I swallowed my nerves and crept closer. His breath hooked as he caught sight of my tear-streaked face.
“Lavena?” He scrambled out of bed and approached, his hands hovering uncertainly over me before he rested them on my shoulders. Calm immediately penetrated the fear tightening my heart from the simple gesture. “What is it?”
My lip trembled. “I had a nightmare,” I murmured pathetically.
“You did?” He carefully wiped the moisture clinging to my eyelids. I nodded.
“It was horrible.” I stepped closer and relaxed against his chest, resting my head above his heartbeat, which flared to life at my contact.
Liam’s arms wound around me and he rested his head on top of mine. “Oh my dear, you’re shaking.” He began rubbing the base of my back in soothing circles.
“It was so scary and seemed so real.” I burrowed myself closer to him, his warmth and cinnamon scent gradually calming my taut nerves. “Can you sit up with me? I need you.”
His hold tightened around me as he nodded but he didn’t move, as if reluctant to release me. When he eventually pulled away, he kept his arm securely around my waist and led me towards the connecting door. I whimpered and wrapped my arms tightly around him, holding him possessively.
“Liam…” Just like my dream, he was pushing me away.
“It’s alright, darling.” He stroked my hair and I felt my unease slip away with each touch. “I’m not leaving you. I just thought more familiar surroundings would help calm you.”
I relaxed but didn’t loosen my hold. He led me to the settee in front of my dying fire, where we settled. I snuggled closer to him, basking in the way he held me, caressed me, and murmured soothingly, comforting me so sweetly and attentively.
He pressed his lips in my hair. “Will you tell me about your nightmare?”
I shuddered. I could still feel it reaching for me, invading my mind with images of the gallows and losing Liam. “It was horrible.”
“What was it about?”
I shook my head. I couldn’t tell him, and even though this was just one of many examples of keeping secrets from him, it felt more frustrating now than it had before. I was tired of this constant battle raging war against my heart—between needing Liam and being afraid of getting too close to him. Such a paradox.
Liam began to rub up and down my arms. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I just hope you know that you can always confide in me.”
My heart cracked at his sweetness, which he always extended despite everything that transpired between us. “I do know that,” I whispered. “That’s why I came to you tonight.”
He smiled. “We’ve really grown together these past several months, haven’t we? It’s hard to believe things are so different than what I’d initially imagined this marriage would be like.” He hesitated. “I never want things to revert back to the way they were before, which means I must ask—what happened between us after your parents left?”
Too much of my real self had been unmasked, and in my fear I’d pushed him away. If only I could share this with him so he’d understand. My heart twisted at the thought that I’d hurt him. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I wish I could explain.”
“Do you not trust me?”
“There’s no one I trust more than you. Again, that’s why I came to you tonight.”
“I’m glad you did.” He nestled his head on top of mine. “Even if you can’t share your nightmare with me, I want to help ease your fears.”
The love already filling my heart blossomed even further. No matter how many times I pushed him away or hurt him, he remained constant. It made me love him all the more, a love that frightened me and caused me to cling more firmly to my disguise.
But as I sat in his arms now, I realized that my fear was of more than getting too close to Liam only for Princess Lavena to return and take him away—it was of my caring so deeply that I wouldn’t be able to play the charade any longer. The closer we became, the less I wanted to pretend with him and the more I wanted to set aside my mask as Princess Lavena and show him Anwen. Yet showing him who I truly was would put my heart at risk for him to reject me, an outcome far more torturous than any other potential consequence that could befall me.
For a moment we sat cuddling in front of the fire, slowly dying as the night wore on, but still crackling merrily. The longer I sat with Liam, the more distant the nightmare grew, and the more beautiful this moment we shared became. I needed more perfect moments like this.
He broke the still and reverent silence first. “This is rather nice, isn’t it?”
I tipped my head back, resting my chin on his heart to peek up at him. His cheeks were crimson and his gaze smoldering as it seeped into mine. Mine, not Princess Lavena’s. She wasn’t here. I was.
“It is,” I whispered.
“I’ve always imagined experiences such as us cuddling in front of the fire.” He pressed a soft kiss to my cheek.
“You’ve always imagined sharing romantic moments with me?”
He chuckled. His lips tickled my cheek, causing me to shudder.
“Admittedly no, but the moment in our marriage when I came to truly know you, everything changed. It’s as if you’re a completely different person from who you were before. Nothing pleases me more.”
Normally, such words would cause anxiety to seep over me, but not tonight. I stared into his eyes, for the first time fully understanding his words. No matter what name Liam knew me by, he knew me.
What was wrong with allowing him to know Anwen? He truly didn't know the difference between me and Princess Lavena. Besides, she wasn’t here; I was, and the name Liam knew me by didn’t affect the relationship we’d forged together.
Lavena is only a name. For the first time since starting this horrible, deceiving charade, the truth finally settled over me. I beamed, feeling lighter and happier than I had in a long time. Liam’s eyes lit up. He traced my smile with his fingertip.
“What is it, Lavena?”
I hooked my arms around his neck to stare adoringly up at him. I loved this man. My heart could no longer keep him at arm’s length. While I was still terrified he’d reject me should he learn I was a goose girl, I knew he loved me enough to accept other parts of me, ones I could no longer keep hidden.
“I’m just marveling at how lucky I am,” I said. “I’m married to a man who will comfort me even when I wake him in the middle of the night due to a nightmare. You’re a wonderful husband, Liam.”
He grinned and pressed his forehead against mine. “And you’re a wonderful wife. I do care for you, dear, more than I could have ever imagined.”
My smile grew. His feelings had developed only after he’d met me, and thus existed only for me. It was such a wonderful, liberating thought. Why had it taken me so long to realize this?
He gave me an affectionate snuggle. “You seem more cheerful. Have I comforted you enough so you’ll be able to fall asleep?”
I whined in protest and nestled myself closer. “I don’t want to go back to sleep. I need more comfort. Comfort me all night.” I never wanted this moment to end.
He chuckled and kissed me softly. “Then I’ll happily stay up and give it to you, even if it takes all night, and once you fall asleep, I’ll be sure to keep the nightmares away.”
And that’s what he did. We stayed up for another hour conversing, during which I opened up more and more about myself—sharing bits of Anwen throughout, while the ring remained strangely silent—until drowsiness eventually settled over me. I laid my head against his shoulder and felt myself drifting off. The last thing I remembered was Liam’s soft kiss pressed tenderly against my temple.
I stirred awake, feeling blissfully comfortable. Why was I so comfortable? My eyes fluttered open and I groggily took in my surroundings, bathed in rose and gold-tinted dawn. I lay curled on the settee in front of the fire, my head in Liam’s lap, his arms wrapped snugly around me and his hand stroking my hair.
I’d fallen asleep on Liam. I b
linked, trying to orient myself to the situation, all while my thoughts scrambled back to how I’d ended up in such a remarkable position. It slowly dawned on me—last night’s nightmare, seeking Liam’s comfort, our conversation in front of the fire, and eventually drifting off on his shoulder. No wonder I’d passed the most pleasant of nights.
But the wonder of the moment faded into burning embarrassment. I wasn’t lying against his shoulder now, but using his lap as a pillow. This thought jolted me awake. I bolted upright. “Liam!”
He smiled, looking particularly happy. “Good morning.”
“Good morning,” I managed even midst my shyness. “Did you stay with me all night?” The words sounded both beautiful and mortifying.
Pink caressed his cheeks. “I’m sorry,” he said in a rush. “I didn’t mean to—that is, you seemed so frightened and tired last night, so when you fell asleep, I was afraid moving you would wake you and…” He lowered his gaze to his lap.
“I didn’t mind,” I said.
He peeked up shyly, his smile hesitant. “Neither did I. I’m pleased you came to me last night.” He stroked my cheek, his touch gentle. “Did you have any more nightmares?”
“You kept them away.”
His soft smile became mischievous. “Of course I did; I take my husband duties seriously.”
He kissed the tip of my nose before he unwound his arm from around me, his blush deepening as he took in my appearance in my nightclothes. He yanked his gaze away and swallowed.
“I should, uh, leave and allow you to prepare for the day.”
He went to the connecting door, the barrier that had finally been breached, pausing to glance back at me, his smile shy. “I had a wonderful night, dear.”
My own cheeks warmed. “I did too.”
His smile grew. “I’ll see you soon.” He disappeared into his room, shutting the door behind him. I stared after him, my heart hammering, before I collapsed backwards onto the settee with an ecstatic smile.
Liam and I had passed the night together. I rolled onto my stomach to burrow my face in the cushion, where Liam’s cinnamon scent still clung. I giggled even as I seized the pillow and rolled back over, holding it tightly to my chest as my toes curled in delight. Liam and I had passed the night together and it had been wonderful.
It took a moment for me to emerge from my fantasies about what it’d be like to spend every night with Liam in order to get up and dress with the assistance of my maid. Shortly after she left, a knock sounded on the door. I grinned girlishly. That’d likely be—wait. I frowned. The knock had come not from the connecting door but the one that led to the hallway. I opened it and gasped, my heart sinking.
There stood Princess Lavena.
It had happened, just like I always knew it would. But why did it have to happen now? I gaped at her, taking in her travel-worn yet still elegant appearance, hoping she was an illusion, for surely she couldn’t be part of my morning that seemed straight from a dream, a dream she was rapidly transforming into a nightmare, as if last night’s actual nightmare had been a premonition that everything was about to unravel.
It took me a moment to find my voice. “Your Highness?”
She smirked and flounced into the room. “Shut the door, Anwen. It wouldn’t do for anyone to see us together.”
I managed to thaw enough to do so, but I couldn’t still my heart’s painful pounding in my chest. Princess Lavena couldn’t be here, not now. Things had not only been going well with Liam, but I’d finally decided to stop holding myself back from him. She couldn’t just come into my life—our life—and take him from me.
“What are you doing here?” I managed.
She raised an elegant brow. “Need you even ask? Our similarities made it an easy feat to get past the guards; they naturally assumed I was you, although they did look rather perplexed to see me enter the palace so early.” She giggled and tossed her hair over her shoulder, as if all of this was some game. “As to why I’ve come, I’m here to relieve you from the charade. I know that’s something you’ve been wanting ever since it began.”
I wished I’d heard her wrong, but I knew all too well I hadn’t. I swallowed. “Relieve me?”
“Yes. You no longer have to pretend to be me. I’ve had my fun.” She wrinkled her nose. “If one could call it that. The life of a commoner isn’t fun at all. I didn’t enjoy traveling with that minstrel, but once I realized how dreadful it was, I was too far from home to make it back quickly. But I’m here now.” She gave me a rather accusing look. “You should have warned me I wouldn’t like living the life of a peasant.”
If I hadn’t been so shocked and horrified to see her, I’d have rolled my eyes and reminded her how many times I’d told her that very thing during my arguments against this ridiculous scheme. But the scheme didn’t feel ridiculous any longer. I no longer wanted it to end, a desire that caused different arguments to burn on my tongue.
“Your Highness, we can’t switch back now,” I said. “Everyone will notice.”
She rolled her eyes. “They won’t. They obviously didn’t notice you took my place, so they won’t notice when I take it back.”
“They didn’t notice our first switch because they didn’t know you well enough,” I said. “They now know me. They’ll know the difference the moment they see you. How will you explain it?”
She frowned. “Are you implying that they won’t recognize the real Lavena?”
“It’s not an implication,” I said. “Because they won’t. As far as they’re concerned, I am now Princess Lavena.”
Her eyes narrowed. “But you’re not. I am the real princess, whereas you’re nothing more than my handmaiden and a goose girl. You don’t belong in a palace. How you ever thought you could pass for royalty is beyond me.”
I folded my arms like a shield. “The fact is I have passed for royalty. I’ve become Princess Lavena. It’s too late for you to switch back without anyone noticing.”
She stared at me. “Just what are you saying? That we don’t switch back?”
I bit my lip. I couldn’t well suggest that, no matter how much I wanted to. After all, she was the real Princess Lavena, and as I’d always feared, she wanted to take back what was rightfully hers. But that didn’t change the fact that what was technically hers now felt like mine.
“Surely you realize, Your Highness, that the façade has gone on too long for our switching back to go unnoticed,” I said.
She stared. “What’s gotten into you? With as much as you resisted before, I thought you’d be happy to take back your former position. What’s changed?”
My gaze darted towards the connecting door behind which Liam was finishing getting ready. Everything had changed. I may have believed I’d lost Anwen, but I’d gained everything by getting Liam, and despite the mask I’d worn, he saw enough of me that I could happily continue with this charade for the rest of my life if it meant I got to keep him.
Princess Lavena’s giggle tore my gaze away from the door. She pressed her hand over her mouth to stifle her mirth, staring at me as if I were insane. “Oh, it’s Liam, is it? Do you fancy yourself in love with that ridiculous oaf? Oh Anwen, you’ve always liked strange things.”
I tightened my jaw. “He’s the most kind, wonderful man I know, and thus deserves someone better than you. You can’t just come back after all this time and claim him.”
Up went her eyebrow again. “You’ve certainly become more bold, but you forget that it’s not about my deserving him, but what I deserve due to my birthright. Despite you filling my place these past two months, he’s still my betrothed, not yours.”
The thought of the princess being with Liam made me want to vomit. “But why would you want to bear the burden of being with Liam if you don’t even like him?”
She shrugged. “It’s true, I do hate him, quite a bit, actually, but with our marriage I shall become what I was born to be: queen. With the power to do whatever I want, I could put up with him.”
My fists c
lenched. “You can’t use Liam in that way. He deserves better.”
“He’s Prince Liam to you, handmaiden,” she said with a nasty sneer. “And I’ll use him in any way I see fit. He’s mine, not yours. He’s never been yours and he never will be.”
Tears burned my eyes even as desperation filled me. “You will never convince everyone that you’re the real Princess Lavena, especially Liam; everyone will think you’re the imposter.”
Her smirk widened. “For now. You may think you’ve fooled everyone into thinking you’re me, but we both know the truth: you’re nothing more than Anwen, a handmaiden, whereas I’m a princess by birth, destined to become queen.”
“Be that as it may, it’s my word against yours. You have no proof as to your true identity. I suggest you leave.” The brisk order passing my lips startled me, but I couldn’t withdraw it, not when I was desperate for her to leave before Liam saw her. I wouldn’t let her ruin everything.
She gaped at me. “Leave?”
I lifted my chin. “Yes. You made your choice when I took your place at the wedding, and it’s too late to switch back now. Liam is my husband and it will stay that way.”
“But…I’m Princess Lavena.”
“Not anymore.”
Her expression twisted. “How dare you. I order you to switch back with me.”
“And I’m ordering you to leave.”
Her disbelief sharpened into a glare. “Excuse me? Just who do you think you are, you—”
“For all intents and purposes, I am the Crown Princess of Draceria,” I said. “And I’m never switching back with you. I won’t let your selfish, manipulative cruelty anywhere near Liam.” I waved my hand dismissively. “I suggest leaving before there’s a scene. If you choose to make one, I guarantee Their Majesties will listen to me over you.”
She remained unmoving, glaring at me with pure hatred. Then her look became calculating. My stomach knotted in fear, but I fought to keep my composure.
“Very well, Lavena, I’ll leave…for now. But don’t think this is over. On the contrary, it’s only the beginning. You’ll regret your lack of cooperation when you realize you’ve just thrown away your last opportunity to leave quietly, for no matter how much you’ve deluded yourself, you’re not the real Princess Lavena, a fact that I’ll ensure is exposed no matter what it takes.”
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