Welcome to Temptation/Bet Me

by Jennifer Crusie

  “He needed help,” Wes said.

  “Or Amy did,” Phin said. “My bet is Amy. She’s the one they always rescue.”

  “Amy wouldn’t kill anybody,” Wes said. “I don’t think. So, we talk to Davy Dempsey again.”

  “If you think you’re going to break Davy, forget it. Especially if he’s protecting Amy.”

  “Or Sophie,” Wes said.

  “Let’s go bust the Coreys,” Phin said.

  Half an hour earlier, Sophie had been facing down Dillie through the screen door. “Dillie, your daddy really doesn’t want you to be here.”

  “But don’t you want me to be here?” Dillie said, looking rejected and heartbroken.

  “Oh, honey, of course—” Sophie began, and then she frowned. “Nice try, kid. You almost had me.”

  Dillie looked exasperated. “Well, I know you want me here. You’re just being difficult. Let me in.”

  “How come you’re so sure I want you?”

  “Because I’m delightful,” Dillie said.

  Sophie sighed and let her in. “You’re father tells you this, I assume?”

  “No, my dad tells me I’m spoiled rotten and not to pull that stuff on him.” Dillie didn’t look too abused by this. “My grandma Liz says it. She says, ‘Dillie Tucker, you are the most delightful child in the world.’ She thinks I’m smart, too. I’m a real Tucker.”

  “Lucky you. Dill—”

  “I have a reason for being here,” Dillie said hastily. “An important reason.” She sat down at the table and fished a torn piece of notebook paper out of her back pocket. “Jamie Barclay and I made up a mother test.”

  “How cute of you,” Sophie said. “No.”

  “It’s just four questions,” Dillie said, her cupid’s-bow mouth drooping with disappointment. “Four little questions. Please.”

  Sophie sighed. Maybe if she flunked Dill’s test . . . “Shoot.”

  Dillie straightened in her chair. “Okay. These are multiple choice to make it easy.”

  “Thank you. We potential mothers appreciate all the help we can get.”

  “One. Should a nine-year-old’s bedtime be (A) eight-thirty; (B) nine-thirty; (C) ten-thirty; or (D) whenever she gets tired?”

  Sophie said, “(A). Or even earlier. Six, maybe.”

  Dillie nodded and made a mark on the paper. “Two. A child should watch TV (A) only when there are educational specials on; (B) only on weekends; (C) whenever she wants.”

  “What happened to (D)? Shouldn’t there be a ‘never’ on there?”

  “Sophie,” Dillie said, and Sophie said, “(A).”

  Dillie made a mark on the paper. “Three. A girl is old enough to get her ears pierced when she’s (A) ten; (B) twelve; (C) sixteen; or (D) twenty-one.”

  “(D). Or when she gets her driver’s license, whichever comes last.”

  Dillie shot Sophie a look from under her lashes and then made another mark on the paper. “Four. When a girl grows up she should be (A) a ballerina, or (B) a mayor.”

  Sophie straightened, not amused anymore. “(C). Whatever she wants.”

  Dillie sat back. “Perfect score.”

  “What?”

  Dillie nodded. “My dad picked the exact same answers. Even the different answer on number four.”

  “You gave your father a mother test?”

  “No, I gave him a father test,” Dillie said. “Jamie Barclay said I have to find a good match for him so he won’t get divorced. She’s had three dads so she knows. And since my dad likes you, I figured I’d start here.” She looked at the paper. “We need to talk about some of this stuff, though.”

  Sophie stood up. “We’re walking back to your grandmother’s now.”

  “Without ice cream?” Dillie sounded truly distraught, so Sophie got two Dove Bars and several wet paper towels and took her down to the dock, Lassie on their heels. The river rushed past them, high and fast from the rain. “As soon as this is gone, you’re gone,” she told Dillie, who began to eat her Dove Bar slowly, chattering the entire time.

  “My dad says that I’m his favorite woman in the whole world,” Dillie said when she was finally licking the stick. “But I bet you’re second.” She thought for a minute. “Or maybe third. There’s my grandma Liz.”

  “I’m just honored to be on the short list,” Sophie said. “You have to go back now, Dill.”

  “But I just got here,” Dillie said, imploring. “And it was a long way. My feet hurt. I’m just a child, you know.”

  “I have my suspicions about that,” Sophie said.

  “I shouldn’t have come,” Dillie said sadly. “It’s because I don’t have enough supervision. I need a mother. Really bad.”

  Sophie stood up. “Come on, Meryl Streep. We have to get you back before anybody notices.”

  Dillie ignored her to stare up the hill.

  “Dillie?”

  “Too late,” she said in a small voice, looking genuinely pitiful this time.

  Sophie turned and saw Phin coming toward them, looking like thunder. Dillie moved closer to Sophie and Sophie put her arm around her.

  “I could have sworn,” he said to Dillie when he reached them, “that I’d told you not to come here. You want to explain this to me?”

  “You were unreasonable,” Dillie said, sticking out her chin from the circle of Sophie’s arm. “Sophie is my friend.” She put her hand on Lassie’s head. “And you won’t let me have a dog, and she has one and I can play with him.” She went into orphan-child mode. “This is probably the only dog I’ll ever get to play with in my whole life. Ever.”

  “Where does she get this from?” Sophie said. “I can’t believe she learned it from you or your mother.”

  “Her mother was one hell of an actress,” Phin said grimly.

  Dillie looked up, and Sophie said, “Well, she’s damn good at it, and it’s a useful skill, once she learns to stop overselling it. Since you’re here, can she stay a couple minutes and play with Lassie?”

  “You want me to reward her for disobeying me?” Phin said.

  Sophie leaned closer to keep Dillie from hearing, and whispered, “I want you to stop being such a tightass and let the kid play with the dog.”

  “Yeah,” Dillie said.

  “Don’t push your luck, young lady,” Phin said. “I told you not to come over here and you came anyway.”

  “Grandma told you not to come out here and you did anyway,” Dillie said.

  Sophie looked out across the river and pressed her lips together.

  “Go play with the damn dog,” Phin said, and Dillie went. “If you’re laughing, I’m going to shove you in.”

  “Well,” Sophie said, and then she laughed out loud. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. But she had you on that one.”

  “She has me on all of them. Spoiled rotten kid.”

  Sophie watched Dillie run up the hill with Lassie. “You know, it’d be worth it to stay in Temptation just to watch you when she starts to date.”

  “She’s never going to date.”

  “Not even when she gets her driver’s license?” Sophie sat down on the dock and put her feet back in the rushing water. “She’s a good kid.”

  Phin sat down behind her. “I know she’s a good kid.”

  Sophie leaned back until she touched his shoulder. “I should warn you, she gave me a mother test which I tried to flunk. I passed.”

  “You pass all my tests, too,” Phin said, and she turned her head just as he dropped a kiss in the curve of her neck.

  “Hey,” she said, alarmed. “Dillie.”

  “She just went around the house,” Phin said in her ear. “Look at me.”

  She turned to him and he kissed her thoroughly. “I’ll be back tonight,” he said against her mouth. “Bed check. And you’d better be here.”

  “I thought your mother told you not to come here anymore.”

  “She’s being unreasonable,” Phin said. “You’re probably the only Dempsey I’ll ever get to play with in my whol
e life. Ever.”

  “Lucky for you,” Sophie said, and he kissed her again, and she put her hand on his arm and felt safe and fine. “Is this what we’re going to do tonight?” she said, her eyes still closed.

  “No, we’re going to wax my car,” Phin said.

  Sophie opened her eyes. “What?”

  “Then I’m going to fuck you on the hood,” Phin said, and took her mouth again.

  “That was a really rude thing to say,” she said a few moments later, trying to get her breath back.

  “Yeah, but it turns you on every time,” Phin said. “I go with what works.”

  “We have to stop necking on this dock,” she said a minute later. “Stephen Garvey’s probably taking Polaroids right now.”

  “See if you can get copies.” Phin leaned toward her again, and then Lassie barked and they both jerked around to see Dillie coming down the hill, elaborately unconcerned with them. “Remind me to stay away from you,” Phin said as he stood up.

  “What did I do?” Sophie pulled her feet out of the water and drew them up under her.

  “It’s not what you do, it’s what you are.” Phin raised his voice and called, “Say good-bye to the dog, Dill. We have to get going.”

  “I could go out in front again,” Dillie bargained, as she came up to the dock. “You could kiss Sophie some more.”

  “I had something in my eye,” Sophie said. “We weren’t—”

  “I’m finished kissing Sophie,” Phin said. “Say good-bye.”

  “Good-bye,” Dillie said, the orphan child once more. “I had such a nice time, but it was too, too short.”

  “That’s the good times for you,” Sophie said. “They never last.”

  Leo came back Monday afternoon, splashing through the front yard and talking about arks and Labor Day traffic, and Rachel was so glad to see him she couldn’t stand it. Her life was so awful, so out of control, but now Leo was back. She could tell him about the Mace and he’d tell her what to do. She’d wait until he was done at the farm and then—

  He showed them his cut of Cherished.

  “I changed the title, of course,” he said as the video began to play. A cartoon lion in a smoking jacket appeared and the words Leo Films scrolled across him, and Rachel thought, This is so cool, he’s got to make me his assistant if I don’t go to jail for giving Zane a heart attack. But then the credits started.

  Gone was Amy’s carefully filmed approach to Temptation, panning up to the water tower. Instead two curvaceous-to-the-point-of-chunky legs straddled the words Leo Kingsley Presents which dissolved to flaming letters that read, Hot Fleshy Thighs.

  “What?” Clea shrieked, “ ‘Thighs’!”

  But the title change was the least of it. Leo had kept most of the film, but he’d added some of the raunchiest sex scenes Rachel had ever seen, not that she’d seen many.

  “I’m going to be ill,” Amy said, when they’d hit the second one. “Look at that grain. It’s not even the same film quality,” and Rachel and Sophie looked at her in disbelief.

  “Film quality?” Sophie said, her voice going up an octave. “The fact that this is pornography doesn’t bother you? My dog shouldn’t be watching this.”

  “Leo, this is disgusting,” Clea said. “Did you do this all the way through?”

  “Of course,” Leo said, not the least insulted. “This is what I sell. This is what makes money. This—”

  Oh, Leo, Rachel thought, torn between anger and disillusionment. This is so wrong.

  “I don’t care about the money—” Sophie began.

  “You ruined my film—” Amy began.

  “Leo, you pervert—” Clea began.

  He wasn’t a pervert, Rachel knew, growing calmer even as the bodies flailed on the screen. He was a darling. He just wasn’t thinking, that was all. Sometimes you had to point things out to Leo. The big sweet dummy.

  “Now, look,” Leo was saying. “You knew I wasn’t Disney. And I told you it needed—”

  Rachel turned off the television and popped the cassette out of the player. She took a red magic marker and wrote Smut, Smut, Smut, on it in big letters and handed it to Leo.

  “Rachel, honey, be—” Leo said.

  “This is not going to happen, Leo,” Rachel said firmly. “We had a deal. You were going to try vanilla porn. You were going to be classy this time.”

  “Rachel, baby,” Leo said, very avuncular. “You don’t understand—”

  Rachel pointed her finger at him. “Don’t you ‘baby’ me. A deal’s a deal. You don’t put garbage like that in a quality film.” She put her hands on her hips and stared down into his eyes, making him pay attention. “That’s just wrong, Leo. You should be ashamed.”

  The silence stretched out until Amy said, “Yeah.”

  Leo sighed. “Look, you girls did a fine job, but you have to be practical. I couldn’t sell what you made to high-school kids, it was that tame.”

  “So we’ll make it hotter,” Rachel said, making him meet her eyes again. “This is not a problem. But we make it hotter, not you. Jeez, Leo, what did you think? That we’d say, ‘Oh, good, Leo put in some cheesy sex scenes for us?’ ”

  “I thought you’d be reasonable,” Leo said.

  “You thought wrong,” Rachel said. “Give us a week.”

  “Rachel—”

  “A week. That’s not too much to ask, Leo. Not after what you just did.” Rachel stared him down, implacable, and Leo sighed again and said, “Okay, a week. But I need skin and I need sex. And if you don’t give it to me, I’ll cut it in myself.”

  “Deal,” Rachel said, and then stepped back as she realized what she’d just done. “Uh, if that’s okay with Amy and—”

  “It’s okay with me,” Amy said.

  “You can make all our deals,” Sophie said.

  “Especially with Leo,” Clea said, looking at her appraisingly.

  “Come on,” Rachel said to Leo, feeling magnanimous now that she’d gotten her way. “I’ll take you out to the motel and you can drop off your stuff. And then we’ll go get something to eat, and you can tell me what this movie needs.”

  “I am not going to talk dirty to you in a restaurant,” Leo said.

  Rachel shrugged. “Then we’ll go to Dairy Queen and eat in the car.”

  “Fabulous,” Leo said, but he followed her out when she opened the screen door and gestured, just like she knew he would. He was a good man, really. He just needed to be managed.

  Rachel got in the driver’s seat. “Dairy Queen or the diner?” she asked, and Leo sighed and said, “You choose.”

  “Dairy Queen,” Rachel said, putting the car in gear. “You like their ice cream. And tonight we’ll go watch the Labor Day fireworks, and you’ll feel better. I’ll take care of everything.”

  Beside her, Leo groaned, and Rachel thought, Not a good time to tell him about the Mace.

  She’d just tell him later, then.

  When they were gone, Sophie said, “I’d give her a raise but we’re not paying her anything.”

  “Forget Rachel,” Clea said. “She’s bought us another week, but it’s up to us to come through. We need sex scenes. And we’re going to have to film them fast.”

  Sophie shook her head. “We signed that porn permit—”

  “Sophie,” Amy said. “For God’s sake, this is my video. When we signed the permit, we weren’t making porn. Exactly. And we’re not filming on public property, so we’re innocent.”

  “Amy, we’re never innocent,” Sophie said. “I said this place was trouble. Remember? That first day, when we were filming on public property?”

  Amy looked back, unblinking. “You sorry we came?”

  Sophie stopped and thought of Phin. “No.” Then she thought of Clea and Zane’s sightless eyes and the lying and making porn. “Yes.” Then she thought of Phin again.

  “No. Okay, we’ll do this fast, but this is the end. No more.” She met Amy’s eyes. “I’m not lying to him again, not even for you.”

>   “So much for family,” Amy said, and stalked off into the kitchen.

  At nine that night, Sophie stood with Amy on the bank of the river while Clea and Rob took their places on the dock. There wasn’t much light from the quarter moon, so Amy had set up reflectors and side lights, and the dock looked like a carnival to Sophie. Trashy.

  “This is too bright,” Sophie said. “Way too bright, somebody’s going to see.”

  “Stop whining,” Amy told her. “Everybody’s at the Labor Day picnic. We’re going to shoot this very fast and get out of here before the fireworks are over. Right, guys?”

  “Well, I like to take a little time,” Rob said, and Clea said, “Very funny. Not tonight.”

  She stripped off her sundress and stood naked on the dock, looking even more beautiful in the moonlight than she did in the sun, and Rob said, “Whatever you say, Clea.” He pulled off his shirt and threw it on the grass next to her sundress, and then unbuttoned his jeans, and Sophie turned away.

  “I don’t want to see this,” she said, as she heard his jeans hit the ground, and Amy said, “Oh. Yes, you do.”

  Sophie turned around and blinked. It wasn’t just youth that drew Clea to Rob.

  Amy looked at her. “We’re going to need a bigger dock,” she said, and Sophie turned away again, trying not to laugh. Fireworks exploded beyond the trees, and she stopped to watch them sparkle gold and blue and red in the sky. Beautiful. Then she caught a glint from the trees across the river upstream. At first she thought a spark had caught a tree, but it wasn’t that kind of glint, and she froze as she saw it again.

  “Somebody’s watching us,” she told Amy quietly, and Amy clutched her camera tighter. “There, see that? Somebody’s got binoculars or a camera or something. That’s glass reflecting back light. Turn those lights off now.”

  “No, I can’t.” Panic made Amy’s voice tight. “We can’t stop, we have to get this. We’re running out of time.” She grabbed Sophie. “You have to go see who it is, maybe it’s nobody, maybe nobody’s there.”

  “Are you nuts?” Sophie pulled away. “Turn off those damn lights.”

  “Please,” Amy said. “Just go see. And then come right back if somebody’s watching and we’ll stop, I swear, but it’s probably nobody, and I don’t want to stop if it’s nobody.”