Tramp Wars: The Enemy

by Larry Roberts

  The Ensign coughed again more loudly. Several times.

  She reluctantly stopped kissing his lips and slid her lips along his cheek nibbled on his ear and whispered as she bear hugged him. “I will be waiting for you at the party baby and you can get some more of what you got in sick bay when we get to your new cabin.” She slid to the deck and slowly walked to the elevator swinging her butt, looking over her shoulder smiling before disappearing.

  “Damn Mr. Collin’s, never seen her wiggle it like that before and I have been after that peace of ass for a year and here you haven’t been an Ensign for an hour and she is creaming her pants for you. What the hell did you do?” He said punching him in the shoulder.

  The pain in his groin demanded he fallow that ass to the ends of the stars. Especially since he could barely even get a date before this. “I guise I let a 10 ton steel deck plate fall on me.” Then it hit him again. She had said we almost got kicked off the ship. Shocked and baffled he stood there starring at the elevator's hatch. Trying to fathom what that really meant and its shocking implications.

  “What was that Mr. Collins? A steel plate?” he said baffled as he walked Mark to the elevator and then. “Oh you’re that guy. No it has to be those shades you’re wearing. Where can I get a set? They are damn vacuum.”

  “Oh ah.” Bringing himself back to reality. “These are special glasses. And you are?”

  “I am Steve Banacheck at your disposal. The old proby around here and you are the new proby. That’s new probationary Ensign not expected to last long enough to remember your name Proby. Thank Godstar. I was really getting tired of the shit. But now you get it and I get to help give it. Aren’t you lucky.” Steve smiled from ear to ear. I was looking forward to another 6 months to a year before any new slots opened up for new Ensigns. Lol.” Steve punched in a deck number and continued. “Just get used to being told to do all the shit details and getting the tube at every opportunity. Oh you should practice puckering up with tongue and butt exorcises. And just to warn you ahead of time; every time you do something right or good; one of the other officers will claim responsibility for it while every time something goes wrong even if you were told to do it that way by a superior, will be your fault. Even sometimes when you had nothing to do with the project. You should have known that something was going to go wrong and prevented it even if you were on the other end of the ship and did not even know about it. Lol.”

  They walked into another section of the ship Mark had not been in before, making turn after turn until he was sure he was lost until a map appeared at the corner of his glasses showing his trail as they stopped. The sign over the hatch said Officers Tailor. A little cubby hole with a couple of women who measured Mark in places he did not know needed measured.

  “You will learn rather eventually that orders must be interpreted to succeed. Don’t take them literally except when you are told to or ordered to. And it is hard to tell the difference between the two. You are expected to be the brain on sight and if orders need to be changed or modified to get the proper results then for Godstar sake change them. It will save you a lot of headaches and pains down the road. Except when you’re wrong. But I have learned the hard way, that if you follow orders to the letter and something goes wrong your boss gets the legal blame but you get the; how should I put it? Moral and factual blame which is most of the blame anyway since you were the officer on sight. And that is tough to live down. While if you do not fallow orders to the letter and something goes wrong you get all the blame which is not much worse but you can get, I guise what I call effort credit. Which goes a long way to reducing the cost of the failure if you can show you acted reasonable according to circumstances trying to fix the problem. Especially if the circumstances would have resulted in failure anyway if you had fallowed orders to the letter and especially if you were able to mitigate the failure into not being as bad a failure."

  Watching Mark put on a new dress white shirt Steve smiled. “I know this sounds confusing but it will make sense in time. I just wish someone had bothered to tell me a few things like this when I started. Or should I say when we started. There were three of us at the time and after all the bull shit, I am the only one left. The thing is they kept screaming for us to follow orders and the harder we tried to fallow orders the worst things got and what they meant was fallow what the orders meant to get the desired results. Two completely different concepts. It seems once I got pissed and started disobeying or ignoring the letter of the orders and doing what the orders meant, the better I did and the more responsibility they started giving me and the easier things got. Damn bad that Wayne and Sue had to quiet before I got mad enough to even contemplate disobeying and figured that out. They just got disgusted, mad and quit.”

  “Oh. No." Mark said as the seamstress pulled and pinned and then took it off of him and disappeared into the back room. "It makes perfect sense. It is pretty much what I have been doing in ships maintenance for years; down in the engine room and around the ship and on the flight deck. Like you; it took me awhile to figure it out as well. Following orders to the letter usually makes you look like a stupid idiot if it doesn’t work when you’re done. If you don’t fallow orders and try to fix it right and you’re wrong. Then you really are an idiot but just an idiot. But when you’re right, Godstar what a feeling to stand back and look at what you’ve accomplished on your own. Yes I am slower than the other guys that just slap in the replacement parts as ordered even if there is nothing wrong with the part but damn, when I get finished it stays fixed and sometimes even works better, especially when we don't have the right parts to begin with.”

  The seamstresses walked back in throwing his pants on him and then the shirt with practiced easy as he stood there. Checked the fit top to bottom she straightened up taking a step back to examine the product. “There Mr. Collins. You have your first dress white uniform. It is rushed and still needs work we will finish later when you bring it back but it will do for now. The rest of your uniforms will be sent up to your cabin tomorrow evening at the latest with your old cloths.” Said the old lady with pins between her lips and then smiled. “I dropped by Tramptown before the Captain decided to make you an officer and I want to thank you for the job you did.”

  The other younger seamstress finished putting things away and turned toward Mark. “I am headed back down that way now Mr. Collins. I hope to see you there sir and welcome to the Club.”

  Mark looked at himself in the mirrors and he had to ashamedly admit that he looked like a dressed monkey. “Thanks ladies. I can’t tell you how surprised I am and strange I feel.”

  “Well you better get used to it my man.” Steve said slapping him on the back. “This is for special occasions like tonight but you will need kakis for everyday work though they will be easier to get used to.” Steve stood back showing Mark his kakis as he turned around modeling them before stopping to give Mark the once over. “And you are one lady killer. Hell I don’t stand a chance now with you around.” Heading out the hatch. “Come on pretty boy, let's get you a birth.”

  “Thanks again Ladies.” As he fallowed Steve to the elevator. They went up one deck where they stopped at another cubby hole with the sign reading, Purser, Officers Berthing.

  The Chief looked up as they approached. “Yes the new Ensign are you. Let’s see, a cabin must be what you are after." Glancing at his computer screen he smiled up at Mark. "Got one picked out just for you Mr. Collins; a one bed room just next to Mr. Banacheck. The occupants will trade into your cabin opening up down on K-0 deck making it easy for everyone. I’ll inform that couple, we will be moving them and their infant and two year old to K-0 deck immediately. So go and enjoy the party Mr. Collins, by the time you are ready to call it a night we will have your new single bedroom cabin ready for you. You should enjoy the private shower and living room after that closet you are in now.”

  “All right finely some peace and quiet. No squalling kid.” Steve did a little dance before he caught himself and said. “
It will be nice to have a neighbor that I can talk shop to again.”

  “Wow! One minute here!” Mark could not believe what he had just herd. “You are going to move a couple, their infant and a two year old from a one bed room cabin to my cramped closet on K-0 Deck so I can have their roomy one bedroom with a living room and kitchenette and bath with a shower?”

  “Yes Mr. Collins.” The Chief seemed genuinely happy to be giving Mark the cabin. “I am sure you will be exceedingly comfortable in your cabin Sir. If we had time I would have it painted for you but this is all a bit sudden so we only have time for a basic cleaning.”

  Mark had to think for a few seconds before he could find the words he wanted. Getting grim faced and staring at the Chief he talked in a low steady voice making sure he pronounced every syllable of every word. “Hell would freeze over before I would even enter that one bedroom cabin Chief. I am perfectly happy where I am at thank you!”

  “But Mr. Collins sir.” The Chief was apoplectic. “The Captain wants his Officers to be birthed as close together as possible and not spread all over the ship.”

  “Steve, it does not sound like you are in Officers Country. Just how many officers are birthed on your deck with you?”

  “Why several dozen I think; but they are scattered all over the deck so it is hard to tell. That is why it is going to be so great having an officer next to me again and why I don’t want you quieting on me. It is bad enough that the couple on the other side of me keep fucking in the middle of the knight, at least their kid is quiet most of the time but that baby on the other side is driving me crazy. And if you can shove a gal my way once in a while it would even be better.”

  “Ah… “Mark had to take a minute to think. Holding up his hand and waving it around trying to keep their attention to give him a little time. “What if I could…I mean. Well I had a girl I had never seen before, spend the… my first night in the cabin with me. Boobs out to here.” Holding his hands out a good 6 inches from his chest. “And wearing damn little to begin with and less and less as the night went on.” Holding up his hands. “WOW! Is all I can say buddy. With over a dozen single cabins and a commons area for entertainment and showers well.” Looking around shaking his head and smirking as if he was thinking of nasty things. Then looking at Steve and frowning. “Hey man no girl is going to even think of going to a cabin up on baby central.” Getting as disgusting a look on his face as he could to go with an insulting tone in his voice. “Hey you really should move down with me if you want to get the chicks.”

  Steve was practically drooling by the time Mark finished. “Yes that’s it!” Turning to the Chief. “I want to move down next to Mr. Collins!”

  The Chief could not believe his ears. “You really want...”

  “Yes. Enlisted Chief Johnson!” Mr. Banacheck demanded. “Right next to Mr. Collins and the girls.”

  “But the women are not…”

  “Is there a problem Chief.” Mark interrupted before the Chief could say anything more.

  Taken back by Marks rudeness the Chief took a few seconds to compose himself and then checked his screen. Typing for a few seconds. “Well sir, there is a man next to you I am sure would love to trade with Mr. Banacheck.”

  “What? No!” Mark burst out.

  “What do you mean NO! You said…” Steve could just see himself still being stuck with the crying babies and listening to fucking while not doing it himself. Even though it was more imagination to seeing passionate foreplay outside their hatch and tantrums of the typical two year old in the passageway than actuality with the thick sound proof bulkheads between Cabins.

  Mark held up his hand to stop the 19 year old boy as he turned back to the purser. “You have a waiting list for couples with kids birthed on the Hold decks don’t you?” with the Chief’s affirmative node he continued. “Well; give Mr. Banacheck's room to one of them and have the guy next to me moved to their ah, cabin.” Mark slowly shook his head up and down willing the clerk to agree on all the extra work Mark was creating.

  “Ahh. Yes Sir. Mr. Collins. I suppose a couple with a kid and infant needs the single bedroom more than Mr. Banacheck or some guy from the deck crew. That is if you are going to order me to do that Mr. Collins.” The Chief, an enlisted officer and not a commissioned officer could see all kinds of problems developing including the fallout when Mr. Banacheck realized that he had been sold a whole truck load of shit. And addressed Mark directly ignoring Steve.

  “Yes Chief and It needs to be done tonight. Not in the morning or tomorrow. It would be nice if the couple with the infant could be in Mr. Banacheck’s room tonight before the kids’ bed time. Is that a problem?”

  Steve threw his support whole heartedly behind the move, changing Mark’s suggestions into orders to the Chief.

  “Of corse. No sir! No problem, sir.” The Chief had been called in after normal working hours to take care of the new Ensign. Which meant that the new ensign was more important than the average boot recruit, so telling him that he would have to take what was offered and like it was not an option. Frowning he started typing and issuing orders over the phone he kept punching numbers into. After a busy minute. “Sir we will have Mr. Banacheck’s things moved into his new cabin in 2 hours and the couple with the infant settled in by twenty hundred hours. Is that satisfactory to you Sir.” Again the Chief addressed Mark while ignoring Steve. But Steve did not care as he was headed for the Promised Land.

  “Oh, by the way. Just how many Ensigns are taking up single bedroom cabins on that deck and not officers’ country?”

  “Why? What? Just let me finish with your first request and I will check sir.” The Chief finished what he was doing to move the cabin assignments around and then turned his attention to Mark as he tapped out some keys. “There seems to be 30 some Ensigns and half a dozen Lieutenant JG.s scattered around that deck in single and two bedroom cabins.”

  “Ok and all of them are living in those cabins all by themselves with no roommates?”

  “No sir. Several of the Lieutenants have civilian roommates though they are not married, while all the Ensigns are too young, under 21 to have room mates. Though we are discussing double bunking Ensigns in the future but the Captain would have to approve that and we don’t see a large increase in officers anytime soon.”

  “Just how scattered are they around the deck?”

  Turning the monitor around so Mark could see even though Mickey had already shown him; answered his question in no uncertain terms. “I thought you said the Captain wanted to keep the Officers billeted close together? That seems pretty spread out to me.”

  “Yes sir it is but we try to move people around as little as possible. Makes for happy passengers and crew. So we usually try to move the Ensigns into cabins that are already vacant when needed until a cabin opens up in officers’ country.” Noticing Marks bafflement he explained farther. “When someone dies or a couple with two or three kids moves up to a two bedroom and we know an Ensign is scheduled to be commissioned we save it for them without moving someone else needlessly. That results in the junior ships officers being scattered all over but at least mostly on the decks directly below Officers country. Also saves time when the Ensign is dropped from the program."

  “Why thank you Chief Johnson. Very interesting.” Catching the word (decks) and not just (deck). Ah, I am just wondering how many couples with kids or infants are stuck in these ah...” Mark turned looking at Steve. Not wanting to say too much. “Studio cabins between Holds’?”

  Not liking what he thought Mark was thinking the Chief reluctantly looked it up giving Mark a look that would kill if he only tried hard enough. “I don’t have an exact count with them scattered all over the tween hold decks but about 60 or so sir with a dozen or so couples over a couple months along in their pregnancies that I know of.”

  Mark just starred at the Chief. Not saying a thing. Just looking and smiling.

  “Come on Mark let's get to the party before all the gals are gone.”
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br />   Without taking his eyes off of the Chief; Mark chuckled. “Don’t worry my friend; they aren’t going anyplace.”

  “The Chief finely looked away. “You can’t be serous Mr. Collins.”

  “You said the Captain ordered that the officers be billeted as close together as possible. Seems like you could billet them damn close. Make it a kind of Officers country south.” Looking around the little office Mark smiled, leaned forward toward the Chief and whispered. “Just think of how you would like living in this office with your wife and a screaming infant and a second child. A head the size of your chair, no shower, no room?” Shaking his head up and down. “Do the decent thing Chief.”

  “But it is so far away from Officers Country.”

  “Only a few seconds by the elevator or chain and the Officers would be all together. Captains orders.”

  “What the? What are you talking about Mark?” Steve came closer to Mark trying to hear what he was saying and did not like what little he was hearing.

  “Do you like living next to that screaming brat or not? What about the rest of the Ensigns. Don’t you think they deserve some peace and quiet and fun too?”

  “But in one night it can’t be done.” Whined the Chief.

  “Actually it would have to be done in a couple or four hours Chief. Before the party is over wouldn’t you think, to prevent trouble and all that? Besides the kids need to be in bed at a decent hour.”

  “You're crazy! It cannot be done. Impossible. No!" The Chief turned stubborn faced for a few seconds and then thoughtfully looked at Ensign Banacheck for a few seconds before continuing. "But then I am really getting tired of Ensigns complaining about crying kids, running teenagers, pranks and bored kids and old ladies bothering them in the middle of the night because of some stupid problem.” Shaking his head he turned to Banacheck again. “And the complaints from some of the Ensigns neighbors are unbelievable except I have heard Ensigns ordering the civilians around like dogs.” With the look Banacheck gave him the Chief rapidly added. “Not you Mr. Banacheck but many have. Especially that Witch…..” Bighting his own words off and shaking his head. “Then the dorms with a couple of families in them are starting to turn into real slums with all the kids running around with the adults spreading out into the commons area leaving the cabin for the kids.”