Lancelot and Guinevere

by Carol Anne Douglas

  Waiting for Ninian to accompany her into the forest, Anna paced around the convent garden. The winter sun had already replaced the dawn, and she longed to be away among the trees—not the garden apple trees, but the wilder oaks and beeches. She could see her breath when she exhaled with impatience.

  The sister porter entered the garden and told her she had a visitor, "a young warrior called Galahad."

  "Oh, send him here!"

  She nearly leapt at the door when Galahad appeared.

  Galahad looked much the same as before, but glowed in the chilly morning air. Here was someone else who, like Drian, was familiar, unchanged, and Lancelot rejoiced at the thought. She flung her arms around the young warrior.

  "Lord Lancelot!" Galahad exclaimed, returning her embrace.

  "I'm called Anna, or Sister Anna, now, although I have taken no vows," she explained, clasping Galahad's shoulders. "How good it is to see you. Talwyn is here."

  Galahad's smile was even wider than Anna had expected. "I know. I've seen her. I wanted to see you for a moment alone. I traveled North and West. It was wonderful. But I missed the great battle, and now King Arthur is dead." Galahad sighed.

  "Thank all the saints you were not here, or you would have perished like the others," said Anna, embracing Galahad again. "I'm glad to have a moment to speak with you alone. There are some things I'd rather not tell a woman."

  She could not look into Galahad's earnest blue eyes. Her voice lost its joy and became toneless. "You were right to ponder giving up fighting after Lionel's death. I hope that you have decided that you don't want to be a warrior anymore, or at least won't fight battles, now that the men of the round table have killed each other."

  Anna forced herself to continue. She looked at the ground, not at her young friend. "Gawaine once said to me that he could see no point in getting fond of women only to see them die in childbed. If I could, I would tell him that I see no point in being friends with men, only to see them dead on a battlefield.

  "I did not find him alive," she said, her voice trembling, "but I was with Arthur when he died. I sat with both of their bodies. Mordred had stabbed Gawaine in the back, and when I came upon his body I saw a raven flying away with flesh from the wound. I took off Gawaine's gold and jewels so the battlefield scavengers would not cut off his fingers or arms to get them, as they did to so many others. I saved the jewels to send to his mother. Then we took him and buried him. So that is what comes of this glorious fighting and dying bravely, one lies there powerless and has one's body nearly abused at the end." Tears dripped down her cheeks.

  But there was more that Anna needed to tell someone, and could not bring herself to tell Guinevere. She stared at a flowerless rosebush. "Then, after the king died, Mordred called out and I learned that he was still alive. He begged for mercy, but I killed him and slashed the body many times, like some mad brute. I can scarcely believe I did that." She slumped onto a stone bench, exhausted from telling her tale.

  She looked up and saw that Galahad had paled. The young warrior sat on the bench beside her and hugged her tightly. Then Galahad burst into tears, in a quantity that surprised Lancelot, and she had to soothe Galahad.

  After some time had passed, Galahad spoke. "If you wanted to persuade me to keep from fighting in battles, you have succeeded. I can't imagine you slashing corpses, but if you could I could. Have you recovered from these terrible things?"

  "As much as I can."

  A raven landed in a nearby bare apple tree and called loudly. It moved its head from side to side as if it were trying to understand the conversation.

  Galahad managed to smile. "That raven has followed me ever since I visited my mother at Tintagel. Whenever I walk outdoors, it flies with me. It amuses me when I am sad, and calls out when other riders come near. Isn't that strange?"

  Anna nodded. "Yes, but there is something very likable about that bird. I had thought I would never like the sight of a raven again, but yet I do."

  The raven made a sound, as if answering her.

  "This raven eats its meat from the table," Galahad said. "I have never seen him worry a corpse."

  Thinking that she had imposed too much of her own pain on Galahad, Anna forced herself to speak of other things. "So will you marry Talwyn?"

  This question made Galahad grin.

  "She does not want to marry. She thinks I could be a tyrant, especially if I went off on quests without her."

  Anna nodded again. "Guinevere does not want us to go off and live together, with me pretending to be the husband. So we shall live here, in this community."

  "We have solved the problem in a different way," Galahad said. "You are both dressed as women, and we shall both dress as men, and go on quests together."

  Anna frowned a little. "But even so, you should marry her."

  Galahad shrugged. "I'm convinced, but you'll have to persuade Talwyn. I'll get her."

  When Galahad returned to the winter garden, Guinevere as well as Talwyn accompanied the young warrior. Talwyn had more color in her face than she had since coming to the convent, and this was the first time she had summoned the energy to walk to the garden. Anna rejoiced to see the girl break her long self-imposed exile in her room.

  It was good that Talwyn had brightened on seeing Galahad, but the orphaned girl needed someone to talk sense to her. Stern as a parent, Anna spoke to Talwyn. "You really must marry Galahad if you want to go off with him. What if he gets you with child?"

  Talwyn giggled. "I wouldn't mind causing a little scandal."

  Then Ninian hurried out to join them. She shivered at the cold, but her smile was enough to warm the others gathered there, or even the whole community of nuns.

  "Dear Mother Ninian," Galahad said, embracing her.

  The plump old nun hugged Galahad.

  "Why, how did you know Mother Ninian?" asked Anna.

  Ninian beamed and clasped the young warrior's hand. "I raised Galahad here. What do you think of my handiwork?"

  Looking a little nervous, but also proud, Galahad launched into an explanation. "My mother was the Lady Morgan of Cornwall."

  Her eyes widening, Guinevere gasped. "So Arthur had a son after all! There's so much she didn't tell us."

  Galahad hesitated and regarded the bare ground. "She did have a child by King Arthur, but it wasn't me. My sister was Elaine."

  Anna shuddered. Would she lose Galahad's friendship? "I now know that Elaine was Morgan's child. Your mother told me." She didn't say in what manner Morgan had spoken. "I wronged Elaine. Please forgive me." She bowed her head.

  "Of course I do," said Galahad, clasping her hand.

  Anna felt overwhelmed with gratitude. Tears formed in her eyes. "Many thanks," she choked. "The horrible thing is that I would have been more careful of Elaine if I had known that she was the daughter of a man who I believed was my friend. And if that's the case, I never should have touched her anyway. Poor Elaine."

  There were tears on Guinevere's face. "Morgan never trusted me. I wish she had let me take care of Elaine when her foster mother died, and then Elaine would still be alive and perhaps would have found someone who could return her love. I would have protected her."

  "You're a good foster mother," Talwyn said, putting a hand on her shoulder.

  "It's strange to think that the one who might have been kindest to Elaine was her stepmother, but I think it's true," Galahad mused.

  Anna was not eager to keep talking about Elaine. "But what about you? You said you weren't Arthur's child?" she asked Galahad.

  Galahad colored red as her hair. "My mother had always told me that my father was Arthur, but when I returned, she told me that my father was truly Gawaine, and I was glad to hear it because I liked him."

  "Why, that's wonderful," Anna exclaimed, hugging Galahad. "What a perfect son for Gawaine! I wish he had known that."

  Galahad grinned. "He did, at the end. I was the only one left ignorant."

  "It's clear why your mother told you that you were Art
hur's," said Guinevere, a little testily. She tossed her head, letting her veil float in the breeze.

  Must Guinevere think about the succession to Arthur? Anna sighed inwardly. Surely those concerns were now behind them.

  As if anxious to repair any damage, Galahad quickly said, "Please don't think that she plotted against you. She thought you would be a good ruler."

  "Of course she didn't plot," Guinevere said, too sweetly. Her smile did not look genuine.

  Anna spoke up to prevent these two from quarreling. "Imagine Gawaine's son being raised in a convent."

  Talwyn's eyes and mouth were so full of mirth that it seemed as if not only they, but every part of her body, was laughing.

  "Lord Lancelot, I mean Sister Anna, Galahad fooled even you. Galahad is not anyone's son."

  Reeling, Anna stared at Galahad. She looked at the young warrior from head to toes. Her gaze fixed on the cheeks, on which there was no stubble, despite the tiny beard on Galahad's chin. "What? It can't be."

  Galahad was half blushing, half laughing. "But it is. I look a little more like a man than you do, but I am a woman."

  Anna's legs nearly crumpled under her. How could she not have guessed?

  "My mother thought that it would be wise to take advantage of my seeming sex, and I agreed," Galahad went on. "It is much easier to be a king than a queen, as I am sure you'll agree, Queen Guinevere."

  "Of course it is," laughed Guinevere, truly smiling at Galahad now.

  "And even if I never tried to become a king, I thought life would be much easier for a man than for a witch's daughter. I'm sorry that I deceived you, Lord Lancelot—Anna. There never was a sister who dressed like a man, only me."

  "But why didn't you tell me? Surely you knew I'd keep your secret." Anna was mystified. How could Galahad have kept the truth from her?

  Galahad looked at the bare flowerbeds. "My mother made me swear not to. I now suppose that it was because she thought she might have disagreements with Queen Guinevere, and didn't want her to know about me because I might be a possible rival for the throne. I'm glad to be out of all such plans, and I'm even happier that my mother has abandoned them, too. Also, I never thought of myself as a woman. I'm not much like my mother, am I?" They all nodded in agreement. "I never met a woman who was like me until I met you, and so I never wanted to be one. Now it doesn't seem so bad."

  Galahad turned her gaze to Talwyn. "Fortunately, although Talwyn did not guess my sex at first, she didn't care when she found out."

  "No, I didn't, but now I think it's nice that you are a woman, more or less." Talwyn pressed Galahad's arm and giggled.

  "And I am glad that you are Gawaine's child," Anna said, embracing Galahad again.

  Then, in front of all of them, Talwyn tried to tickle Galahad in the side, and Galahad pretended to fence with her hand to keep her off, and they were both dueling with their bare arms and chortling.

  "You see," the old nun said to Anna, "Mordred did not kill laughter. And even though Arthur and many other people you have known have met tragic ends, not everyone has to."

  Galahad's raven made a loud sound that might have been laughter.

  When Galahad and Talwyn prepared to leave, they spoke with Anna alone in the garden, where the first shoots of snowdrops and crocuses were breaking through the earth. A rosy dawn was dissolving into yellow sun.

  Talwyn, like Galahad, wore a man's breeches and tunic.

  "We don't like to leave you to spend your life confined in a convent," Galahad told Anna as they walked along the well-marked paths while the nuns prayed in the chapel. Galahad's raven perched on her shoulder.

  Seeing the anxiety in Galahad's blue eyes, Anna smiled. "If I am confined, who is confining me? Neither father, nor brother, nor husband, nor lord. Neither the civil law nor the Church law. I am living among friends, with the woman who is more to me than any other. Don't worry about me."

  "But we do," cried Talwyn, grabbing her arm. "You can't have changed that much. You always liked to travel. We have decided that you can travel with us whenever you want."

  "Yes, we would like that," Galahad said, and her raven flew from her shoulder to Anna's, perched there, and cawed.

  Anna laughed—not at her young friends, but at the bird. "Perhaps I shall at times, by and by, but just now I want to spend all my days with Guinevere, and I am certain that you want to be alone together. I won't be lonely. I am planning to visit my friend Aglovale's family."

  "Greet Percy if you see him before I do," Galahad said.

  "Indeed I shall. And I am sure I'll have visits from my friend, Drian, which won't be dull." Anna grinned. "I believe you have met Drian?"

  "I have," Galahad said, blushing.

  "Who's Drian?" Talwyn asked.

  "I'll tell you later," Galahad said, pressing her hand.

  The morning sun was rising higher in the sky. "You should leave while the day is ahead of you," Anna said. "I am grateful for your concern." She embraced them, and the raven flew from her shoulder back to Galahad's.

  "I have to see Lady Guinevere one more time," Talwyn said, hurrying back into the convent.

  Anna and Galahad went to ready the horses.

  Galahad and Talwyn visited Morgan at Tintagel, but they were summoned by an urgent message from Cai—now Constantine—to come to Camelot. Queen Morgause of Lothian and Orkney had sent word that she was on her way there and expected to see Galahad. Galahad felt much curiosity. She remembered seeing that queen from a distance, but of course the queen had not noticed her.

  Spring made the journey to Camelot pleasant, with its clumps of violets growing by the streams and bluebells in the woods. Galahad's raven flew with them, sometimes perching on her shoulder. Talwyn wore her chain mail, though it was a trifle tight. Galahad worried that Talwyn looked too pretty to be convincing in the guise of a man. And poor Talwyn was not used to binding her breasts, which were much larger than Galahad's. Galahad could see that she looked uncomfortable, squirming as if rebelling against the binding.

  Galahad tried to teach Talwyn the songs of different birds, but Talwyn didn't try very hard to learn.

  "I like my little bird best," she said, grabbing at Galahad.

  "Warriors are not supposed to be grabbing at each other, at least not when they are out riding," Galahad told her.

  They laughed loudly because they were both nervous at going back to the caer that held too many memories.

  Talwyn had not wanted to go. "What am I supposed to say?" she had asked. "'Here's the spot where I was wounded, and here's where Creirwy was struck down? My father was killed over there? This is the place where the stake was put to burn Queen Guinevere?' I suppose you'll want to know all that."

  Galahad had shuddered. "I don't want to put you in any more pain, but I don't want to be parted from you even for a little while."

  Talwyn hadn't wanted to be parted either, so she traveled with Galahad.

  There were only two guards at the gate and a sprinkling of guards in the courtyard, far fewer than in King Arthur's day.

  Galahad had thought that only ghosts would welcome them, but by the time their horses were stabled by the lone stablehand, Constantine and Dinadan had come to the courtyard. The two greeted them and talked so rapidly that she did not have a chance to feel lonely.

  "Wait 'til you meet her highness, queen of Lothian and Orkney," Dinadan said. His dark brown hair had not yet turned gray. "She arrived last week and she's been ordering us around ever since. I don't think she's grasped the fact that Cai is lord of this place now."

  "I have to be respectful to her. She's my foster brother's aunt. Do you think you could manage to be respectful to her, too?" Constantine had grown a mustache, but he grumbled in a way that made it seem as if everything were the same as ever.

  "I do respect her, in fact I adore her," Dinadan insisted, rolling his eyes. "It is especially sweet how she says that there aren't any real men in the world anymore, now that Gawaine has died—except for her dear Lamorak. Dear Lamora
k must be heartbroken at staying in Lothian alone for a while."

  "Let me take you to her, or she'll have my head," Constantine commanded, taking Talwyn's arm. "She's staying in Arthur's old room. She would have stayed in Guinevere's, except of course that Gareth and Agravaine died there."

  First they went to the rooms that had been Guinevere's, and Talwyn changed into one of her old gowns.

  It was more than a little strange going to Arthur's room, where they had never been. They had seen his tapestries, because those had been sent to Tintagel, and Morgan had hung them in her great hall. Lesser hangings did not quite fill the spaces.

  White-haired Queen Morgause stood tall and erect, dressed in magnificent gold-embroidered black robes. She immediately swooped at Galahad.

  "Dear grandson," she exclaimed, hugging Galahad.

  Galahad pulled back a little. How could Queen Morgause know that she was Gawaine's child?

  "Of course I knew the moment I learned about dear Gawaine's will that you must be his son," Morgause explained, gazing at Galahad as if she were the most fascinating person in the world. "You do have his eyes."

  "It's true, Gawaine's my father," Galahad said, relieved that she knew. "And the Lady Morgan of Cornwall is my mother."

  "Good for her! I never appreciated her enough, but of course I didn't know that she had borne Gawaine a son," said Morgause fondly, embracing Galahad again. "I am astonished that he never told me."

  "No doubt he meant to." Galahad did not say how recently Gawaine himself had learned.

  "He sent me a strange letter before he went out to battle," Morgause said. "All he said was, 'I love you, mother. Lancelot did not kill my brother Gareth, and killed Agravaine only because of an unprovoked attack. If Guinevere and Lancelot ever come to your lands for protection, please give it to them.' That was an odd farewell."