by Lisa Swallow
Will appears at the bottom of the stairs. His green eyes are smudged with tired marks and hair mussed, but I only notice his naked chest. I never stare at semi-naked men the way some girls do but I guess I can make Will an exception to that.
“Your t-shirt is over there,” says Anne with a smirk, indicating his discarded clothing hung over the chair.
“Cool. Thanks.”
“Nice tatt,” she remarks as he pulls on his shirt. “I never thought I’d find a half-naked Campbell in my house.”
I remain silent. It’s one thing to be sexually liberated, another to be sexually liberated in a small house in earshot of my friend. Anne is teasing, isn’t she? I grapple for a subject change.
A large bunch of flowers sits in a vase in the middle of the small dining table, pinks roses with a white spray. “They’re lovely,” I say to Anne.
She glances at Will. “You have a romantic boyfriend.”
Will straightens. “What?”
“Where are they from?” I ask.
“Delivered this morning. They’re definitely for you.” She sighs. “Wish somebody would buy me flowers.”
I pick up the card resting on the table next to the vase.
Thanks for the other night. It was special. When can I see you again?
My heart thumps hard against my chest as I re-read the unsigned note. Will takes the card from me and studies it, his face impassive.
“Are you sure they’re not for you?” I ask Anne.
“No. Kyle was here when they were delivered and he said they weren’t.”
“Maybe he’s lying?”
“Somebody is,” says Will in a low voice.
I swallow. “They’re not from you?”
“No.” He tosses the card on the table.
“Oh.”
Anne’s mouth parts, and she closes her laptop. “I might go upstairs…”
As she wanders upstairs, I slump onto the chair by the table. “I don’t know who they’re from, Will.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
He rests against the counter and crosses his arms. “Ethan?”
“No, why are you paranoid about him? He cheated on me! I wouldn’t lower myself to go back to him. Especially as I have a guy who treats me like you do.”
“Guys don’t randomly send girls flowers!”
“Maybe somebody is trying to cause problems?”
“Who?”
“I don’t know! Fans of yours?” Shaun. This is bloody Shaun. “It happens, right?”
“Something in your eyes tells me you’re lying, Fleur. Was I away too long? Somebody else step in?”
“What? No! Will, don’t be ridiculous!”
The tension thickens. Surely, he doesn’t believe I cheated on him; he was only away a few days. “Tell me the truth, I can take it.”
I stand and pull at Will’s arms, but he’s closed off. “Will, please. This is crazy.” I touch his face. “Why would I want somebody else?”
“Lots of reasons.”
“No reasons! Do you really think I’d do this?”
“I don’t know what to believe.” The look he gives me hardens. He’s already made up his mind that I’m lying.
“I swear I have no idea who they’re from!”
Will puffs air into his cheeks and scouts around the room for his boots. Without a word, he pulls them on and checks his pockets. “I should go. I need to think about this.”
“Will. Let’s talk. Don’t let whoever did this screw things up!”
“No,” he says in a flat voice and stands. “I need to go.”
“Don’t be like this.”
“I came back to London and found my girlfriend has flowers from another guy! How do you expect me to react?”
“I don’t know who they’re from! Somebody is screwing with us, Will!”
“Why would somebody do that? And how would the person know where you live?”
“You keep telling me you’re famous! Fans do weird things, right?”
“Nice excuse, Fleur.”
Last night forged further the closeness I’ve never had with a guy before, a step into Will’s world and his into my heart. How can he doubt me like this? Does Will know so little about me, he thinks I’d behave like this. I bite down the accusation that he used to, and I should be the jealous one, but I don’t. What would be the point?
I could go to Will, hold him, and hope he sees the truth in my eyes; but he won’t look at me. He’s closed down.
“I’ll talk to you later when I’ve got my head around whatever the hell is going on between us.” I watch in shocked disbelief as Will pulls open the front door, steps away from my perfect day, and closes it quietly behind him.
****
I don’t know who sent the flowers, or why; but this is not ruining what I have with Will.
In a fit of fury, I tear the heads from the flowers and throw them in the bin outside. Then I stand in the cold and stare at the clear winter sky, head spinning from a mixture of exhaustion and emotion.
What the hell do I do? I understand his reaction because if I were in Will’s shoes, I’d be suspicious too. The level of trust in our relationship isn’t there yet, which is partly my fault for not telling Will about Shaun. If Will knew what was happening, he may not have jumped to this conclusion. But can I tell Will about Shaun? If Will loses his temper when somebody upsets me, how the hell will he react to the Shaun problem?
No. I’m not leaving this. I refuse to let Will brood on the situation and to follow his trail of thought to the wrong conclusion.
A couple of hours later, I’m outside his small house in Greenwich, stomach flipping over and over as I wait for somebody to answer the door. What if Will’s shock has turned to anger? Nate answers and looks at me through bleary eyes.
“Fleur?” He rubs his face. “Thought you were already here with Will.”
“No.”
“Ah.” He steps back and opens the door further. “I’ll see if he’s around.”
The house is littered with bottles and empty fast food boxes and I stay near the front door as Nate pushes a pizza box from the sofa. “Sit.”
“Thanks.”
“William!” yells Nate suddenly. When there’s no response, he yells again.
“What?” an equally loud voice calls back.
“You have a visitor!” Nate runs hand through his hair and eyes me warily. “So, yeah. I should get you a drink?”
“I’m fine.”
“Right.”
We both sit. Nate folds his arms and I chew a nail as we refuse to look at each other. This time I don’t feel animosity, but awkwardness. “So, how’s uni? Haven’t been there much. Well, you knew that. Um,” he asks.
“Great. Thanks. How was your trip to Edinburgh?”
“Yeah. Good.”
“I enjoyed the concert last night.”
The stilted conversation continues; and in this moment, the twins become separate to me, visually. Not just the hair, but Nate’s manner. His facial expressions are less open to me, and he has different habits. He flexes his fingers, scrunches his nose. Little things that make him Nate and not the twin I’m in love with.
This is also the moment I’m convinced Will’s love for me goes beyond the physical lust. They share the looks and the body, but Nate’s eyes don’t hold the tenderness that Will’s do.
I worried I might be attracted to both twins; at first that wasn’t possible because of Nate’s attitude to me, but now he’s friendlier, he’s still a different man however much he looks like Will.
Footsteps thud down the carpeted stairs and I turn my head. Will.
“Hey,” he says.
“Hey.”
Awkward conversation looks set to continue, with both the twins.
“Ah. I understand.” Nate grabs a plate of toast from the low table and heads upstairs. “Good luck, man. I warned you, didn’t I?”
Will steps aside to allow his brother past. “Why did you come o
ver?”
“To be mature about the situation.”
“And what’s the situation?” he asks, voice cold.
“Something is happening with Shaun.”
Will straightens. “What the hell? You’re with that douche?”
“What? No! You know what I think of him!”
Will narrows his eyes. “Shaun sent you the flowers?”
“I think so. I can’t be sure.”
“Why would he if you’re not… with him? That makes no sense.”
“He’s messing with me, Will. I don’t think he took my no very well.”
Will perches on the edge of the tatty armchair opposite me. “Your ‘no’?” His eyes widen. “Oh! Is he harassing you? Do you need me to talk to him?”
Talk to him. Judging by Will’s grip on the edge of the chair arm, I don’t think talk is on his agenda.
“I’m dealing with this. I just need you to know that nobody had a great night with me while you were away. I spent the whole time wishing you were here. Why jump to this conclusion?”
Will sinks back and the tension drops. “Because I’m not here enough.”
“I know, and that’s okay with me. It’s part of who you are.”
“I’m not studying. I’m gonna fail my degree. You want a smart guy, not a slacker. Until recently, you were looking for somebody like you.”
“Slacker? Jesus, Will. You’re a successful musician.” I reach out and take his hand. “And you are someone like me; otherwise, why would we feel how we do? You’re worth ten of the guys I’ve known in the past. Didn’t you listen to me the other day?”
“Yeah, but… I don’t know.”
“You know what’s funny? I thought I’d be the insecure one, worried about the girls lusting after you and if you’d keep your self-control.”
“You don’t need to worry about that, Fleur.” He bites his lip. “I dunno. I guess after years of being told my choices were stupid and I’d regret trying to make the band work, I sometimes feel I don’t measure up to the smart guys. The ambitious ones.”
His words stun me. This talented man telling me he feels inferior? “You’re both of those things. So what if you’re not academic? You’re smart and funny and successful.”
“But this could all disappear, and I could end up working at McDonalds or some shit like that.”
“Surely, you don’t really think that! Look at what’s happening to you. Have faith in yourself, Will.”
He scrunches his face up. “When we started, this was a bit of fun. No stress. Just playing. Doing our own thing. Now we have a manager and publicist, and fuck knows who else making decisions. I don’t want to lose what’s normal.”
“You won’t.”
“Yeah? Have you seen the crap thrown at famous people? Do you want to be part of that? With me? Or do you wanna have a quiet life with an intellectual guy who’s there when you need him?”
“The only person I want a life with is somebody who loves and respects me. And as long as you do, you’re that person.” He stares at his bare feet. “Where’s this coming from, Will?”
“I’m bloody scared of getting hurt.”
“Being in love is always a risk, up to you whether you want to or not.”
“I guess.”
“Do you know what else you are that sets you above every other guy I’ve met? You’re genuine.”
Will’s mouth tips at the corner. “Genuinely odd.”
“Genuinely Will.” I pause. “Apart from when you’re Nate.”
“We’re over that, aren’t we?” he asks.
“You know we are.” I go to Will and sit on his lap, wrapping my arms around him. “Will Campbell, you’re genuine and a bit of an idiot sometimes, but I love you.”
“You’re awesome.”
“So you keep saying.”
Will wraps me in his arms and holds me tightly against him, squeezing the breath from my lungs. “I love you. Be my normal.”
“Be my crazy. “ I pull his head so he has to look at me. “We can meet in the middle.”
“Our crazy normal place we go when we’re alone?”
“That’s the one.”
The words are sealed not with a gentle kiss but a breath-consuming, intense passion spilling into my body. The relief we sorted this out quickly pulls away the dark worry of the last few days.
Shaun nags the corner of my mind. I’ve told Will, but downplayed how serious this is becoming. I have no doubt Shaun sent the flowers. Did he see us together again? Decide he can ruin this? I have no proof, but I’m scared over what could happen next. Surely, Shaun won’t ruin his career by continuing this behaviour.
If I say anything to Will, or anybody, I’ll inflame the situation.
All I need to do is keep my head down and finish this year. If Shaun does anything else and I can prove it’s him, I’ll step up and deal with the issue then.
Chapter Thirty-Six
ONE MONTH LATER
FLEUR
I check the online bulletin board again. My results for the last assignment aren’t posted. Still. Steph and Sam got their grades two days ago. I need to talk to somebody and find out why; I’ll chat to the faculty office later. Gulping down the rest of my coffee, I look around for my coat.
Will’s away again; he’s only around three days out of seven currently and has all but given up on his course. He’s back to last year’s study habits: none. Will’s admitted his decision to come back was to prove a point to his parents; and occasionally, he mentions he should finish his degree. I point out to him that, even with the best tutor in the world this isn’t going to happen, and that a bestselling album is enough achievement for one year.
“Letter for you,” says Anne as I walk past the lounge. She points at the table.
“Thanks.” I grab the envelope. University logo. More fees probably. Shoving it in my pocket, I head out to catch the bus.
English winters suck. Rain and grey skies, or ice-cold winds. Late November and a five minute walk to the bus stop involves a scarf and gloves. On the bus, I squeeze onto a seat next to an elderly lady and open the letter.
I have to re-read three times to be sure the words are what they say, and double-check this is definitely addressed to me.
Plagiarism.
Disciplinary hearing.
Possible expulsion.
The world lurches off course as the bus continues onward to campus.
How? I never collaborate. I’m always precise with citations. I have never, ever cut and pasted a single word from an online article.
Collaborate.
The paper crumples as I tighten my grip. The paper I submitted is a polished version of the research I showed Shaun a few weeks ago. The one he loved because the theories linked to his research. But how could that be plagiarism? If it is, he’s the one who plagiarised me.
I pull my phone out and find the site for the publication Shaun mentioned the other day. The article has a similar title and I scan the words, nausea and panic rising. Sentences match mine, as do research points and ideas. My new interpretations of the topic jump off the screen.
This is mine.
He published my work, and weeks before I submitted my paper. Shaun’s article was out there and I handed in an assignment almost identical.
When the bus reaches my stop, I stumble off and head straight to the Faculty office. What do I do? I mumble something about the letter, ask who I need to contact, and my perfect academic world shatters around me. Minor plagiarism can lead to a failed paper and a warning. Something as major as this could end my academic career before it starts.
There are not enough foul words in the world to apply to the Irish bastard.
I have class but my legs propel me in another direction. Five minutes later and I’m hammering on Shaun’s door. No reply. I check his available hours on the note pinned beneath; I’ll need to wait until later this afternoon to find him.
Ashamed and convinced the whole department knows, I slink away. I can�
��t face class. I can’t face anybody. I fold the letter and place it back in the envelope, pushing away the reality as I head to the library.
Immersed in books and the internet for hours, blanking out the waves of fear and disgust, I forget I’m due to meet Will until my rumbling stomach and dizziness remind me. I grab the books from my desk and head to the shelves.
Shaun stands a few metres away and I halt.
As he pulls a book from the tall shelf, Shaun catches sight of me, and smiles to himself, as he looks away again.
I storm over. “I need to talk to you.”
“I’m not supposed to talk to you,” he replies in a low voice. “I’m surprised and to be honest insulted by what you’ve done after all the help I gave you.”
“That’s a lie and you know it,” I hiss. “You took those ideas from me. You saw my research!”
“No, I stupidly shared my research with you and look what you did.”
“I have my notes to prove it,” I snap.
“And so do I. Who are they likely to believe? The respected staff member or the little girl desperate to be the best.”
“You bastard!” Anger shakes through my body and I slam the books down on a low table next to us. “You can’t do this!”
Shaun leans closer. “I already did.”
His face remains centimetres from mine, breath touching my lips as he looks steadily at me. He will not intimidate me.
“I could talk to the Board, I guess,” he says. “Explain the misunderstanding; that we collaborated and you were just stupid, not deliberate.”
“I am not stupid!”
“You’ve been very stupid. If you come to my office later we can discuss this.” His gaze flicks to my mouth. “In private.”
“No way!” I step back. “You disgusting piece of shit!”
“You know what, Fleur?” he says quietly. “The fact you’re perpetually resistant makes this much more interesting. I’m enjoying this.”
I blink at his admission. “I will never do anything with you. I’ll prove this is my work and not yours.”
His tight-lipped smile grows. “How important is your career? What was it you told me once? The only thing you wanted from life? Make the choice.” He rubs my arm. “Make the right one. I can help you.”