The Importance of Being a Bachelor

by Mike Gayle

  Luke had been monitoring his father’s gradual decline ever since he had heard about the divorce. He now spoke, went outside and ate less than he did before and all talk of his situation being temporary had evaporated. As much as Dad had brought his current situation on himself, Luke couldn’t help but feel for his father and their situations were not dissimilar. All they wanted were the women in their lives back by their sides where they belonged but this was tantamount to asking for a miracle.

  ‘I went to see Cassie,’ said Luke as he and his father sat drinking their mugs of tea. ‘That’s where I was earlier.’

  ‘Did it go well?’

  ‘It went as badly as it could have done. I think I used up my one chance there, Dad.’

  ‘One chance?’

  ‘Since she left I felt confident that she would always give me one last chance, you know, to make things right and basically I think I used it up trying to sell her something that she was never going to buy.’

  Later that evening having progressed from tea to Guinness Luke decided to ask his father about something that had been preying on his mind.

  ‘Dad? I was wondering how you knew that Mum was the one. You know, the one you wanted to marry and spend the rest of your life with?’

  Dad shrugged. ‘I just knew, that’s all. No one made me happy like your mother did. No one made me smile like she did. Just being around her . . . I don’t know, it made me feel I was right where I was meant to be.’

  ‘So what changed?’

  ‘Changed?’

  ‘You and this other woman.’

  ‘It’s hard to say without it sounding like a long list of excuses and you know I don’t do that. I was in the wrong. That’s all that matters. And what I did hurt your mother. Excuses don’t come into it.’

  ‘I think they do though, Dad. Knowing why we did things is how we learn not to do them again, isn’t it?’

  ‘I can tell you one thing, son, knowing what I know now even if the opportunity were there I would walk a million miles in the opposite direction just to get away from the mistake I made. But that doesn’t help you, does it?’

  ‘Not really, no.’

  ‘To be honest I don’t really know the exact reason why I did it. I could tell you that it was a matter of opportunity, that I got lost in the moment, that I lost my senses, that I was vain and flattered by the attention. I could tell you all this and more, but it wouldn’t change a thing. I did it, got caught and why I did it just doesn’t come into it. That’s what’s wrong with your generation. None of you want to put your hands up and admit you’re guilty because you’re all too busy looking for ways to prove why it was never your fault in the first place. What you forget is there’s a reason why actions have always spoken louder than words: words are cheap but the actions can cost you everything.’

  Luke took his father’s words to heart. He settled his dad down in front of the History Channel and headed upstairs to make the call that would sort out his, Cassie’s and Megan’s lives once and for all. His dad was right, and not just about him needing Cassie. His parents needed their granddaughter back in their lives too because if there was one thing Luke had learned through all his recent traumas it was this: family, whether by blood, love or devotion, is everything.

  ‘Jayne, it’s me, Luke,’ he said as she answered the call. ‘Listen, I’m sorry about calling you so late and really sorry about what I said last time and the way I acted. It was all well out of order. I shouldn’t have spoken to you that way. Not in a million years.’

  There was a silence for a few moments.

  ‘I know it was tough for you, Luke, coming to see me like that. And maybe I did deserve to hear some of the thing that you said but if we’re ever going to move on then we need to come to terms with the past.’

  ‘You’re right,’ said Luke, ‘which is why I’m calling. I need to see you as soon as possible so that we can get this all sorted. I need to see Megan.’ His voice cracked. ‘I really do. And I’m ready to meet whenever you are.’

  ‘How about Monday?’

  ‘Monday? That’ll be fine. Same time? Same place? I can be on an earlier train if you like.’

  There was another silence. ‘Luke, there’s something I need to tell you. The thing is, I don’t actually live in London.’

  ‘But I thought that—’

  ‘I know, and I did it deliberately. When you first got in contact I didn’t know what you wanted and I thought it would be easier if you believed I lived miles away.’

  ‘So where do you live?’

  ‘Manchester,’ she replied. ‘We’re living in Manchester.’

  ‘It’s all about Luke.’

  Russell handed the driver a ten-pound note, collected his change and climbed out of the cab. With his destination only a few feet away but heavily guarded by two ferocious bouncers Russell felt compelled to look down at his white Converse and wish that he had made more effort but as he approached the entrance the doormen smiled and opened the door for him. He was taking a moment to get his bearings when Angie’s friend Susie and her boyfriend Steve (both of whom had been at the Japanese restaurant that afternoon) suddenly appeared in his line of vision.

  ‘Russell!’ exclaimed Susie. ‘What are you doing here? I thought you and Angie were heading home!’

  ‘We did . . . we were . . .’ He attempted to pull back from blind panic. ‘What I’m trying to say is that yes, we did go home but then some mates of mine called and so I decided to come back out.’

  ‘I never knew you were such a party animal! So did Angie not come?’

  ‘No, she was a bit tired.’

  ‘She works too hard, that girl!’ said Susie, reaching for her boyfriend’s hand. ‘I’m only here because some mates of Steve were here for a while but they’ve all gone home so we’re off now.’ She leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. ‘Anyway, have a good time and hopefully I’ll see you soon.’

  Russell was convinced he was about to pass out from the sheer effort it had taken him to lie to Susie. And to make matter worse they hadn’t even been good lies! Why hadn’t he been consistent and said he was meeting his brothers rather than inventing random mates? What was he going to say to Angie if Susie ever mentioned bumping into him? How would he explain why he was in Didsbury when he had told her he was heading over to Chorlton? What if Susie was right now in the back of a cab sending Angie a text telling her that she had just spotted him? The potential for damage didn’t bear thinking about and so Russell decided not to think about it.

  He scouted around the bar for Cassie and eventually spotted her and her friends lounging on a pair of sofas next to the French doors at the back. By the time Russell was halfway across the room she was already on her feet, and as he arrived she threw her arms round him and kissed him, lips closed, but full on the mouth. Russell had no idea what was going on. Had he walked into some kind of alternate universe? The rising cackles of laughter from Cassie’s friends informed him that the explanation was simple: Cassie and her friends were incredibly, undeniably drunk.

  ‘I’m so glad you’ve come, Russ,’ said Cassie a little too loudly. She turned to face her friends, swaying slightly. ‘Everybody, this is Russell, the sweetest boy in all the world who was very nearly my brother-in-law.’ Cassie’s friends, five women of equal sobriety, waved at Russell. Cassie turned back to Russell to do the reverse introductions. ‘Russell, this is Dina, Luce, Julia, Charmaine and Erin aka the best friends a girl could ever have.’ Grinning inanely she put her arms round him and squeezed tightly. ‘I bloody love you, you know. I bloody love you to bits!’

  The next hour of Russell’s life was bizarre. Somehow Cassie ended up perched on his knee while she and her friends continued to drink steadily, all the while getting louder. At one point there was singing and then later some dancing, and then later still some slow dancing. As the only man in the group Russell found himself passed around like a cut-price gigolo. Every time he managed to get away (usually insisting that he needed to head out
to the loo) the girls would come and find him and even when he did manage to get Cassie on her own so that he could ask her what was going on she would always make some excuse (the need to buy a round, a text message that needed to be replied to or a song that needed to be danced to) and off she would go. Some time later a member of the bar staff came over and informed them quite forcefully in the middle of their group rendition of ‘I’ve Had the Time of My Life’ that if they didn’t quieten down he would have no choice but to throw them out. The girls took this as their cue to call it a night and the next half-hour went by in a flurry of whispered phone calls to boyfriends and husbands (for those who had them) and (for those who didn’t) shouty phone conversations with minicab operators all demanding lifts home. Soon after, having waved goodbye to each of her friends in turn, Russell found himself getting into the back of a Crimson Cars minicab with Cassie.

  The driver glanced up into his rear-view mirror. ‘Where are you looking to go, mate?’

  Russell was about to open his mouth when Cassie piped up, ‘Chorlton. We’re going back to Chorlton,’ and reeled off her address. ‘That’s all right, isn’t it?’ she said, slipping her fingers between Russell’s. ‘You’re coming back to mine, aren’t you?’

  ‘Yeah, of course,’ he said, barely able to get his words out properly. ‘Yeah, of course I’m coming back to yours.’

  It was nearly three as the minicab pulled up outside a nondescript block of purpose-built flats opposite a Tesco Metro. As Cassie searched around in her bag for her keys Russell paid the driver, took a quick look at his watch and wondered how he was ever going to come up with a plausible excuse for being out this late that wouldn’t result in Angie causing him permanent harm. This night was too weird for Russell to take any real pleasure from it until he knew what the punchline was going to be. As it was he was simply too on edge to think that any good could come of it at all. He needed to find out what was going on and he needed to find out now.

  ‘Found them!’ said Cass, waving her keys victoriously in the air. She put her arm round his waist. ‘Come on,’ she said, shivering. ‘Let’s get inside.’

  He didn’t move.

  ‘What are you doing?’

  ‘I was going to ask you the same question. What’s going on here, Cass? Why did you send me that text? And what am I doing standing here right now? This might sound a bit naive but I really don’t know what’s going on.’

  For a moment he thought she was about to kiss him, properly kiss him, but then she shook her head. ‘Why don’t you come inside? I’ll make us a cup of tea and some toast or something and then I’ll explain why after tonight you’ll probably never want to speak to me again.’

  ‘I don’t want to come in, OK?’ He sat down on the edge of the pavement with his head in his hands. ‘This was about you and Luke, wasn’t it?’ He looked up at her expectantly. ‘It’s all about Luke.’

  Cassie sat down next to him. ‘I’m sorry, Russ, honestly I am. You must think I’m the world’s worst bitch. I don’t even know myself why I called you tonight . . . I wasn’t thinking it through. It’s just that . . . well . . . I met Luke earlier today. We had a massive row and . . . and . . . I just got sick and tired of all the toing and froing he and I have been doing. I just wanted to draw a line underneath us once and for all—’

  ‘And you thought you’d use me to do it? But I really cared about you, Cass!’

  ‘I know,’ she said quietly. ‘What I’ve done is unforgivable.’

  ‘You don’t get it. That kiss . . . that day when I kissed you in the park. It wasn’t a spur-of-the-moment thing. Cass, I have loved you for the longest time. Ever since that night when you first meet Luke I’ve been mad about you. There have been times when all I could think about was you. So don’t tell me what you did was unforgivable. I know it’s unforgivable because I’m the one who won’t be doing the forgiving.’ He was about to walk away when something made him stop. He looked across the road and standing next to a car with Susie and Steve in it and looking for all the world as though her heart was breaking in two was Angie.

  ‘That’s different.’

  The list of things on Adam’s mind as he lay in bed that Sunday morning thinking about the day ahead was long – very long – from the stack of invoices on the desk in his office at BlueBar through to the thirty or so voicemail messages currently on his phone that he had yet to listen to let alone answer. But above all these problems hovered one he couldn’t ignore: the fact that today was Steph’s deadline.

  Even though nothing during the last seven days had changed his mind, Adam was still keenly aware of the deadline. Was he making the mistake of his life? Didn’t it make more sense to live alone than constantly in fear that he would mess things up? Yet Steph had seemed so sure, so convinced of her position that Adam couldn’t dismiss it out of hand even though he wished he could.

  Making his way downstairs and into the kitchen, Adam came face to face with the other thing on his mind which he had been hoping had been a figment of his imagination.

  ‘I didn’t dream it then,’ said Adam, looking over at Russell who was sitting at the kitchen table with a plate of hot buttered toast and a steaming mug of coffee in front of him. ‘You really did turn up at my house at four o’clock in the morning looking for a place to stay?’

  Russell took a large bite of his toast. ‘I’ll be out of your way as soon as I can, OK?’

  ‘There’s no rush,’ said Adam, making himself a coffee. ‘It’s not like I’m not used to having family members as house guests these days. Anyway, now that you’ve slept on it are you going to tell me what’s happened or are you going to make me piece it together myself?’

  ‘Me and Angie had a bit of a row.’

  ‘I’d guessed that much. What about?’

  Russell didn’t reply. Adam decided he would help him out. ‘Would it by any chance have been about Cassie?’

  Russell looked up, confused, guilty. ‘Why would you say that? Who’s been talking to you? Did Angie ring you? What’s she been saying? Whatever you’ve heard it’s not true, OK?’

  ‘So you’re not and have never been in love with Cass?’

  ‘Of course not!’ Russell walked over to Adam as though the very act of positioning himself in closer proximity to his brother made his case more convincing. ‘Is that what Angie has been saying? That I’m in love with Cassie? She’s mad. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. All that happened is we had a row and Angie . . . well Angie is a bit of a drama queen to say the least.’

  ‘Have you finished?’ asked Adam. Russell looked at him blankly. ‘Look mate, Angie hasn’t been in touch with me, and just for the record, even if she had, your little display of amateur dramatics there wouldn’t have convinced me in the least.’

  ‘I don’t get it. How do you . . . ?’

  ‘I’ve known for ages, mate. No one told me, no one had to tell me. It was obvious.’

  ‘How obvious? Obvious enough for Luke to know?’

  Adam put his hands on Russell’s shoulders. ‘Calm down, OK? Obvious to me but no one else has mentioned it so I’m guessing the only people who know are you, me and Angie.’

  Russell sat down again. ‘Nope, Cassie knows too. Ad, this is a mess. A real mess.’

  Adam stared at Luke in disbelief. ‘What have you done, Russ? How does Cassie know?’

  ‘I met up with her a while ago. She wanted to talk about how things were with her and Luke and to cut a long and extremely embarrassing story short I tried to kiss her and she ran a mile.’

  ‘And Angie found out about this?’

  Luke shook his head sheepishly. ‘No, she didn’t know anything about it and I regretted it straight away. It was stupid, Ad, really stupid but then last night Cassie asked me to meet her at some bar over in Didsbury. So I lied to Angie and told her I was going out with you and Luke but I went to meet Cassie. I didn’t know what she wanted. I just knew I had to go. She’d had some kind of row with Luke and was drunk enough to be consideri
ng using me as a way of getting back at him . . . and before you say anything nothing happened. And nothing would have happened. She was just angry, that’s all.’

  ‘So where does Angie come into it?’

  ‘When I arrived at the bar I bumped into a couple of Angie’s mates. I’m guessing texts were sent, conclusions were jumped to and soon enough Angie was fully up to date with the fact I had lied about where I was going. Her mates must have gone and picked her up and she must have followed me back to Cass’s house just to make sure she hadn’t got the wrong end of the stick.’

  ‘But nothing happened with you and Cass?’

  ‘Nothing at all. And that’s what I tried to tell Angie. But when her mates drove off and she wouldn’t answer her phone the only thing to do was head back to the flat and hope she would talk to me there.’

  ‘And she wouldn’t let you in which is why you came to mine?’

  Russell nodded. ‘Her phone was switched off and she wouldn’t open the door. It was a choice between sleeping in the communal hallway or coming over to yours.’

  ‘And how do you think she’ll be now? If you explain will things be OK?’

  Russell shook his head. ‘Not a chance. I lied about meeting up with Cass. That’s as much evidence as she needs. Her catching me in the middle of an embrace was just the icing on the cake. The thing is, Angie knows . . . everything about Cass and how I felt about her and she always has done. It’s the price you pay for turning a friendship into something more: you end up being more exposed than you’d ever be otherwise. When we were just friends I never hid anything from her because there was never a reason to. And then I lied and worse still I got caught out. She won’t have anything to do with me now, Ad, and the thing that really hurts is I haven’t just lost a girlfriend I’ve lost my best mate too.’

  ‘Once maybe, but not any more.’

  Russell was at the flat. After knocking loudly enough to wake at least one of the neighbours he finally let himself in and after standing in the hallway calling Angie’s name and listening for sounds of occupation he came to the conclusion that she was either not in or else was lurking with some kind of implement in her hand ready to brain him the moment that she saw the opportunity. Of the two options Russell preferred the latter, reasoning that perhaps if the blows she struck inflicted enough damage she might: