me. I’d dreamed about it often enough. But we didn’t do stuff like kissing. It would be so weird now, when we’d grown up together.

  We’d have to get around to kissing some time, obviously. We were going to get married, for God’s sake. Carl had given me a glass ‘diamond’ out of a Christmas cracker when we were seven years old. When we used to play weddings he’d fashion me a gold wedding band out of a yellow Quality Street toffee wrapper.

  It seemed I couldn’t concentrate hard enough on Carl, try as I might. The bottle slid past him, past Miranda, and stopped at Andy.

  ‘Interesting choice, Sylvie,’ said Miranda, eyebrows raised.

  I couldn’t say anything. I didn’t want to hurt Andy’s feelings. I didn’t know what to do now.

  I felt Carl’s hand squeezing mine, encouraging me. I squeezed back gratefully and then stood up, trying to look Andy in the eye.

  ‘OK?’ I said.

  ‘Sure,’ said Andy, getting to his feet too.

  We walked to the door, opened it and then walked into darkness. I blundered forward and bumped into a cupboard.

  ‘Hey, careful. Come here,’ said Andy. ‘Where are you? You’re such a little titch.’

  ‘That’s what they call me at school,’ I said. ‘I’ve always been small for my age and everyone says I’ll suddenly spurt upwards and catch up with everyone else, but it hasn’t happened yet, still, here’s hoping, because it’s horrible being so small and looking so stupid and babyish,’ I burbled.

  ‘Ssh,’ Andy said gently. ‘We’re meant to be kissing.’

  He reached out for me in the darkness, ducking his head down. Our noses bumped together in comical fashion. I giggled hysterically.

  ‘Was that a hiccup?’ said Andy. ‘Hey, wait a second. You’ve stopped!’

  He put his hands carefully on my cheeks, tilting my head, and then he kissed me on the corner of my mouth, so lightly I wasn’t totally sure it had actually happened.

  I felt weak with relief that it was such a sweet and simple kiss. We walked back into the den and sat down again. Carl was looking at me anxiously.

  ‘Are you OK?’ he whispered.

  ‘Of course she’s OK,’ said Miranda.

  I thought the Snog Spin would be over now we’d all had a turn, but Miranda started spinning the bottle again. Miranda and Raj. Alice and Andy. Then Miranda again. The bottle slowed and stopped at Alice.

  Raj whistled. Andy grinned. I blinked at them both.

  ‘Spin it again,’ said Alice.

  ‘No way!’ said Raj. ‘You’ve got to go with the bottle, that’s the whole point.’

  ‘But it’s meant to be a girl-boy,’ said Alice.

  ‘Well, it’s girl-girl this time,’ said Raj. ‘Go on, Alice, don’t be a spoilsport.’

  Alice sighed but stood up, tucking her white hair behind her pearly ears. She stuck her tongue out at Raj. It was surprisingly pink in her pale face.

  ‘Come on, Alice,’ said Miranda, holding out her hand.

  ‘Don’t go outside. Stay in here, girls, and give us guys a treat,’ Raj begged.

  ‘Calm down, silly boy,’ said Miranda.

  They disappeared outside.

  ‘Oh, man!’ said Andy.

  Carl raised his eyebrows at me.

  We all waited. We heard a lot of giggling going on, then slurpy sounds and moaning.

  ‘Listen!’ said Raj.

  ‘They’re just winding you up,’ said Carl.

  ‘And succeeding,’ said Raj.

  Miranda and Alice came back into the den arm in arm, still giggling.

  Miranda knelt to spin the bottle again. ‘Now whose turn will it be?’ she said.

  ‘Can’t we move on to some other game?’ said Carl. ‘Isn’t this getting a bit boring?’

  ‘I think it’s just starting to get really interesting,’ said Miranda, spinning away. The bottle stopped, pointing at Carl.

  ‘Aha! Your go again, Carl. So let’s see …’

  She spun it again. Carl sighed, leaning back, hands behind his head, as if he couldn’t care less. I stared at the bottle for him, wondering if it would be me this time.

  It wasn’t me. It wasn’t Miranda. It wasn’t Alice.

  It was Raj.

  ‘Oh, no!’ said Raj.

  ‘Oh yes,’ said Miranda.

  ‘You’re cheating, Miranda. You’re doing it deliberately,’ said Raj.

  ‘Now who’s being a spoilsport?’ said Alice.

  ‘I am,’ said Carl, getting up. He held out his hand to me. ‘Come on, Sylvie. I think it’s time we went home.’

  ‘Oh don’t be so stuffy, Carl,’ said Miranda.

  ‘Loosen up, boys, it’s only a bit of fun. We did it,’ said Alice.

  ‘Well, just a quick peck, darling,’ said Raj in a silly camp voice, waving a limp wrist around.

  ‘It’s not fun, it’s childish,’ said Carl. He looked at me. ‘Are you coming, Sylvie?’

  ‘Yes,’ I said, knowing it was no use arguing with him once his mind was made up.

  Miranda didn’t give up easily. She stood beside Carl, gazing up at him with her big brown eyes.

  ‘Don’t go, Carl. OK, you don’t have to kiss Raj. I agree, he’s not the most inviting prospect.’

  ‘Thanks a bunch!’ said Raj. ‘I have my followers, you know. Maybe I’m just not Carl’s type.’

  ‘We’ll play something else,’ said Miranda.

  ‘I’m tired of playing games,’ said Carl. ‘Night, Miranda. Thank you for inviting us. Night, everyone.’

  He gave a quick wave a
nd went out of the door. I shrugged helplessly and followed him.

  Miranda didn’t come to see us out. We stumbled around in the dark, having to feel our way up the stairs because we couldn’t find the light switch. We emerged blinking in the brightly lit hall. The starburst clock hanging on the wall said it was only twenty to eleven.

  ‘Jules is not coming till eleven, Carl.’

  ‘Well, we’ll wait outside,’ said Carl. He fingered the stained glass on the front door one more time and then opened it.

  It was cold outside and neither of us had jackets. I started shivering.

  ‘Jump up and down a bit,’ said Carl.

  ‘I can’t jump, I feel too dizzy. Do you think I’m drunk?’

  ‘I shouldn’t think so.’

  ‘Carl, what’s the matter?’ I said, tucking my hand into his arm.

  ‘Nothing. I’m fine.’

  ‘Why did you walk out like that?’

  ‘You know why. It was getting boring.’

  ‘You didn’t seem to mind when you kissed Miranda. Carl … did you kiss her properly?’

  ‘As opposed to improperly?’

  ‘I mean, did you give her a proper kiss on the lips? You know, a real smoochy film-star-type kiss.’

  ‘Wasn’t that what we were supposed to do? Didn’t Andy kiss you then?’

  ‘Well, sort of. But no one was expecting you and Raj to have a proper snog.’

  ‘Look, he goes to my school. I’m not having him saying stuff. Do you understand now?’

  ‘Well. Not really,’ I said. ‘Hey, who’s this new friend of yours?’

  ‘What friend?’ said Carl.

  ‘Raj said you had this friend who plays football. You never told me about him.’

  ‘There’s nothing to tell,’ said Carl, and stalked off down the road.

  I went running after him. ‘Don’t walk off and leave me!’

  ‘I’m not. I’m just stamping around a bit to get warm,’ said Carl. He reached out and took my hand. ‘God, your hand feels like ice. I’m sorry. Here, let me try and warm you up.’ He put my hands between his and rubbed them up and down.

  ‘Why are you so cross, Carl?’

  ‘I’m not cross with you, just your silly friends.’

  ‘You like Miranda.’

  ‘No, I don’t. She’s so needy, desperate to be the centre of attention all the time. She thinks she’s so outrageous when really she’s just pathetic.’

  ‘Is she pathetic at kissing?’

  ‘I don’t know. I haven’t had that much experience of kissing.’

  ‘Yes, but did you like kissing her?’

  ‘It was OK. Ish. It didn’t really do much for me if I’m honest.’

  ‘Well, maybe you should try kissing someone else as a comparison,’ I mumbled.

  ‘What? Someone like Raj?’

  ‘No!’ I took a deep breath. I didn’t feel quite drunk enough but I decided to go for it anyway. ‘Someone like me.’

  Carl relaxed. He held onto my hands, leaned forward – and kissed my nose. ‘There! Happy now?’

  ‘Not my nose!’

  ‘You’ve got a nice nose, little and snubby and cute.’

  ‘Kiss me on my lips.’

  ‘Can’t risk it, Syl. We might get all inflamed and risk our beautiful friendship,’ Carl said, messing about.

  I wriggled away from him, my feelings hurt. I didn’t want to joke about it. I couldn’t understand why he didn’t want to kiss me properly.

  ‘Sylvie? Don’t look such a saddo. Listen, I’m sorry I broke up the party. They were all just getting on my nerves. I don’t want to hang out with them. I want to be with you. Tell you what, let’s play Glassworld tomorrow.’

  ‘Really?’ I said. ‘You haven’t wanted to play for ages.’

  ‘Tomorrow afternoon, in the Glass Hut. Is it a date?’

  ‘You bet,’ I said.

  JULES WAS SURPRISED to find us standing hand in hand by the kerb, ready and waiting for her at eleven.

  ‘I was rather hoping I could knock at the door and get asked in,’ she said. ‘What’s it like inside?’

  ‘Fabulous stained glass, an Eileen Gray red lacquer table in the hall, Clarice Cliff china in the cabinet … You’d love it, Mum,’ said Carl.

  ‘So what about this Miranda and her friends?’ Jules asked.

  ‘They don’t live up to the décor,’ said Carl.

  ‘What are they like?’ Jules asked anxiously.

  ‘Oh, Mum. You know. Spoiled. Silly. Rich.’

  ‘Sylvie, you tell me,’ said Jules.

  I did my best. I described Miranda and Alice and Raj and Andy in detail. I gave Jules a censored account of our evening, leaving out the beer and the whisky drinking and the Snog Spin session.

  I had to recite it all over again when I got home to my mum. She was in her nightie sitting at her computer in the living room, sipping a glass of supermarket wine. She was playing one of her old eighties compilations, Blondie and Yazz and Annie Lennox – all the girls she used to dance to in the long-ago days when she went clubbing.

  I approached her warily, because she sometimes got all tearful. She gave me a surprisingly cheerful smile and asked me all about my night out. She switched off her computer but kept the CD spinning, her toes tapping.

  ‘You sound as if you had a great time, Syl. I’m so pleased,’ she said, getting up and giving me a hug.

  Perhaps she’d had more than one glass of wine because she hung onto me, swaying a little, and then she started spinning me round, dancing with me. We pranced around foolishly, and then started up our own little dance routine, forwards, back, hip twitch, twirl, faster and faster till we lost our balance and fell about laughing. We were mucking around just like sisters. I felt like confiding in her.

  ‘I wish I was more like Miranda,’ I said.

  ‘Is she very pretty?’

  ‘No, not really, but she acts like she is,’ I said.

  ‘Ah,’ said Mum.

  ‘And she’s very keen on Carl,’ I said.

  ‘Uh-oh!’ said Mum. ‘What about Carl? What does he think of her?’

  ‘Well, he says he’s not very keen. In fact he said she irritated him. He called her a poor little rich girl.’

  ‘Then you’ve not got anything to worry about, silly.’

  ‘Well …’ I couldn’t tell Mum that Carl had kissed Miranda when he still wouldn’t kiss me.

  ‘Never mind Carl,’ said Mum. ‘What about the other boys? Did you fancy any of them?’

  I stared at her. ‘Mum! I just want Carl, you know that.’

  ‘I know you two have been joined at the hip since you were tiny but you’re both growing up now. It might be time to move on to other friendships.’

  ‘Carl’s my best friend and my boyfriend and we’re going to get married – you know that, Mum.’

  ‘That was just a baby game. You don’t want to think about marrying Carl. You don’t want to think about marrying anyone. Where does marriage get you?’ said Mum, rubbing her bare finger where she used to wear her wedding ring. But then she smiled at me. ‘Well, getting married got me you, and that makes it all worth while,’ she said, giving me a hug. ‘Come on, let’s go to bed. It’s OK for you, you can have a lie-in on Saturday. I’ve got blooming work.’

  She gave me a goodnight kiss and then peered at me suspiciously. ‘Have you been drinking beer?’

  ‘Have you been drinking wine?’

  ‘I’m not thirteen years old, Cheekyface.’

  ‘I’m very nearly fourteen.’

  ‘Will you want a party?’

  ‘No! Just a birthday tea with Carl.’

  It was his birthday next. I had his present all ready, carefully wrapped and hidden in the back of my wardrobe. It was an old crystal champagne glass, decorated around the stem with green grape vines. I’d found it in a Cancer Research shop. I wasn’t sure how old it was or whether it had any real value. I simply thought it was beautiful. I wished I had a pair so that Carl and I could drink pi
nk champagne from them on our wedding day.

  I dreamed about Carl when I went to sleep, but Miranda was in the dream too, and Raj and Andy and Alice. The bottle kept spinning and then I seemed to be spinning too, round and round until I was totally dizzy. I was in pitch darkness and I couldn’t grab hold of anyone to steady myself. I kept feeling for Carl but I couldn’t find him. He wasn’t there any more. He’d somehow crept out of the room.

  I woke up and the phone was ringing and ringing. It was gone ten. Mum had left a cup of tea on my bedside table but it was stone cold now. I ran downstairs in my pyjamas, wondering if it was Carl, hoping he wasn’t going to back out of our Glassworld date.

  It was only Lucy, desperate to know how I’d got on at Miranda’s party.

  I told her exactly what had happened, needing to see what she made of it all. She kept giving little squeals.

  ‘That Miranda! What a C-O-W!’ she said, spelling it out. It was the nearest she got to swearing. ‘Fancy kissing Carl. And he seriously let her?’

  ‘Well, it was just a game. It wasn’t serious,’ I said anxiously.

  ‘Don’t be silly, Titchy, she’s trying to take him away from you. She makes me so sick. I wouldn’t have any more to do with her if I were you.’

  I was pretty sure Miranda wouldn’t want any more to do with me now I’d walked out of her party. I decided not to tell Lucy that she’d asked me to be her best friend. It would make her even more vitriolic. She suggested we go shopping together in the afternoon but I said I was going to go round to Carl’s.

  ‘Oh, OK,’ she said. Then, ‘Can I come too?’

  I took a deep breath. ‘Well, we’re going to be working on our book together.’

  ‘I could work on it too. I’m good at English, you know I am. In fact I’m thinking of being a writer when I grow up. I’ve written lots of stories about my teddies.’

  I shut my eyes. I knew exactly how Carl would react if I brought Lucy along and suggested we introduce Billy and Bobby and Bernie to Glassworld.

  ‘Our story’s kind of private, Lucy. It’s just for Carl and me. We write it in Carl’s hut.’

  Lucy sniffed at the other end of the phone. ‘It’s not a dirty story, is it?’ she said.

  ‘No it’s not!’ I said crossly.

  ‘It sounds a bit weird though. What’s this hut like?’