My heart skittered to a stop and panic swirled through me. I took a calming breath. I could do this. I braced myself, trudged to the door, and opened it, sweeping into a curtsy. “Your Majesties.”
Their eyes widened when they saw me before recognition filled the queen’s eyes. “Anwen? Where’s Lavena? We heard she’s ill.” She bustled into the room towards the empty bed, followed by the stern-looking king. Her brow furrowed as she scanned the room. “She’s not here.”
My heartbeat escalated. I fought to keep my breath steady. “No, Your Majesty.”
She frowned. “Where is she? Liam told me she’s not feeling well.”
“I—” I twisted my ring anxiously as my mind scrambled for an excuse. The king’s look became penetrating, as if he sensed something amiss.
“You know where she is, don’t you? Out with it, handmaiden.”
My throat had gone dry. I swallowed before latching on to the first excuse I could think of. “Forgive me, Your Majesties, but she…snuck out.”
A stunned silence followed, broken by the king’s bellow. “She what?”
I lowered my eyes. Her habit of sneaking out had been a secret Princess Lavena had made me swear to keep, but it was a promise I wasn’t bound to by the contract ring. “Yes, Your Majesty.”
I regretted the lie almost the moment I gave it. What if Their Majesties spoke of it to a member of the Dracerian royal family, or worse, Liam himself? I took another steadying breath. It’d be alright. They wouldn’t do anything to risk the union between Liam and Princess Lavena.
By their horror-filled expressions at my words, they feared that union was on the brink of crumbling. Tension hung thick in the air before the queen sighed and frowned at the king, whose eyebrow was twitching dangerously. “I told you she was sneaking out,” she said.
So they already knew about Princess Lavena’s rebellious habit?
“Yes, but you would think she’d have stopped such nonsense after her marriage. The foolish girl.” He began to pace, his face reddening. “How dare she revert back to her old habits after our union with the Dracerian royal family?” He froze suddenly, going pale, before swiveling to face me. “Does Liam know?” His voice had lowered to a whisper.
“I don’t believe so,” I said shakily.
His Majesty’s eyes narrowed. “You don’t believe so? I suggest you find out for sure. I need to know the extent of the mess Lavena’s making.”
The queen rested a hand on his arm. “Dear, how can Anwen know such a thing? She never sees Liam.”
The king muttered something indiscernible as he resumed his pacing. “Foolish girl. How could she do this? If the Dracerian monarchy finds out, the relations between our two kingdoms that the betrothal contract strengthened will be in ruins. When I see her, I’m going to—” He made a rather violent gesture.
“Dear, really.” The queen now looked quite agitated.
“Don’t dear me now. That girl—”
“Do keep your voice down.” The queen anxiously eyed the door, as if afraid someone was eavesdropping at the keyhole, ready to spread lewd rumors about Princess Lavena.
The king took a deep breath before turning a much more calm expression back towards me. “When will she return?” he asked. “I have a few words to exchange with her.”
“Not until late, Your Majesty,” I said. “It’s usually long past midnight.”
“Midnight?” His eyebrow was twitching again. “That’s not acceptable.”
I gave a helpless shrug. “Forgive me, Your Majesty.”
“It’s not your fault, Anwen.” The queen glanced at the king. “Surely we can stay until she returns—”
“We don’t have time.” His voice was rising, and when he turned away from me to resume his prowling, I hastily seized the opportunity to retreat back a step. “We’re due in Sortileya by tomorrow morning.”
“Can’t we delay it? Lavena—”
“Is not here, is she? That girl…”
A string of obscenities spilled from his escalating voice. The queen turned her alarm towards me, as if afraid of how I’d perceive His Majesty in his undignified state. She needn’t have worried; the only emotions I was experiencing were anxiety that they were still here and a fragile hope that perhaps they’d leave before the princess’s charade was discovered.
Finally, it seemed the king had released enough of his wrath to straighten back to his usual regal manner, the only sign of his lingering emotions being the anger filling his eyes.
“I suppose spouting words to her bedroom won’t reform the slippery girl. I refuse to wait around for her to return from another of her trysts; we’re expected in Sortileya, and unlike her, I take my responsibilities seriously. Come, dear, we need to leave before the hour grows later.” He strode towards the door.
“But we haven’t seen Lavena yet,” the queen protested.
“It’s not my fault your daughter is rebellious.” The king reached the doorway but paused as rushed footsteps sounded in the corridor.
At first I feared it was Liam, but it was Prince Nolan who burst into the room, panting and looking more flustered than I’d ever seen the normally serious, stoic prince.
“Mother, Father, I—” He froze when he saw me standing in my handmaiden’s outfit. He slowly raked his gaze over my uniform and his eyes widened. Whatever he’d expected to find, it clearly wasn’t me disguised as myself.
“What is it, Nolan?” the king asked. For a moment, Prince Nolan looked at a loss for words.
“I—where’s Lavena?” He said her name hesitantly, as if unsure whether or not his parents were aware of her absence.
“She’s snuck out. Again.” The king actually snorted in his disgust. “Apparently, the fact that she’s married is no deterrent, nor the fact that she could potentially ruin the relations between Draceria and Lyceria should Liam learn of it. Were you aware of her sneaking out?”
“I—no, Father.” Prince Nolan continued to gape at me for a moment more before glancing back at the king.
“That girl only thinks of herself,” the king muttered, his anger overcoming him once more. “Perhaps I’d better delay our trip to Sortileya after all so I can talk with her. I need to set her straight before Liam discovers her liaisons.”
Panic set in at his words. I looked pleadingly at Prince Nolan.
“That won’t be necessary, Father,” Prince Nolan said. “Your meeting with the King of Sortileya is too important to delay. I’ll remain in Draceria until Lavena returns in order to give her a proper talking-to about her duties as Liam’s wife.”
“That would undoubtedly be best,” the queen said, eying the king’s pulsing eyebrow with concern. “You’ll likely be able to handle the situation with much more calm. Isn’t that right, dear?”
The king hesitated before sighing. “Perhaps you’re right. I’m in no state to handle that girl at the moment. But so help me, Nolan, if you don’t talk sense into her…she must understand that this behavior of hers can’t continue.”
“Of course, Father.” Prince Nolan bowed, his expression relieved, but his feelings couldn’t exceed my own. Were Their Majesties really leaving without having detected the switch?
It appeared I’d been granted a miraculous reprieve, for the king stomped towards the door and yanked it back open. He nearly careened into Liam, who’d raised his hand to knock. “Pardon me, boy.” He stepped around him and stomped, grumbling, into the corridor.
Liam’s anxious gaze immediately sought mine. “Is everything alright?” he asked, and my stomach sank to realize he must have heard the king’s tirade. The queen seemed to sense this, too, for she gave Liam an overly bright smile that didn’t reach her eyes.
“Of course, dear. Everything is fine. We’re just…exhausted from the journey. I’m afraid we can’t stay. Forgive us.” And she bustled past him, Prince Nolan following closely behind, pausing only to wink at me.
“But Your Majesties—” Liam stared down the hallway, brow furrowed in confusion, befor
e he hurried towards me. “What happened? Are you alright?”
I groaned and collapsed on the settee at the foot of my bed so I could lean my head back against the mattress. He sat beside me, rubbing my arms soothingly.
“You’re trembling. Did something happen with your parents? I heard yelling and…Lavena?”
The tears I’d been fighting ever since the confrontation with Their Majesties began finally escaped. The fear tightening my chest was slowly abating, but it was an almost painful feeling, leaving me feeling wrung out and drained.
Liam wiped away my tears with frantic fingers, his expression twisted in worry. “Please tell me what happened. Did you and your parents get in a fight?”
It was as good an excuse as any. I slowly nodded. By the look in Liam’s eyes, I knew he needed more explanation than that.
I found the perfect one. “We don’t get along.”
His brow furrowed. “You don’t?”
I shook my head. Perplexity replaced his confusion.
“But why? You’re wonderful.”
I was too drained to say anything more. He stroked my wet cheek.
“I’m sorry. I wish I’d known your feelings concerning the matter. I never would have invited them here. But to think of the harsh way His Majesty yelled at you.”
His expression darkened as he pulled me into a hug. I burrowed against him, feeling safe in his arms. He began to rub my back but paused to pull away, staring at me as if finally seeing me since entering the room.
“Your hair…” He stared at my servant’s bun before taking my hands to tug me to my feet, his bewildered gaze taking in my outfit. “Goodness, Lavena, whatever are you wearing?”
“A handmaiden outfit,” I squeaked.
His raised his brow. “Why?”
Why indeed. I couldn’t very well tell him I’d needed to dress as a servant for Their Majesties so they wouldn’t discover I’d switched places with their daughter and he was married to an imposter. My mind swirled for another explanation, any, no matter how weak.
I bit my lip. “I thought…it’d be rather disrespectful to dress in such an outfit for my parents.”
The astonishment that filled Liam’s expression made me want to sink through the floor in shame for such a dishonorable gesture. He continued gaping for a moment before, to my surprise, he grinned.
“You never cease to surprise me. And here I was beginning to think you were too perfect to be real.” Chuckling, he pulled me into another hug. I stood stiffly in his arms, unable to believe his reaction.
“You don’t hate me for such a horrible thing?”
“I could never hate you.” His hold tightened protectively. “Your relationship with your parents must be rather tense for someone as sweet as you to do something so drastic. I must make it my quest to always stay on your good side.” He kissed the top of my head. “Did you also feign your illness so that you wouldn’t have to see them? If so, I must scold you for causing me to worry.”
I burrowed my tear-streaked face against his heartbeat. “I’m sorry, Liam.”
He hooked his fingers beneath my chin to lift my teary gaze. “Perhaps another one of your apologies is in order.“ He stared at my lips.
The fact that even after seeing me at my worst he still wanted a kiss made it impossible for me to deny him. I nodded and his lips captured mine. His arms tightened around me and my own hooked around his neck to burrow my fingers in his hair, pulling him closer, deeper.
The kiss was heated, beautiful, and felt so right, as if we belonged together. I melted into his embrace as his hands stroked up and down my back before sliding into my hair. He unhooked the pins so my hair tumbled down my back and he could weave his fingers through it.
As I heard the pins clatter to the floor, his actions registered—he’d pulled my hair from the style I’d worn as a handmaiden, which only reminded me I was dressed not as the princess but as Anwen. The mask had been removed, reminding me it was Anwen who kissed the prince, which explained why it felt both incredibly right and so horribly wrong. His soft lips suddenly burned on mine. I broke away with a gasp.
“No.” The pain at my deception gnawed at me. This was wrong. I, a mere goose girl, wasn’t supposed to be kissing Liam, no matter how strongly I felt towards him, no matter how much I ached for him to be mine. I was in Princess Lavena’s place, a place that any day I was sure she’d try to reclaim, a thought that raked my heart.
“What is it, Lavena? Was that too fast?”
I squeezed my eyes shut at his sweet worry. It made me love him even more, something I couldn’t afford to do, especially now. “I need to be alone,” I said. “Please leave.”
His breath caught and in his eyes I could see my request had hurt him. But I couldn’t take it back. Princess Lavena had slipped away, leaving Anwen in her place, and I couldn’t be me for him, no matter how much I ached to.
Liam sighed and glanced at the bed behind me, his look full of longing, before he forced a smile for me. “As you wish, darling.” He lifted my hand and kissed it before he left.
As the door closed behind him, I crumpled to the ground, feeling worn out from changing parts so frequently. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could continue to endure this, but how could I end the charade when doing so would cause me to lose Liam?
Chapter 21
Memories from the King and Queen of Lyceria’s tension-riddled visit made sleep that night impossible. Even though I’d narrowly escaped being caught, the nerves and fear from the ordeal still tightened my chest. I tossed and turned, unable to quiet my mind or settle my anxiety. I may have gotten away with it this time, but surely the king and queen would visit again, and then I’d be expected to come up with more lies to explain my presence and the princess’s absence. One day I’d run out of excuses.
I sighed as I settled back against the pillows and glanced towards the connecting door separating my room from Liam’s. He seemed so far away, especially after my earlier actions. I both understood my reasons for pushing him away and was frustrated by them.
Today’s visit from the king and queen reminded me anew that I needed to maintain my distance from Liam. Continuing to get closer to him would hurt both of us in the end when the deception was inevitably exposed, but despite knowing this, that didn’t keep me from falling deeper in love with him with each passing day. I ached to cross the threshold separating us in order to be near him.
Stop thinking of Liam, I firmly scolded myself as I glared at the canopy above me. But despite my firm orders and the heavy exhaustion pressing against my senses, thoughts of Liam and my anxieties continued to fill my mind, so that it took another hour before sleep eventually claimed me.
I dreamed of Liam. It wasn’t the first time I’d dreamt of him, but unlike the ones that had recently graced my nights, this dream wasn’t pleasant. Instead of revisiting one of our many wonderful memories together, I dreamt of the hateful look in his eyes on our wedding day, his disdain during our first week of marriage, his confusion and hurt whenever I pushed him away, and the hopeless feeling that he was slipping away from me. The more desperately I tried to bridge the vast distance between us, the more out of reach he became.
And then the dream shifted to the future event I so feared: Liam’s discovery of who I truly was. I found myself standing on the gallows in my servant’s garb as Liam sneered at me with a disgust that broke my heart.
Before I could plead for him to accept me as Anwen, I was pushed forward and forced to clamber onto a chair beneath the dangling noose, a noose that was draped around my neck, the rope scratchy against my flesh.
“Please, Liam,” I managed before the chair was kicked out from beneath me. The noose immediately tightened, suffocating, agonizing…and I felt my life slip away, all while Liam watched with cold hatred.
I sat up with a gasp, panting as I struggled for the air that in my dream I’d been so desperate for. Cold sweat covered my body and my heart beat wildly against my ribcage. I looked frantically around my d
arkened room, lit only by the silverly light of the moon tumbling through the window and the dying fire in the hearth.
A nightmare, only a horrible nightmare…yet one that had felt far too real. I held my hands up to my neck as I could still feel the horrific sensation of the rough rope tightening, see the disgust in Liam’s eyes, feel the sharp pain lacing my skull as my life drifted away at the gallows…I shuddered.
With a whooshing breath, I collapsed against my pillows and pressed my hand to my chest in an attempt to still my pounding heart. Although it was settling, the memory of my dream draped over me, suffocating me. Even though Liam’s disdain and my execution had only been a dream, it was still a future I feared would come to fruition.
I shuddered and snuggled deeper beneath the blankets, cocooning myself in a feeble act of comfort, but it wouldn’t come. I stared longingly at the connecting door between me and Liam. I’d craved his presence before, but I needed him now. Did I dare?
I slowly sat up, my gaze locked on the connecting door. In the darkness its distance seemed magnified, stretching far out of reach, just like I’d felt from Liam during my nightmare. I tugged my blankets securely around my shaking frame and slipped from bed to tiptoe across the room. The door seemed to drift further away the closer I approached, but eventually I arrived and placed my shaky hand on the knob. I took a deep, wavering breath before knocking. The sound echoed in the still night. Summoning my courage, I pushed the door open.
I’d never been inside Liam’s room, but even though the moonlight tumbling through the window illuminated it enough to study it, my attention was eclipsed by his four-poster bed where Liam lay. He stirred and groggily sat up, brows drawn in confusion. His eyes widened as he spotted me standing in the doorway.
My cheeks burned as we stared at one another. I wasn’t sure Liam would accept me after I’d once again pushed him away only hours before, but I should have known him better than that. He broke the awkward silence first, his voice as gentle as his softening expression.
“Lavena? Is something wrong?”
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