by Grey, S. R.
“What about now?” she quietly inquired. “I know you don’t want him, but how is he with Ava?”
“Not good. He pays child support, but he’s not part of Ava’s life in any way.”
“What an asshole,” Lainey muttered.
“Yeah, and I’m the fool who got pregnant by him. See what I mean? How can Benny ever accept that that prick is Ava’s dad?”
She agreed it’d be a bitter pill for Benny to swallow.
“But I’m sure over time he’d accept it,” she said.
I wished it were that simple.
Let’s Talk
At the end of February, we left Las Vegas for a series of road games. I was finally getting along with Drew Chidders—well, sort of.
It still sickened me that he’d had sex with Eliza, but I more or less blocked it from my mind. I blocked a lot of things back then. Like how I was still madly in love with Eliza. I questioned if I’d gone too far in breaking things off with her, and I thought about the reasons she’d given me for having not told me about having a baby. And why she’d kept it a secret that she’d fucked Drew.
Were they good reasons?
Were they bad reasons?
I didn’t know.
All I knew for sure was that they were her reasons. And really, when it came to people and their justifications for doing this or that, who the hell was I to judge?
I’ll tell you who I was—I was a guy who’d fucked up too many times to count. And people had still forgiven me.
That was it—I needed to give Eliza that same consideration.
Call me a sucker, or call me a fool, but I wasn’t a leave-things-unfinished kind of guy. She’d wanted to tell me something, and I’d cut her off. I owed her a chance to have her say.
That’s why I did what I did next—I picked up the freaking phone and called Eliza.
Two rings, and then the sound of her voice, like a salve to my soul.
“Benny?” she said.
I had to smile; she was surprised.
“Hey, yeah, it’s me,” I replied. “How’ve you been?”
“Um, I’ve been okay.”
“Good, good, that’s good. How’s school?”
There was a long pause, and then she sighed. “Benny, why are you calling me? I thought you hated me these days.”
That right there fucking stabbed me in the heart.
“I could never hate you, Eliza. Don’t even say shit like that.”
“It’s just that I’m not sure why you’re calling. I mean, we haven’t spoken to each other since the day you found out about me and…uh, Drew.”
I heard the cringe in her voice, a cringe I’d made possible.
“Listen, Eliza, about that.” I blew out a breath and ran my hand down my face. “Can we just meet sometime and talk things over?”
“I don’t know, Benny. Are you sure you want to see me?”
Hell, yes, because I fucking still love you, I wanted to scream.
Instead, I went with a more innocuous, “Look, I’m not gonna lie. I miss you like crazy, Eliza. And I don’t know if this is what love feels like when someone is no longer in your life, but my whole world feels empty with you not in it. I swear nothing has meaning, goddammit. I go through the motions and I get shit done, but it’s all fucking empty.”
Silence.
Fuck, I’d gone too far. I shouldn’t have brought up the L-word. Any affection Eliza had for me probably died when I ended our relationship.
But then, she said softly, “I still love you, too, Benny.”
There was a chance for us!
“Will you meet with me, then?” I implored.
“Yes, I will.”
“Oh, thank Christ.” I let out one long-ass relieved breath. “I know there was more you wanted to say that day. And I want you to know I’m ready to listen to anything and everything you want to tell me.”
“When do you get back, Benny?”
“We have a game tonight against the Kings. We fly back right afterward. But it’ll be the middle of the night by the time we touch down in Vegas. Can we meet tomorrow afternoon or evening?”
“Evening would be better,” she said. “Ava’s been a little under the weather and—”
“Shit, what’s wrong with her?” I hadn’t meant to interrupt, but I was fucking worried.
But then Eliza assured me, “It’s just a cold, Benny. Still, I’d still like to spend the day with her, just to keep an eye on things and make sure she’s getting better. If she is, tomorrow night should work out fine for us meeting.”
“Sounds good, but if Ava’s still feeling crappy, let me know. We can always meet another time. Ava comes first.”
“Benny…”
It sounded like she was fighting back tears. What I’d said had touched her. And that was okay since I’d meant every word with every fiber of my being. I cared for Ava, that’s why I missed her so much. I wanted to tell Eliza that if we got back together and lasted the long haul, I’d be honored to become Ava’s stepfather. I’d adopt her in a heartbeat, if that was okay with Eliza.
I would tell her all that when I saw her. And I’d listen to whatever it was she had to say to me.
Like she’d read my mind, she then said, “Benny, when we meet I want to tell you the one thing you still don’t know right away. If we’re ever going to have any real chance, you need to know everything. And I don’t want to wait. No more secrets, right?”
That sounded better than good to me, so I said, “Right.”
The only thing I didn’t know was something no one seemed to, not even Coach—the identity of Ava’s father. That had to be the final secret she wanted to share.
I just wondered who it was.
Just When Everything Looked So Promising
What I’d told Benny was true, Ava wasn’t feeling well. It was just a cold, though.
Or so I thought.
That night it turned to something far more serious. Everything happened so quickly that it all became a blur. The day had started off so promising, too. I felt so happy after getting off the phone with Benny.
He still loved me.
And I loved him.
Best of all, there’d soon be no more secrets to impede on that love. I’d share the identity of Ava’s father with him right away. And hopefully, he’d find it in his heart to accept who it was.
Drew, meanwhile, had backed way the hell off. There’d been no nasty threats, no smartass calls, just him diligently paying the support we’d agreed on long ago. Perhaps even more amazingly, he started texting here and there, asking about Ava. He only inquired about simple things, like how Ava was doing in general. But it was a start.
I’d even recently upped the ante and texted a picture of her back to him. To which he actually shot back a sincere-sounding, thanks. She really is adorable.
I was glad he was taking an interest, no matter how small. I knew I had to keep moving forward, as well. Before my last and final secret was revealed to Benny, I needed to share the truth with my mom and dad. They deserved to know who’d fathered their granddaughter.
My dad was on the road with the team, in LA with Benny, but I couldn’t wait. Both my parents needed to know the truth before I told him.
When I explained the situation to my mom and told her it was imperative I talk with her and Dad before the game got underway, she suggested a Skype call.
Smacking my forehead, I proclaimed, “Crap, why didn’t I think of that?”
“You have a lot on your mind, honey,” she said, “especially with Ava under the weather and all.”
“True,” I agreed.
Skype wasn’t the in-person discussion I’d have preferred, but it was what it was. My mom and I sat together on the sofa, with the laptop in front of us, and called my dad.
With a couple of hours to go before the game, we caught him alone in the locker room. He was reviewing his pre-game speech for the team.
After we exchanged the usual pleasantries, Mom said, “Okay, dear. Eliza wants to tell us
something very important. She says it can’t wait.”
My father knew me so well. He sat down on a bench and straight-up asked, “You’re not pregnant again, are you, honey?”
“Dad, no! Absolutely not!”
Both my parents let out collective sighs of relief.
Shaking my head, I said, “This is about Ava.”
Dad’s brow creased with worry. “Is she still not feeling well? She hasn’t gotten any worse, has she?”
Dad was sweet. He loved Ava so much.
That’s why I quickly assuaged his concern by stating, “No, no. Ava’s much better. I just checked in on her and the fever broke. She even ate a little.”
Mom jumped in then. “It’s true, dear, Ava’s on the mend. Still, Eliza and I discussed it and she made an appointment to see the pediatrician tomorrow morning.”
“Excellent idea,” Dad proclaimed.
He really did worship Ava, which was evident when he went on to say, “I think that’s very prudent, Eliza. It’s wise to receive a professional assessment.”
I agreed and finally got to the point of the call.
“So Dad, Mom…” I looked from the screen to my mom, and then back again. “I need to level with you about something you deserve to know. But Dad…” I focused on him. “You have to promise not to breathe a word about what I’m about to tell you. Not to anyone. Not yet.”
“I’d never do anything like that, sweetheart,” he replied, looking hurt.
Oh, but I knew better. Drew was on the team, meaning he was within arm’s reach of my father and his wrath.
“Dad, you might,” I went on.
“No.”
“Yes.”
Oh, crap, this is the hard part.
“Dad, Ava’s father is someone with the Wolves.”
Mom’s eyes shot to me, and Dad, in a state of disbelief, said, “What? Ava’s father is a player on my team?”
I murmured a simple, “Yes.”
I imagined Dad running through the player roster. Mom seemed to be doing the same, as she was staring at me with a faraway look in her eyes.
Suddenly, Dad said, “Who is it, Eliza? Just spit it out, damn it.”
Oh, hell. “Dad, I’m serious, you can’t make a scene. Ava’s father and I worked out an agreement long ago, right after Ava was born. There was a paternity test and everything, before we came up with the terms. He wanted to prove she was his, which she is. But he ultimately decided not to be part of Ava’s life.”
Upon hearing that, my mom gasped. And my dad growled.
“He does pay support,” I hurried to say. “But there is a bad part.”
Again, Dad grumbled. And Mom frowned.
“What is it, honey?” she asked.
“I had to promise not to reveal that he’s Ava’s dad.”
“Wait, I thought you were going to tell us now?” my mom fretted.
Poor Mom, she thought I’d changed my mind. But I hadn’t. I was taking a chance that Drew would flip, but I no longer cared. His threats had ceased, and even if they started back up, I was beginning to view him as a paper tiger. He was all bark and no bite.
Even if I was wrong, I’d finally realized that the people who loved me were my allies. That’s why I’d told Lainey. And why my parents—and soon Benny—needed to know the full truth.
Taking a deep breath, I assured Mom, “I haven’t changed my mind. Too much damage has been done by me keeping secrets. I won’t reveal Ava’s father to the public, but I’m tired of keeping the truth from the people I love.”
“Eliza, who is he?” my dad said tightly, running out of patience.
It was time to reveal the truth.
“Drew Chidders. Drew is Ava’s father.”
Mom remained calm, but Dad went ballistic.
“That no-good, lying piece of shit has a lot of fucking explaining to do!”
My father was flipped out, as I feared he would.
“I’m going to kill him, Eliza,” he went on.
I wasn’t above begging. Not for me, but for Ava’s sake. “Dad, please, no. Confronting him will only make things worse.”
“I didn’t say I was going to confront him, Eliza. I said I was going to kill the motherfucker. And I will!”
Oh, boy.
“Honey, calm down,” my mother interjected, using her best soothing tone, the one that always worked on Dad.
Thank heavens it worked then.
“All right,” he grumbled after a few more choice words for Drew, “I’ll not say anything to him. And I won’t lay him out. But I sure do plan to make his life miserable when we return to Vegas. Practice is about to get a whole lot harder for that sneaky, lying, no-good—”
“Okay, Dad, I think we get the picture.”
I couldn’t help but smile. Dad was known for his tough practices, but I had a feeling whatever new drill he had in mind for Drew, it would lay him the fuck out.
We wrapped things up with a promise to talk more about everything once Dad was home.
After we disconnected, my mom turned to me and, in that knowing mom tone, said, “Is Drew the reason why you and that nice Benjamin boy broke up?”
I had to laugh. Only Mom would think to describe a tatted-up giant of a man as “that nice Benjamin boy.”
“Not really, Mom,” I replied. “I was keeping too many secrets from him, more than just the part about Drew being Ava’s dad. That’s what caused him to leave.”
“Oh, honey, I’m sorry. Does he know about Drew now?”
“Not yet, but he will soon.” I took her hand. “He called me earlier today, and we’re meeting tomorrow evening to talk. I think there’s a really good chance we can work things out.”
She smiled. “That’s wonderful, Eliza.”
“Yes, it is. I plan to tell him exactly what I just told you and Dad—that Drew is Ava’s father.” I sighed. “I just hope he takes it better than Dad did.”
“I’m sure he will,” Mom stated with confidence.
I wasn’t nearly so sure, but I hoped she was right.
She got up then to go make a cup of tea. I, meanwhile, decided to check in on Ava.
I found her resting peacefully in her crib. Her fever had not returned, but I decided to stay in her room to be close to her.
I sat down on a love seat next to her crib and dozed off.
I awoke a short while later, though, when I heard Ava breathing funny. That’s when things went all to hell.
I checked her and she was burning up. “Mom!” I screamed, panicked. “Please come in here right away. Ava’s fever is back and worse than ever.”
My mom, in her robe and nightgown, raced into the nursery within seconds. She put her hand on Ava’s forehead and cried out, “Oh my God, Eliza. She’s burning up.”
“I know, I know. We need to get her to the emergency room.”
“We do,” my mother agreed.
Tears filled my eyes and a lump formed in my throat. Nothing can happen to Ava.
“Oh my God, Mom, I’m so scared,” I whispered.
I let her gather Ava in her arms, as she was calmer.
My mother took over, which was good since I felt useless. She drove us to the hospital in what had to be record time. Thank God she’d always been excellent in a crisis.
The whole drive to the ER, she tried to reach my dad. But her many calls went straight to voice mail, even though the game in LA had ended long before.
“They must be on their way home,” I said.
“Yes, I’m sure they are. But don’t worry. Your father will receive those voice mails as soon as he lands. He can just meet us at the hospital.”
Mom left no less than thirty messages for Dad, all with the news that Ava was gravely ill.
I left only one—for Benny.
I Never Saw That One Coming
After the game, which we lost, we started back to Las Vegas on the team jet. I was glad it was a short flight. Not only was I exhausted, but I ended up stuck sitting next to Drew.
&nb
sp; I tried to sleep most of the way so I could ignore him. I actually got in a few good Zs, but once we landed I woke up with a start. I had this odd feeling like something was wrong. But I quickly dismissed it.
“Ah, home at last,” I murmured as I stretched.
Drew gave me a curt nod. “Yep, here we are.”
I wasn’t up for more conversation than that, so I pulled out my phone. By the time the plane was taxiing to a stop, I was checking for messages.
I had only one—a voice mail from Eliza.
Fuck, man, I hope she’s not having second thoughts about meeting me.
I covertly put the phone up to the ear away from Drew so he wouldn’t overhear her message. Although he was busy anyway, adjusting his tie. He must’ve fallen asleep on the flight back like I had, as he looked disheveled.
I forgot all about annoying Drew when I heard a panicked Eliza. My feeling had been right, something was wrong!
“Oh my God, Benny,” Eliza began in her message. “I’m so sorry to bother you, but I need to talk to someone.” A pause, then, “No wait, that’s not true. I need to talk to you. You’re the only person who can assure me things are going to be okay and they actually will be.” A choked sob broke up her next words. “Ava is sick, way sicker than before. I don’t know what’s happening, but it’s definitely not some stupid cold like we originally thought. Her fever is crazy high and…Benny…oh my God, Benny, I’m so scared. She’s just so little—”
All that was left was Eliza sobbing.
At that exact second, Coach ran past me to the front of the plane. “Open the door. Open the goddamn door!” he was yelling.
I knew then he’d gotten the same message, or one like it.
I jumped up from my seat, and as I did, Drew peered over at me curiously. “What’s going on, Perry?”
He’d been pretty cool lately, even though I didn’t really like him. But with something as serious as this, I didn’t have it in me to be a dick and not reply.
“It’s Eliza’s daughter,” I said, to which he really perked up. Odd. “Uh, I think you saw her once in the sports complex. Eliza was holding her that day you ran into us.”
I glanced up to the front of the plane and noticed Coach was long gone. The door was open and players were starting to jostle to get past me and off the plane.