Time prohibits me from listing all their names now, but each person who has played a part in the planning, organization, and execution of this climb has had a hand in its success thus far. Here’s hoping nothing happens in the next few days to change the expected rosy outcome.
When I arrive in Kathmandu, the two questions I expect to be asked the most are Was it worth it? and Would you do it again? At the moment, I don’t know the answer to either query.
I expected the trip to be challenging. So far, it has exceeded my expectations. I have never felt as frightened as I do right now. I want to reach the summit more than I’ve wanted anything in my life except my degree, but I can’t do it unless I cross the ice ridge. I experienced equipment failure on my first attempt at traversing that treacherous patch of ice. In my head, I know the chances of something similar occurring today are remote. My heart, however, isn’t so easily convinced.
I’ve always prided myself on my endurance and mental toughness. Both have been sorely tested during my time in Nepal. Both will be tested even more over the next few days. I hope I’m ready for the challenge. If I am, I will prove that I can withstand more, do more, be more than I ever thought I could. And if I’m not, I suspect the disappointment will be crushing—both for me and for those rooting for me to succeed. People are counting on me to make it to the top. I have to do my best not to screw it up.
Sam Murphy is the woman who can get me there. Our time together will come to an end in a few days, but I’m not ready to say good-bye to her yet. I enjoy the talks we have about subjects both serious and silly. I even enjoy her quiet periods that used to drive me crazy at the beginning of this trip.
She has issues to work through. Don’t we all? Part of me wants to let her face her demons in her own way in her own time, but part of me wants to help her fight through the pain. All of me wants to see what she’s like when she comes out the other side.
“There you are.”
Olivia was so focused on completing her journal entry she hadn’t heard Rae and Roland enter the room.
“Everyone’s waiting for you,” Rae said.
“You haven’t changed your mind, have you?” Roland asked.
“No, of course not.” She looked at her watch. Ten minutes after four. Her burst of inspiration had thrown everyone off schedule. “I got busy and lost track of time. Sorry.” She stuffed her journal into her bag and scrambled to her feet.
“I’ll call off the search party.” Rae lifted her walkie-talkie to her mouth. “I’ve got her, Sam. She’s in the conference room.”
“Send her my way so we can get this show on the road.”
Sam’s reply was terse, her voice gruff. Exactly the response Olivia had expected. Rae’s indulgent smile, however, seemed to indicate she shouldn’t take Sam’s brusque manner to heart.
Could Sam and Rae be any more different? Rae was quick to laugh. Her easy-going manner put Olivia at ease. Sam, on the other hand, was so tightly wound she kept Olivia on edge. But it was Sam’s face not Rae’s that she saw when she closed her eyes at night. It was Sam not Rae who fueled her fantasies, appeared in her dreams. Would her dreams ever become reality?
She mouthed more apologies as Rae waved her out of the room.
“Good luck,” Roland said. He slipped a pair of bulky radio operator headphones over his ears. “We’ll be listening.”
“She should be at your twenty in a tick,” Olivia heard Rae say into her walkie-talkie.
“Roger that.”
As she jogged toward the rendezvous point, Olivia felt like a truant who had been rounded up and summoned to the principal’s office. She feared her punishment might be much worse than a few days in detention.
Sam wasn’t much of a talker to begin with. Whenever she was upset with someone, Olivia had noticed, she didn’t yell or scream. She stopped talking to them altogether. Olivia loved open lines of communication. For her, no sanction was worse than the silent treatment. Being ignored by the person whose attention you sought the most was a fate worse than any other.
“Glad you could join us,” Sam said after Olivia skidded to a stop.
Sam’s expression was neutral. Olivia couldn’t tell if she was being jovial or mocking. Despite the many hours they’d spent together, Sam was becoming harder to read instead of easier. She pinballed from approachable to standoffish to tortured. When she began to lead everyone up the mountain, she assumed her most common persona—no-nonsense and all business. Once they cleared the crevasse near Camp One, she sent Jimmy and Pasang ahead to scout the next part of the route. Then she set a strong pace for everyone else to follow.
Lhakpa positioned himself at the rear of the pack, Olivia in the middle. Peter and Marie-Eve were about ten yards in front of her. As conditioning became a factor, Olivia passed the slower climbers with ease. By the time they made it to what had once been Camp Three, she was right on Sam’s shoulder.
“What took you so long?” Sam asked. “I was expecting you hours ago.”
Sam was so hard to read Olivia couldn’t tell if her comment was a jibe or a rare attempt at humor. She chose to treat it as the latter instead of the former. “I was savoring the moment, I guess.”
Sam walked pitched slightly forward to compensate for the weight of her backpack and the steepness of the slope. She looked—and sounded—like she had a dilapidated VW Beetle on her back. The pack’s wide straps dug into her shoulders. Metal clanked against metal each time she moved.
“Would you like me to carry your bag for a while?” Olivia asked.
“Thanks, but I can manage.”
Olivia was surprised to see a smile tug at the corner of Sam’s mouth, a refreshing change from the serious countenance she had sported all morning. She smiled, too. “What’s so funny?”
“You.” Sam shifted her backpack, providing a metallic score to her words. “You sound like you’re offering to carry my books while you walk me home from school.”
The comment conjured images of a more innocent time. Of shared milkshakes at the corner ice cream parlor and jagged initials carved into the bark of a tree. The images warmed Olivia’s heart. When she looked up at the ice ridge, however, she felt a chill that had nothing to do with the frigid temperatures.
On paper, the challenges that lay ahead were more difficult than the one they currently faced, but the ice wall and rock bands didn’t strike nearly as much fear in her as the ice ridge.
When they reached the base of the ridge, Sam set her backpack on the ground and flexed her shoulders. Olivia could almost hear the stressed ligaments sighing in relief.
“Are we working in the same teams as last time?” she asked, noticing Jimmy was positioned above the ridge while Pasang remained at its base.
“Yes.” Sam briefly squeezed her shoulder. “I meant what I said, Olivia. You don’t have to do this alone. I’ll be with you the whole way. Lhakpa and Marie-Eve will go up together. Peter and Pasang will follow. Then you and I will join them.”
Olivia nodded. Sam’s assurance and quiet confidence gave her the courage to face her fears. No way would she let this mountain beat her.
Sam reached for her walkie-talkie. “Jimmy, check in,” she said in Nepali. “How does it look up there?”
“We’re clear all the way to the ice wall. I’m headed to the rock band now.”
“Are you ready for me to send the first team your way?”
“Ready.”
“Roger that. Get everyone moving again as soon as they catch their breath after scaling the ridge. We’re making good time and I want to take advantage of it. The sooner we get to Camp Six, the better.” Sam switched to English. Olivia admired her ability to make seamless shifts between languages and cultures. “Lhakpa. Marie-Eve. You’re up. Let’s go.”
Sam pulled on each of the fixed ropes to test their strength. They looked solid enough. Then again, they had the last time, too, before one had snapped and sent Olivia plummeting down the embankment.
Lhakpa and Marie-Eve quickly climbed t
he ridge. Pasang and Peter followed. After both pairs reached the top, Sam hooked her arms through her backpack’s shoulder straps and cinched a third strap around her waist. When empty, the pack weighed about ten pounds. Fully loaded as it was now, it weighed closer to fifty.
Olivia backed away, her courage abandoning her.
“You’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met in my life,” Sam said. She guided Olivia forward, clipped her ascender to one of the reinforced nylon ropes, and gave Olivia’s helmet a gentle tap. “Now get up there and prove to yourself what I already know.”
Sam began to push herself up the ridge one step at a time. Despite the added burden of her overloaded backpack, she climbed at a comfortable pace. Not too fast, but not too slow. Olivia followed her lead, her heart in her throat the entire time. True to her word, Sam was right next to her every step of the way.
When they neared the top, Olivia felt a combination of excitement, trepidation, and fear. This was the point where everything had gone wrong during the first half of the ascent. Would it happen again?
Sam seemed to sense her doubts.
“Keep pushing,” she said quietly. “We’re almost there.”
Gripping the rope with all her might, Olivia dug her crampon into the ice to improve her footing. Then she continued to climb hand-over-hand, step-by-step until the top of the ridge was within reach. Instead of waiting for Sam to unhook and offer her a hand up, Olivia hauled herself over the edge of the ridge.
When she stood on level ground for the first time in hours, her heart hammered in her chest. From exertion, excitement, and exhilaration. She had done it. She had conquered the demon that had bedeviled her for days. She hoped reaching the summit would feel as good as it did to be standing above the crest that would haunt her dreams no more.
“Good job,” Sam said with her usual verbal economy.
“Come on,” Olivia said, feeling like her old self again. “I’ll race you to the top.”
Chapter Fourteen
Olivia went to bed early but didn’t get much sleep. In less than eight hours, they would try for the summit. In a little more than twelve hours, she would fulfill a longtime dream. If the weather held.
The wind was growing progressively worse by the minute. Intermittent gusts howled through camp as the weather system they hoped to avoid crept inexorably closer. If they didn’t make it to the top tomorrow, they would have to abandon the attempt.
Olivia pulled her sleeping bag up to her chin. Even though her earplugs muffled most of the sound, she could still hear the walls of the tent flapping in the wind. She hoped the tent stakes had been driven deep enough to hold. If the pegs were set too shallowly, she, Marie-Eve, and Sam could be blown off the mountain.
She turned on her headlamp long enough to check the gauge on her oxygen canister. This one was half full. Enough for three more hours of air. She turned off the light and tried to slow her racing mind.
Sam stirred in her sleep and moaned softly. Was she dreaming of Bailey and that day on Mont Blanc? Logic would seem to say so.
Olivia longed to stroke Sam’s hair and take away her pain, but there were some wounds even she couldn’t heal.
*
Sam jerked awake. She’d had the dream again. The one that forced her to relive the few seconds that had preyed on her mind for years. Tonight, the dream seemed worse somehow. The images were the same, but the feelings they stirred up struck her with more force than usual.
She held her head in her hands. Memories of Bailey would continue to haunt her as long as she allowed them to. She had to take control of her life before she lost her grip on the reins.
She crawled outside and headed for the communications tent. The luminescent dial on her watch read two forty-five a.m. When she located the radio, she keyed the microphone three times before raising it to her mouth.
“Summit camp to BC. Come in, BC.”
“Someone’s off to a quick start this morning,” Rae said when her voice finally came on the radio. “Do you have a hot date waiting for you in Kat or something?”
“No, I want to make sure we’re okay to go before everyone begins to stir.” Sam lowered the volume to keep from disturbing the sleeping campers. “I don’t want them to get their hopes up for nothing. There’s no need to get them ready now if we’re going to be stuck here for a few more hours. How does the weather look?”
“Give me a sec. I’m pulling up the forecast now. The hour-by-hour still looks good for today and tomorrow.”
Sam breathed a sigh of relief. Though they were still on schedule, they weren’t entirely out of danger. “If this wind keeps up, one of us is going to have a bumpy flight to Kathmandu.”
“I’ll flip you for it. Winner rides in the chopper, loser rides shotgun with Jimmy in the truck. Heads or tails?”
Without knowing whether Rae planned to flip a quarter, a rand, a rupee, or a Euro, Sam didn’t know which side of the coin in Rae’s hand was heavier and, therefore, more likely to land on top. She went with her gut. “Heads.”
Sam heard a slapping sound as Rae caught the coin and pressed it against her forearm. “Tails. You lose. Enjoy your ride.”
“I will. Enjoy your flight.”
“The way Jimmy drives, you’ll probably make it to Kat before we do. Give me a shout when you get to the summit.”
“Will do. Over and out.”
Jimmy stuck his head out of his tent and looked at her inquisitively. She gave him a thumbs-up sign, indicating they were a go. He ducked back inside. He reappeared a few minutes later with Lhakpa and Pasang in tow. After the three wolfed down a breakfast of Tibetan tea and two bowls of gruel, Jimmy and Lhakpa left to scout the route. The climbers began to spill out of their tents shortly afterward.
“Ready or not,” Sam said under her breath. “Here we go.”
*
An hour after they cleared the last crevasse, they entered the death zone, the point above twenty-six thousand feet at which there wasn’t sufficient oxygen to sustain human life for longer than a few hours. Without supplemental oxygen, high altitude sickness would quickly set in. Medical rescues at the summit were too risky due to the strong, unpredictable winds. A stricken climber would have to find the strength to descend on his own or, like John Kingsley, be carried by able-bodied friends.
Olivia checked the gauge on her first oxygen canister. She had enough remaining air to make it to the summit and out of the death zone before she would have to switch. Good. The conditions were too rough to make the change now.
She clung to the fixed rope as the wind buffeted her body. Her boots, laden with melted snow and ice, felt like they were made of lead. Reminding herself that her long quest was almost over helped ease the burden. Adrenaline kicked in, flooding her body with much-needed energy. She felt like sprinting to the top, but she somehow managed to convince herself to take her time.
She was at the head of the pack. Only Sam would make it to the summit before she would. Jimmy and Lhakpa were already there.
Four hundred feet. Three hundred. Two.
She passed makeshift memorials erected to honor the lives of the fallen. She paused to acknowledge their loss. Her group had been fortunate. They had suffered through unexpected departures and endured more than one close call, but all had survived the attempt. So far. If Sam was right—if leaving the summit was more treacherous than reaching it—the worst was yet to come.
One hundred feet. Fifty.
Olivia could see the peak and the sky beyond it. With one last push, she was standing on the summit. She was standing on the top of the most dangerous mountain in the world. She thrust her arms in the air as Jimmy and Lhakpa applauded her achievement. Sam was there, too, but she didn’t join the celebration. She stood stone-faced, her eyes focused on the other climbers still making their way up the mountain.
Olivia tried to make the most of her brief time at the top. She stood with her legs spread far apart, bracing herself against the wind. She looked down the other side of the
mountain. She had to squint to see the villages and valley far below.
She pulled her cell phone out of her pocket, pulled up her Twitter feed, and typed a quick message for her followers: “Top of the world, Ma! #summitAnnapurnaI.” Then she fished her digital camera out of her rucksack. Before the climb, her publicist had asked her to pose for solo portraits when she reached the summit, but she decided to wait for Marie-Eve, Peter, and Pasang to arrive. She hadn’t made it to the top on her own. She had done it as part of a team and she wanted her team to share the accomplishment.
“We did it, Doc!” Marie-Eve said when she joined her at the summit.
“Get ready to break out your ice skates,” Olivia said after they shared a joyous hug.
Marie-Eve laughed. “I forgot to bring them. But I did remember this.” She pulled a hockey puck out of her pocket and tossed it to Olivia. “For you, Doc. So you don’t forget us when you get back to Denver.”
“Not a chance.” Olivia turned the puck over in her hands. Annapurna I was written on one side, Team Bradshaw on the other. The climbers’ signatures were scrawled along the edges. Even Roland’s, Rae’s, and Sam’s names appeared on the rubber disk.
Olivia ran her finger over Sam’s autograph. Sam had barely acknowledged her arrival at the summit, yet she had taken part in something this thoughtful to commemorate the rest of the climb?
She glanced at Sam, standing strong and powerful as the wind buffeted her body. She seemed so at home here in this desolate, unforgiving environment. Olivia had once hoped to unravel the mystery locked in Sam’s eyes. Though she knew the secret, she still didn’t know the woman. Would she ever?
“Would you like me to take your picture with my camera or yours?” Sam asked.
“Use mine.” Sam stepped forward and plucked the compact camera out of her hand. “It’s the button on top.”
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