by Lisa Swallow
“Does being in love ever make sense?
“I guess not.” I drift away again, listening to the thrum of his heart, the warmth of his words spreading through.
Wills interrupts my dozing. “I know you think I’ll forget you if Ruby Riot become as famous as Blue Phoenix –”
“When you do.”
He stops stroking my arm and laughs softly. “Okay. When. But I won’t forget you. Ever.”
I shift and hook a leg over his. Will holds me as we fit together, two jigsaw pieces people think shouldn’t match. “Same. Stop talking now. I’m tired. It’s 2 a.m.”
“Jesus, you’re funny. Some nights I stay up until dawn.”
“I’m a boring nerd, remember?”
“Only because that’s what you want people to think.”
I yawn. “Will, deep and meaningful has a place. Not now.”
“Man, you’re hilarious.” He scoots down until his lips almost touch mine. “What if I want to keep you up until dawn too?”
Sleep suddenly slips into the back of my mind.
Chapter Thirty-One
FLEUR
I’m aware of Will climbing out of bed; the sound of him dressing filters into my semi-conscious state. I curl up and bury my face into the duvet, where Will’s scent lingers. We’ve slept until late morning and, as promised, the sun rose as I drifted to sleep in Will’s arms.
“Sorry,” he whispers and strokes my hair from my face. “I have to go home and change before rehearsals. If I’m late Princess Jax will lose his shit.”
“That’s okay,” I murmur and focus on him through blurry eyes.
“Are you coming to the gig tonight?”
“Oh. Forgot about that. I’m not sure.”
“Why not?”
“You’ll be busy playing, not exactly a night out for us. We can catch up tomorrow.”
“No.”
“No?”
“Yeah.”
“What?”
Will lies next to me again and pulls me closer, the return of his warmth lulling me towards sleep. “Be part of this. You’re in my life; I don’t want Ruby Riot Will to be different to your Will.”
“Both Wills are the same to me. Really, I’m don’t want to go.” I yawn. “Sorry.”
“Wait backstage. We can do something later.”
“Backstage? I definitely don’t know whether I want to do that.” Nate. Jax. Ruby. People a world away from mine.
“Well, think about it.” I wriggle as he smothers my face in kisses. “I want you there.”
I push him away and pull the duvet over my head. “Fine! But I’m tired after last night.”
Will pulls the duvet down and rests his lips on my forehead before placing the soft material back over me. I snuggle back down; the house is cold and I’m not keen on getting out of bed yet. When I hear my bedroom door close, I’m surprised Will never said goodbye.
Half asleep, I’m aware of movement in the room again. I open an eye when somebody sits on the bed and takes hold of my hand.
“What are you doing?” I ask as Will writes something on my palm.
He doesn’t respond and, too tired to move, I allow him. “In case you forget before I see you tonight.”
I pull my hand away with a loud sigh. “If I go.”
When I wake, Will has left with the part of my heart I gave to him last night. I attempt to push thoughts of us aside; I won’t be one of those girls who brood over a guy every minute of every day.
I catch sight of the words on my palm, written in thick black pen and realise how much of his he’s given in return.
‘I love you.’
****
I relent. Later that afternoon I shower; my body aches from my night with Will, and arousal streams back through me at the thoughts and images of us together. I soap my hands and guilt washes over me that I’m wiping away Will’s words.
Apart from I can’t.
I scrub at the words but they stare back at me. Black. Spiked. Will’s letters.
As I dress for the night, Will texts me with the time he’ll drop by to pick me up. I text him back.
I shake my head, body filling with the already building desire to be back with him. Will is away again next week, already our time is split between his future and mine, but I push away the thought. I’m going to live for now, and see what our future holds.
Chapter Thirty-Two
FLEUR
Ruby Riot plays an intimate venue tonight, the theatre a similar size to the last time I saw them. This time I’m more nervous because Will insists I join him backstage before the band performs. I’m unsure if I’m ready to become part of his entourage.
Talk about out of my depth.
When we arrive, Jax and Nate are lounging on the sofa, feet on the table drinking beer. I hover in the doorway until Will shoves me into the room. Jax looks up, the startling blue eyes arresting me as they did backstage last time. This man is a publicist’s dream, and judging by what Will’s told me about his ego, their nightmare too. Jax and the twins’ ability to broadcast their raw sexuality leads to a promise, girls fantasise over. A promise I can attest lives up to the hype.
Nate looks at Will’s fingers gripping mine, then away, and Jax lifts his bottle in salute. “Hey, Fleur! Will said you were joining us.”
“Hey.”
Nate mutters a hello too and stands to fetch another beer. “Want one?” he asks us.
“No. Thanks.”
Nate throws Will a beer. “Shame Tegan isn’t around or you could’ve watched with her. Someone to talk to.”
“She’s on her way. Just finished work,” says Jax.
I nod and brush my short dress into place. Why do I feel like I’m meeting Will’s parents?
“What do you think about the new album?” asks Nate.
“I like it.”
“Yeah? What’s your favourite track?”
“Consume,” I shoot back. He’s trying to catch me out. “I hope you’re playing that one tonight.”
“Probably. You staying all night?” asks Nate. “We might be busy later. Me and Will had plans.”
“I told you I was out with Fleur tonight.”
“Yeah, after we arranged the night at Blue Room.”
“You can still go.”
“She could come?” Then he looks at me. “Yeah, maybe not.”
“What does that mean?” Will asks.
Nate shrugs. “Nothing.”
“I’m gonna spend time with Fleur. We haven’t seen much of each other recently.”
“Sweet,” mutters Nate and stands.
He walks to the door and I step to one side as he says, “Don’t hold out on him. He won’t hang around. I know my brother better than you.”
I meet his eyes in challenge, now aware how people who know the twins well could tell them apart before the hairstyle change. Something in Nate’s demeanour is distinct. Subtle differences in his expression, how he holds himself.
“Will already changed himself for her!” calls Jax with a laugh. “Look at his hair.”
I glance at Will, expecting him to retort, but he rests against the wall, drinking.
As Nate leaves the room, Will follows.
****
WILL
“What’s your deal, man?” I call after my brother.
Nate halts and turns. “No idea what you mean.”
“Fleur. Why are you fucking rude to her all the time?”
“I’m not.”
“Bullshit.”
Nate scratches the corner of his eye. “I don’t think she’s good for you. You’ve nothing in common, and the way you wander around after her all starry-eyed is pathetic. You screwed her yet?”
“None of your business.”
Nate snorts. “
That’s a no? Good luck. Even if she does, bet she won’t be enough for you. Has she ever seen a cock before?”
“That’s out of order, Nate. And what the hell does who I screw matter to you, as long as she’s not your girl?”
“I don’t have a girl.”
“Maybe you should.”
“Seriously, dude?” He waves his hand around. “This! One by one, you morons are falling into relationships that are bad for you! If she breaks your pathetic, love-struck heart, you won’t cope. Seen it before. That shit is a waste of energy.” He pauses. “This whatever you have with her doesn’t suit you.”
Realisation crashes through my irritation. “No, it doesn’t suit you.”
Nate makes a derisive noise. “I don’t give a fuck. Once the novelty is done with, she’ll find a squeaky-clean guy to settle down and have her beautiful children with. Someone like her won’t put up with someone like you.”
“My life. My problem.”
“Have you ever stopped to ask yourself the question though?” he asks.
Yeah, I have but why think hard about something? Let life happen. “Is this about Charlotte?”
“Don’t mention her fucking name.”
“I thought you were over her?”
“I am. I’m warning you not to get caught up in shit with girls and end up treated like crap.”
“You ended things with Charlotte, not her.”
“I had my reasons.” Nate’s mouth thins. “Enjoy girls, don’t stick to one. Believe me, life’s better this way.”
“I did, I tried. I’m happier with Fleur.”
“For now. I thought we were having fun together, man. Living the dream.”
“When we were at school, you pretty much kicked me to one side because you spent your whole life with Charlotte!”
“Like I said, I was stupid.”
“You were eighteen. We’re nearly twenty-two now. Get over this crap.”
“Whatever. Fleur hated you two months ago. One day she’ll wake up and realise how wrong you are for her.”
As Nate walks away, I chew my lip. Nate’s moodiness pisses me off and I’ve seen this before. He’s jealous because I have the shiny thing he wants. Not Fleur, but a loving relationship he denies he does. Since the day he and Charlotte broke up, Nate’s never been with a girl longer than five minutes. Sometimes literally.
When they were together, I couldn’t understand how he could spend so much time with Charlotte. We were seventeen and he already had his life full of music. Jax didn’t like her because she distracted him from the band; and at one point, Nate threatened to leave. I saw Jax’s point, Ruby Riot was becoming noticed around the time we left Oxford, and Nate’s distraction interfered.
By the time we left for London, it didn’t matter. Nate and Charlotte’s relationship ended after almost two years and he never mentioned her name again.
My teasing Nate about Charlotte has come full circle, as I have the brunt of his taunts over Fleur now. My teasing back then is also the reason he’s never told me what happened, and why we never discuss his dark days in the weeks that followed.
Chapter Thirty-Three
FLEUR
Sitting alone in the Green Room instead of watching the performance wouldn’t be right, and would give Nate some ammunition against me. Despite telling Will I don’t like the band, the last time I watched them, I understood the hype and was forced to admit I enjoyed that night. Up until a certain point. The real issue I have is the last time I watched Ruby Riot, I paid more attention to the drummer and this is a reminder of Will’s earlier lies.
I push aside the memory and watch from the side seats.
The reason for the band’s success is obvious. Concerts I’ve watched in the past have been stage-managed shows filled with special effects. Costume changes and dance troupes created a spectacle detracting from the musical performance. Ruby Riot doesn’t need this. Their raw talent plays out against a backdrop of lighting effects and nothing more.
The adoration from the fans astounds me. The majority of the girls press themselves against the barriers closest to Jax, but all the band’s names are shouted. Pride seizes me and draws me into the world of my rock star who swaps between concentration on his guitar and the occasional engagement with the crowd. I’m hidden from him, focused on Will above everything else around.
By the end of the show, I admit to myself I like the band. Just not at this volume.
As they finish the set, I head back to the Green Room expecting to be alone. A girl with brown hair hanging across her face sits on the sofa, long legs crossed as she studies her phone. She looks up as the door closes.
“Oh, hey. Are you Fleur?”
“Hey. Tegan?”
“Sure am.” The corner of Tegan’s eyes crinkle with a genuine smile. “Great to meet you. Will mentioned you.”
“Did he?”
“Yep.”
How Tegan caught Jax Lewis is obvious. This girl is stunning. I’ve seen pictures around, the pair lauded as the beautiful couple of the moment. I’d presumed she was one of those girls whose faces are sculpted by deceptive make-up every time she’s in public. Wrong. Everything about Tegan is natural; and when she stands, I understand why there’s hate from the fans. Tall, slender, and poised, there aren’t many girls who could compete with her.
“Want a drink?” She indicates the fridge and I shake my head. Tegan pulls out a bottle of water. “You tamed a Campbell,” she says with a laugh. “Never thought I’d see that.”
“I guess.”
“He likes you.”
“I noticed.”
“No, I mean he really likes you. He’s different recently.” She drinks.
“He changed his hair.”
“He changed his attitude. Which is funny considering the way he teased Jax earlier this year about me.”
Tegan’s words fill me with a new warmth; somebody from his inner circle smooths over the doubts eating at the edge of my happiness. Will’s drawing me into his world as I’m pulled into his life; and even if Nate doesn’t accept me, Jax and Tegan do. I perch on the sofa. How will I cope if I’m spat out again?
“Cool, well, I’m sick of being the only band girlfriend. I have somebody to talk to now!”
The twins barrel into the room and I’m surprised by a smile from Nate. Jax follows and walks straight to Tegan; she giggles as he seizes hold of her. “Gross! Don’t do that when you’re covered in sweat.”
Jax whispers something in her ear; and without another word, they head out of the room.
Will bounces down onto the sofa next to me and greets me with a kiss to match Jax’s for Tegan. I wrinkle my nose and shift away. Tegan’s right – gross.
“Hey, Fleur, what did you think?” calls Nate.
“Good.”
Nate snorts. “Good. Your girlfriend thinks you’re only good, Will.”
His light-hearted comment is a relief after the earlier animosity and I smile. “Very good.”
Will pokes me. “Fucking amazing!”
“You were good,” I repeat and kiss him.
“You know how awesome I am, you found out last night,” Will murmurs into my ear.
Instantly, heat flares in my cheeks and I turn to Nate. “I prefer Taylor Swift, did he tell you?”
“Holy fuck, no way!” laughs Nate. “Seriously, dude? You’re dating a girl who likes that crap.”
“Will likes her too…” I say and bite my lip.
Nate shakes his head at Will. “You’ll say anything to impress a chick.”
“He knows all the moves,” I continue.
A speechless Will stares at me as I ruin his credibility.
“Sure he does.” Nate grabs a shirt from the pile of clothes on a nearby chair. “Stop wasting time. Get changed. We’re going out, remember?”
****
Half an hour later, we bundle into a taxi and arrive at Blue Room, the place I said I’d never go. A small group of people stand around the entrance; far enough from t
he bouncers to not cause trouble, but close enough to spot us. They come armed with phones and paper, calling out to Nate and Will as we approach the doors. The twins pause and go over to them, posing with their eager fans who take selfies with the boys. Is this for real? Nate curls an arm around one girl’s waist, closer than the others, and she holds out her arm for him to sign.
I stiffen as a girl taking Will’s picture rests her head against his, and he wraps an arm around her shoulder. This is understated compared to star frenzy I’ve seen in the past, but uncomfortable to see him close to other girls. Will is all smiles for his fans, but heading towards me, he frowns.
“Come on!” Will grabs my hand and we pass the group, who are now comparing the pictures they took. The girl who was with Will looks up and her mouth parts as she looks between Will and me.
“Will has a girlfriend,” she says to her friend who joins in her scrutiny.
I glance at Will who grips my hand tighter; but to my relief, the girl calls out, “She’s pretty! I hope she’s nice!”
I wince. How old are they?
A flash dazzles me as a photo is taken of the pair of us.
“Whoa!” I say. “Really?”
“Don’t stress, you look gorgeous,” Will says.
“Will the pictures be shared?”
He shrugs. “Dunno.”
I didn’t think this through.
We step past the bouncers; and on the way in, Nate whispers something to the burly, suited guy and points at the girl he was with. The man nods and we step inside.
“This was much easier when I had my wingman to take the chick’s friend,” he says loudly as the music thuds through from the main room into the entrance hallway.
Is he deliberately snarking me? Nate doesn’t look over and Will shoves him.
“Like that’ll stop you.”
The Blue Room is a dark, loud, and intimidating place hidden behind double-doors at the edge of Camden. The name makes sense. The smaller than expected venue has painted, dark blue walls decorated in band posters and graffiti art, and the theme extends to the rough wooden bar. Chairs and tables surround the small dance-floor and the place has a relaxed and intimate atmosphere I never expected.
Ruby Riot sit in a cordoned off raised area at the rear of the club, low sofas around a couple of metal tables. Jax waves as we head over. Tegan’s curled into Jax’s side and he has an arm across her shoulder, holding a beer in the other. They deserve their position as the beautiful couple of the day. She’s gorgeous and he’s, well, Jax Lewis of the perfect face and perfect body variety.