by Lizzie James
“Johnny, it’s too soon.” She shook her head, staring at the key nestled inside the box, shocked. “We’ve only been together a few months and we haven’t really had any problems yet and I…” She was rambling now.
“Tillie.” I took her left hand again, holding it tightly in mine. “Do you love me?”
“Of course I do, but…”
“Do you see yourself loving anyone else? The way that I love you?”
“No.” It came out as a squeak due to how choked up she was. “But what if…”
“I love you. I will always love you. What else is there to know?”
She fidgeted, her fingers tightening around mine.
“Move in with me, Tillie.”
Before I could say anything else, she nodded her head.
“Is that a yes?” I choked out the words, needing to hear her.
“Yes!” She giggled, wiping her tears away. “Yes, I’ll move in with you.”
I grinned, jumping to my feet. I picked her up, letting her wrap her arms around my shoulders and spun her around on the spot. Pressing my lips to hers, I kissed her, pouring as much of the passion coursing through me into it. Placing her down back on her feet, I grinned, loving the way she squeezed the key in between her fingers.
She grinned, looking down at it.
I pulled her to me, hugging her tight. Rocking her there from side to side, life was blissfully perfect. Nothing could ruin it.
A shiver ran through her and she tightened her arms around my back, hugging me tight beneath my jacket.
“Let’s go back in.” I hugged her close, taking her back inside.
Walking back in, we headed straight for the bar. I could get served in most places whereas Tillie would still pass as a high school student due to her height. Ordering myself a quick beer and Tillie a fruity cocktail, we re-joined our table. We spent the build-up to midnight just chatting and Tillie laying her head on my shoulder.
When it was a few minutes to midnight, Tillie stood up and sat across my lap. She hung her arms around my shoulders, smiling up at me.
Tonight went perfectly. My girl looked happy as she stared up at me.
“You happy?” I asked, rubbing my nose against hers.
“So happy.” She leaned up to press her lips to mine, but I pulled my head back.
“You can’t kiss me yet,” I teased. “It’s not midnight.”
She pursed her lips in the sexiest pout, turning those Bambi eyes on me.
The countdown started, resulting in everyone getting to their feet. Logan and Sammy were both holding one of Bex’s hands each. That was an odd love triangle, if I could even call it that. What do you call something when two straight boys are both crushing on a very lesbian female?!
The countdown got down to a few seconds when I grasped Tillie’s chin between my forefinger and thumb, slowly pulling her lips down to mine. I didn’t want to roughly kiss her, not after tonight. I wanted to treat her like the angel that she was.
She grinned against my lips before pressing them firmly against mine. I groaned, loving the feel of her in my arms. I could kiss this girl forever and never get bored.
Sounds of celebrations and excitement erupted around us but it didn’t stop us. We were in our own blissful bubble, just the two of us.
She pulled back, resting her forehead against mine. “Love you,” she whispered.
“Love you too, baby,” I whispered back.
She leaned up to give me a quick kiss before excusing herself to the ladies.
I grinned watching her go. When she disappeared out of sight around the corner, I froze as a hand settled on my shoulder and rubbed down over my chest.
“Hello, lover,” Lucy purred, pressing her nose against my skin.
“Get off me!” I pulled my head away from her, not wanting her to be anywhere near me.
“Does she know?” she asked, walking until she was in front of me. Sitting in Tillie’s chair, she smirked cockily. “Does she know that before you were fucking her…” She licked her lips, trying to look sexy. “That you were fucking me?” She slid her hand over my leg, climbing higher.
I grabbed her wrist, roughly shoving it away. “Keep your nasty mouth shut!”
I was angry. She thought she could hold this over my head, and the sad thing was, she could. This was going to break Tillie. She had asked me point blank if I had a sexual history with Lucy and I fucking lied.
“See you later.” She smirked, standing up and leaving me.
The night was perfect, and it was quickly going to shit. If Lucy had her way, my days with Tillie were numbered. Lucy wouldn’t stop. She was determined to win this game.
Minutes later, Tillie came bouncing back to the table, entwining her fingers with mine. “Do you want to get up and have a dance?” she asked.
“Sure.” I smiled, trying to act nonchalant. Taking her hand, I led her to the dance floor just in time for the start of a new song. Several couples joined us as I began to gently sway Tillie from side to side. I rested my chin on the top of her head, trying to figure out how the fuck I was going to fix this clusterfuck.
“You okay?” Tillie asked, looking up at me. “You’ve gone really quiet.”
“Just tired, baby.” I pressed my lips quickly to hers before pulling back. “How about we go home?”
She yawned as soon as I finished asking her, making me chuckle.
“Let’s get you home.” I wound my arm around her, steering her to the door where Sammy was waiting. “Want to share a taxi?” I asked, directing my words at Sammy.
He nodded, looking just as dog-tired as Tillie. He wobbled to the side, obviously drunk.
“Where’s Logan?” Tillie asked, looking around for him.
“Gone home with a friend.” Sammy used quotation marks, rolling his eyes.
Tillie giggled, taking Sammy’s hand in her free one. Bex ran ahead and opened the car door for us, before waving us off. As soon as we got in the car, he leaned his head on Tillie’s shoulder, his eyes drifting closed.
Getting out of the taxi, Tillie held the door open for me. I grabbed Sammy by his arm, pulling his drunken ass out of the car. Tillie jogged ahead, unlocking the door with her brand-new key. Her smile was beaming as I passed her.
“I won’t be long.” I held his arm over my shoulders and began helping him up the stairs.
Tillie followed us up after locking the door and made her way into my room: soon to be ours.
Laying Sammy down on his bed, I pulled his shoes off, followed by his jeans. I pushed him backwards and flung the blanket on him. Poor fucker would be hungover in the morning.
Turning his light off, I walked in to my room to find Tillie waiting for me. She was lying in the centre of my bed, her head on my pillow dressed in her tank top and shorts pyjamas. It may have been winter, but Tillie always got too warm in the night.
I walked to the window, feeling drained. Right now, I should be cuddled up with her in that bed but all I could think about was Lucy and the words she’d said to me earlier. I knew that whatever she had planned wasn’t going to be pretty.
I looked at Tillie, scared to death that our happy relationship was going to hit a major speed bump. I just hoped we would survive it.
Stripping out of my clothes, I kept my boxers on and climbed in behind Tillie. Wrapping my arms around her, I tried turning off my mind. Closing my eyes, I willed my body to relax. It didn’t work. I tossed and turned all night long with one question constantly turning in my mind.
Was Lucy going to break Tillie's heart, or would I?
17
Tillie
Walking to college, I groaned at the feel of the biting cold against my cheeks. I was wrapped up with my scarf, hat and gloves that Joy had given me before Christmas. She was due to come home today. I was excited to get her home.
Johnny and I had agreed to wait until Joy was back on her feet before breaking the news to her. I was excited to move in with the boys. Logan and Sammy had become like family to me.
It was just Chunk I hadn’t fully connected with, but I guess that would come with time.
Moving across campus, I was shocked to see Bex walk over to Lucy and her friends. That was new. As far as I knew, Bex hated them. I stood beneath one of the trees, trying not to make it obvious that I was gawking. Lucy stood up before Bex could get to her. They spoke for a few minutes before Bex shoved her finger in Lucy’s face before walking away.
What the hell was that about?
Lucy re-joined her friends, laughing loudly. Whatever it was that Bex had said to her, she hadn’t seemed to care.
I was determined to catch up to Bex later and to find out what that was about.
Hours later, I entered the cafeteria where I was hoping to catch up with her but for the first time, she wasn’t in her usual spot.
Sitting next to Johnny, peeling my orange, my eyes kept going over to Bex’s table, but there was still no sign of her.
“Everything okay?” Johnny asked, rubbing my leg.
“Just looking for Bex. I need to talk to her.” I frowned, sucking on a piece of the juicy fruit.
“What’s the problem? She okay?” he asked, concerned.
“I don’t know.” I shook my head. “I saw her this morning talking with Lucy and it didn’t look like a happy conversation.” I shrugged my shoulders, feeling defeated. My eyes went to Lucy, watching the way she laughed amongst all her followers.
“I thought she didn’t like her.”
See? Even he knew how much they hated each other. There is no reason why Bex should have been talking to her unless Lucy had done something to Bex.
“Do you think I should ask Lucy what’s going on?”
“No!” Johnny, Sammy and Chunk yelled, making me jump.
“I don’t want you anywhere near that poisonous bitch.” Johnny seethed, taking my hand in his and resting it on top of the table. “She’s a nasty piece of work.”
I nodded, dropping the subject. One of my classmates waved me over, with a piece of paper in his hand. I shrugged Johnny’s arm off gently and headed over to him. Apparently, there was an art show we could submit animation pieces to. It wasn’t my thing, but he seemed super excited about it.
I left him to get to class and made my way back over to Johnny. I froze in my tracks, shocked when Sammy raised his voice at Johnny.
“What the fuck! How could you have not said anything?” He sounded angry and looked a little red in the face.
“Keep your voice down!” Johnny snapped. “I don’t need you making this shit any worse?”
“Is everything okay?” I asked, moving to stand next to Johnny. I looked between Johnny and Sammy waiting for an answer.
Johnny cocked his eyebrow at Sammy, waiting.
“It’s nothing.” Sammy’s tense shoulders drooped before leaving. “See you later.” He marched off, never looking back.
Johnny smiled down at me, taking my hand in his and leading me toward my next class. I wouldn’t see him until that night due to his practice schedule.
“Come and see us later?” I asked, giving him a quick kiss.
He winked, leaving me to go in.
My eyes went straight to Bex’s chair. It was empty. It was her favorite class and she wasn’t there. Bex and Sammy were now both acting strange.
I shrugged my shoulders, taking my seat. I was determined to focus on this stupid subject. I was crap at the practical side of animation, but I hoped my theory essays would get me through it. After a lot of note taking, the class finally ended.
I left campus, not having the time to worry about it, and, checking my phone, I saw I had a text from Joy. She had arrived home from hospital. Damn it! I had wanted to be the one to take her home. Due to no car though, I guess it had been safer for her to get the ambulance drivers to do it.
I ran most of the way home, excited to see Joy back home where she belonged. Running through the door, I laughed at the smell that wafted through the house. She probably hadn’t been home long, and I could already smell cookies baking.
I dropped my bag at the bottom of the stairs and headed toward the kitchen, but I froze when I got near the doorway.
“How do I tell her?” Bex whispered, her voice breaking. “I can’t hurt her, Joy.”
“Sweetie,” Joy replied, sounding concerned. “You’re hurting her by not telling her.”
I couldn’t take it any longer. I hated secrets and right then, one of the most important people in my world was keeping something from me. Secrets destroyed. There was a reason people kept them, right?
I moved into the doorway, surprising them both. Joy moved to leave the kitchen, but I shook my head.
“You can stay, Joy.” My voice sounded strong, but inside I could feel my walls beginning to crumble. Bex had a look of devastation on her face that I knew was going to break me. I just hoped it wasn’t going to break the both of us. “Where were you today?” I asked, directing my question to Bex. “Why weren’t you in class? I looked for you at lunch. Where were you?”
She turned to me, taking a deep breath. “Don’t hate me for what I’m about to say.” Her eyes filled with tears.
“Why would I hate you?” I choked out. I tried swallowing past the lump in my throat, but it didn’t work.
“I was hanging out with some junior students last night.” She cleared her throat before continuing. “We got talking and… uh…” She looked away, staring at the floor.
“Just tell me, Bex. Whatever it is, we can get through it.” I tried to be supportive, but I just really needed her to tell me whatever it was that was bothering her.
“A few of them said that Lucy was a bit of a whore.”
Seriously? That’s what we were talking about? Lucy and her sluttish behavior. I shook my head, confused.
“She slept with Johnny,” Bex blurted out, freezing me.
As soon as the words were out, my blood ran cold. “They’re lying,” I replied. Why would people spread such bullshit? “Johnny and I already talked about this. Nothing ever happened between them.”
“He lied to you, Tillie.” She looked at Joy, defeated. “He’s been lying to you from the start.”
I shook my head, not believing her. “No! He wouldn’t. You’re lying.”
“Why would I lie to you?” she defended, stepping closer to me. She took hold of my wrists, pulling me closer to her. “You are my very best friend and I would never do anything to hurt you!”
“Well you are!” I shrieked, pulling my hands from hers. “He would never lie to me! He loves me!” Tears leaked over my eyes and I wiped them away roughly. “We’re going to move in together!” I yelled. “He wouldn’t… he wouldn’t do this to me.” I was sobbing now, and I hated it. I shook my head, turning around and walking away.
“Sweet girl, where are you going?” Joy asked from behind me.
“To get some answers,” I sobbed, leaving the house.
I ran toward the field, needing to calm myself down. It wasn’t true. The quicker I spoke to Johnny, the better it would be. Walking into the arena, I spotted Sammy and Logan talking on the bench. Sammy turned toward me. He looked tense, but he still gave me a wave. I waved back hesitantly, keeping my very cold hands in my hoodie pocket.
Johnny looked over, grinning when he saw me. He wasn’t wearing his helmet today. They seemed to be split into groups and working on catching the ball. Jogging over to me, he bent down to give me a kiss, but I couldn’t.
I turned my head, his lips pressing against my cold cheek.
He pulled back, a look of hurt crossing his face. Straightening up to his full height, he frowned down at me. “Is everything okay?” he asked, sounding hesitant.
I walked over to the stands a few feet away before taking a seat. Johnny sat next to me, taking my hand. I let him, squeezing his hand in response.
“I was told something today and I…” My voice shook, dreading this conversation. “I just need to hear it from you.”
He nodded his head, looking tense. His hair was soaked in
sweat and this wasn’t the perfect location to do this, but I had to know. I couldn’t go home with no answers.
“Did you have sex with Lucy?” My eyes filled with tears, but I was determined not to cry. Not here. “Before me?”
He sighed, looking away from me. His fingers tightened around mine. His face was filled with disappointment and regret.
I sobbed, the tears spilling from my eyes. I yanked my hand back and stood. “How could you?” My chest felt tight and the tears were flowing. I was so angry. At her. At him. Most of all at myself for believing him. “How could you lie to me?”
“Tillie, I…” He got up, beginning to spew what was no doubt excuses for his behavior.
I didn’t give him the chance. My hand shot out, slapping him across the face. I wanted to hurt him. Make him hurt like he had hurt me. I just didn’t have the energy. I could feel the stares of every single person on that field, but I couldn’t care right now.
I was numb. I was broken.
“It didn’t mean anything. I swear it didn’t. It was just sex.”
“I don’t care that you had sex with her. You’ve slept with half of the town!” I shrieked at him. “What matters,” I sobbed, “Is that I asked you to be truthful and you told me you hadn’t. You knew, and you still lied to me.”
He looked defeated. He knew what it meant to lie to me and yet he had still done it.
“I loved you.” I wiped my wet cheeks with the sleeve of my hoodie. “So much.”
I turned away from him and walked home. I couldn’t look at his house. That was going to be my home too. We were going to be a family. I was so stupid.
I grabbed my keys, ignoring the additional one that Johnny gave me. My hands were shaking so much I couldn’t get it to fit in the lock. The handle turned, and the door opened. I fell into Joy, wrapping my arms around her and allowing the tears to fully fall, finally allowing myself to break.
She led us over to the sofa, sitting down and pulling me tighter to her. I continued crying into her shoulder.
“Tillie,” Bex whispered from behind me, rubbing circles in my back. She was trying to console me, but it was pointless.