Dreaming About Daran (Whitsborough BayTrilogy Book 3)

by Jessica Redland

‘Asleep. She was beside herself. I called your Gary and he gave her something to settle her.’

  ‘I think I’ll just go and check on her.’ Chris left the room.

  ‘How are you holding up?’ I asked.

  She crumpled again. ‘She can’t be dead.’ Big, fat tears tumbled down her cheeks.

  I sat down beside her and held her tightly. ‘I’m sure she isn’t. She would have been sitting next to Philip and he’s alive, which would suggest they weren’t in the part of the coach that took the greatest impact. I also believe that, with these things, they do know who the dead are and they’re letting those families know first. As Ben said, they know the nationalities of the dead, so surely they know the names. I really think that, if she’d been one of them, you’d have heard by now.’

  The doorbell rang. ‘Do you want me to get that?’ Elise asked.

  Sarah nodded.

  Elise returned moments later accompanied by a tall, slim woman with long, blonde, tousled hair, the sides of which were swept back in fishtail plaits. She looked very tanned, despite it only being March, and was dressed for summer in a tight coral-pink t-shirt and floaty white skirt. There was something familiar about her. Oh Jesus, she had to be…

  ‘Lebony!’ Ben cried, returning from the kitchen.

  She rushed across the room, arms outstretched. ‘Oh, Ben! I’m so sorry.’

  Ben gave way to his grief as he held onto her and she stroked his back. I felt as if I was invading a very private moment, but I couldn’t take my eyes off the pair of them. I had to admit that Lebony was beautiful and, seeing them together, they looked so right. I was still staring at them when they finally pulled away and Ben composed himself.

  ‘Er… This is Lebony. Lebony, this is Clare, and I think you’ve met Elise before.’

  ‘Yes, I have, and she answered the door just now. Hi, Elise. Hi, Sarah,’ Lebony said. ‘And hi to you, Clare. Ben’s told you so much about you. I feel like I know you already. I’m only sorry we’ve had to meet under these circumstances.’

  ‘It’s good to meet you too, at last,’ I said. My voice sounded strange, as though I was struggling to say the words.

  Ben sat back down on the armchair and Lebony perched on the armrest with her arm around his shoulder. We all jumped as the phone rang.

  ‘I’d better let Dad get it,’ Ben said. ‘It was quick, though. I hope that doesn’t mean bad news.’

  We could hear pacing up and down the landing, then Chris ran down the stairs and burst through the door. ‘She’s alive! She’s injured. They don’t know the details, but apparently it’s not critical. Adrienne’s going to call me back as soon as she knows more. I think I need a cup of tea, after that,’ he said.

  ‘I’ll make it.’ Lebony jumped up and took drinks orders from everyone, then disappeared into the kitchen.

  Chris slumped onto the second armchair, looking exhausted but happy. ‘I can’t wait until your mum wakes up so I can tell her Kay’s safe.’ He smiled at Elise and me. ‘Thank you both for coming over. You’re such good friends. After what Sarah went through with the baby, this was the last thing she needed.’

  ‘What baby?’ I said.

  ‘Oh no!’ Chris put his hand over his mouth. ‘Didn’t you know? I’m sorry, Sarah. I didn’t mean to… I think I’ll just see if Lebony needs any help.’ He jumped up and scuttled out of the room.

  ‘Sarah…?’

  She started sobbing again. ‘Ben, I can’t…’

  ‘Do you want me to tell them?’

  She hugged her legs to her chest and nodded.

  ‘Shortly after getting back from Canada, Sarah discovered she was pregnant. She didn’t want to say anything till she’d had her 12-week scan and knew the baby was okay. At about 10 weeks… Is that right, Sarah?’

  Sarah nodded.

  ‘At about 10 weeks, she started bleeding so was taken into hospital, where they discovered she had an ectopic pregnancy. She had to go in for surgery to remove the foetus, but they had to remove one of her fallopian tubes too.’

  ‘Jesus Christ!’ I said. ‘Why didn’t you say anything?’

  ‘I couldn’t… so ashamed… my fault.’

  ‘Of course it wasn’t your fault,’ Elise said. ‘These things happen.’

  ‘No. My fault.’ An agonised sob escaped from her.

  ‘It isn’t Sarah’s fault,’ Ben said. ‘Sadly, these things do happen. However, Sarah and Nick wanted to spend a few years together before they started a family. She was a bit upset to discover she was pregnant so soon. When she started bleeding, she blamed herself for not wanting the baby, and now she can’t seem to stop blaming herself.’

  I took Sarah’s hand in mine. ‘You can’t blame yourself, but I know how easy it is. At first, I blamed myself for Shannon dying because I thought God was mad at me for taking Daran away from the priesthood.’

  ‘I might never be able to have children,’ she whimpered.

  ‘I thought Ben said they only removed one tube.’

  ‘They found some scarring on the other one. They’re running tests at the moment.’

  Sarah blew her nose. ‘I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you both, but I couldn’t be around babies and talk of babies. I know it’s selfish but—’

  ‘When you visited me in hospital before Melody was born and Clare was there…?’ Elise asked.

  Sarah nodded. ‘I shouldn’t have come. I thought I’d be okay, but I’d just found out that morning and I was booked in for my op that afternoon.’

  No wonder she’d acted so strangely. What must have been running through her mind, seeing me and Elise all excited about Luke and about Melody’s impending arrival, when she knew she was about to lose her baby? ‘I wish you’d told us.’

  ‘Yeah, like you told me about Daran and Shannon, and Elise told me about her pregnancy and having the hots for Stevie?’

  Awkward.

  ‘Do you know what I think?’ Ben said.

  I shook my head. ‘Enlighten us.’

  ‘I think you should all go for a long walk, and talk. Really talk. Get all your secrets out in the open and start supporting each other through some of the shit you’re going through right now, because I know that you, Clare, need your friends around you to help you through the latest revelations.’

  ‘Why? What’s happened?’ Elise asked.

  ‘What hasn’t happened?’ I sighed. ‘I hate to say it, but Saint Ben is right. Who fancies a walk along the beach?’

  Elise and Clare muttered their agreement. ‘You’ll call me if there’s any more news?’ Sarah said, looking at Ben. ‘And will you tell Nick where we are when he gets back from walking Hobnob?’

  ‘I will.’ He stood up. ‘Dad! Lebony! It’s safe to return. The girls are going for a walk.’

  ‘We need absolute and complete honesty,’ I said, as we piled out of my car and crossed the road, ready for a walk around The Headland to North Beach. ‘It’s going to hurt at times, but I think that the only way we can get this friendship back on track – bearing in mind that the dynamics have changed and it’s a three-way friendship now instead of two pairs – is if we explore how we’ve all felt over the past year, when we’ve encountered certain hurdles or discovered certain secrets. Is everyone up for it?’

  I don’t think I’d ever talked so much in my life. Or listened so intently. We got it all out in the open, exploring the friendship shifts, the secrets, the lies, the misunderstandings and the lack of communication. We laughed, we cried, we had awkward moments where one or the other could happily have run off down the beach, but we got through it. I’d thought before that being in our early 30s automatically made us ‘mature adults’ but it didn’t: it was the harsh realities of life that had been thrown at us all over the past couple of months, and talking about how we’d struggled to deal with them, that had matured us.

  Chapter 51


  I lay on my back on the sofa in the semi-darkness of Sarah’s parents’ lounge. Sarah had insisted on staying the night in case there was more news, given that we’d heard nothing since before our walk. Nick had joined us for a takeaway, then gone home to tend to their dog and cats. He’d offered me their spare bed, but I insisted I was happy with a sofa and a duvet. Elise had returned to the hospital and, as far as I knew, Lebony and Ben were upstairs.

  That had been one hell of a conversation on the beach. A long-overdue one. Christ, we’d been through a lot recently. I felt like a right cow for not taking Ben seriously when he’d suggested – several times – that there was a reason for Sarah not being in touch. There certainly had been. I should listen to Ben more. He spoke so much sense.

  Ben. An image flashed into my mind of Lebony and him clinging onto each other when she’d arrived. Tightly. Tenderly. She wasn’t what I’d expected. I’d seen photos, of course, so I knew what she physically looked like, but I hadn’t been prepared for her personality. She was so bubbly, so helpful, so damn friendly. She’d heard all about what I’d done for Luke and said I was an inspiration in the way I’d left my job and taken him on without question.

  I’ll admit that I wanted to dislike her. I knew that Sarah had mixed feelings about the woman; she liked her as a person but hated her for spending so much time away from Ben. I wanted to hate her too. But I couldn’t. Why did I want to hate her? Out of support for Sarah? It had to be. Ben was just a friend, so what difference did it make to me who he chose as a girlfriend? If he wanted to see someone who lived overseas for 48 weeks of the year, that was his decision and he could live with the consequences. Sod all to do with me.

  I kicked off my duvet and padded barefoot through the dining room and into the kitchen, gently closing the doors behind me. Coffee. I filled the kettle and opened a few cupboards before I realised the mugs were hanging on a mug tree right next to the kettle. Eejit! I made a strong black coffee, then turned all the lights off except the one on the cooker hood. The clock on the oven informed me it was 04.12. Far too early for the glare of spotlights. I sat at the small, round table, blowing on my coffee and reflecting on the events of the previous day.

  I heard a slight noise upstairs and suddenly my mind was in overdrive, imagining Ben and Lebony on the bed together, kissing, undressing each other, caressing… Only, it wasn’t Lebony I was picturing with Ben anymore. It was me! Oh God! What was going on?

  The door from the hall opened and a dark figure stepped into the kitchen. I don’t know who was more shocked, but I was the only one holding a cup of coffee. Only, I wasn’t holding it anymore.

  ‘Shit! Let me get a cloth.’ Ben dived towards the sink and I numbly looked down at the dark liquid trickling off the edge of the table onto the lino. Bollocks! How had that happened?

  ‘Did it scald you?’ he asked, wringing out a cloth.

  ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘Let me see.’ Ben knelt down beside me. ‘I think you might be okay, but just in case…’

  He gently placed the cloth on my bare legs, his hand grazing against my thigh. A shudder of something zipped up and down my body, and I jumped.

  ‘Does it hurt? Sorry!’ Ben said, completely misinterpreting my reaction.

  ‘Coffee wasn’t that hot,’ I muttered, very aware that the coffee might not have been hot, but I certainly felt hot with Ben so close to me, touching my legs.

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Sure.’

  He finished wiping my legs and feet, while I sat helplessly like a small child being cleaned up after a nasty tumble. I watched him dash to the sink and rinse out the cloth, then deftly wipe the table and lino. How was it that there’d only been half a cup of cool coffee left, yet there appeared to be about five pints of liquid on the floor? It reminded me of the bottle spillage I’d had the first night Luke stayed with me. So much had happened since then.

  Ben sat down beside me when he’d finished. ‘I didn’t mean to scare you. I thought you’d be asleep, which is why I came through the other door.’

  ‘I couldn’t sleep. Too much on my mind.’

  He nodded. ‘Tell me about it. Tough day, eh?’

  ‘I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you about Sarah,’ I said. ‘I should’ve got in touch.’

  ‘I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you why, but it wasn’t my news to share.’

  ‘I know. And I respect you for that. We’ve had a full confession session. We should have been honest with each other right from the start. In fact, I can look back on pretty much everything in my life and say that I should have told the truth from day one: Daran, the baby, the rape, my past. Elise should have told Sarah about the baby, and Sarah should have told us about what she was going through. Even though the timing was challenging with all those pieces of news, they should have been shared, because the short-term discomfort would have been a lot better than the hurt that’s been caused by the secrets. I don’t think anyone should have secrets anymore.’ I sighed. ‘Hindsight’s a great thing, so it is. Anyway, everything’s sorted now. We’re all friends again.’

  ‘I’m pleased to hear it. I know Sarah was pretty devastated that you’d all pulled apart and I know that, despite the blasé comments, you were hurting too.’

  ‘I’m not blasé about everything, you know.’

  Ben looked me in the eye for ages, before he whispered, ‘I know.’

  It felt as if he could see into my soul. I couldn’t hold his gaze any longer. I jumped up to get some tap water. I grabbed one of the mugs off the tree, unable to face hunting for glasses and having him come to my rescue again. ‘Won’t Lebony be wondering where you are?’ I turned the tap on and let it run for a bit.

  ‘No. She left earlier.’

  ‘Oh.’ I couldn’t stand there with the tap running forever, so I filled the mug and returned to the table. ‘She’s lovely, Ben. I can see why you’ve kept the long-distance thing going for so long.’

  Ben didn’t say anything.

  ‘Why didn’t she stay?’ I asked.

  ‘She’s going back to France tomorrow… today. She needed to get down to Dover.’

  Silence.

  ‘How’s Daran?’ he asked, after a while. ‘Are you looking forward to seeing him next week?’

  ‘Yeah. It’ll be grand. I can’t wait for him to meet Shannon.’

  More silence.

  ‘Do you really think that people shouldn’t have secrets?’ Ben asked, eventually.

  I thought for a moment. ‘Well, there are obviously things that you don’t want the world to know, but I don’t think there should be secrets between friends.’

  ‘Even if revealing the secrets could affect the friendship?’

  ‘If the situation with Sarah and Elise has taught me anything, it’s how not revealing the secrets can have a massive impact on the friendship, so surely revealing them can’t be any worse than that.’

  Ben nodded slowly. ‘Clare, I—’

  ‘Looks like I’m not the only one who can’t sleep,’ Chris said, bursting into the kitchen. ‘It’s quite the party in here.’

  ‘Is Mum okay?’ Ben asked.

  ‘She’s fine. Thrilled to hear that Kay’s alive and not badly injured. I’ve managed to book some flights to Italy. We’re going this afternoon to find out how she is first-hand.’

  Ben and Chris exchanged some small talk about flight times and travel arrangements, then Ben filled a glass and left the kitchen, followed by his dad.

  I sat there for a few more minutes, thinking about the conversation we’d had just before Chris appeared. Had Ben been about to reveal a secret?

  Chapter 52

  I needed to get back to Leeds to finish packing, so I got dressed. I scribbled a note asking them to keep me posted and telling Sarah that I’d give her a call over the weekend once we were settled in Little Sandby, then left the house.
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  We had a moving dilemma. Callum wasn’t allowed to drive yet, so I’d hoped to rope Ben into playing either taxi service or baggage-delivery service. Three adults, a baby, suitcases for a fortnight, a buggy, a cot and all the other paraphernalia Luke needed packed into my car? Not going to happen. However, Ben had offered to drive his parents to the airport and, even if he hadn’t, it was inappropriate to ask in the circumstances. I had no chance of hiring a van on Good Friday and, even if I could, it wouldn’t have had enough seats for us all. In the end, Shannon, Callum and Luke caught the train to Whitsborough Bay, taking the buggy with them, and I drove across with a packed car.

  Stevie, the absolute star, stepped in to help. He picked them up at Whitsborough Bay station and got them settled into the holiday cottage – a lovely, old, stone detached property with a modern interior, set back from the main street – then helped me unload the car when I arrived 20 minutes later.

  ‘Are you looking forward to exploring tomorrow?’ I asked, as we sat down with a fish-and-chip supper that evening. It had taken us what was left of the afternoon to get unpacked and organised, so we hadn’t ventured further than the village chippy. The cot was up, though, and it felt like home, albeit a temporary one.

  ‘I can’t wait,’ Shannon said. ‘I’ve got a good feeling about this place.’ She glanced at the two wooden boxes she’d carefully placed on the wooden mantelpiece earlier. ‘Hopefully, we’ve found our forever place and I can finally scatter their ashes.’

  ‘I hope you have too, but shout if it’s not what you expected. We can keep looking.’

  My iPhone beeped as I finished my meal.

  * From Sarah

  Mum and Dad have found Kay and Philip. They’re covered in cuts and bruises and she’s dislocated her shoulder and broken her collarbone. Both very shaken. Two of the people who died were seated opposite them and they’d been talking to them when it happened. So awful. Thanks for yesterday. Sorry I missed you this morning. Hope you’re settled in OK. I’m at work tomorrow but free on Sunday and would love to meet your family if that fits in with your plans :) xx