Tramp Wars: The Enemy

by Larry Roberts

  "Ok if you insist." Mark said. "Will you call the Transport Chief and tell him that you don't want me on the bus? T.T.T. Tell him ok." Mark tried to look helpless as he smiled at the teacher. "I don't want to get into trouble please."

  "I don't need to tell him anything. Now get your Stupid Retarded Stinking Butt off this bus!"

  "Mark get off the bus." Mrs. Hastings said from the next row back across the aisle.

  “Get out of the bus you window pained retard.” Demanded the man again as the children started laughing.

  Another child chimed in. “Ya go back to your mommy before you shit yourself and make a mess and stink up the bus.”

  “Hey!” The girl he had almost sat on chimed in. “Let's take him along and leave him there with the monkeys. He belongs in a zoo.”

  “Now kids be quiet.” said Mrs. Hastings. “We do not talk like that. Especially to people less fortunate than us. He is a special person.” Turning back to Mark and Tom. “Now go back into the ship Mark like a nice boy. Someone inside the hatch will call the medic to take care of that leg for you. Our pilot should be here any minute now.”

  “Ya get out of here before you start crying again you stupid four eyed blind moron." "The glasses aren’t helping you any." "They should have aborted you before you were born.” Kid after kid all had something nasty to say trying to outdo the previous.

  A little girl walked up to Mark taking his arm to help. “Oh shut up you guys, he needs help and you guys are the stupid morons.” Tom led him forward to sit in the pilot's seat at the front of the bus with the little girls help.

  "No! What are you doing?" A teacher said as Mark sat down in the pilot's seat and the little girl sat in the copilot/engineer's seat next to him in the front of the bus.

  “Now don’t touch anything you aren’t supposed to while I go look for the pilot.” Jumping down the steps. “Now where could that pilot have gotten off too?” Tom disappeared out the hatch and walked around the bus pulling covers and locks.

  Mark reached out moving his arms and hands randomly around the instruments and controls. “Wow. This feels really neat. All these switches and sticks and screens and man, I want to be a pilot. I just wish everything weren’t so blurry.” Stopping for a second to think. “Oh that’s right. I forgot. I can read brail.” He declared in jubilation. His voice carried excitedly down the bus, raising his arms up in celebration before turning to read the name tag stuck to the little girl’s breast. “Thank you Janet. I am glad not everyone is rude in your group. But I do love playing spoofs on rude people.” Winking at her as he opened his jacket and pointed at the new shiny commercial pilot’s wings on his chest that had been hidden by his jacket to protect him from the early morning chill. “Now go sit down so we can go to the zoo.”

  The little girl's eyes got big as she smiled. “Oh. She whispered.” Hugging him she skipped down the aisle to her seat. “We are going to the Zoo, to the Zoo. We are going to the Zoo yes we are.” She sang as she skipped.

  Someone slapped the side of the bus under Mark’s side window. "All the safeties are pulled and the bus is clear!" Came Tom's voice through the open window in the side of the cockpit.

  Mark smiled and hit the plasma bottle switch. As plasma was fed to the generators, the fans started to whine up to speed. One of the teachers yelled at him. “Hey you stupid retarded moron! You were told not to touch anything.” And started undoing his harness.

  The bus's fans settled into a low roar after they wound up to idle speed. “Oh my. What did I do now?” Turning around and seeing the man trying to get out of his harness, Mark yelled back down the aisle and out the hatch. “Dug! Oh Dug. Where did you get off too? I think I touched something I should not have.”

  As the teacher stood up from his seat, Tom just arriving at the bottom of the stairs, jumped up the steps shutting the hatch behind him blocking the aisle as Mrs. Hastings stood up as well. “Wait please.” Said Tom holding out his hands to stop them. “Only the pilot has the key code to fly this thing and without it no one can get it off the deck, so relax. Oh and by the way, Mark is your pilot.” Tom grinned from ear to ear. “Please sit back down and strap in. This could be a wild ride. I think this is the first time he has ever flown a bus solo with passengers before but then I might be wrong but I don't think so.” Taking a breath looking puzzled. “But I could be.” The two teachers mouths dropped open as they watched Tom join Mark in the Cockpit and sat down in the copilot/engineers seat and strapped in as Mark turned looking back down the aisle and said in perfect calm English. "Take your seats please and buckle in. Welcome to the Zoo time special." The teachers stood starring at the cockpit. Sitting back Mark could not help starring at the hulks out his windows while he waited for them to retake their seats. "Tom. What if that happens to us, to the Star Queen?"

  "We won't let that happen old buddy. We are going to get those 3 inch guns put on the boats. Once the Captain sees how well they work in the Simms she has to agree to mount them."

  With Mark finely sitting quietly and the buss just sitting at idle the two teachers returned to their seats and buckled in. "Good, we will wait for the pilot to get here and kick you out of the bus." Said Mrs. Hastings to Mark and the teachers around her. Then much louder toward the front of the bus. "You are in a lot of trouble Mark." She pulled out her phone. "I am calling the Master at Arms to have you arrested.

  Tom let his breath out with a sigh. "From what I can see Mark. Not one of those ships had a decent fucking weapon on them. We even told Will and the twins that when we won the shootout."

  “Hey the Moron thinks he can fly the bus.” The comments from the kids started coming again one right after the other. Laughing at each other's jokes. “How many blind people does it take to crash an elephant?” Started one of the boys’ then. "What is the retard Mark's play pen called? A garbage can.” Then a few more simple nasty names the teachers openly laughed at, encouraging the students coming up with their own names. Then back to the jokes. "How many retards does it take to fly a bus?"

  Ignoring the talk. "Ya we told them but what could they have done if they even believed us. The entire ship's crew seemed to think they had the best fricking," Tom glanced around to see if anyone heard him grimacing. "Anyway. Best guns around with shields that would protect them from anything."

  "Ya damn it. They had enough of the fuckers." Mark started to push the thrust lever forward and stopped. Returning it to idle as he looked out the side window past Tom. "What the hell." Pointing past Tom. "Go see what she wants?"

  Tom looked out following Marks finger. "Oh shit!" He jumped up and headed for the hatch.

  "Finally our pilot is here." Mrs. Hastings stood up going to the hatch behind Tom, following him out the opening.

  Mark watched Tom meet Jolene out in front of the bus. It did not look like Tom got two words out before Mrs. Hastings butted in pointing over at Mark as she gave Jolene an ear full. The whole time Jolene just stood there politely nodding her head. Her face going from smiling to frowning and back again, evidentially according to what the irate teacher had to say as she paid close attention to every word.

  Mark smiled. He could well guess what Mrs. Hastings was saying but realized that he didn't care. Looking away he looked at the smoking hulk for a second and then back around the port just so he wouldn't have to and stopped on that Galactic X ship he had liked the gun turrets on earlier and realized that what he had thought were strange places to put cargo hatches were actually some 30foot wide holes blasted in the side of the ship. One such hole was surrounded by passenger cabin port holes with a couple of ragged decks running through the middle of the hole. Wondering what gun could have made such a big hole he realized it had to be a torpedo hit as he saw curtains flopping out several of the portholes a good 40 feet from the blast hole. Only a torpedo could have done that much damage. Looking down the side of the ship he counted 7 blast holes scattered in the cargo compartments and even one around the engines in what looked like a mass tank.

  Eit
her the pirates had launched half a hundred expensive torpedoes at the ship or they were damn close when they launched them. Something the long range 5inch 54s the ship had should not have allowed. Mark looked around that side of the ship for a docking collar and mooring cable anchors but could not find any. Then he spotted the small black holes in the mass tanks down around the stern and realized the ship had launched its own massive torpedo attack by the way the black burn marks between the tubes had scorched the hull. Instead of blooms around each hole that would have resulted from individual torpedoes being launched one at a time, there was a continues line between the tubes as the torpedo launching charge flames interacted with each other creating a ribbon of blobs and streaks around the side of the ship. A quick count told him the ship had 16 torpedo tubes imbedded in the tanks and if they had launched all 16 at once they had to be desperate. So many questions started babbling across his mind about what the battle had been like but Mrs. Hastings climbed back onto the bus still babbling on about the pilot now kicking him off the bus so they could leave. She had already filed a report about the retards actions.

  Then at the top of the stairs. "I told you Mark that you were going to get into trouble if you were not a good boy. Now the Pilot is here and I talked her into giving you one more chance to get off the bus before you got into trouble." Mrs. Hastings stood at the top of the stairs for a few seconds staring up the short isle into the cockpit. "Mark did you hear me?"

  She walked up to the cockpit. "Mark I said the pilot is hear and you have to leave now or you are going to be in big trouble. Please be a nice little boy and get up…Please... Do you need help?"

  Mark turned around pouting with a frown. "Will you call the Truck Chief and tell him you don’t want me flying this bus? Please." Mark sniffed as he looked down at the deck helpless.

  "No. aa yes I will call as soon as you are off the bus Mark. Now be a good boy and get off the bus. Please. I really like you and I don't want you to get into any trouble Mark."

  "Yes I know you like me Ms. Brombat." Mark used her maiden name. "That is why you always called me all those nasty mean filthy names in school as well as just a few minutes ago. Because you love me so much. No. I can't leave the bus Ms. Bitch." Mark smiled up at her.

  "Why you ass hole son of a, a, aaa." She turned around and stomped out of the buss and started screaming at Jolleen. Pointing back into the bus swinging her arms around in exasperation.

  She finally wound down and Jolleen started talking to her putting her hand on the teachers shoulder. After a few seconds they walked up the stairs and stopped as Mrs. Hastings sat down in her seat and Jolleen made sure she was fastened in good then smiled at her. "Now as we agreed, I will worry about Mark and I think we need to take him along with us just to make things easier ok."

  "But I don’t' want… We don't have room for him."

  "Now we should not lie Mrs. Hastings. I think I see an empty seat back there." Hastings started turning red. "Remember we agreed I am in charge here now so just sit back and enjoy the ride."

  Looking like she was trying to shit but it just would not come out, Mrs. Hastings sat back crossing her arms with a frown as she dropped her chin into her chest and brought her shoulders up giving Jolleen the evil eye up through her eyebrows.

  Tom closed the hatch and locked it before going forward and sat down in the cockpit as Jolleen stopped next to the front seat behind the cockpit and talked to the student, who got up and walked back to the empty seat at the back of the bus. Then Jolleen stepped into the cockpit and gave Mark a kiss on the cheek. "You behave yourself now or I am going to box your ears off, got that."

  "Yes Captain." Mark smiled back at her and waited for her to sit down and buckle in as he glanced at the Galactic X ship again and noticed the knocked out turret this time. "How could they have let the pirates get so close they could knock out a 5-54?"

  Suddenly the bus jumped off the ground as Mark slammed the lift lever up to its stop before dropping it back down to level off and headed towered the ship in the next pit as Mark shook his head in despair at some crews’ stupidity. Ignoring the ship they were headed for as he studied the hulks that started to slide past them.

  Mrs. Hastings started screaming as she looked down the aisle at the approaching ship out the front ports. Trying to unbuckle her seatbelt for several seconds before hitting the emergency release and jumping up. And rapidly walked towered the cockpit holding onto the backs of seats bracing herself to keep from falling down even though the bus flew strait and level. “You get us back on the ground this minute!” She yelled. Jolene barely having time to keep her from entering the cockpit with one of the other teachers behind her. She continued to scream as Tom kept laughing his head off as he leaned as far away from her as possible. Finely winding down she looked past Jolene at the laughing Tom and then back at Mark and then Jolene.

  Mark ignored her as he talked into the mike of his head set using perfect English. “Thank you Port Control, I see the emergency flying crane at 9 o-clock and sorry about the crazy lady shouting in your ear and no I do not need the port police to remove her but thank you.” Mark said smiling around at Mrs. Hastings. “Starting the turn around the crane now to take base coarse 95 degrees east to the south bound exit corridor. Star Queen Bus number 2 out.” Looking down at the hulk as he flew past just outside the restricted zone of the emergency vehicles clustered around the still burning hulk. He could see clearly that the skeleton to one side was definitely the Wayfarer. Turning to the teacher, Mark took a deep breath and forced a sad smile as he looked up at her. “Please Mrs. Hastings go back and take your seat. We will be arriving at the zoo in about an hour, about the time the faster rental busses are scheduled to arrive. I am taking you past the big water falls in the middle of the city park. They say it is something spectacular to see from the air. Oh not for your benefit, but the children should love it.”

  “What! You said you where blind and could hardly walk. How can you pilot a bus? I demand that you let Jolene pilot the bus now." Looking at Jolene. “You’re the qualified Pilot assigned to drive us there. I am going to report you to the captain for endangering our lives letting some half blind handicapped idiot that decided to go to the zoo take the controls.”

  As the bus started turning gently to the east Jolene smiled looking up at her again. “No. You and your kids said he was blind. He can see 20-20 with his glasses even though he likes to pretend he can’t for his own amusement. I got tired of it a long time ago. He is your assigned pilot and he even has his brand new Commercial pilot's license. I hear he got them this morning with his Mickey Dee‘s Happy Birthday Meal.” Grinning up at the lady. “It is his birthday and they drafted him to fly your little troop to the zoo as his first official assignment as an adult even though he had planned on taking the day off for weeks to do something really incredibly stupid.”

  Mark glanced around frowning. “Hey it is not stupid! And I would be half way there by now but… Well it seems they could not find anyone else to pilot you in the whole ship. Now I know why. Believe me, I had other plans for my birthday than babysitting a bunch of snot nosed rude kids and stupid condescending politically correct bigoted teachers. Which means I would love to turn around and take you all back so I could do what I have been planning for weeks. No years. Which is why I have been trying to get you to call the Truck Chief to get me out of this assignment so I could do what I want to. But you are too stupid to listen and way too busy being your typical bitching self to do a simple little favor. Now go back to your seat and call the Truck Chief and get someone else to take you on your joy ride ok. You would be doing me a favor. Now hurry back to your seat before we get out of the port area and before I have to put you on report for being out of your seat in flight that comes with a hefty 1,000 credit fine for both of you. I could use my portion of the fine to buy a new game. I hear it even teaches a person how to fly a school bus. Now bye, bye. Be gone with you." Mark waved her away back down the aisle. "I will even slow down to give you more
time. That is if I can remember where the throttle is.” Looking around the cockpit squinting his eyes. “Now where did they put that little thing? They make these controls so complicated.”

  Mrs. Hastings turned to Jolene. "Why are you not Piloting this bus? I demand you Pilot this bus!"

  Jolene smiled at her. "Because I am not a pilot you bitch. Now go sit down before I wright you up for Mark. I am sure he will give me part of the fine for helping with the likes of you Ms. Brombat. Yes I remember you too bitch. Now go. I still haven’t grown boobs."

  Turning around indignantly, she headed for her seat pushing the man ahead of her, pulling out her phone as Tom started to laugh even harder holding his gut as he snorted between breaths.

  Jolene turned and reached forward slapping Mark across the head. “You said you weren’t going to get the operation you liar!” She wanted to scream at him but kept tight control of her voice.

  Mark ducked his head to the side trying to avoid any more slaps as he looked around at Jolene. “I wasn’t but after Chet and his friends beat me up and then these damn teachers and kids treating me like space scum, I am going to do it if it kills me. Now just sit down and relax. You wanted to go to the zoo so you’re going. I don’t need your help once I get off this assignment so you can stay and have some fun at the Zoo.”

  Mark had done his well-practiced bit from habit but like Jolene, he was just tired of the whole shit and could not really see the humor in it anymore as the hulks disappeared behind them. Though Tom had no such problem as he continued to laugh to himself. Glancing at the mirror aimed back down the passageway between the seats every few seconds, Mark watched the teacher call on her phone and talk for several minutes heatedly and finely stuff the phone back into her purse crossing her arms as she bent over to talk to the teacher next to her. Looking up she tried to look into the cockpit and frowned disgustedly before looking down, then back to talk to the male teacher across the aisle from her that had followed her up to the cockpit. Letting out the breath he had been holding Mark shook his head. Her face told him all he needed to know. Dispatch was not going to call him to turn around to be replaced by another pilot. “Damn Tom. That leaves us with having to go with plan B.”