Dreaming About Daran (Whitsborough BayTrilogy Book 3)

by Jessica Redland

  I couldn’t sleep that night. I curled up in my duvet, listening to the wind battering the windows, staring at my sleeping grandson, curled up in his cot. Up until that point, I’d focused mainly (and very selfishly) on how Shannon might react towards me when she came round. I’d pushed aside the thought that she might not come around in the way we hoped. What if she had brain damage? What would that mean for Callum and for Luke? I lit up my iPhone for a moment so I could see the time: 03.38. They were planning to take her out of the induced coma in the morning so, in less than 12 hours, we’d know either way.

  Shannon’s favourite verse from the Bible kept popping into my mind: God making the valley of trouble into a door of hope. She’d certainly walked through the valley of trouble. Could hers and Callum’s faith in God bring a door of hope? I thought about Daran. He’d have liked that verse. It might even have been one of his favourites too. The more I thought about it, the more familiar it sounded. What would Daran have done in this situation?

  I slowly eased myself into a sitting position on the edge of the bed, clasped my hands and bent my head. I sat like that for a few minutes, watching the steady rise and fall of Luke’s chest. Then I did something I hadn’t done since they told me Shannon had died nearly 17 years before. I closed my eyes and I prayed.

  Chapter 26

  * To Elise

  Hope all goes well with the midwife today. Let me know. Off to hospital shortly. They’re bringing Shannon round this morning. Moment of truth x

  * From Elise

  Oh my goodness! Thinking of you all. I’m sure she’ll be OK. Please let me know as soon as you can. Nervous about midwife. Praying my blood pressure has gone down. Hoping that handing over the reins on the school play will have helped. Glad it’s half term. I’m exhausted. Bet you are too! xx

  * To Elise

  I am! I’ve forgotten what sleep is! Good luck xx

  ‘Feeling brave?’ Aisling asked, when I’d pulled into a parking space at Jimmy’s.

  ‘Shitting a brick! But I have to put on a brave face for Callum.’

  Aisling squeezed my hand. ‘I know it’s a cliché, but what will be will be.’

  ‘I know.’

  ‘I prayed for her last night,’ I said, as we walked across the car park. ‘That’s something I never thought I’d do again.’

  ‘Must be contagious,’ Aisling said. ‘Because I did too.’

  ‘Let’s hope that there is a God, then, and that He was listening. Luke surviving that crash unscathed was a miracle. We need another one for Shannon.’

  ‘You look done in,’ Ben said, as we bathed Luke together that evening.

  ‘I am. I feel like I could close my eyes and sleep for a year.’

  ‘Why don’t I have Luke in my room tonight and give you a chance to sleep through?’

  I shook my head. ‘I can’t ask you to do that.’

  ‘You didn’t ask me. I offered. And if you get bolshy about it, I’m going to lock you in the shed with Callum’s bike and do it anyway, so quit it with the protests.’

  ‘Ooh, I love it when you turn all alpha male on me.’

  Ben laughed. ‘I don’t think anyone could ever accuse me of being alpha male.’

  He gently sponged Luke’s legs. ‘When do they think you’ll be able to speak to her?’

  ‘Maybe tomorrow. Maybe the day after. I’m just so relieved that the early indications are good.’ Shannon had opened her eyes a little before 10am that day. Callum told me she’d been very disorientated, as we’d been warned, but she’d known who he was. She knew her name and date of birth, she could remember a lorry veering towards the car but she couldn’t remember the actual impact. She’d then tried to reach for her stomach, no doubt panicking that something had happened to her baby. Callum had reassured her that they had a healthy baby boy, but she was asleep again before they could fetch him from me. She’d awoken again in the afternoon and had managed to stroke a sleeping Luke. Callum admitted that he’d cried seeing Luke finally being held by his mum. He showed me a photo of the moment, which made me cry too.

  Dr Kaur had told Callum that whatever it was they looked for when they shone a light in her eyes was looking good. He couldn’t remember the technicalities, not that it would have made sense to me if he had.

  Ben lifted Luke out of the bath and wrapped a bright-yellow hooded towel around him. ‘Don’t you dare pee on me again, young man, or I’ll be lodging an official complaint with your mummy when she’s ready for visitors.’

  The hood on Luke’s towel slipped down as Ben stood up with him. ‘Ooh, look, Grandma! I think we might be finally growing some hair. And, if Uncle Ben isn’t mistaken, I do believe we may have a little ginger baby in the family.’ Ben kissed Luke’s head, then pulled the hood up again. ‘Are you okay, Irish? You’ve gone pale. I didn’t have you pegged as a ginger-phobe.’

  ‘I’m not. I’m… It’s…’ I sat down on the edge of the bath. It was there again. Shapes. Shadows. Swirls. Something. Just as I’d felt when I’d stood in the farmhouse before Da appeared. I shook my head, trying to dislodge the feeling. ‘I’m just exhausted. Ignore me.’

  ‘You look terrible.’ Ben looked genuinely worried. ‘I think you should go to bed right now before you keel over.’

  ‘We need to move the cot. And I can’t abandon Aisling.’

  ‘Aisling will understand, and don’t worry about the cot. I’ll sleep in your bed and you can sleep in mine. I changed it on Saturday, if you can cope with almost-clean bedding.’

  ‘You haven’t made a crusty mess since then?’

  ‘I don’t even want to think about what you might mean by that. No, I haven’t! Bed. Now.’

  I nodded, kissed Luke’s cheek, kissed Ben’s too, grabbed a fresh pair of PJs from my drawers, then gratefully retreated under Ben’s duvet.

  Sleep overcame me pretty much instantaneously. As I drifted into dreams later, I was back at the farmhouse. And there was something in the shadows. Or someone.

  Chapter 27

  ‘Are you decent in there? Can we come in?’

  I opened my eyes as Aisling pushed open Ben’s bedroom door and appeared with Luke cradled in one arm and a mug of coffee in her other hand.

  ‘Morning,’ I mumbled. ‘Or is it afternoon already?’

  She smiled as she put the coffee down on Ben’s bedside drawers. ‘It’s just gone 8.40am. Ben’s gone to work. He had a pretty good night with Luke and he says he hopes you got the rest you deserved. How are you feeling?’

  ‘Still pretty tired,’ I yawned, as I wriggled into a sitting position. ‘I had bad dreams last night.’

  ‘I’m not surprised. Your head must be mashed after all the disruption and worry lately.’ She handed Luke to me for a cuddle. ‘I’ve popped some toast in for you so I’ll just get that. Quick shower and we should be at hospital for 10 at the latest.’

  I nodded. ‘Sounds grand. Will you put some Nutella on my toast? I could do with the energy boost.’

  ‘One round of Nutella toast coming up,’ Aisling said.

  ‘Two rounds?’

  ‘Greedy yoke!’

  ‘I don’t know how you cope with the traffic around here,’ Aisling said, as a driver cut me up on the way to the hospital. ‘It’s so busy.’

  ‘D’you think so? I’m used to London traffic, so this is grand by comparison.’

  ‘I couldn’t do it,’ she said. ‘My blood pressure would be sky high.’

  ‘Arse! Blood pressure. Elise. Can you get my phone out my bag and see if I’ve got a text from her?’

  Aisling reached behind her for my handbag and found my iPhone.

  ‘The code’s 2409.’

  Aisling tapped in the numbers. ‘No texts.’

  ‘Bollocks. Can you send her a text for me?’ I dictated what I wanted to say, then explained the situation.

  * To Elise


  I’m hoping no news is good news. Let me know how it went xx

  As we crossed the car park 10 minutes later, my iPhone began ringing. My stomach clenched as I saw the name.

  ‘Stevie? Is Elise okay?’

  ‘Not really. She’s in hospital.’

  I stopped walking. ‘Jesus! Is the baby okay?’

  ‘Hopefully. Her blood pressure was really high so the midwife sent her to hospital for monitoring. They did all sorts of tests and checks, and apparently she’s got pre-eclampsia too.’

  ‘Pre-what-ia?’

  ‘Pre-eclampsia. I don’t really know the details, but I know it’s not good for baby or mum. It’s fairly common, though, so they know what they’re dealing with. She had another scan and Bean’s fine, but they’ll keep monitoring her and Elise.’

  ‘Is Elise okay? I mean, is she upset or stressed?’

  ‘She’s putting on a brave face.’

  ‘What if her blood pressure keeps rising?’

  ‘They’ll put her on medication.’

  I swallowed hard as I formed the next question. ‘What if this clampsie thing gets worse?’

  There was a pause before Stevie said, ‘We could be looking at a premature birth.’

  I put my hand over my mouth. Poor Elise! ‘How far along is she?’

  ‘She’ll be 30 weeks on Thursday.’

  ‘Ten weeks early? Christ, Stevie, is that far enough?’

  ‘I don’t know. I’m trying not to think about it. I’m about to leave for the hospital again now, but I wanted to call you and Sarah first to let you know what’s going on.’

  ‘What did Sarah say?’

  ‘I got her voicemail so I left a message. I’ll try her again later. I’d better go.’

  ‘Okay. Send Elise my love and keep me posted.’

  We said our goodbyes and I hung up. I turned to Aisling. ‘It never rains but it pours.’

  ‘She’ll be grand – 30 weeks isn’t so bad. Most babies are fine from that point so try not to worry. Focus on Shannon for now and you can get an update on Elise later.’

  Callum was waiting for us in the corridor outside the ward.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ I asked, panic filling me as I took in the serious expression on his face. ‘She’s okay, isn’t she?’

  ‘She’s fine. Actually, she’s doing really well.’

  ‘So, why the serious face?’

  ‘She wanted to see Luke so I had to explain why she couldn’t.’

  ‘So she knows…?’

  He nodded. ‘She knows. The bang on the head hasn’t knocked the feistiness out of her.’

  ‘Feck!’

  Aisling placed a comforting hand on my arm. ‘It was probably just a shock since she thought you wanted nothing to do with her.’

  ‘Did you tell her I didn’t send that letter? Did you tell her I didn’t even know she was alive?’

  He shuffled awkwardly. ‘I kind of didn’t get the chance before—’

  ‘Before what?’

  He wrinkled his nose and shuffled a bit more on his crutches, suddenly appearing fascinated by his shoes. ‘Before they had to sedate her.’

  Aisling’s grip on my arm tightened. I took a deep breath. ‘That bad, eh?’

  ‘Sorry.’

  ‘No, Callum. It’s me who’s sorry. I never meant to cause trouble between you two.’

  He shrugged. ‘It was just the shock. I told you that she’s a thinker. She’ll strop and sulk for a while, but she’ll think it through and she’ll come round.’

  So my worst-case scenario had come true. Actually, it was worse than that. She’d reacted so badly, she’d had to be sedated. Christ alive!

  I glanced down at my grandson. ‘What do you want to do about Luke?’

  Callum glanced down at Luke too. ‘Same as before. We’re both stuck in here and it’s not the right place for him. God will show Shannon that it’s the right thing for Luke to be with you, like he showed me.’

  I squirmed at the mention of God but didn’t say anything. If He existed, He owed it to me to bring her round to wanting me in their lives. Although, speaking of bringing her round, had He brought her safely out of her coma? If Daran had been here, he’d have said it was God’s work, and I wouldn’t have argued with him. God had always seemed very real to me when I was with Daran. Everything had seemed very real to me when I was with Daran. But if God had loved Daran as much as Daran had loved Him, why had He taken him in the tsunami? Immediately, Daran’s voice echoed around my mind with his answer: ‘Yes, but what about all those He saved?’ I’d challenged Daran on where God had been during various natural disasters, crashes or terrorist attacks, and that had always been his answer: ‘What about those who were delayed on their way to work/missed that train/weren’t in that area? He saved them, didn’t He?’ He made a compelling argument.

  I felt as if a part of me were missing when I left the hospital without Luke. Aisling draped her arm around me. ‘She just needs time. It’ll be grand.’

  Would it be? I, of all people, knew what it was like to hold a grudge.

  ‘How about we go shopping?’ she said, when I remained silent. ‘Ben said there’s a shopping centre near here. White Dove or something?’

  Shopping was the last thing I felt like doing, but it struck me that when Aisling had booked her flight for the school holidays, she hadn’t signed up to all of this. Granted, she’d expected to have to amuse herself during the day, as I’d have been working. Instead, I wasn’t working, but she’d been subjected to disturbed nights and days spent hanging around a hospital waiting room instead. The least I could do was treat her to a nice lunch and a bit of retail therapy.

  ‘White Rose,’ I said. ‘It’s about five or six miles from here. Shopping it is, then.’

  A spot of shopping would probably do me the world of good. I didn’t shop often but when I did, I splurged. I’d just have to be a bit more careful with the budget this time.

  I found myself in Zara an hour later, stroking a gorgeous, short, ivory wrap dress with embellished shoulders and waistband, and a low back, imagining how it would look with my nude Louboutins. ‘What do you think of this?’ I said to Aisling, holding it against my body.

  ‘Absolutely gorgeous. I saw that in Practical Parenting last week. It’s what all the mums wear when changing dirty nappies and burping their babies.’

  It took me a moment to register what she’d just said. ‘Jesus! What an eejit I am! When will I ever have a chance to wear something like this with Luke around?’ I quickly hooked the dress back onto the rail. ‘Mind you, if Shannon gets her way, I won’t be allowed to be part of Luke’s—’

  ‘Stop right there,’ Aisling said. ‘I won’t be letting you wallow in this. Shannon’s angry and that’s understandable. When she calms down, Callum will explain what really happened. She won’t suddenly become your BFF and start calling you Mum, but she will want to build a relationship. It’ll be slow. There’ll be hiccups. But it will be a relationship. Callum will make sure that happens. You heard what he said. He’s only going along with it just now because he doesn’t want to jeopardise her recovery.’

  Aisling steered me out of Zara and towards a coffee shop, where she ordered two large cappuccinos. ‘You’ll probably need to accept that Luke’s going to be at the hospital during the day,’ she said, as we took a seat. ‘But you’ll get him back in the evenings.’ Callum was moving off the ward and into a visitors’ room, but he couldn’t have Luke with him while still on crutches.

  I tipped a packet of sugar into my coffee. ‘What am I going to do with myself during the day?’

  Aisling shrugged. ‘I know you resigned, but could you go back to work? Part time, I mean, after you’ve done the hospital drop-off?’

  I shook my head. ‘From what I understand, they’ve already replaced me.’

 
‘That was quick.’

  ‘Internal promotion. They’ve even backfilled his position.’

  Aisling studied my face for a moment.

  ‘What?’ I asked, feeling self-conscious. I wiped my mouth with a napkin. ‘Froth?’

  ‘No. You’re grand. If they’d granted you leave to look after Luke, you wouldn’t have returned, would you? You’re thinking of doing something else?’

  I smiled at my big sister. ‘How did you know that?’

  ‘There’s a twinkle in your eye. You’re scheming about something.’

  ‘It’s just a seedling of an idea at the moment and it might not grow. When I left, our HR Manager said she could imagine me running my own business and the more I’ve thought about it, the more I like the idea.’

  ‘I could see you as a successful young entrepreneur,’ Aisling said. ‘Doing what? PR still?’

  I nodded. ‘PR, marketing, social media… But maybe on a smaller scale. Local companies, rather than big corporates, so I don’t have to do the travel.’

  ‘Sounds grand. Here in Leeds?’

  I shrugged. ‘That’ll be the unknown element. I want to be near Shannon, Callum and Luke, if they’ll let me. I’m not sure if they’ll want to go back to Northampton, stick around Leeds or go somewhere else.’

  ‘Do you have a preference?’

  ‘I really don’t mind. I’ll follow them anywhere. Well, anywhere as long as it’s not Ballykielty!’

  Aisling laughed. ‘Can’t imagine why you wouldn’t be dying to move in next door to Ma and Da. They’d make you so welcome!’ She took a slurp of her drink. ‘Have you heard from your man? Stevie, is it?’

  ‘Jesus! I haven’t checked my phone.’ I dug it out of my bag. Sure enough, Stevie had texted me.

  * From Stevie

  Elise and Bean OK but BP still rising :( Will give it a few days before they decide on inducing birth. Elise is bored but says she has another story idea so taking her in some paper later. Hope Shannon’s OK xx