Sacred Revelations

by Roxy Harte

  “You think I’ve been crying all night over my father? Are you insane! I hated him! I’ve been crying all evening because I’ve ruined things between us.”

  “Nothing is ruined,” I say, knowing even as I say it that it was the wrong thing to say. Her snort confirms it. “I want to marry you, Celia.”

  Leaning forward, she looks into my eyes and caresses my jaw. “I would do anything for you, except put the mask back on and pretend that I am anything other than I am.”

  This time I stay quiet, just looking into her eyes.

  “I am Kitten…originally of your making, but now…so much more than that. Do you understand that I can never go back to being anything less than who I now am?”

  George psychoanalyzed her…great. How else can I explain this change in Kitten? I take her hands in mine, shredded Kleenex as well, holding her hands and feeling their tremble.

  “I was hiding, but I don’t want to hide any more. I’ve never felt before what you made me feel…loved, cherished, deserving. You terrified me with pleasure. Then, with Lord Fyre, I felt something more. I felt powerful and confident. It sounds ridiculous, but every time I survived what he threw at me, I felt stronger.” Tilting her head, she silently asks me to understand. Her eyes beg me to tell her that I do. I remain silent, not to be mean, but to make certain that the answer I give her isn’t more than she wants. “I guess the thing is, I’ve seen you two tag-team a dozen clients and it’s magical, and then when Thomas held me and you flogged me, I felt a part of that magic. I knew in that moment I could never settle for less than having the both of you. And yes, to answer your fucking insecurities, Lord Fyre really does it for me as a Dom. He brings my darkness like you never could because he thinks like I do, but honestly, if he is able to channel my darkness, it is you who channels my lightness. I need you both to be complete. I want you both.”

  She lifts my hand to kiss the top of it. “Please understand, I have no relationship experience to compare to. I’ve never been anyone’s property. I’ve never been loved…I’m completely winging it—all of it, especially the love part. I haven’t felt love since my mother died.” She sighs heavily, a tear sliding over her cheek, and she shreds the useless Kleenex into fibers that fall to the snow-covered concrete. Staring into the dark, her look far away and haunted, she says, “I hate my father, his voice is still the one in my head condemning me. I spent so many years trying to please him, taking over where my mother left off, cooking, cleaning, setting appointments, and then, as I got older, holding, counseling, consoling right along side of him, but it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t a man. My prayers would never be strong enough to reach heaven.”

  I lift her hand to my lips, kissing her knuckles. “How old were you when your mother died?”

  “Eight, and she didn’t just die, she killed herself. I found her hanging in the bell tower,” she answers, not pausing, not giving me a chance to sympathize or ask more questions. I am stunned by this new revelation. God, this woman has been through so much.

  “I’m tired, Garrett. I’m so tired. That’s why I appreciate the life I’ve embraced in San Francisco. I don’t have to think too hard, I don’t have to make decisions, I don’t have to plan my day or anyone else’s. I can just be Kitten and right now…I am not ready to be a wife or mother. I just want to be the pampered pet known as Kitten.”

  I laugh and it sounds cold and sarcastic. “Who does Kitten belong to?”

  She stands abruptly and I feel her frustration, maybe even anger, rolling off her in waves, although I don’t feel like I’ve done anything to make her angry. The growl that comes from her voice is almost inhuman it is so raw, so filled with emotion, “You figure it out.” I’m not surprised when she storms away. I am surprised that I don’t follow after her.

  “God, you are a stubborn man! I give up a warm bed with my two favorite people in the world so that they can be alone together and you insist on staying out here to catch your death!”

  I crack open one eye. “I thought you left for the night.”

  “That was the plan until you went stupid.”

  I look at Thomas. He is dressed for a night out and looks damn fine. He towers over me, casting a shadow over me where the security lights hit his back.

  “Sorry if I ruined your plans. Celia shouldn’t have called you.”

  “She didn’t, Jackie did.” He slides into the pink chair Kitten occupied earlier. “While you’ve been out here pouting, Kitten caught a cab to the airport. She’s on her way back to San Francisco.”

  I stare at the flat surface of the pool covering, saying suddenly, “I’m starved,” but thinking, I really need a drink.

  “That’s all you have to say?”

  “What do you want me to say, Thomas? That I’m fucking this up royally?”

  “That would be a good start, followed by why you thought it would be okay to drop a bomb on Celia like the one when you said you want her to have your baby…and live in the suburbs…and give up our lifestyle.”

  “I didn’t say it exactly like that.”

  “But that’s what you meant.”

  I stand, looking down on him. “I don’t know what I meant. When I come back to Ohio, I feel like I’m losing my mind, all the old wants come back.”

  “But when you left it was because you didn’t want those things.”

  “I know. I know.” I turn, pacing away from him.

  “So what are you going to say to Celia?”

  I stop pacing poolside, contemplating walking across the pool, suddenly wanting to test the theory that the cover will support the weight of an elephant. “I don’t know.”

  “Well, you’d better figure it out, because it looks like she didn’t get on that plane after all.”

  I turn around to see Celia walking across the parking lot. She doesn’t look any happier now than when she left the first time. As she gets closer, I know she isn’t any happier. I stand to meet the force of her head on because it is obvious she is a wave of fury. It also dawns on me that I’ve never seen her mad. God, she’s beautiful. Her pale skin glows with her fury, fiery flames under brilliant ice.

  “How dare you!” she growls. “How fucking dare you!”

  Thomas watches the show from the pink pool chair. I back up two paces. Celia steps forward three. “Just who in the hell do you think you are? Asking me to marry you? Asking me to make babies with you? After promising that we,” she takes a moment to wave her hands, indicating the three of us, “could be a threesome. Babies? My God, do you get the lifestyle we live in? So your son or daughter comes home from school and asks where mommy is and you say, ‘She’s locked in the cat cage, darling.’ Or maybe you have an excellent plan to explain why mommy spends every other weekend at Uncle Thomas’s house?”

  “Hey, whoa, only every other weekend? How is that fair?” Thomas demands from the side.

  She turns on him. “You be serious. He asked me to marry him and make babies with him!”

  Thomas stands, astounded. “You’re considering it?”

  I step in front of Thomas. “You’re considering it?”

  She looks at us, not answering, then turns to walk back to the hotel. She doesn’t make it far, only eight steps before she turns around and comes back, stopping directly in front of me. “Are you insane? I love you, I want you, I need you! I do not want to make babies and be a responsible adult.”

  She spits the sentences like curses and I start to say something but she pushes her hand against my mouth. “Shut up. You’ve said enough for one day. You are not to say another word until we get back to San Francisco. And you,” she commands, poking Thomas’s chest. “I love you! I want you! I need you! And because you love me, want me, and need me back, you are going to make sure he remains silent until we are home and he is thinking clearly again.”

  Chapter 30

  “…all my love and life shall be devoted to you, and with my last breath I will breathe your name to god…”

  -Charles Dickens, Dombey and Son
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br />   Kitten

  I knew I could count on Thomas. I never expected him to carry Garrett onto the private jet already gagged and bound. With an easy toss, Garrett was in a seat and buckled in.

  “To your satisfaction, Sophia?”

  I look Garrett over, trussed, electrical tape, leather gag. He slouches in the hold of wide safety-buckles and expensive upholstery, but he isn’t going anywhere. Behind the gag, I think he’s actually pouting. “He’ll do. Thank you.”

  “Ready to go home, then?” Thomas stands, leaning against one of the other tall-backed seats.

  We are alone, no flight attendants in sight, the pilot behind a closed door. It is a mid-size jet, more than capable of taking us anywhere in the world we want to go, and in answer to Thomas’s question, I sigh. “Yes, ready to go home.” I realize I have a decision to make. I have no idea where I’m living. “Are we agreed that we are going to forget about making babies and living in suburbia and concentrate on making this threesome work, or are you relinquishing me to Lord Fyre?”

  Garrett shakes his head, banging his head against the soft fabric of his seat in frustration. Loud mumbles come from beneath his gag.

  “No, we’re not making a go of the threesome?”

  Garrett shakes his head harder.

  “We are making a go of the threesome.”

  Garrett nods his head.

  “But only because you don’t want to let me go.”

  Garrett sits completely still, barely breathing, looking hard at me, but then I realize, he is looking past me at Thomas.

  Thomas steps closer behind me, putting his hands on my shoulders. “When we go back to San Francisco, we’re going to be a committed threesome. You will have time with him, you will have time with me, there will be times when the three of us are together, and there will be times when just Garrett and I are together. Is that what you wanted her to know?”

  Garrett nods.

  I turn to face Thomas and am suddenly wrapped in his arms. “And just what am I going to do when the two of you are doing your boy thing?”

  “That sounded very selfish,” he chastises, kissing my temple. I don’t want him to, I purse my lips in pout and scrunch my brow in response. I’m certain I don’t make a pretty picture, but I don’t care.

  “Yeah, maybe it did, maybe I’m feeling a little selfish today. It’s been a stressful few days. Maybe I’m realistic enough to know that I can’t spend nights alone.” I sound angry and bitter even to my own ears.

  Thomas turns me around to face him, kissing me. “Then you’ll never spend a night alone. Either Garrett or I will be with you when you sleep.”

  “Are we going to need a day planner to schedule our sex life?” I demand, not feeling like I just got everything I thought I wanted.

  “I don’t think so, but if it gets too messy we might.”

  “Are we going to enjoy this?”

  “Yes, Kitten, I think this is going to work very well for the three of us,” Thomas promises, covering my neck with kisses.

  “You sound very confident.”

  “You sound very doubtful,” Thomas accuses.

  I snort. “I don’t know how I feel. A few hours ago he was spouting nonsense about suburbia and babies—and I started thinking about babies and the life I would have had if I hadn’t run away to California.”

  He pulls back to look at me, taking me in in a long, assessing glance. He knows all my secrets and sometimes I feel like he can read my mind.

  “It’s something I wanted,” I admit. “The baby thing.”

  He tilts his head to the side, studying me. “You want a baby?”

  “Maybe,” I answer as honestly as I can. “Once I did, I really, really did, and Garrett made me think of what might be someday, and I don’t know how to add babies to a sadomasochistic threesome, but maybe, someday…I’d like to try to have a baby.” I turn, looking sharply enough at Garrett to earn a chuckle from Thomas. “Not this year or even next!”

  Thomas turns me back to face him. “Maybe, someday, or never, the decision is yours, and if you choose to add a baby to our kinky threesome, I know a trick or two for making it work. I do have some experience in these matters.”

  He kisses my nose lightly. I think about the wife and babies he left behind in Africa but I don’t mention them, knowing without his ever saying the words that leaving them behind crushed him. “But this?” I ask, so filled with doubt, seeing Garrett bound. “For now, we can make just this work?”

  “Trust me?” Thomas asks.

  “Honestly, I trust you.” I sigh, exhaustion and relief to be going home in my voice. I stroke Thomas’s cheek, then turn just enough to pat Garrett’s head and catch his gaze. “And I trust you, so wherever the two of you see fit to take this relationship, I’m along for the ride,” I promise.

  Thomas laughs at that. “Kitten, you really don’t get it do you? You are the one steering this mess, and if we are all on a collision course, so be it, but I believe and Garrett believes that we are all in for a hell of a ride and we intend to enjoy every second of it.”

  I kneel in front of Garrett, my hands balanced on his knees. “Is that true, are you ready for this?”

  He nods, but his nod isn’t enough, I want to hear his voice. I need to hear his voice. Seeing him gagged and bound was fun for about two seconds, but then…not so. In my mind, Garrett is Dominant. Reaching for the buckle, I release the leather gag.

  “Do you think you can still Master me?”

  “I never doubted that I could Master you, Kitten. You were the one who doubted.”

  His voice is raspy and I wonder if it is from the gag or merely emotion. Looking into his eyes, I see the promise behind his words and have no doubts that he will be able to Master me. His eyes were what mesmerized me first, so long ago on the stage, second to that, his voice.

  I close my eyes to keep the sudden moisture in my eyes from spilling, realizing I was blind for a moment to this man who I do love so much. “I love you.” I say it, not meaning to say it out loud. “I want to live with you at your penthouse, but for now, no more talk of babies.” A dinging sound alerts us to a Fasten Seat Belts sign. Neither Thomas nor I take a seat or do as we’re told, not even when the jet starts taxiing.

  “For now?” Garrett whispers. I sense a note of hopefulness in his voice and I really don’t want to go there. I can’t even imagine babies with our lifestyle.

  “For now, until we figure out how this is going to work, there is no room for babies.”

  “Someday?”

  I don’t want to be mean to him, but my words come out grated and harsh. I want to remind him of what he said to me once, that honesty is all we have, but I can’t bring myself to be so cruel. “Someday is a myth Garrett. All we have is today. Let’s see where today takes us.”

  “God, Thomas, she really has been spending too much time with you. She sounds just like you.”

  I can’t tell if Garrett means it as a compliment or a curse, but it makes Thomas chuckle.

  Walking up behind me, he pulls me against him, and I realize without words that he is okay with what I’ve said to Garrett, even though none of us have discussed living arrangements or when or how we will divide our time. It makes me wonder whether it was truth or a head game that put me in charge.

  “Kneel, Sophia.”

  There, I suppose I have my answer. Lord Fyre is in charge. Dutifully, I kneel.

  “I want you,” he commands in a sensual whisper, walking around me to reattach Garrett’s gag. Stepping around me, he bends at the waist to whisper against my cheek. “You please me so well when you obey without question.”

  Rising, he lifts me with him, steadying me on my stilettos as the jet lifts into the sky. My brain tells me we should be seated, buckled, but only Garrett is restrained and I stagger in Lord Fyre’s steady arms. He holds me tightly, as balanced as if he were on solid ground. Catching his gaze, I smile at him, realizing just how much I’ve come to trust him to keep me safe.

  �
��Thank you, Lord Fyre,” I say, standing firm once more. “How may I pleasure you?”

  “Unbuckle Garrett’s belt and unzip his pants, tell me if he is aroused.”

  My lips part to speak, but I don’t say anything. What would I say, having no idea where this scene is going? Squatting in front of Garrett, I don’t have to unzip his pants to tell that he is aroused, I can tell by the slant of his eyes. The verbal play between Lord Fyre and I has done its part in getting Garrett’s attention. I slide my hand over the raised bulge hidden beneath silk boxers.

  “Yes, Lord Fyre. He’s aroused.”

  “Expose him to us.”

  I swallow, watching Garrett’s face, unable to read the emotion crossing his features, but knowing strong emotion when I see it, even when half-hidden by his leather gag. I pull the elastic band of the silk boxers beneath his penis and balls. The dark blue fabric accentuates his pulsing cock.

  “Very nice, Sophia. You may stand back up now.”

  I stand, knees shaking, still not certain where this is headed. Through the small windows, I watch clouds roll by as Lord Fyre closes the distance. He molds himself behind me, lifting my skirt to expose my pantyhose. I am bare beneath the nylon. Normally, I would prefer stockings, but Jackie packed my bag and brought what she wanted to bring me, including several pairs of pantyhose, but no stockings.

  Lord Fyre runs his hands up the backs of my thighs, over my hips, until his hands rest at my waist. The touch of his hands, warm through the nylon, is a very erotic sensation and, despite my best effort to remain still, I push into his hands. “Pull these down to the middle of your thighs.”

  I obey, exposing my bare ass to his hands.

  He lifts the hem of my dress. “Hold this up.”

  I obey, leaving his hands free to explore the softness of my sensitive ass, one of my hot spots and he knows it. He knows just by rubbing my ass I will get wet, ready. But his hands don’t stop moving and he uses the strength in his hands to move me, placing my bare ass directly in front of Garrett’s line of vision, placing me so close to Garrett that the backs of my knees brush his knees. The nearness to Garrett makes me nervous and I realize that although Lord Fyre has seen me make love to Garrett, Garrett has never seen me with Lord Fyre. I turn my head to look over my shoulder, but Lord Fyre stops my progress before I actually see Garrett’s face.