The Last Crusade

by Ira Tabankin

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  The mood is completely different in the Caliphate’s buried command bunker.

  “Your Holiness, what are your targets for our nuclear strike?”

  “I want the first target to be New York City. I want to destroy Wall Street. We will crush the Great Satan’s capitalistic center. We’ll destroy their stock market and scare the shit out of them, we’ll destroy their economy. While they’re reeling from our attacks, we’ll instruct our agents to start a race war. Thanks to Obama, one has been brewing just under the surface for eight years, it will be easy to push them over the edge into the abyss, if our plan succeeds, before they know what happened, Russian warheads will be incinerating them. The survivors won’t trust each other and their economy will be destroyed. They’ll never be able to rebuild.

  Our second target is Moscow, the Russians will believe the Americans attacked them, who launched a counter attack thinking the Russians attacked them first. We’ll spread rumors the Russians are getting ready to strike them due to the whore not giving them what they want. We’ll launch a missile from a ship off their shore, their radar will think a Russian sub launched against them. The Great Satan will launch when their radar shows the missile heading for New York City. In reality, the missile will have a regular warhead, the bomb will already be in New York. We won’t have to worry about a long-range missile delivery system. The purpose of the missile is only to convince the Americans the Russians launched against them.

  By attacking both Satan’s we’ll turn them on each other. In addition to us pitting Russia and America at each other. We’ll sit here safe and sound while the two Satan’s kill each other off. Think of the after effects of a nuclear and race war on the Great Satan. The survivors will beg us to save them.”

  “Your Holiness, the Great Satan’s President has not been seen in public for weeks, how do we know she’ll issue the counter attack order?”

  “It doesn’t matter, their military will launch, I also want Paris and Berlin struck to pay them back for the treatment of our brothers when they sought asylum there.”

  “Your Holiness, what of the Little Satan?”

  “I would never forget the Little Satan, the Holy Quran teaches us to hunt out the Jew and kill them wherever they hide. The day is coming when the world will be united under Allah’s flag. I want enough weapons to take out Tel Aviv and Haifa, we’ll follow up the attacks with an invasion from all sides. We’ll push all of the Jews into the sea. I don’t care if they promise to convert; they lie; we’ll kill every Jew we see. The last target we’re going to take out is Vatican City in Rome. In one day we’ll take out The Pope, the Jews, and the Great and minor Satan’s will kill each other. Are we in agreement?”

  All heads nod their agreement.

  “Good. Our next question is; how do we get the weapons to our targets? We can’t launch missiles, none of ours has the range to strike any target except for the Jews. We can’t fly a plane and drop them, their fighters or missiles may shoot our planes down.”

  The Field Marshal smiles, “Your Holiness, I’ve studied this issue for a long time. All of the weapons are small, most weight less than 120Kg. We can ship them to the targets.”

  Every head turned to look at the Field Marshal. His Holiness smiles, “Are you suggesting we just put some stamps on them, drop them off at the post office and two weeks later boom? Do you take me for a fool?”

  The other advisors in the bunker smile at the Prime Ministers joke.

  “No, sir, we’ll ship them in crates to our embassies. Now that we’ve been recognized by the UN, we have embassies in New York City, Moscow, Paris, and Berlin. The weapon for the Vatican can be shipped to our embassy in Paris and driven to Rome, the problem is the targets in the Little Satan. Those I suggest we use the missiles Iran developed. Because of their missile defenses, I suggest we launch hundreds of missiles, most of them with regular high explosive warheads. They won’t be able to figure out which missiles have nuclear warheads. Hopefully, a couple of the nuclear ones get through their defenses.”

  “Let’s move ahead with the Field Marshall’s plan on all of the targets except for the Little Satan. I think we need to study that delivery problem more. Their missile defenses could take down all of our missiles including our limited nuclear-armed ones, there has to be a better way, one with less risk. Their Iron Dome system has proven to function too well.”

  The Finance Minister looks up from notes he’s been writing,

  “Your Holiness, our people, crew many commercial ships, why don’t we find out when one of the infidels is shipping something to the Little Satan, we meet the freighter on the ocean, transfer the cargo to it, it’ll be delivered with the rest of the shipment. If we can locate one from the Great Satan, the Little Satan’s customs agents may ignore our gift to them.”

  “I like this plan, see if you can arrange a test so we know how well it will work. Delay the other shipments until we know if the Little Satan shipment works. Now that we have a plan to deliver the weapons to their targets, we can refocus on Egypt. I don’t want to use a WMD against fellow Muslims. We need an out of the box plan to conquer the country. We can’t allow one Islamic country to stand outside of the Caliphate, in time one or more of the others may decide to leave. We’re only strong because we’re all tied together. We need them to join us. I’m open to listening to your ideas.”

  The Field Marshal frowns shaking his head,

  “Your Holiness, if WMDs are off the table, and the Little Satan continues to provide Egypt with technical and military assistance, our only other idea is to send in a special operations platoon to take out their leadership. We can’t bomb it because it’s located too deep underground and under an apartment building.”

  “How are your people going to gain access to the shelter?”

  “By replacing some of the people who clean the bunker. Most of the people who work in it live in the apartment building built over the bunker. We plan to replace a couple of the people and gain access with forged ID cards, we’ll show up for work like any other worker.”

  “Do you think this will work? Won’t they notice personnel changes?”

  “We don’t think their leaders have any idea who the working class people are.”

  “If that’s our only option, you have my permission to attempt it.”

  “Thank you, sir, we will keep you informed.”

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  On the tenth day of its route, the Freighter Grande Mediterraneo takes on containers in Izmir, Turkey. Five days later the ship docks in Ashdod, Israel where twenty containers are unloaded and checked by Israeli customs, finding nothing suspicious they are quickly released to their consignees. They're distributed around Israel.

  The Finance Minister reports the success of their trial mission to Ali Muhammad Tanvir.

  “Why did you change your original plan?”

  “We felt there was more risk in trying to transfer a container from ship to ship. We worried the Great Satan’s eyes in the sky might see the transfer. We also couldn’t locate an American-flagged vessel that made a regularly scheduled trip. The Grande Mediterraneo makes the trip every six weeks. It makes stops in Turkey and Israel. We felt a ship that made a regular run would be less suspicious to their customs agents. We had no problem moving our container through customs. Our container was included in an already scheduled shipment. We lined a package of medical radium in lead foil, to test their sensors. Their radioactive sensors didn’t pick up the radium. We plan to do the same with the bombs.”

  “Very good. It’s an excellent plan, I agree, we will move ahead. I suggest the attack take place on April 14, the Infidel’s Good Friday. We will give them a very special Easter.”

  Smiling and nodding the Finance Minister agrees.

  “I’ll inform the Field Marshal the date of our vengeance has been selected.”

  “Minister, please ask the Field Marshal and his weapons expert to join me.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  One hour
later the three men are sitting around Ali Muhammad Tanvir’s low table enjoying a cup of thick sweet coffee. Tanvir looks at the weapons expert,

  “My concern is the arming of the devices. I want to make sure they explode at the right time. We can’t have any mistakes or miscalculations in the timing of the detonation of the devices. Tell us your plan to ensure there are no mistakes.”

  “Your Holiness, the easiest way to ensure the devices explode only when you want them to is to control detonate them. We’ve had excellent success with using a simple cell phone circuit.”

  “I’m concerned that one or more of our target locations has a cell phone blocker or they may be in a poor coverage area.”

  “Your Holiness, why can’t we use our people already in country to report on the average cell coverage in our selected target areas?”

  “Yes, that’s a very good idea, send the messages today.”

  Everyone nods while Tanvir smiles,

  “Excellent, Field Marshal, prepare the devices for shipment. I am pleased with the excellent progress we’re making. Have you decided how to increase the yield of the devices going to New York and Moscow? Each has to look like the others’ weapons.”

  “Yes, sir. The New York City and Moscow weapons will be sized to correspond to American and Russian warheads, we are rebuilding them, Pakistani nuclear engineers are resizing the weapons to increase their explosive power. The yields of the other weapons aren’t as important.”

  “Agreed, gentlemen. If Allah continues to smile on us, April 14 will be the end of the three Satans. After the Pakistani engineers finish their work, make them disappear, we can’t allow them to sell what they know to the West. Drink a toast of this excellent coffee with me to Allah.”

  The three men sip their coffee together, smiling that the end of their enemies is within sight.

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  CIA Director for Clandestine Operations looks at his staff with disbelief in his eyes.

  “I can’t believe a word of this bullshit. How do you expect me to convince her royal highness that the Caliphate has their hands on Pakistan’s nukes and the codes which enable them to be used? I thought we paid General Barrack fifty million to destroy the codes and the control boards, where is General Barrack and what happened to our money? What happened to the SOF teams we sent to retrieve the weapons?”

  “Mr. Director, we can’t locate the General, we made the payment, he assured us he destroyed the codes and gave us the weapon’s control boards. He gave us four cases with the boards. The SOF troops were able to retrieve twenty-five of the weapons. Before you ask, Israel has them.”

  “Did you check the boards?”

  “You mean like personally check them? No, we don’t know how to tell if they’re real or not. There were four cases of weapons control boards with the right corporate name on them. They fit the description we were given by the AEC. I allowed Israel to keep the weapons because I assumed they couldn’t be used without their control boards.”

  “Where are the boards now?”

  “We gave them to the technical department.”

  “Did you happen to see their final report?”

  “No, why?”

  Throwing the report folder across the table, “Because the damned report says the boards are all fake, they’re boards used for technical training. They’re used to teach techs how to solder and check if the chips are working or not. Which means we gave General Barrack fifty million dollars for four cases of shit. Which means the damned Caliphate has working nuclear weapons and we handed twenty-five live weapons to Israel. You’d know that if you’d read the report! God damn it, they have live weapons. Do you understand what that means?”

  “Oh shit!”

  “Tell me about it. If one of them shows up in D.C., I hope it goes off with you sitting on it because you won’t be worth shit afterward. I want the Nuclear Emergency Support Team (NEST) over D.C. and New York City ASAP, we’d better alert our friends to the potential of the missing live nukes.”

  “Do you really think the Caliphate will use WMDs?”

  “Normal people wouldn’t, we’re not dealing with normal people. We’re dealing with people who are trying to bring about the end days. They believe the end of this life is only the beginning of the next life. They believe their Mahdi will arrive on a white horse which foreshadows the coming of Jesus, only in their story, The Muslim Jesus descends and converts the world to Islam, kills all of the Jews, breaks all of the crosses, declares himself a Muslim and gets married. We need to warn the MOSSAD the Caliphate most likely has them squarely in their nuclear sites.”

  “Don’t you think they’ve already figured that out? We gave them the weapons which I’m sure they know are real. I expect them to drop the Caliphate’s own weapons on them. If they use WMD against the Caliphate, will we support Israel?”

  “Normally, I’d say, of course. With the President locked inside the Oval Office and her following the previous President’s policies, I doubt we’ll lift a finger to help them. I have a very bad feeling about this.”

  “Sir, I’ll get on the horn with Jerusalem.”

  “I’ll call, it’s my job. You, people, find those damn nukes, maybe we can take them out before they get a chance to use them. I can’t believe you people didn’t check shit. You may have screwed this pooch up so badly, we’re all going to die. Get out of my office.”

  “Sir, they don’t have a delivery system to reach us. We have nothing to worry about.”

  “Don't be a fool. They can ship them or since they’re small enough, they could carry them in a damn suitcase.”

  “Shit.”

  “You can say that again. Get out and find where they’re hiding the weapons.”

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  After a short, three-day debate on the House Floor, the House approves the Articles of Impeachment, passing it to the Senate where the President’s trial will be held. Madam President has become hysterical, yelling at everyone about everything. No one on her staff except Huma, who brings the daily pain medication, is allowed near the President. Huma spends almost twelve hours a day alone with Hillary. The President ignores the media demands to speak with her. She only leaves the Oval Office to return to the residence upstairs where she refuses to meet with anyone except Huma, her daughter and granddaughter.

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  Just outside of Cairo, six replacement workers are stopped and arrested by Egyptian security forces trying to take the elevator from the apartment building down to the Egyptian senior government shelter. The Caliphate Field Marshal informs the Prime Minister,

  “Your Holiness, we’ll crush them after their guardian angel the Little Satan is lying dead in radioactive ashes. Their security is much tighter than we expected. They stopped our people.”

  “I’ll see how well your other plans work out before I decide how I will deal with you. I hope your other plans perform better, or your life will be very short. If your plans succeed, we’ll have plenty of time to deal with Egypt, they are not a threat to us.”

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  Friday morning, April 14th, 2017 dawns bright and clear. For Christens it’s a holiday, Good Friday, the day, Two-thousand years ago, Jesus was crucified. A recently rented white delivery truck with a moving company sticker on its sides pulls into a parking lot two blocks from ground zero. Two blocks from the new Freedom Tower. The driver and his assistant check their watches. They advance pay for twenty-four hours parking explaining to the parking lot attendant they will be back with more trucks and people to complete a move over the holiday weekend, they brag they’re getting paid double to complete the move before Monday. The parking lot attendant is jealous of the movers for getting paid overtime for working over the Easter weekend while he’s stuck earning minimum wage.

  Thousands of miles away a similar truck parks a couple of blocks from the Eiffel Tower in Paris. A third truck parks four blocks from the Sistine Chapel in Rome. A fourth truck parks in central Berlin. Trucks five and six park in central Tel Aviv; the Cal
iphate wants to make sure Israel pays for her sins. The truck heading to Haifa is intercepted ten miles away from its target. The driver runs away, leaving the truck to be found by the Israeli police, they don’t touch it, thinking the large box in the rear holds a bomb. They wait for the bomb squad to arrive.

  When asked why only a few weapons are going to be used in Israel, Ali Muhammad Tanvir responds, “We don’t want to destroy the very land we plan on taking over. Once the Great Satan is wounded and dying, we will invade and kill the Jews at our leisure. I want to enjoy watching them beg for mercy as our troops kill them. There will be no easy deaths for them, I want them to suffer.”