by Jewel, Bella
Then I wait.
He’ll either come out here and get me.
Or he’ll hurt someone.
Worse, he’ll do what he threatened.
A few minutes later, someone knocks on the door, and the voice of the waitress can be heard through it. “I’m going to have to call the police if you don’t come out, I’m sorry...”
“That man,” I say through it, my voice trembling. “Is he gone?”
“The one at your table? Yes, he left straight away.”
Is she lying?
“Is he with you?” I croak. “Is he making you say that?”
“No, he isn’t. Should I call the police? Is he dangerous? I’m calling them.”
I stand and turn, opening the door. She’s alone, thank God. “Please don’t, I’ll go and see them myself. I’m sorry. That man...he’s...he scares me. He’s an ex. And he won’t leave me alone. I didn’t mean to disrupt your day.”
Her eyes scan me, and then the office, and I know she’s checking to see if I’ve stolen anything.
I don’t blame her.
I really don’t.
I’m acting crazy.
“Is he dangerous?” she asks.
“I don’t think so. But, he is obsessed with me and won’t leave me alone. I’m sorry. I didn’t...I didn’t expect him to follow me in here. I’ll leave.”
It’s not the entire truth, but if I tell her he’s dangerous, she’s going to have me out of here in a split second. I wouldn’t blame her. But, until Erin gets here, I’m not stepping out of this office.
Her face softens, and she reaches out, touching my arm, “No, it’s okay. I’ve been in a similar situation. I understand fear, more than most people.” I doubt it. But I nod anyway. “I’ll go out, make sure everything is clear. You called someone for a ride, are they far away?”
“She should be here any moment,” I say, my voice still shaking from fear.
“I’ll go and check, stay here. I’ll lock the front doors for a while, so he can’t come back in.”
So thankful to this stranger, I nod, and a tear rolls down my cheek.
She smiles warmly, and then disappears back out front. I stay, frozen in spot, until she comes back with Erin by her side. As soon as I see my friend, I exhale and then cry. It’s pathetic, weak even, but I’m so damned grateful to see her right now.
“Shania told me what happened. Ellie, are you okay?”
Shania has been helping me, and I never even stopped to ask her name. I feel rude, but I hope she understands.
“Yeah,” I say, swallowing back my tears. “He came right in and sat by me...he...”
I don’t go on, because Shania doesn’t need any more drama when she hears what he threatened me with. I’ll tell Erin later, when we’re alone.
“Okay, you can tell me later. Let’s get you out of here, okay?”
Erin looks to Shania, “Did you see where he went?”
Shania shakes her head. “Only that he exited quickly after she splashed water on him. I couldn’t even get over and ask if he needed assistance. Sorry.”
“He wasn’t out front when I came in,” Erin says, “but I don’t trust it. I’m calling Slater.”
“No,” I cry out loudly. “No, please. Call Malakai. Don’t call Slater.”
Erin frowns, but nods.
Ten minutes later, the small café is filled with three gorgeous bikers, who have everyone stopping what they’re doing, and staring. They fill the small, petite space, and dominate it. Malakai, Mason and Koda all came to assist me out of here. Shania stares at them, her mouth slightly agape, her cheeks rosy.
“Thank you,” I say to her. “I’m so sorry I caused such a disruption.”
She waves a hand, and smiles, “I understand it, believe me. I hope you’re okay. And I really hope he leaves you alone. Being afraid of someone is an awful feeling.”
I have a feeling maybe she really does know.
And if she does, I feel for her.
I smile at her, weakly, and then turn to Malakai who is waiting for us.
“You ready?” he asks.
I nod.
We exit the café, me basically surrounded by the three big men until we reach Erin’s car. We get in, and they tell me they’ll meet us at the bakery, because I refuse to go back to Slater’s house.
As soon as the door is shut, Erin turns to me. “Now, talk.”
So I do.
I talk.
And I tell her everything.
~*~*~*~
THEN – SLATER
I’m a fuckin’ idiot.
I know it, I know it as soon as I’ve done it, but I thought I could get away with it. I thought I could take matters into my own hands, and twist things so it looked like Walter had been betrayed by another one of the dealers, little did I know he has eyes on me, everywhere I fuckin’ go. And my plan, my fuckin’ big plan, that I thought out - went to shit. Tried to tell him that I’d been underpaid, and for a bit, I thought he believed me.
I now know he doesn’t.
He doesn’t believe me.
And the money I stole to pay the mortgage, is now basically blood on my hands.
I’m a fuckin’ idiot.
I’m pacing my room, trying to figure out what the fuck I’m going to do when he comes after me. And he will. He will come after me. He’ll want what’s owed to him, and he’ll want blood for the money I so stupidly thought I could get away with stealing. I thought I had it all figured out, but fuck, I’ve ruined everything.
And now I’m in danger, probably everyone I love, too.
“Hey.”
I look up and see Ellie standing in my doorway. She smiles, weakly, but it’s there. She’s the most important person in this world to me, and the idea of anything happening to her is something I can’t handle, so I know I have to make her safe, and the only way for me to do that is to make sure she has nothing to do with me. I stare into her eyes, and I know what I’m about to do will kill her. If I don’t do it, and this mess doesn’t get cleaned up, she is in the firing line.
I can’t live with that.
“Hey,” I mutter.
“Listen, Slater, I’m sorry things between us have been so tense lately. I don’t want to keep fighting with you. I really don’t...”
“About that,” I say, and I swear to fuckin’ Christ I feel my heart tearing in half. I feel it splitting in two, like someone is going to rip it out of my chest with their bare hands. It hurts so damned much. “I think we’re in different places of our lives, Ellie. You’re young, and just finished school, and ready to begin your life. I’m at a point where I don’t know what I want, and...I’m not goin’ to bring you down while I figure it out.”
The look on her face, nearly brings me to my knees.
“I was right,” she whispers, “all along I was right. You’ve found someone else, haven’t you?”
I stare at her, and I hate, fuckin’ hate, fuckin’ despise, the words that come out of my mouth next. “Yeah, I’ve met someone else.”
I want to rip my own voice box out. I want to claw my fuckin’ eyes out so I don’t have to see the pain on her face, the unmasked pain and horror, the way all the color drains from her cheeks, the way her voice breaks when she says, “Slater, I love you. I don’t...”
“Please,” I say, my voice wavering. “Please, just leave, Ellie. This isn’t going to work. You’re better off without me.”
“Slater...”
“Get out, fuck, please. It’s over. It’s finished.”
“Don’t do this,” she cries, and her voice finally cracks, and tears roll down her cheeks.
I’m goin’ to be sick.
Fuck.
What have I done.
What am I doing?
I’m an idiot. A stupid fuckin’ idiot.
“You need to leave,” I grind out, trying to fight back my own tears.
“You want to be with someone else?”
“Yes.”
“Slater...please...can
we just...I don’t, I don’t believe you...”
“Get out!” I bark. “Fuck. It’s over. Get out, Ellie. Leave!”
She makes a pained cry, and clutches her chest. Then, with one last ragged sob, she turns and runs out the door. Only when I hear the front door slam, do I drop to my knees, grip my hair, and fuckin’ cry. Man or not, it feels like my heart is being torn from my chest. What I just did to her, she’ll never recover from. Even if by some small miracle, I sort out this mess I’m in, and try to fix it, I’ll never be able to fix that.
But it’s for the best.
I’m all kinds of broken, and I’ve complicated my life to the point of no return.
She doesn’t deserve to be held back because of me. She’ll be okay. She’ll fall in love again. She’s young, and strong.
But me, I’m fuckin’ broken, and damaged, and no good.
She’s better off without me.
But the thought of not touching her again, kissing her again, hearing her sweet laughter - makes me want to die. It makes me want to give everything away, and just give up. Because I don’t know what my life is like without her.
I almost can’t live with it.
But, I will. In the hopes that maybe, down the road, there might be a chance.
But right now, it isn’t worth the risk of having something happen to her.
If she isn’t connected to me, she can’t get hurt.
Right?
~17~
NOW – ELLIE
“Ballsy,” Malakai murmurs.
We’re sitting at the clubhouse. After returning to the bakery, they decided I’d be safer at the club, where there is heaps of protection. So, we loaded up, they called Slater, and we all went to the compound. I feel safer here, but I’m starting to think Paul is going to go to any lengths to get to me, no matter the cost.
It feels weird calling him by a name. Even though it’s highly likely that isn’t actually his name.
“Fuckin’ ballsy alright, going into a café and sitting down with her. Anything could have happened,” Maverick mutters.
“He threatened to shoot the entire café up if you didn’t go with him,” Malakai continues, “How come you didn’t believe him?”
I shrug, still shaken up, eyes on the door just waiting for Slater to come in. I keep wondering how I’m going to face him. I focus back on Malakai. “He’s smart. I knew he wouldn’t want his face all over the news, then he’d never get hold of me, and he’d never get away with it. He isn’t going to risk everything, not in that way. I knew that. So, I made a call. It was the right one.”
“Fuckin’ oath it was,” Mason nods. “Took guts to take that risk, but we’re glad you did.”
“Lincoln is going in to see Shania, he’s goin’ to ask if we can have footage. If we can get a clear picture of his face, it’s goin’ to make things a shit load easier for all of us,” Maverick adds.
“Have you been able to find anything yet?” I ask, hopefully.
“Not yet. There isn’t anyone by the name of Paul, or Riley, in any of the churches we’ve looked up. Makes me think those names are not legitimate. Which we already knew, I suppose. It’s very hard to get a close on something, when we know nothing about it.”
I nod, “I knew it would be hard, I guess now, we just have to wait for him to stuff up...”
“That’s actually not a bad idea,” Koda says, rubbing his chin.
“What?” Malakai asks.
“Instead of waiting for him to stuff up, what if we set it up for him to stuff up. Might make quick work of getting our hands on him.”
“Never goin’ to happen.”
We all turn at the sound of Slater’s voice. He’s walking into the room, and I can see right away he’s angry. I suspected as much. After all, I did run from him, not giving him a chance to explain. Anything could have happened to me. Seeing him, and his scowl, makes my heart burn. Because I remember what that smile looked like, and seeing him without it, seeing that I bring nothing but heartache to his life, makes me feel...empty.
“It ain’t a bad idea, Slater. It’s that or we sit here and wait for him to come in while we’re unprepared again...” Malakai mutters.
Slater looks to me, and I look away.
“It’s too big of a risk. If something goes wrong, she gets taken again...”
“And if we wait, there is still a huge chance of me getting taken again. He got close today,” I say, surprised at myself for speaking up so freely.
But it’s a good plan.
And I want to be free.
I’ll do nearly anything to find that freedom.
“Yeah, he got fuckin’ close alright, because of your stupidity,” Slater barks.
Everyone is surprised, I can tell by the looks on their faces. Slater doesn’t tend to speak past a certain tone, and he certainly doesn’t yell. Especially not at me. I swallow, and my heart starts racing as I hold his angry eyes.
“Don’t, Slater,” Malakai growls. “You’ll regret it.”
“Don’t you call me stupid!” I fire back, hurt, so hurt. “I don’t deserve that.”
“You don’t deserve it?” he yells, “do you have any fuckin’ idea how I felt when you ran out of that house, Ellie? Any fuckin’ idea what went through me?”
“I didn’t think you noticed, you were too busy with your girlfriend.”
The words come out before I can stop them, and everyone in the room goes silent.
That was a low blow. Even I know it.
“You fuckin’ ran out because you got jealous over something you didn’t know,” Slater roars, “and almost got killed!”
“I didn’t almost get killed,” I scream back, my blood pumping, fire ripping through my body. I haven’t been this angry since...since...ever. “And I’m not jealous. Screw you. None of this would be happening if it wasn’t for you!”
“You think I don’t fucking know that!” he barks, his voice an angry whip. “Fuck you, Ellie.”
“No,” I scream, standing up and throwing my hands into the air. “Fuck you, Slater Knight!”
He jerks. “What did you just say?”
I blink.
That came out of my mouth without thought, like an automatic button had been pressed. A flash of memory flitters through my brain of a fight, a big fight, and I can almost see it clearly. Standing here with Slater, hurting, heart falling to pieces, I can almost see it. I know, I just know, we’ve been here before.
“I...”
“You called me by my full name,” he says, his voice hoarse, “you haven’t done that...since...before...”
He’s right, I haven’t.
And I don’t know why now it decided to come back.
Was it the anger?
Me finally exploding?
“I need to be alone,” I say, rubbing my forehead with my palm and turning, walking out of the room.
“Ellie!” Slater calls.
“Let her be, brother,” Malakai says. “Let her be.”
I disappear down the hall, and run into Scarlett coming in through the back entrance. So grateful to have another female here, considering Erin had to keep working, makes me swell with relief.
“Hey,” Scarlett says. “Maverick called me and told me you might need some company. Are you okay?”
I shake my head. “No really. I’m...I don’t know.”
“Come on,” she says, taking my hand and leading me into a room off to the side, that’s filled with lounge chairs, and a big television. Nobody is in here, so I take a seat and exhale, glad to be able to breathe for a second.
“Tell me what’s happening?” Scarlett says, going over to the fridge in the corner and bringing back two bottles of beer.
I open the bottle, and take a sip. I’m not in love with beer, but it’s cold, and right now, I honestly need it.
“I slept with Slater...”
Her eyes widen. “Oh.”
“Yeah, it was after you all came over. I had a nightmare, and he was just there...at the t
ime, I wanted it so badly. I couldn’t think straight, I needed him that severely.”
“And now?”
“I still want it, I still want him. But, that frustrates me because I’m constantly fighting against myself, and my lack of memories. I just want to wake up one day, and know exactly who I am, you know?”
Scarlett nods, “Yeah, that must be a hard thing to live with. But, honey, you might never get those memories back, and that really sucks, but you do have new ones, you do have now, and if you’re drawn to Slater, why would you try and fight that?”
“Because, what if I give in to what I want right now, only to wake up one day and remember everything, and it changes how I feel...”
She frowns. “I doubt that. I honestly doubt it. The way Slater loves you, tells me you two had something pretty amazing. If you’re wondering about it all, you need to sit and talk to him, get the good and the bad, so if those memories come back, you won’t be shocked. Then you can make a choice, for right now. Because honey, you’re living in the right now...”
“I know,” I admit, “I just feel like I can’t live, not with him around, you know? I feel like he’s going to take me back, and just as I’m getting happy again I’ll be-”
“That will never happen,” she cuts me off, “we will never let him get his hands on you again, Ellie. I promise you that.”
My heart warms.
And I’m so thankful for these people.
“Now, tell me what happened to cause you to run out of Slater’s house this morning. You two slept together, that’s not so bad. You’re a woman, and he’s a man, and you two have a connection that runs deep, so it isn’t surprising. But why did you run out?”
“There was another woman there when I went out this morning,” I tell her, feeling sheepish for reacting so badly. “And they were talking, and Scarlett, he smiled. A real smile. A true smile. He looked at her, and he smiled. And I don’t know, something inside me just snapped. I felt this stupid emotion I haven’t experienced before, and I couldn’t control it. Then I got frustrated with myself because I couldn’t understand it, either. I mean, I don’t even remember anything so why was I feeling so...”