“Each of you will be given two canisters of oxygen on summit day,” Sam continued. “Enough for twelve hours of air. Running out of oxygen and descending to Camp Six unaided is not a recommended course of action. Therefore, I suggest we remain at the summit only as long as necessary to complete the tasks needed to make the climb official. You’re going to be fighting both the mountain and the elements. I don’t want you to be at war with your own bodies as well.” She took a breath. “As I said at the beginning of this trip, most accidents happen on the descent, not the climb. After you reach the summit, you’re going to be exhausted, exhilarated, then deflated. When the realization hits that the primary goal of this mission has been achieved and there’s nothing left to accomplish other than going home, I’d rather you experience that moment closer to BC.”
“I have a question,” Olivia said. “Has your team installed fixed ropes all the way to the summit or will we be forced to wait while the task is completed? As I’m sure you’re well aware, fixed ropes are a necessity on vertical faces and steep inclines. The installation, however, could cause a delay we can’t afford under the circumstances.”
“Agreed,” Sam said. When Olivia’s eyes drifted toward the projection of the oncoming storm, she followed her gaze. She turned off the projector. Trying to seem casual and relaxed, she tried to restore Olivia’s confidence. “Jimmy supervised the installation of fixed ropes during a successful summit of Annapurna I earlier this year. Those ropes should still be intact. If they aren’t, it shouldn’t take long to make the necessary repairs. In case repairs are necessary, each member of the support team will carry one hundred feet of fresh rope in their backpacks. I don’t anticipate the additional coils will end up being used, but better to have them and not need them than need them and not have them.”
Olivia’s face blanched. Sam wondered if she was remembering the fixed ropes breaking on the ice ridge. Sam thanked her lucky stars every night that Olivia’s accident hadn’t resulted in serious injury. During the fall, Olivia could have easily broken an arm, a leg, or even her neck. Instead, the only fracture was to their burgeoning relationship. A tradeoff Sam was more than willing to accept.
“Get lots of shut eye tonight. I’ll see you in the morning.”
*
Olivia followed her team members out of the tent after the meeting adjourned. She knew they should probably heed Sam’s admonition to get plenty of rest before tomorrow’s ascent, but she was too keyed up to sleep. She followed Peter, Pasang, and Marie-Eve to the series of sal stumps that circled a small fire.
“What are you most looking forward to about going home?” Pasang asked.
“Being able to breathe without an oxygen tank strapped to my back,” Peter said.
“Being warm,” Marie-Eve said as she took a seat next to Olivia. “I’ve been freezing ever since Jimmy and Lhakpa dug me up after the avalanche. What about you, Doc?”
“Crowds.” Olivia warmed her hands by the fire. “At one time, I thought I could never feel lonelier than in a roomful of strangers. Now I know better. Out here, I feel like we’re the last people on earth.”
“I know what you mean.” Marie-Eve turned uncharacteristically introspective. “Before yesterday, I was yearning for a connection. Fortunately, I was able to find one.”
“Yeah, I heard. You and Rae put on quite a show.”
Marie-Eve hid her crimson cheeks inside the turned-up collar of her thick down parka.
Olivia turned to watch Sam supervise the loading of the surplus furniture and equipment into a compact tractor-trailer. As each item passed by, she ticked them off on an inventory sheet. Pretty soon, the only things left would be the tent over their heads and the cots underneath their butts.
As the last of the folding chairs disappeared into the back of the truck, Sam turned as if she could sense being observed. Her eyes bore into Olivia’s. Olivia resisted the urge to turn away. She tried to decipher the quizzical look on Sam’s face.
How did Sam see her? As a favored client, a delicate flower that needed protecting, or a woman who piqued her interest? At times, she felt like all three, but she didn’t know which role suited her best. Perhaps one day she’d have time to find out.
As she continued to meet Sam’s gaze, she felt something stir in her—a flicker of desire that quickly burst into flame. Perhaps the time was now.
Chapter Thirteen
Sam was so worn out she barely tasted dinner, a joint effort from Pasang and Roland that, based on the rate at which it disappeared, must have been delicious. She fell into bed exhausted but couldn’t fall asleep. In her head, she kept visualizing the route for tomorrow’s ascent—and replaying the look Olivia gave her while she was loading the truck. The look had been an odd mixture of idle curiosity and naked desire. Was Olivia on the hunt for a random hook-up similar to Rae and Marie-Eve’s or was she looking for something that would last longer than it took for the water in the outdoor shower to run dry?
Sam didn’t know if she could provide either. She had dabbled in her fair share of one-night stands over the years—evenings that often began with a look and always ended with a promise not often kept to keep in touch—but this felt different.
If she allowed herself to give in to the desire she felt for Olivia, she didn’t think she’d be able to say good-bye when the long, dark night turned into day.
Sam bunched up her pillow, rolled over on her side, and tried to convince herself the point was moot.
Just three more days, she told herself as she tried to force sleep to come. In three more days, you’ll never have to see Olivia Bradshaw again.
The thought didn’t provide the comfort she longed for. Far from it.
Giving up on sleep, she pulled on her boots, grabbed her jacket, and headed outside, the powerful beam of her headlamp guiding the way.
She took a seat on the sal stump where she had ridden out many a restless night. She took a deep breath of the crisp mountain air and tried to will away her anxiety. It had been years since she had felt this out of sorts before a summit push. Her team was ready. Of that, she had no doubt. Jimmy and Lhakpa were exceptional climbers, and Pasang had proven himself to be equally adept. His performance during the first part of the expedition had earned him a well-deserved shot at the summit.
No, it wasn’t her team but Olivia’s that concerned her. Specifically, Olivia herself.
Marie-Eve and Peter seemed ready for the challenges the next few days would bring. Olivia said she was, too, but Sam wouldn’t truly believe her until they made it past the ice ridge. Maybe then she could finally relax.
Stop fooling yourself.
She blew out a sigh. She wouldn’t be able to relax until Olivia Bradshaw was either in her arms or thousands of miles away—well out of arm’s reach.
Sam stared up at the night sky, but instead of the stars, her attraction to Olivia was the focus of her examinations.
Olivia was obviously beautiful, but her physical attributes weren’t the only reason Sam was drawn to her. She cared about other people’s well-being so much she was willing to put her own at risk in order to raise money for their medical care. Not only that. Watching her put her medical expertise to work was exciting and incredibly sexy.
Sam liked women who were confident and in control. When Olivia treated a patient—Chance after he collapsed from HAPE, Marie-Eve after she was buried in the snow, John after he came down with HACE, even Peter’s nosebleed and Pasang’s head laceration—she had seemed all-powerful.
But her compassion was always in evidence. She appeared to have genuine concern for the people in her care. To her, they were people not cases.
Sam sighed again. If Olivia’s healing hands touched her, would they be able to remove the thick layers of scar tissue that had formed over her heart? Despite her obvious skill, Sam doubted even Olivia could pull off an operation that complex.
“Why am I not surprised to find you here?”
Sam’s wounded heart raced at the sound of Olivia’s voi
ce, raspy and low from the lateness of the hour. If this was how she sounded first thing in the morning, Sam wanted to wake up with her every day.
“Can’t sleep?” she asked as Olivia took a seat next to her.
“I can’t wait to get going.”
Sam glanced at her watch. The slowly revolving hands glowed in the dark. “We’ve got another two and a half hours before we shove off.”
“I know. I’ve been staring at the clock for the past forty-five minutes. I figured the view was better out here. I also thought I’d be first in line for the shower, but I don’t mind sharing if you want to conserve water.”
Olivia’s broad grin let Sam know she was kidding, but that didn’t keep the pleasant thought of showering with Olivia from entering her mind. Slowly soaping Olivia’s body, kneading the fatigue from her muscles, stoking her desire while she cried out for more.
“We’ve had a slew of problems during this expedition,” Olivia said.
The sudden shift in subjects helped Sam regain the focus she had lost the second she had heard Olivia’s voice calling to her in the dark. Beckoning to her like a siren to a sailor. “I’ve seen worse,” she said, trying to avoid being dashed on the rocks rushing toward her.
“What kind of grade would you give this trip, a C or a D?”
“Any trip in which the majority of the group reaches the summit and no one gets hurt deserves an A in my book.”
“How many trips have you made?”
“Up Annapurna or in general?”
“Either.”
Sam shrugged. “More than I can count.”
“Ball park.”
“I do an average of four climbs a year. Over a course of ten years, that adds up to forty climbs, give or take.”
“Impressive. How long do you think you’ll keep at it?”
“If my body holds out, I plan to keep this up for at least another ten years or so.”
“And then?”
Olivia leaned forward as if hearing the answer to her question was the most important thing in the world. The look she had given Sam earlier had returned. This time, her curiosity was mixed with a different kind of desire. A desire for knowledge. If Sam wasn’t careful, this woman would unearth all her secrets. The strange thing was she didn’t want to be careful. She had already told Olivia about Mont Blanc—the secret she had tried to bury in the past. Now that the past had come to light, what was left to hold her back? Only herself. Her lingering guilt over the role she had played in Bailey’s accident kept her from moving on with her life. She needed to get out of her own way, but she didn’t know how. She had forgiven Bailey for making the choices she had made, but she couldn’t forgive herself for the decisions she had made.
Part of her wanted to share her dreams with Olivia; part of her wanted to keep them to herself. What began as idle conversation had turned personal. Did she dare open a door best left closed? Fighting her own uncertainty, she turned the knob.
“I had some good times in Mexico. I’ve always thought I’d go back one day and open a bar on the beach. The kind of place locals frequent but isn’t listed on most visitors’ guides. My own version of Cheers but with umbrella drinks instead of Sam Adams.”
“Sounds like a place I’d love to hang out in. I’ll have to look you up so I can ride a bar stool all day wearing a sarong and a bikini.”
“What about you?” Sam asked, feeling a bit curious herself. “Can you see yourself as anything other than a doctor?”
“When I was a kid, I wanted to be a basketball player when I grew up, but my jump shot is nowhere near as reliable as Chance’s. Now I can’t imagine myself as anything other than what I am. I plan to keep practicing until I keel over or someone kicks me out of the OR, whichever comes first. Now back to you. Besides climbing Shishapangma, what’s on your bucket list?”
“The usual things. To see the sun set from the top of the Empire State Building. To watch the sun rise over a glacier in Antarctica. To go to Rio during Carnival. To visit New Orleans during Mardi Gras. To have a picnic under the Northern Lights.”
“And? Your list seems incomplete.”
“I want to give more than I take. Relax more and worry less. The usual things. What about you?”
“All things considered, I’ve led a rather charmed life. I’ve had more ups than downs and more good days than bad. I’ve accomplished more than I ever thought I would and gotten myself into and out of scrapes I initially considered impossible to escape. But by far the most magical moment I’ve ever had is—”
“Climbing Annapurna?”
“Sitting here with you. Enjoying the simple pleasures of life—talking about whatever comes to mind, experiencing the joy of discovery. I had forgotten how much fun those things could be. Thank you for reminding me.”
“You’re welcome.”
Olivia sat back, a satisfied look on her face. “I think this is the longest conversation we’ve had since we met.”
“It’s definitely the longest I’ve seen you sit still. Why are you always in such a hurry? Afraid you’re going to miss something?”
Olivia’s smile faltered a bit as if Sam had stumbled upon a sensitive subject. “I want to experience as many things as I can. The faster I can get from Point A to Point B, the faster I can move on to something else.”
Sam wondered if Olivia treated the women in her life just as matter-of-factly. Another reason to stay far, far away.
“The faster you move on, the less time you have to savor what you’ve just accomplished. The experience you’ll have on Sunday is one you don’t want to rush. Do yourself a favor. Savor every moment.”
“And then?”
“That’s up to you.” Sam pushed herself to her feet. “I’m going to try to catch twenty winks before breakfast. What about you?”
“I’m right behind you.”
Olivia followed Sam inside. She didn’t think she could sleep if she tried, but she finally drifted off around three a.m. Just in time for Marie-Eve’s ringing alarm clock to jolt her awake again. She blinked in the pre-dawn dark, waiting for her eyes to adjust to the lack of light.
“Up and at ’em, sunshine,” Marie-Eve said cheerily. “It’s go time.”
Olivia heard rustles, groans, and gentle whispers as the others began to stir. She tossed off her covers, swung her legs over the side of her cot, and stepped into her boots. She yawned long and loud as she vigorously rubbed her face with her hands.
“Where’s your get up and go?” Marie-Eve asked.
“It got up and went.” Olivia stood and stretched. Her joints popped like a string of lit firecrackers.
“I hope that felt better than it sounded.”
She squeezed a line of toothpaste onto the bristles of her brush. Then she grabbed a bottle of mineral water and wandered outside as she brushed her teeth.
The campsite teemed with activity. While Marie-Eve and Peter ate protein-rich energy bars to fortify themselves for the upcoming journey, Jimmy and the rest of the Sherpas checked the climbing equipment and supplies. Sam supervised their efforts.
Olivia spat out the toothpaste and took a swig of water. She rinsed her mouth before draining the bottle. She tossed the plastic container in a recycling bin and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. She still felt half-asleep. The conversation she’d shared with Sam felt like the remnants of a dream. Sam had opened up to her for the first time in weeks. The more Olivia learned about her, the more she wanted to know.
The solitary nature of Sam’s current profession seemed at odds with her plans for the future, but both seemed to suit her personality. Olivia could easily imagine her climbing mountains for another decade, then giving it up to sling drinks and share her stories. Olivia wanted to hear them all. Hopefully, she wouldn’t have to wait ten years to get started.
Talking with Sam had felt like one of those moments Sam had told her about. The kind she was supposed to savor. Olivia had wanted to sit with her all night. Talk with her until the sun rose. For once, she had
wanted to stop searching for the next experience and simply enjoy the one at hand. Sometimes she wondered if her constant search for the next goal, the next thrill would ever end. How much was enough? Would anything—anyone—ever be enough to make her put down roots instead of constantly testing her wings? Last night, Sam had made her feel like the answer was yes.
Olivia went back inside, grabbed her oversized backpack, and headed to what was left of the conference room. The space had been practically gutted. The only items that remained were several pieces of radio equipment, a laptop, and two director’s chairs. Olivia eyed the comfortable perches from which Rae and her new sidekick Roland would monitor the climb. Comfort aside, she’d rather be on the mountain than relegated to BC.
She taped one of her business cards to the front of her backpack so Rae and Roland would be able to differentiate it from the other bags lining the canvas walls. She searched the small rucksack she used for short hikes. Short, in this case, being treks that lasted a few hours instead of a few weeks. The bag also doubled as a carry-on during plane flights. Instead of a change of clothes and an extra pair of underwear, this time the bag was packed with toiletries, sunscreen, sunglasses, and a digital camera, in addition to her passport, medical bag, and cell phone.
Sitting cross-legged on the floor, she unzipped the rucksack’s middle compartment and pulled out her diary. She had taken time to make entries during each leg, recording her experiences while they were fresh on her mind so they wouldn’t get lost in the haze of memory.
She opened the book to the page she had marked after her last entry. Holding her pen cap between her teeth, she tried to describe the various emotions churning through her body.
Friday, November 8
3:50 A.M.
Today is the day I’ve been looking forward to for well over a year. In a few precious moments, Sam and her team will lead us back up the mountain. By this time tomorrow, we’ll be preparing to climb the summit. I’m recording my thoughts now because I don’t know how clear my head will be in twenty-four hours. Supplemental oxygen is an aid, not a cure-all. After we reach Camp Six, I’m sure my brain will be as foggy as a late afternoon in San Francisco.
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