by Grey, S. R.
In a tight voice, I ground out a curt, “Thank you, Drew.”
He wasn’t done with his twisted fun.
Even though Benny was staring at him, Drew ignored him, and went on to ask me, “May I hold her?”
What? He’s kidding, right?
“Huh?” I was caught way the hell off guard. “You want to hold Ava?”
“Yes, I’d like to hold her. Ava is such a pretty name, by the way.”
“Dude.” Benny shook his head, more perplexed than ever.
Drew again ignored Benny and asked me, this time with his arms outstretched, “So may I hold her?”
He was such an assuming asshole. But truthfully I was torn. He was her father, after all.
But when he smirked, like this was all a game to him, and not a nice one at that, I made up my mind.
Not here, not now, my eyes conveyed when he looked at me again.
Then, in a very clear voice, I said, “As you can see, Ava’s sleeping. She should really just rest. She was fussy earlier, so I think it’s for the best that she stays with me.”
That last line meant so much more, and Drew knew it.
Glaring at me, he snapped, “Funny, I don’t see a father around.” He glanced dismissively at Benny, knowing full well he had no children. “Maybe not having a dad in her life is why your baby gets fussy to begin with.”
That no-good, absentee-father prick! Is he really going to play it this way?
Apparently he was, and I knew then that he’d do whatever it took to hurt me, all because he didn’t like—and was clearly jealous of—Benny. Drew didn’t want me, but he sure as hell didn’t want his biggest adversary to have me either.
Too bad for him, Benny was in my life for good.
“Dude, what the fuck is your problem?” Benny chimed in.
“You want to know what my problem is?” Drew snickered.
“Yes,” Benny replied, “I do.”
I couldn’t imagine Drew disclosing that he was Ava’s dad, not after all the carrying on about keeping his identity a secret. But one could never be sure with him. Seeing Ava in person had affected him, even if he was being a dickhead about it. The fact that he couldn’t keep his eyes off her for more than a minute told me all I needed to know. And I didn’t like the implications.
Terrified of what it all might mean—like, would Drew fight me for Ava?—I grabbed Benny’s hand.
“Sorry,” I said, urging Benny to play along by squeezing firmly. “We really need to get going.”
“Yeah, we do,” Benny confirmed.
Thank you, thank you.
Drew stood there, a scowl on his face, as Benny let me lead him to an elevator that was thankfully open.
As he pressed the button so the doors would close, he murmured, “Wow, that guy is even weirder than I thought.”
“Yeah.” I pretended to laugh. “He sure is.”
“I wonder what he’s doing here,” Benny mused.
“You don’t think he’s part of this”—I waved the folder in my hand—“proposed trade package, do you?”
Benny looked at the folder and frowned. “Crap, he could be, Eliza. Are you sure you still don’t want to take a peek?”
I shook my head. “No, we’d better not.”
Truth was I’d had enough of Drew Chidders. I didn’t need to open the file. I suspected he was indeed part of the trade, a trade that would bring him to Las Vegas. That certainly explained his cocky behavior minutes before.
What was I going to do?
With the way Drew had acted, I wondered how much longer he’d keep it a secret that he was Ava’s father, especially living in the same town.
There was good and bad to that possibility. And it raised a lot of questions.
Should I tell Benny now?
Or should I ease him into it by first divulging that I slept with Drew?
That probably won’t go over well, especially after today. Maybe I should hold off and see how things play out.
Crap, I wasn’t sure what to do.
So I did the worst thing possible—absolutely nothing.
Prick Meet Fist
I discovered soon enough why Drew Chidders was at the Desert Sports Complex. And it was what I had suspected—the prick had been traded to our team in return for that third-line right winger that hadn’t been working out. In other words, it was my worst nightmare, come true.
But things were worse than I ever could have imagined.
“Until Nolan returns, he’s on our line,” Brent informed me in the locker room before the start of practice the morning after the news of the trade had broken.
“Fuck,” I muttered. “This is going to be absolute misery. I hate that motherfucker.”
“Get over it, Benny. I’m no fan of his either, but he’s our teammate now and we have to make it work.”
Brent was right, so I said, “I know. We need to find some kind of chemistry with that tool.”
It was the truth. Without Nolan the Wolves’s slump had continued straight through the holidays. Not only were we sliding in the standings, but it was January, the time of year when teams really buckled down.
“We’re halfway through the season,” Brent said. “We have no choice but to find a way to turn things around.”
I didn’t know if Drew would be the answer, but I was willing to make peace with him for the sake of our team.
Too bad he didn’t feel the same way.
Within the first five minutes of that initial practice, he was checking me into the boards, and saying weird-ass shit like, “You think you’re better than me, Perry? Just remember, I was there first.”
“Huh?”
I finally had enough and skated to a stop, spraying his ass with snow. “What the fuck, Chidders? You got something to say, just spit it out.”
He slipped his helmet off and ran his hand through his mop of dark brown hair, wet from sweat.
I could see he was dying to tell me something, so I pressed, “What’s your deal, man?”
Leaning on his stick, he spat, “You want to know my deal, man?”
“I sure as shit do.”
“That girl you’re with—”
“Wait, who? Eliza?”
He nodded. “Yeah, her.”
I bristled, not liking his all-too-knowing smirk. “What about her?” I snapped.
He started skating backward.
And then he began to laugh. Grabbing his junk, he said, “I bet she hasn’t told you that I was with her before you knew her. Hey, I can’t blame you for wanting to hit that shit. That sexy bitch is one hell of a lay.”
That was it. “You motherfucker!”
I threw off my helmet and went for him, fists flying. I didn’t care that he was my new teammate. I didn’t care about working together. What he had spewed was over the line.
Was it true, though?
Could that be why Eliza had acted so strangely when we’d run into him?
My focus on Drew sputtered.
He saw an opening and went for it, clipping me on the jaw.
“Fucking prick,” I bit out.
I was about to throw a blow of my own, but I never had the chance. Our teammates had noticed we were fighting and were now rushing over to pull us apart.
It was actually good they’d gotten to us before the coaching staff had. Coach Townsend and his assistants were still in the back having a meeting.
After Drew and I were separated, I was seething, seeing red and nothing else.
“What the hell was that all about?” I heard Dylan say.
As I calmed down, I realized he was the guy leading me off the ice.
I angled to turn around and go at Chidders again. “I got one more thing to say to him,” I said to Dylan as I tried to skate away.
He was having none of it.
“Enough, Benny,” he warned, grabbing a fistful of my practice jersey and corralling me back.
Brent was leading Drew to the locker room, up ahead of us. So, not surprisingly, Dyla
n steered me to a nearby lounge.
Once he shut the door behind us, I sat down on a chair and put my head in my hands. “This is so fucked-up,” I grumbled.
“Want to tell me what the hell just happened out there?” Dylan asked.
I was still processing what Chidders had said, and I didn’t like the implications I was coming up with.
“Why wouldn’t she tell me?” I muttered, confused six ways to Sunday about Eliza.
“Tell you what?” Dylan pulled up a chair and sat across from me. “Are we talking about Eliza? Is that what that fight was about? What did that asshole say to you out there?”
“Fuck, man. It’s so bad I don’t even want to repeat it.”
“How bad could it be?” Dylan shrugged. “Does he know someone who slept with her or something?”
I leveled him a look, and he got it. “Shit. He slept with her?”
Sighing, I filled him in.
“Yeah, apparently he did sleep with her. I just don’t know why she wouldn’t tell me herself. She knows that prick’s on our team now. And she’s more than aware he and I can’t stand each other.”
“Maybe that’s why she didn’t say anything.” Dylan raised a brow.
“Yeah,” I sighed. “I guess that would make sense.”
I didn’t hold it against Eliza that she’d had the bad judgment to sleep with, of all the men in the world, Drew fucking Chidders. But I couldn’t help but wonder why she hadn’t trusted me enough to share.
“What’d she think?” I muttered. “Was she worried I’d fly into a jealous rage?”
Nodding to my bruised and bloodied fists, Dylan said, “Yeah, ’cause that would never happen, huh?”
That made me laugh. “Dude, you are such a dick.”
Standing and clapping me on the back, he reminded me, “Just remember that I’m the dick who got you off the ice before Coach T came out.”
He had a point. “True.”
I acted like everything was fine, but things were far from good. I was burned that Eliza hadn’t told me about Drew. Her keeping it a secret made me feel like a fool. She had to know Drew would eventually use it to bait me. It sure hadn’t taken long.
But there was more.
I didn’t like that this was the third time she’d kept something from me. I wasn’t much concerned about the diet and pacifier silliness, but not telling me about Ava bothered me now. I’d forgiven her so easily for her transgressions, yet now there was this.
Sleeping with goddamn Drew Chidders?
It made me wonder how many more secrets Eliza was keeping.
That was it—I needed to talk to her. I was starting to feel like I could use a little space. Had we moved too quickly? Graham thought we had, though he’d never outright say it to me. I knew it weighed on him, though. He wanted me with someone who was good for me.
Was Eliza good for me?
I thought so, but maybe I was wrong. I was getting into fights with freaking teammates, for fuck’s sake. Maybe I’d gotten it all wrong about her.
I felt like I’d come so far in so many ways, battling old demons and all that. I didn’t want to get caught up in a toxic relationship, especially not one built on distrust.
And that begged the question—could I really trust Eliza?
Secrets Bite Me in the Ass
Benny called me on his way home from practice and asked me I could meet him at his house.
“As soon as possible, Eliza,” he said, sounding uncharacteristically cool and aloof. “It’s important.”
I knew then that something was up. I also had a feeling I knew what had caused Benny’s distress—Drew Chidders.
That morning had been their first practice together. And from the way Drew had behaved when he ran into me and Benny at the Desert Sports Complex, I didn’t put anything past him.
Cursing him out all the way to Benny’s house, I prepared for the worst. I suspected it would be bad. And then I knew it for sure when I pulled into Benny’s driveway and found him waiting for me, arms crossed and looking none too happy.
I tried to throw him off, ease him up a little, when I hopped out of my car and flashed him my best smile. “Hey, Benny. How’s it going?”
He nodded curtly. “Hello, Eliza.”
Damn, even the cute sundress I’d purposely worn wasn’t working. The scowl on his face didn’t wane in the slightest.
I decided to drop the cutesy act and cut to the chase.
“What’s up?” I asked in a somber tone. “Why did you want me to come over?”
“To talk,” he stated flatly.
“Okay.”
He motioned to the house. “I think we should go inside.”
“Sure, all right.”
Once we were in the foyer, it took only thirty seconds for my world to fall apart.
“Did you sleep with Drew Chidders?” Benny asked, turning to me, brow raised.
Crap, we hadn’t even made it to the living room.
“Uh,” I so eloquently murmured.
Thankfully, there was a chair handy. I sat down—or more sort of crumpled—onto it.
After hearing Benny’s to-the-point question, my legs were shaky, leaving me with the option of either sitting…or crumpling to the floor in shame.
I’d chosen sitting. And though my body grew numb, my mind started racing.
Benny knows about me and Drew.
He knows we had sex.
Drew freaking told him.
Crap, how much more did that jerk say?
Does Benny know Ava is Drew’s daughter?
It seemed not, or he would’ve led with that.
“Eliza, are you going to answer my question?” Benny asked exasperatedly. “Or do you plan on sitting there all day in a daze.”
“Um, I, uh…” I put my head in my hands. “I just don’t know what to say,” I whispered.
“How about the fucking truth,” Benny yelled, making my head shoot up. “For once, don’t feed me a line of bullshit.”
I’d never seen him this upset off the ice.
“I’m sorry, Benny. I’m so sorry,” I kept repeating.
“It’s true, isn’t it?” he said, at last. “Drew wasn’t fucking lying.” He swiped his hand down his face. “Fuck! I am such a fool. And there I was, hoping the whole way here that that fucker was just being his usual prick self.”
“I slept with him,” I admitted, “it’s true. I wish it had never happened, but it did. I can’t change the past, Benny, but I can say I’m sorry.”
I hung my head in shame. Not for having slept with Drew, as it happened long before I’d ever known Benny. I was simply ashamed that I’d not told him myself. I’d been so worried that telling him would lead to sharing that I got pregnant with Ava.
Yet here we were.
Oh, hell, I’d just tell him everything now, the whole story.
But it seemed Benny had questions first. Ones like, “How many times did it happen?”
“I don’t know exactly. It was more than once, I can tell you that.”
He groaned, like that was the last thing he’d wanted to hear.
“I just don’t understand why you would sleep with him, especially more than once. He’s such an asshole.”
“I couldn’t agree more.”
He threw his hands up. “So why’d you do it?”
“I wasn’t thinking at the time,” I exclaimed, exasperated.
He snorted, but I went on. “I saw only what I wanted to see, Benny. Stuff I hoped was true. I liked Drew, and I convinced myself he was someone he wasn’t. It wasn’t until much later that I saw the real him and realized he’s a complete tool.”
“That’s an understatement,” he scoffed.
“Benny.”
I blew out a breath, and he reiterated, “You should’ve told me. Especially after you knew he’d been traded to our team.”
“I know. You’re absolutely right.”
He was, too. But I could fix it all now. I’d share every sordid detail, inc
luding that Ava was Drew’s daughter.
This was it, the moment had arrived. I stood and went to Benny, ready to tell him everything. Damn the consequences.
Benny, with no idea of my intentions, held out his hand, thus stopping me in my tracks.
“No, Eliza.” He shook his head. I’d never seen him more resigned. “I know what you’re doing.”
“You do?”
“Yes. You think we can just kiss and make up. But not everything can be solved with sex.” He scrubbed his hand down his face. “Shit, I can’t believe I’m saying that.”
“Wait.” I wrung my hands. “I’m not trying to solve anything with sex. I just want to talk. There’s more I need to tell you. It’s important.”
He shook his head. “I really don’t care. Not anymore.”
Ouch. “I don’t believe that,” I murmured, stunned.
“Believe or not, I just can’t hear anything more you have to say right now.”
“Okay. But I need to tell you at least one th—”
“No, Eliza. I’m serious.” His eyes met mine, and I could tell he wasn’t kidding around. “I’m done talking about this. In fact, I’m just plain fucking done.”
I was floored. “Wait? What do you mean you’re done?”
“It means I can’t be in this relationship with you. We’re over. I need openness and honesty, and I’m not getting that from you. I haven’t for a while.”
Frustrated, I threw up my hands. “I’m trying to be open and honest now. You just won’t let me. You don’t want to hear anything more I have to say.”
“That’s right, I don’t. It’s too late, babe.”
I tried again to confess that Ava was Drew’s child. But I got no further than, “Benny, just let me come clean about one thing—”
“No, stop. You should just leave, Eliza.” He opened the door, motioning for me to be on my way.
There was no point in saying another word, so I did what he wanted me to do—I left.
So Effing Done… Maybe
Ah, Eliza. She kept insisting she had more to tell me, but I was just so fucking done. Just the image of her and Drew… Fuck. I couldn’t even think about it.
It sucked that Drew was on our top line. But what could I do? I couldn’t kick him off the team, or off our line, so I dug deep. I had to get along with him, at least on the ice.