“I get that,” I said, reaching for his fingers. “But we’ve got so much else working against us, so I’d rather not—”
“Like what?” he asked, his eyebrows knitting together. “What else is working against us?”
“For starters,” I said, handing him his coffee and then taking a sip of my own, “you’ve never been with a guy before.”
“Yes I have. Just last night I was with this really sexy man,” he said, sipping his coffee, his fingers trailing delicately over my wrist. “In fact I had his cock in my mouth and I loved every second of it.”
“Is that right?” When his fingers seductively dragged up my arm to my neck, I pulled him into a scorching embrace. The kiss was slow and deep and I felt myself melting into him as his tongue worked its magic on my mouth. My fingers glided down the smooth planes of his back to the waistband of his pants. They curved and slipped beneath the material to his ass as he groaned.
“Not sure I’ve ever wanted somebody like this before,” he said, kissing my neck.
“That’s just because it’s new for you,” I said, trying to ignore how his words made me feel. I wasn’t sure if I could trust myself just yet. Trust this feeling.
“No,” Sebastian said, pushing from my grasp. “Stop saying that. I know what I want. Who I want.”
“You haven’t even given it time.”
“Seriously?” he said, sitting at the kitchen island and roughly grabbing for the bag that contained our bagels. “Aren’t you the one who told me not to diminish my feelings the other night when we…?”
“Yes, I did…but—”
“I am not that person,” he said, taking an irritated chomp out of his bagel. I hated that I had stuck my foot in my mouth. Again. “I only date one individual at a time,” he said after he swallowed. “If I want to be with somebody, then it’s just them, nobody else.”
“Date?” I said, as if astonished. As if I didn’t already know that this would be Sebastian’s style. Loyal and decent and monogamous. I’d admit it did something to me, to the very center of me. That he would even honor me with such a title. Still, I fought against it, like I did every dating situation that crossed my path, as if from muscle memory.
“I’m taking a shower.” He stood up, shaking his head, and there was something so sexy about him when he was confident and outraged and cocky. “I’ve got the day off and I’m not sure what your schedule is, but I’d love to spend some time with you.”
He stared at me for a long minute as if memorizing me, just in case. “If you want to try this out, just you and me, then maybe you’ll still be here when I’m done.”
I watched him walk down the short hallway to the bathroom, his back muscles flexing, his ass perfectly toned in those sweatpants and I resisted the urge to follow him and jump him in the shower. I simply stood there reeling as my phone rang.
“Hey Mom,” I mumbled as I heard the bathroom door shut behind Sebastian.
“Hi honey,” she said, a little breathless, and I was going to guess that she was on her morning walk up and around Second Avenue from her penthouse apartment. “Haven’t heard from you in a couple of days, just checking to make sure all was okay.”
My mom was that way. Always needing to hear my voice but then going about her business as a woman about town. If she knew what I had been through with Alan she would’ve lost her shit. Thankfully, she did not socialize in the same circles as his wife, Denise.
“Tori told me you were making YouTube videos,” she said and I mentally cringed. I’d kill Tori if she mentioned anything about my recent moodiness. The other day at Sunday brunch I had sworn Tori to secrecy.
“What else did blabbermouth tell you?” I mumbled, not really wanting to know, but figuring I’d hear about it sooner or later.
“That maybe there’s a handsome man you’re smitten with…” she said this with a huge grin on her face, I could tell from the way she said it.
“Seriously?” I asked, sitting back down at Sebastian’s kitchen island and reaching for my coffee. I was glad to hear the shower water still running.
“You know what they say...” she began. Mom was always quoting some person or another and usually giving the wrong person credit for saying it. “The higher they climb, the harder they fall.”
I nearly choked on the bagel I had just taken a bite of. “Um Mom, I think the saying is the bigger they are…it’s an old boxing reference.”
“Well whatever,” she said, like she normally did, trying to twist things to fit her advice. “Mine sounds better. What I was trying to say was that you’ve come a long way and have made me proud. Now that you’re standing tall, it’s time to date somebody really great.”
“I don’t know, Mom,” I said, folding the wrapping back over my bagel. “The way Sebastian and I met wasn’t ideal.”
“Oooh, is that his name? Lovely,” she said in an excited tone. “Honey, there will always be something that is not ideal. In every relationship. The important part is how they treat you, how they make you feel.”
When I got off the phone I immediately texted Tori.
Just talked to my mom, thanks a lot.
You like to sabotage your relationships, so I needed reinforcement.
Thankfully the iPhone now had the middle finger emoji.
“You stayed.” I was so preoccupied that I hadn’t even heard Sebastian finish his shower. But had I wanted to leave I would’ve been out the door long ago.
“I did,” I said, placing my phone on the counter.
He approached me warily as if he wasn’t sure if I was still going to bolt. “Come here.”
Sebastian was in a clean set of sweats and when I stepped into his embrace he smelled so damn good.
“I can’t say I won’t be overwhelmed again or try to run,” I said into his neck. “Tori tells me I’m good at that. But I haven’t met anybody in a long time that I want to stick around for.”
“Thank you,” he whispered in my ear and then kissed me breathless.
After I jumped in the shower, we just did normal things. The farmer’s market at Union Square, dry cleaning, a pasta dinner that he prepared using the fresh zucchini we had just purchased, and then a Netflix movie. It felt so good simply to be with him.
And later that night it turned out that straight boys could teach you new tricks.
We lay naked on Sebastian’s bed simply exploring each other’s skin without touching our cocks.
“I want to sample every inch of you,” Sebastian said and I didn’t know how this man didn’t have every single lady in a one mile radius fawning over him. And maybe he did, but I also knew how closed off he could be. And the fact that he was opening himself up to me was something I didn’t take lightly.
He took his sweet old time kissing, licking, and sucking my neck and ears and collarbone. My elbows and nipples and knees. I was taut as a guitar string by the time his mouth headed downward toward my dick, which was leaking pretty consistently.
I was on the edge of exploding as his forehead continued bumping up against my shaft while he stuck his nose in the trim patch of hair at my groin, and sniffed lazily.
Finally, when I was about to orgasm without my cock ever being touched, he twisted his head, stuck out his tongue and lapped at me like a Popsicle. I came almost instantaneously.
Come shot out of me, hitting Sebastian in the face. It dripped from his chin, over his fingers and down his neck. I fucking loved it. It was probably the most sensual experience of my life, especially if you considered that all I normally did with other men was get down to fucking.
There was something about being with Sebastian that was special and not only because he was seeing the world through new eyes. Everything he did and said seemed important and profound and that was heady for me. I figured the feeling would go away soon enough. But for now I wanted to stay right here rooted in his world.
33
Sebastian
Tate had come to Rosie’s Repair Shop with me again today, as he had
most days for the past couple of weeks. I’d convinced him to buy new screen-print materials to work on in the back room and even walked to the art supply store with him to get them, lest he change his mind.
Annie had the day off today and was shopping flea markets with Karen as he and I worked quietly on opposite sides of the shop over the last several hours. I was as impressed with his skill and technique as I was by his creativity and work ethic.
Last night we headed over to Safe Harbor and volunteered in the kitchen. Afterward, he had met with Bethany, Jessica, and Andre again about the fundraiser. It would take place in two weeks’ time and the event was already almost sold out. Apparently Tate’s mom had good connections with her liberal minded society ladies and Maurice had rounded up a few favors as well.
Tate and I didn’t speak any further about what in the hell we were doing—we were simply enjoying being together. Never had I felt so much satisfaction being with somebody that I considered just as much a lover as a friend. Still there was part of me that was afraid that Tate would find a reason to walk away. Things didn’t normally work out for me in the long run. The only constant person in my life thus far had been Annie if I was keeping track. Everybody else had already left or died.
“When I was dumping the paint in the sink, I had an idea about how to spruce this place up,” Tate said, sweeping his arm toward the front of the shop where he had suggested we get a new welcome mat and build some flower boxes so that the store reflected its quaint era. He got Annie pumped for the idea and they whispered constantly when Tate was around and planned future shopping trips together.
It was true that the store now seemed less dated just with him in it. Tate was like a shiny spot on a rusted pan that had seen better days.
“Yeah?” I asked, giving him a peck on the temple as I walked by him, surprising myself at how natural it felt to show him affection.
He liked when I did, I could tell. His eyes would soften and he would gaze up at me with a glazed looked in his eyes. I didn’t ask myself what it meant because I didn’t want to overthink anything. I was lucky enough that he wanted to spend time with me at all.
“I thought maybe we could start with a fresh coat of paint,” he said, trying hard to contain his excitement. “I got the idea when I was filtering a muted shade of yellow through the screen for one of my new designs.”
“Yellow?” I asked, scratching my head and looking around at the dull cream walls. They certainly needed something. “Let’s ask Annie what she thinks. Then we can get some color swatches.”
He looked down at his phone when it buzzed with a text. “It’s Tori.” His fingers were flying on the keys. “Let me tell her I’m here again.”
“What will Tori think of that?” I asked, curious about the people in his life. I had only met his roommate on a couple of occasions.
He sighed. “She thinks I’ll sabotage us sooner or later.”
My eyebrows shot up. “What does she mean by that?”
He shrugged. “Guess I’m pretty good at making excuses for why things can’t work out.”
“Because of what happened with—” I stopped short of saying his name.
“Probably. I don’t know,” he said, cleaning up his supplies. He was good at that, so I never worried that something would be out of place. “Maybe because of my dad too. I just have a hard time trusting people, I guess. And maybe myself too.”
I hated hearing that. “Does that mean you’re afraid to trust me?” I asked low in his ear. “I know we got off to a bad start, but I would never—“
“I trust you,” he mumbled, before turning to face me. “I’ve probably never trusted anyone more.”
We stared at each other after that heady declaration. One that sent my head and heart into a tailspin. “Tate, damn. That’s—”
My pulse thundered in my ears as I stepped closer to him, my thumb tracing across his chin. “I trust you too,” I murmured and then hauled him into a long and slow kiss.
“You’re not afraid of somebody coming in the shop?” he asked looking over my shoulder. He knew I’d never have any PDA going on in front of the windows, but we were in the back of the store at the moment.
“Should I be?” I replied pecking his mouth. Even I was surprised at how open I’d been lately. “Are you going to get me naked or something?”
We had spent the week giving each other hand and blowjobs and still I hadn’t gotten my fill of him.
Like right now, I knew I should stop but I didn’t want to. His hands gripped the globes of my ass and parted my cheeks, his fingers dipping in my crease. I stiffened a bit as my breath stuttered.
“Has anybody ever had their mouth here?”
I trembled against his touch. “No.”
He licked the shell of my ear, making a shiver race down my spine. “You’ll love it. And if you’re ever going to let somebody inside you, they’re going to want to play back here, with their fingers and mouth.”
“Fuck, you’re making me hard,” I said as he ground his cock into my hip.
“Or not. Some dudes don’t like it. So they focus on the other good stuff,” he said grabbing a fistful of my balls and squeezing.
Speaking the truth I was coming to terms with, I said, “I think I’d want it.” And pushed into his grip. I’d want you inside me.
“Well, obviously. I am pretty fabulous,” he said in his Frieda Love voice, so I backed him against the wall, and gave Frieda something to do with her mouth.
34
Tate
After closing up Rosie’s Repair Shop, Sebastian and I walked back to his house with some takeout. I should’ve headed home but he suggested I record a new YouTube video tonight from his place. I loved the idea.
“Dark Eyes, huh?” he asked as he took a bite of his egg roll.
My fork stopped partway to my mouth. “You knew that?”
He winced. “Sort of. Will it be totally creepy of me to admit I’ve seen a couple of videos?”
Whoa, I had no clue. But damn, I liked the idea of Sebastian watching me.
“What did you think?” My pulse beat double time. His opinion definitely mattered to me. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, everything about that man mattered to me.
“When you talked about me, it was painful and sort of embarrassing,” he said, dabbing at his mouth with a napkin. “But I got why you did it. You were just being you, and your audience loves you. How could they not? You’re radiant.”
I practically purred from his compliment.
After we finished dinner, Sebastian sat back on the lazy boy chair he said had belonged to his dad. It was the only worn piece of furniture in his otherwise modern but sparse apartment. I liked that he was nostalgic about things and I wondered if that was the reason why he hadn’t done anything to spruce up Rosie’s Repair Shop.
Maybe it felt like a piece of his father that he could still hold on to. All he had left of his mother was memories—difficult ones if his tossing and turning at night was any indication. It made me want to wrap him up tight and never let him go. And that thought scared the shit out of me.
I adjusted the camera angle and made sure I had all of my supplies in front of me before I began recording. It was nerve-wracking to have Sebastian as my audience but also kind of fun.
“Hey everybody. Today we’re going to paint some nails,” I motioned to the bottles in front of me. “This is my favorite brand because it doesn’t flake but no matter what you use there are a couple of simple things you can do to make your color last longer.”
Sebastian watched me intently from his perch across the room, and it made me feel electric in front of the camera. “The most important thing is to make sure your nail bed is healthy.”
My hands were still a bit stained from the screen-print work I’d done in the back of the shop today. I held up my hands, which were scrubbed clean but suddenly I had an idea.
“So do you guys remember Dark Eyes?” When Sebastian’s eyebrows arched, I smiled like a Cheshire c
at at the camera. “Well he’s here with me. And right now we’re…we’re dating.”
In my side view, I noticed how he leaned forward, more than likely stunned and pleased that I had said those words aloud. “And well, he’s amazing. And gorgeous. I wish you could see him but he’s very shy, doesn’t like to be the center of attention.”
The blush that spread across his cheeks was perfection.
“Instead I figure I could convince him to let me use his fingers,” I reached for the bottle I’d purchased this week. “For the new nail color I bought.”
He immediately began shaking his head like I knew he would.
“The only thing my viewing audience will see is your hands. Because they’re spectacular hands.” I promise, I mouthed to him.
After another long moment, he gave a wary nod.
He moved closer, glancing back at the camera to be sure he was still out of the frame. His button down shirtsleeves were rolled to his elbows, just how I liked them.
I reached for his hand and flattened it on the coffee table, encouraging him to spread his fingers as he got situated on the floor. Then I went into demonstration mode.
“See how soft and pretty these hands are?” I asked my subscribers. “Have I ever told you I have a thing for forearms? I mean check these out.”
Really? He mouthed to me as I brushed my fingers over the bulging veins of his bronze skin, reveling in making him squirm.
After I opened the pink blossom lacquer, I began painting his nails while I spoke to my audience, trying my best not to make him even more uncomfortable. But I already knew my viewers were going to eat this episode up. Who could resist a glimpse of a mysterious man I claimed I was dating, especially since I had confided the story to them?
Sebastian, on the other hand, used the opportunity to watch me intently, his gaze idly roaming from my eyes and lips and down to his hands and even lower, making me so fucking hard. He knew exactly what he was doing as I finished with a topcoat to set the color. I could scarcely resist him when he had that look in his eyes. The one that made it perfectly clear he wanted me.
The Hardest Fall (Roadmap to Your Heart Book 3) Page 17