“What kind of moth are you?” I carefully brought my hand closer so I could study it in the fading light. I gave a tiny gasp of delight. “Oh, you’re a thysania agrippina, a ghost moth. I’ve always wanted to see one of you up close. Do you really have the largest wingspan of all moths?” Even from my casual observation, I could see that it did.
The moth wandered up and down my finger. If only it could converse so it could tell me all about its interesting self. I recalled all the facts I’d read about thysania agrippina.
“As a moth you’re drawn to light. I wonder why you flew towards me, for there isn’t much light within me at the moment…this sunset represents the ending of something that’s been far more wonderful than I could have ever imagined.”
“Who are you talking to?”
I gasped. My jolting movement frightened the moth and caused it to flitter into the night. I swiveled around to face Liam, who stood only a few feet away, his expression curious.
“A ghost moth landed on me and I took advantage of my good fortune by talking with it.”
“And I interrupted your conversation and chased away your new friend? Not a very husbandly gesture.” After an inquiring look seeking permission to sit with me, he settled beside me and leaned back on his elbows. “I didn’t know you had an affinity for moths. You recognized its species?”
Oops, another mistake. My heart pounded, causing the wonder that had filled me at having discovered a rare moth to slip away, replaced with apprehension. “Even you would recognize a ghost moth after seeing an illustration. They’re quite distinctive. I read about them in one of the books in the library.”
His grin became wicked. “A ghost moth, huh? Sounds interesting…and creepy. Should we capture it and use it to instill fear in our enemies?”
“Too bad you scared it away.”
“I am rather frightening.”
I giggled and scooted closer to rest my head on his shoulder. He nestled his head on top of mine and together we watched the sky, still awash in its symphony of color. “I’ve always enjoyed the sky’s masterpieces. I used to sneak out before the sun every morning in order to watch the sun rise.”
I sensed Liam’s smile even though I couldn’t see it. “That sounds lovely. I’d love to watch a sunrise with you. Perhaps we can do it tomorrow.”
“Not tomorrow,” I said. “This sunset is concluding our time here, and tomorrow’s sunrise will be the beginning of the unknown.”
“It doesn’t feel like the unknown any longer.” Liam took my hand and began to play with each finger.
“Doesn’t it?” I could scarcely speak.
“No.” He pressed a soft kiss on the end of my pinky. “It’s the beginning of our new life together, one I’m looking forward to experiencing.”
I met his smoldering gaze with a shy one of my own. “Are you really? Because on our carriage ride here—”
“That Liam was an idiot,” he said. “He didn’t know you the way I know you.”
But that was just it—he didn’t know me at all.
“It’s been the most fabulous discovery,” he continued. “I was engaged to the most remarkable woman and I didn’t even know it. What a delightful surprise to be proven wrong. I like surprises.”
My heart pounded in my ears. “Me, too.”
He smiled before lightly kissing each of my fingertips, each touch of his lips causing me to shudder. When he’d reached my thumb he paused and peeked up at me uncertainly. “Are you alright, dear? You’ve been so out of sorts since our kiss. Did I do something wrong?”
“No, Liam. That was a wonderful kiss.”
“Then what’s distressing you?” He scooted closer. “Because something is. You might have fooled the old blind Liam who never paid attention to you, but that Liam no longer exists. I’ve watched you the past few days, being followed by a shadow I can’t see. Won’t you share it with me?”
I ached to now more than ever. I wanted to share everything with him, especially myself. The contract ring sensed my desires and burned threateningly, a warning. Was there a way to be honest while still fulfilling the ring’s sinister demands for my silence?
I chose my words carefully. “I’m being forced to hide myself even though I no longer want to hide at all.” I peeked up at him, heat tickling my cheeks. “Especially from you.”
He nodded slowly. “I felt that way at the very beginning of our marriage. I was like a sulky child throwing a tantrum, so instead of trying to make our marriage work, I played a game of hide-and-seek…until you found me. Perhaps I can return the favor. The question is: do you want to be found?”
“Very much so,” I whispered. “But that doesn’t mean you’ll be able to find me, even if you look.”
He tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “I’m very good at hide-and-seek.”
I hoped he was. I wanted Liam to come to know me, the real me, rather than the mask I wore, and since the ring prevented me from sharing too much of myself, he’d only be able to know Anwen if he found me himself. By the determined gleam in his eye, perhaps he’d succeed in this particular quest. But if he did, would he like who he discovered?
Twilight settled over us and with it came fireflies, glowing against the darkness. It would have been impossible for the old Anwen to have sat so still and avoided her favorite childhood pastime of trying to catch them, but the current Anwen found this experience far more engaging, especially considering Liam hadn’t pulled his hand from my hair. He combed his fingers through it, his expression concentrating.
“I’ve had a wonderful time here with you,” he whispered, as if the darkness required a certain reverence.
“I have, too.”
He smiled and wrapped his arm around my waist to snuggle me close. Stillness settled over us. We cuddled as the sunset faded, leaving behind the starry night and the fireflies, golden bulbs of light that waltzed through the air.
There were so many things I wanted to ask Liam. Had he ever caught fireflies? Did he wish upon the stars? Did he know the stories behind the constellations found in the sky? But asking any of these questions would require me to speak, which would have broken the beautiful spell cloaking us like the silvery starlight.
We sat together for ages, and soon I began to drift off. Liam stirred. He helped me up, and without releasing my hand he led me back to the palace, playing with my fingers with each step. How could such a simple gesture make my knees wobbly?
He paused outside my door, cheeks crimson. “Since you said you weren’t averse to my first kiss…may I kiss you again?”
Even after my nod he hesitated before bridging the distance between us and lightly kissing me, his lips the softest caress. This kiss was far sweeter than our first and I almost protested when he pulled away.
“Lavena? I—” He took a deep, wavering breath, his eyes shy. “Are you ready for…more?”
My breath hooked. Oh. For a moment I couldn’t speak. He shifted restlessly as he awaited my response, the crimson blush staining his cheeks deepening.
“You mean…being together?”
He avoided my eyes and nodded. How I ached to say yes, for in my heart I truly was. But emotions other than my love for dear Liam vied for my attention—sadness, fear. For if we were together in that way, it wouldn’t be Anwen he was with, but Princess Lavena. I wasn’t strong enough to give all of myself and have him giving himself to another.
“No.” As if that single word were a dagger, he winced and immediately dropped my hand. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. If only I could convey how sorry I truly was.
He released a disappointed sigh. “Oh…alright. Have a good night. I’ll see you in the morning.” He started to turn, paused, and after another shy, longing look, he kissed my cheek and entered his room, leaving me alone in the hallway.
I stared after him before slipping inside my bedchamber, where the connecting door between our two rooms greeted me. I pressed my back against this door, my heart tightening as I remembered the pain that h
ad filled Liam’s eyes at my rejection. Unfortunately, tonight wouldn’t be the last time I hurt him. How could I repeatedly inflict pain on the kindest, most wonderful man I’d ever known, the man I loved? The pain he felt now would be nothing compared to the stinging betrayal he’d experience when this charade I played inevitably crumbled.
These agonizing thoughts haunted me as the night stretched on, making sleep impossible. I kept staring at the connecting door dividing our rooms, the knowledge that I’d only keep hurting Liam twisting my stomach in knots, as did my regret for being unable to give him the answer I’d longed to: yes.
Chapter 14
The carriage clattered down the road towards the Dracerian palace, but even the unpleasant swaying of the carriage was nothing compared to the awkwardness accompanying us on our journey. Liam had been unusually quiet during breakfast, clearly avoiding my eyes but still stealing several shy peeks anyway, as if he couldn’t resist looking at me. My heart lurched each time our eyes met and I caught a glimpse of the pain I’d caused him last night.
Remorse gnawed at my heart as we traveled in silence. We sat side by side, so close that we briefly touched with each of the carriage’s jostles. The heat from his nearness taunted me, making me want nothing more than to curl up with him, despite the distance that had sprung up between us at my rejection.
I fought this desire for the first hour before I couldn’t bear it any longer. Since I’d been the one to hurt him, I had to be the first to make amends. With a wavering breath, I scooted closer until our sides touched. His breath hooked as did mine, for the contact sent a jolt through me. I melted into him.
When he made no move to reject me as I’d feared, I curled myself closer around his stiff form. He softened with a sigh, and then his arm wound around me to snuggle me close. I nearly sobbed in relief at his acceptance.
“Oh, Lavena.”
I flinched at her name but it couldn’t upset me completely, not with his arm looped around me. “I’m sorry, Liam. I didn’t mean—”
His hold tightened as he nestled his head against my hair. “Please don’t be distressed, my dear, I’m not upset with you.”
I snapped my head back to stare incredulously up at him. I reached out and lightly traced around his eyes, which were still filled with pain. “Don’t lie. I can see I hurt you.”
“You didn’t; you’re far too sweet. It’s your core trait.”
“But I’m not sweet,” I protested. “I rejected you last night.” Heat enveloped my face. I burrowed it in the crook of his arm.
“I’m not upset by that, darling. I’m glad you can be honest with me. I’d hate to push you.”
I shyly peeked up at him. He lightly caressed my cheek.
“I do need to be close to you, but not at the expense of hurting you. Nothing is worth that.” His fingers stroked my cheeks. “I need your happiness, my Lavena.” Once more, I winced at her name passing his lips. He instantly dropped his caress. “What’s wrong? Shall I slow down?”
I felt at war with myself between my desire for him to slow down and for him to not go slow at all. Each touch from him was both burning and wonderful, given both to me and Princess Lavena. It was all incredibly confusing.
“Please don’t slow down,” I murmured. “I don’t want you to.”
“But you’re still not ready?”
I was, but Anwen wasn’t supposed to exist. I shook my head. “It’s complicated.” If only I could explain.
“Then we’ll wait.”
“You’re not upset?” I asked.
“Not about waiting,” he said gently. “It’s just the thought that you’ll never feel for me what I’m feeling for you that’s unbearable.”
I cupped his cheek and felt a delightful thrill ripple over me as he leaned against my hand. “You have no need to worry about that; I feel the same way towards you.”
He grinned widely, causing the unhappiness that had cloaked him all morning to slowly melt away. “Really?”
I nodded. He had to know what the Anwen in me was feeling, even though her beautiful emotions were forbidden. His smile widened and his entire manner lit up.
“With hope, I can wait as long as you need.” He kissed the top of my head and pulled me closer, tucking me against his side. I rested my head on his shoulder with a contented sigh, and we passed the rest of the far-more-pleasant carriage ride cuddled this way.
Liam’s family was waiting for us in front of the majestic Dracerian palace as the carriage clattered through the gilded gates. The awkwardness of their farewells lingered in my memory, and although they smiled, wariness filled their expressions—the queen’s in particular. It was no wonder, for the last they’d seen us, Liam and I had both showed an undisguised lack of enthusiasm for our union.
Liam chuckled. “Just look at their faces. They’re nervous for us. Shall we give them a delightful surprise?”
He gave me one final snuggle before bounding from the carriage. He helped me descend with a bright smile and didn’t release me after I’d clambered out with far less grace than the real Princess Lavena would have shown. He tucked my hand through his arm. Her Majesty’s eyes widened.
“Hello, Mother, Father, my favorite sisters.” Liam bestowed a kiss on the cheek of each—save His Majesty, who received a firm handshake—before he turned towards me with feigned surprise. “And Lavena! Fancy seeing you here. Hello to you, too.”
To my delight I also got a kiss, one that sent a delighted shiver through me.
The queen glanced back and forth between us, her brows furrowed. “How was your honeymoon?”
I smiled and Liam sighed with obvious contentment that warmed me straight through. “Wonderful,” he said. “We had a fabulous time, didn’t we, dear?”
“We did.”
Liam’s sisters began giggling in a way that caused my cheeks to burn. The king rested his hand on Liam’s shoulder. “I’m pleased, Son, that despite your years of complaining about your union, it’s going better than you initially expected.”
The queen gave him a disapproving look before casting me a worried glance. “Nonsense, dear. Liam was very excited to be marrying dear Lavena.”
The king frowned. “But he wasn’t. He said he’d rather—” He snapped his mouth shut at his wife’s sharp glare and cleared his throat. “So you two had a good time? Excellent. We’re pleased to hear that. Didn’t expect anything else.”
“Indeed not.” The queen was all smiles again. “I’m so glad you enjoyed yourselves. We’ll let you two rest from your travels before joining us for dinner in an hour. We have a private welcome-home feast prepared, during which we’d love to hear more details about how things went.”
My stomach tightened. Our conversation with Their Majesties hadn’t even started and already I felt overwhelmed at the thought of enduring it, especially considering I wasn’t sure how well Liam’s family knew Princess Lavena or how convincing an imposter I’d be.
Liam noticed my distress and wrapped his arm around my shoulders to pull me close enough to murmur in my ear. “You’re looking weary. Would you like to rest from our journey?”
“Please.”
“I read you accurately. I’m getting rather good at this husband thing.” He led me up the front steps. “Lavena and I are going to rest for a bit. Stop sniggering, Elodie; I said rest. We’ll see you later.”
A footman opened the door with a bow. Just before we slipped inside, I heard the king mutter, “Don’t scold me, dear, I have every right to be shocked. Liam acted like his marriage was his execution, and now they’re not only civil towards one another, but seem besotted.”
The moment the doors closed behind us, Liam tipped his head back and laughed boisterously. My embarrassment melted away until I was smiling, too.
“That was fantastic. Did you see their faces? They expected us to emerge from that carriage scarred from many epic battles.” He pressed me against his side as we ascended the grand staircase.
“They did seem rather shocked.”
His grin widened. “Shocked is an understatement. I love surprising people. That was brilliant, Lavena. They weren’t expecting us to be such good friends.”
I smiled. We had become good friends, although I now considered Liam so much more.
It took several corridors before I noticed two guards discreetly following us. “Who are they?” I asked Liam in a whisper. He glanced over his shoulder.
“Oh, those are our personal guards. Yet another example of being off our honeymoon: the guards at the summer palace kept more out of the way, but not the ones here.” He sighed. “Our time alone will be more limited now that we’ve returned. Here we are, our quarters.”
He opened the door to my room and bowed me through before following, closing the door behind him. My heart immediately flared to life. Liam was in my room. His presence made it feel as if the walls were closing in, shrinking the space.
Liam glanced around the marble, satin, and pastel-pink surroundings. “Feminine. It was just redecorated according to your wishes.”
According to Princess Lavena’s desires. All the pink and lace made it far too frilly for my personal taste, but I forced a smile. “They did an excellent job.” The room was luscious, far more than my bedroom at the summer palace had been. I walked around, taking in every detail, Liam following close behind.
“I take it you like it?” he asked.
“I do. It’s so grand. It can’t possibly belong to me.”
He frowned. “Did the decorators not remodel it to your desires?”
“No, I meant—” I swallowed my condemning words; over the past month, I’d gotten much better at appeasing the sadistic jailer adorning my finger.
Liam’s brow furrowed as he looked around. “I almost think the decorators did make a mistake. There’s a lot of pink, a color you never seem to wear. You mostly wear green.”
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