Breaking the Rules

by L. K. Lewis

  “Drake, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what else to say, I’m so, so sorry.” I squeeze his hand tightly, as tears begin to fall down my face as well.

  “I didn’t keep her happy enough to stay with me. She told me time and time again that I was the only thing that made her happy, but I wasn’t enough.”

  “Oh, babe, I’m sure it was much more than that. Look at how happy you make me. You are more than enough for me, you are everything,” I whimper.

  “It wasn’t long after my mom died that my dad met Gloria. She has always been nice to me, but even as a young boy I could see that there was something different about her. She would never be a mother figure, she never really tried. From the time she married my dad, she has only really been good at finding ways to spend his money, and that’s about it. I doubt they are really even happy together. I don’t see love in their eyes, like I see in yours. So I sat there listening to my dad go on and on today about the things he thinks bring happiness to his life, when all I wanted to do was tell him about the happiness in mine, but I couldn’t … and it broke my heart. I missed you so much when I returned home to an empty house, so I decided to go for a run to clear my head, but also because it is something that makes you happy and I wanted to feel that too.” Drake puts his hands on my waist, pulling me in to kiss his favorite spot at the base of my neck above my collar bone.

  “I love you, Drake. You bring me so much happiness. I’m sure you did the same for your mother. Please don’t ever feel like you aren’t enough. You are more than enough for me.”

  Drake

  I can’t stop thinking about my mom, and everything I said to Morgan tonight. After a beautiful celebratory dinner, some couch cuddling and a nice warm shower, Morgan led me to my bed, and made love to me. She was slow, attentive, nurturing, and I could tell she was doing everything in her power to show me just how much she loves me. I think I fall more in love with Morgan every day. I never imagined that I would find someone who would love me as much as she does. When I was pouring that part of my soul out to her tonight, she didn’t judge me, she cried along with me. I could see her heart breaking along with mine as I relived that horrible part of my childhood. I think that it is something I’m still processing to this day, but I somehow feel better after telling her about it. Now I am lying in bed, listening to Morgan’s soft, sweet breaths as she sleeps, trying my hardest to drift off as well.

  ….

  “Drake … ouch, Drake, wake up … You’re hurting me, babe, WAKE UP!”

  I wake to Morgan’s screams. I am squeezing Morgan’s wrist so tightly her hand is turning blue. She’s crying, trying to pull my hand off but I can’t let go. “Let go of my wrist, you’re hurting me!” She screams, and it takes a moment to realize what’s happening and for me to let go of her.

  “Oh my God, baby, I’m so sorry. I was having a nightmare. My mom was bleeding and I was holding onto her wrist to make it stop, but it wouldn’t stop, so I kept squeezing it tighter … I’m so sorry, Morgan, I never meant to hurt you, are you okay, baby?” I’m panicking. Morgan is crying and looking at me like I’m some kind of monster. She has no idea.

  “I’m okay, Drake, that really hurt but I’m okay. I think I need to go downstairs, get some ice, and clear my head for a minute.” Morgan has stopped crying but looks so sad. I try to put my arms around her but she turns away from me.

  “I’m so sorry, baby, I don’t know what to say. I would never hurt you, Morgan, you know that right?” I struggle not to try to touch her again. I struggle to regain my control.

  “It’s okay, I’m just upset. You scared me. I understand you were having a nightmare, it’s okay. You were just squeezing my wrist so hard, it hurt so badly and I couldn’t wake you up. It was really terrifying me, that’s all. I’ll go downstairs, clear my head and get a little ice.”

  “Morgan, I’m so sorry … I’m so sorry, baby,” I repeat.

  “It’s okay. We are okay,” she says, leaning over me, cupping my face in her hands. “When I come back upstairs, we are going to forget all about this, hold each other close, and go back to sleep.” Morgan rests her forehead against mine. Closing her eyes, she takes one of her deep, cleansing breaths. She reopens her eyes and meets my gaze. “I love you, Drake Baylor. I know you would never hurt me, okay?

  Please don’t be scared, because I’m not.” Morgan understands my need for reassurance. She gets what I was telling her about my mom tonight, and how I didn’t feel like enough to keep my mom alive. This is her way of letting me know I’m worth fighting for. God, I love this woman.

  Morgan returns a little while later, and as promised, she crawls into bed and lets me hold her. She doesn’t mention anything the next morning as we get ready for work, and neither do I.

  Chapter 20

  Morgan

  Drake is coming to my place tonight to celebrate our one month anniversary. I can’t say this past month has been all smiles and flowers, but I didn’t expect it to be. Being in a private relationship with Drake is work, but it’s not hard work. Our love is easy. We have so much fun together. We have had amazing talks, amazing sex, we see eye to eye on pretty much everything. Best of all, we have really become best friends.

  We have had to work a bit to maintain our independence, though. It was hard at first for Drake to spend any time away from me, which I completely understand, because it was hard for me to be apart from him as well. I have my standing brunch dates with my mom, and I like to take time out for Amanda and my dad as well, which give me reasons to venture out of our respective love nests. Drake’s past didn’t really leave him with any friendships, and it was proving very hard to spend quality time with his dad without spilling the beans about us, so I think he felt a bit lonely. After some encouragement on my part, Drake reached out to Garrett, and has spent some time with him recently. I think that has filled a bit of the void when I’m off doing my own thing.

  Drake was concerned about spending time with Garrett, because, well, Garrett is a drug dealer. Not only that, but he was Drake’s drug dealer back in the not-too-incredibly-distant past, and I think it brought some hard memories to the surface. I reassured Drake, by reminding him that Garrett had purchased the bowling alley, and was really working hard to clean himself up and find a straighter, more legal path of life to follow, and perhaps they could start fresh with each other.

  Drake was right about how hard it would be to spend holidays and special occasions apart. September is here, the leaves will start to change soon, and before we know it Thanksgiving and Christmas will be upon us. I’m sure we will find special ways to celebrate the holidays together, but we both know it won’t be the same. I attended a friend’s wedding alone last Saturday, and it broke our hearts not only to lose a weekend night with each other, but also when you are 24 and attending special functions without a date, everyone and their brother seems to want to know why. Fortunately, I was able to remember the great line I said to Adrian about focusing on my career and being too busy for family and friend time, let alone a boyfriend. That seemed to work, for now at least.

  I have been looking forward to tonight all week. Drake said he has something special planned, which brings a smile to my face, and butterflies to my belly! He is so good at planning wonderful evenings for us, and I know he really enjoys it. I think he gets that it’s difficult for us to keep things fresh and fun, when we really don’t have a lot of options for dating in public. We have gone to the bowling alley a few times, and arrived separately and paid for different movies but sat at the same one together once, but I think we were a little too nervous about being caught to really enjoy it, so we haven’t tried that again.

  I am sitting here now, showered after my afternoon run, waiting for Drake to show up so I can see what our evening has in store for us. He refused to even give me a hint, saying he wants me to be surprised. I wasn’t sure if you are supposed to give a gift for your one month, and I haven’t prepared anything for tonight, not knowing if we are staying in or going out, so I ma
de sure my apartment is clean, have a bottle of bubbly chilling in the fridge, and just in case he’s feeling a little frisky, I have his favorite sheer robe on.

  When I answer the door wearing nothing but the robe, Drake’s smile turns to a slight frown. “What’s wrong? I thought you loved me in this robe,” I ask, trying not to show the disappointment that my boyfriend is frowning at the sight of me in hardly anything.

  “You know I love that robe on you, Morgan, you look absolutely sexy. I’m sorry, come here.” Drake opens his arms, and kisses me sweetly when I walk into his embrace. “I just love the fact that only I get to see you like that, and if you don’t put on something a little less sheer, your surprise is going to see you like that soon too.”

  “Surprise? Where are we going?”

  “We aren’t going anywhere, but in a few minutes … we will be having a few … visitors,” Drake says as a coy smile crosses his face. He is clearly enjoying this.

  “Visitors? Who have you told?” I start to panic a bit. “Are you sure this is okay?”

  “Relax, baby. I’ve scheduled for two massage therapists to come to your place to give us a couple’s massage. I thought it might be a relaxing and romantic way to start our anniversary weekend.” A knock on the door interrupts Drake. “I think that is them now, so please, baby, scoot that adorable ass into your bedroom and put on one of your other sexy robes that they won’t be able to see through,” Drake says with a wink.

  I give Drake a huge smile and a kiss before turning to leave, and he grabs my hand. “Oh, and Morgan? Please don’t put that short one on that you were wearing the first time you answered the door for me, I could totally see your ass!” He gives me a quick swat on the bottom as I giggle and go to my room to change. I’m already loving tonight.

  …

  We have just finished dinner, and I feel relaxed, pampered, loved, and maybe a little sleepy. Our couple’s massage was so romantic, and so relaxing. Drake added to the surprise by having pizza and salads delivered about 15 minutes after our massage ended, explaining that this way, neither of us had to cook, we could just veg out on the couch for the evening. Now we are both snuggling on the couch in comfy clothes—me in yoga pants and a hoodie, Drake in loose-fitting grey sweats that hang just perfectly on his hips, and a tight fitting T-shirt. I think he has caught on to the fact that I get really turned on looking at his body, because his shirts have become a tad more “fitted”, not that I’m complaining!

  I get up to grab the bottle of bubbly to sip on while we snuggle, and there is another knock at the door. I turn to give Drake a questioning glance, and he just gives me a sweet smile while shrugging his shoulders. My man is full of surprises, I love it! I forget the bubbly and answer the door instead.

  “MY BFF AMANDA!!!!!!!” I squeal, throwing my arms around her and pulling her into my apartment. “What are you doing here?” I’m so excited. Drake didn’t seem panicked when there was a knock on my door, so I’m assuming he knew she was coming.

  “I invited her,” Drake beamed, walking over to Amanda, extending his hand to her. “I’m Drake, by the way, it’s really nice to finally meet you, Amanda.”

  “It’s great to finally meet you too! Morgie here has said some pretty … wonderful … things about you.” Amanda winks at me before accepting Drake’s hand, then pulling him in for a hug instead. I just love Amanda, she is so fun, and warm, and so comfortable in her own charming skin.

  “Okay, stop manhandling my boyfriend-not-boyfriend. I know he’s hot, but you’ll give him an ego!” I tease Amanda.

  “I’m hot?” Drake laughs.

  “Oh shut it, mister, you know you are,” I giggle, then grab Amanda’s hand and pull her over to my couch. “Really though, what are you doing here?”

  “Drake called me yesterday, and invited me over for tonight. He said he was planning a fun anniversary weekend for you, and wanted me to be a part of it.”

  Coming out of the kitchen with the bubbly and three champagne flutes, Drake chimes in, “I got her number from your phone the other day while you were in the shower. I know how much you value your time with Amanda, and since it’s a special weekend for us, I didn’t want to give up too much time with you so I thought I’d invite her to join us instead. Plus I figured I’ve let you in on so much of my past lately, I wanted to share in such an important part of your life, too!”

  He hands Amanda a champagne flute first, then leans over and gives me a sweet kiss before handing me mine. Drake raises his glass. “Cheers, ladies … Amanda, it is so nice to get to know someone who means so much to the woman I have fallen so madly in love with, and, baby, happy anniversary. Here’s to spending more of my future with you.”

  I take a quick sip of my champagne, then give Drake a huge kiss as he sits beside me on the couch.

  “OMG you guys are ridiculous,” Amanda laughs. “I saw the chemistry between the two of you on the dance floor, but seeing you actually interact with each other like this just warms my heart! That’s it, I need a man. Drake, you don’t happen to have a brother do you? A devilishly handsome best friend, perhaps?”

  “Sorry, Amanda, I’m an only-child-slash-loner. If I happen across a good-looking single dude, though, I’ll make sure to send him your way!” Drake teases.

  …

  Tonight was beyond wonderful. Drake and Amanda got along really well, just as I always assumed they would. It meant the world to me that Drake invited my best friend into our evening so he could get to know her better. It is another way for him to let me in, another layer of our “get to know you period”.

  After Amanda left, Drake and I changed into pajamas and crawled into bed. My skin felt so soft and smooth from the massage oil, I decided against our normal Friday night bath time.

  *****

  I wake Saturday morning, feeling refreshed from a wonderful night’s sleep. Both Drake and I passed out almost immediately after crawling into bed. I always sleep better with his arms wrapped around me, especially when I’m lulled to sleep with his hands gently rubbing my smooth, soft, massage-oiled arms while he gently kisses my neck.

  Drake is still sleeping so I slip out of bed and head to the kitchen to make some coffee. I have figured out what I want to give Drake for our one month anniversary. I normally wouldn’t be the kind of person to make such a big deal out of “month anniversaries”, but for us, making it this long without anyone finding out is pretty big. It gives me reassurance that what we are working so hard to protect is worth the risk, and also very possible to achieve.

  I smile to myself while I get Drake’s gift together. I have arranged the usual sugar and cream on a tray, but have replaced his coffee with tea. I, of course, still have my coffee … I can’t really start my day without it. I have also made pancakes for breakfast, but have cut Drake’s stack into the shape of a heart.

  “Breakfast in bed, baby? I could get used to this, it smells delicious.” Drake gives me a sleepy smile and sits up in bed as I walk into the bedroom balancing a very full tray. Glancing down, Drake gets a curious look in his eyes. “What is that little box for? Is it for me?” Drake’s curious look now meets my eyes.

  “Yes, it’s for you, but you have to earn it. Your breakfast is a puzzle, actually. If you figure it out, you get your prize. Well, maybe you might get two prizes!” I say with a wink while I hand him his tea.

  “Hmmm … I like puzzles … okay … sugar, cream, pancakes, and tea instead of coffee. You are taking me to England?” Drake teases.

  “Ooooh, that’s a really good idea, but no, keep guessing. Think about what is in your hand, and what you are about to eat,” I hint.

  “Okay … I’m holding tea, and am about to eat pancakes that you have adorably carved into a heart.”

  “You’re getting warmer,” I say in a singsong voice.

  “Hmmm … tea and heart shaped pancakes …”

  “Keep going … you’re warmer still.”

  “Tea, heart … tea, pancakes …” Drake stares at the tray, “I’m hol
ding tea, and eating your heart?” he laughs.

  “Close, especially with the tea part, focus more on the shape, and less on the pancakes”

  “I’m holding tea and your heart …”

  “What rhymes with tea?” I hint again.

  “Got it! I hold the key to your heart?” Drake beams with pride. “Yes! Now you get your first prize, open the box.”

  Drake opens the box, and his eyes open wide as a smile crosses his face. “Morgan, my love, is this the key to your place?” He asks with hope in his eyes.

  “Yes. I want to take the next step in our relationship with you. I know it’s a little fast, but that is how we seem to roll, so who cares? You have done so much to make me feel comfortable in your house, and I know it is impossible to move in together right now, but I want you to know how much I love you and want my place to feel like your place too. I loved that you invited Amanda to share in our night together last night. I love that you want me to share as much of my life with you as I can right now, and this is another way for me to do that. I’m going to clear out some drawers in my dresser and in my bathroom today, and I want you to fill them with your things. Please feel free to come as you please, Drake, because I love you and want you with me always.”