I took a good look at my dad. This was the man who taught me to ride my bike and throw a softball. This was the man who chased away the monsters from under my bed. How was I supposed to do this? I started with the obvious. "Dad, look at me. I have yellow blond hair, you have dark brown. Mom, you have black. Dad, you have hazel eyes. Mom, you have brown. Me? Look at me, my blue eyes. You both have olive-colored skin, mine is so butt-white that I glow in the dark. And before you say it, no, neither of you looked like me when you were little, I already looked."
There was a long silence. Maybe it only lasted a minute but it felt a lot longer with the tension in the air. Finally, my mom said, "Sunny…" She paused as if she was trying to gather her thoughts. She stood up and came to me where I still stood anxiously in the doorway. "Sunny," she started again, "I, we never thought of you as an adopted child. You were our daughter from the very moment I first held you in my arms."
I was stunned with the truth of it. I don't know why. I was expecting it but it still stung me. My heart actually ached with it. I didn't want to be adopted. I wanted to belong wholly to my mom and dad. My chest felt heavy and my eyes stung. I pinched the bridge of my nose and squeezed my eyes shut to stop any useless tears from forming. It was hard enough on everyone without me getting all girlie and emotional and falling apart.
My mom took me by the hand and led me over to the couch. She sat me down in the middle by my dad then sat down on the other side of me, effectively boxing me in. It wasn't as if I was going to run off. "Sunny, you know your dad and I married young. We were so happy and we were ready to start a family right away. We both wanted children and loads of them. It just must not have been meant to be. We tried and tried, went to doctor after doctor, and still to this day, I have never able to get pregnant." She took my dad's and my hand into hers, squeezing us tight.
"It was tearing us apart. We were so focused on having a baby we forgot to focus on each other. We were fighting constantly about nothing. We were falling apart. Then out of the blue, as if in answer to all of our prayers, you were there." She had a wistful smile on her face. It was a look I hadn't seen before. Maybe I just never took the time to notice it before now.
"There was no knock on the door, or any indication of someone being on the porch. I opened the door to grab the mail from the box and almost fell over you. You really truly were in a little basket, wrapped up in a pink fluffy blanket, sleeping on the porch. There was a note tucked in next to you that said something about keeping you safe. That was it. You were so sweet and beautiful. The afternoon sun was shining down on you." She laughed happily at the memory. "You had the cutest, fattest rosy cheeks, and cotton white hair. Oh, I fell in love with you that very moment. When I picked you up, you really were mine. I never thought of you as my adopted daughter. You were just mine, my daughter." She was not looking at me when she said this. She was looking at my dad, love shining on her face.
My dad picked up the story from there. "We had to petition the court to adopt you, and it took a year for the process to go through, but we never once thought you wouldn't be ours. You brought your mother and me back together. All the fighting and anguish over trying to have a baby was suddenly gone. You brought the sunshine back into our lives. You have always been our sunshine, our daughter."
"Why didn't you ever tell me?" I didn't really want to know. I think I may already have understood. They just decided in their minds that I was not adopted after all.
My mom and dad shared another look then my mom said, "We didn't want to. You weren't adopted to us, you were ours. You were only ever ours."
I looked from my dad to my mom then finally asked what I needed to know. "What about my...birth parents, biological...people." Okay, I was stuttering. Great.
My dad just shrugged his shoulders and said, "We never found your biological parents. We looked and looked. The state looked into recent births of your description, but nothing was ever found. The only clue we ever had was the note left with you. I think we still have it, packed away with your baby books and stuff. We had to have a birth certificate created. We even got to choose your birthday, so we chose the day you were found on our porch."
I just sat there, trying to take it all in. First off, I was adopted. Okay, I was dealing with that. I had expected it. Second, my birthday was not actually the day I was born. No one knew the real date except my non-existent parents. Great. My birthday was never going to be the same again. Third, this was such a wasted discussion. I didn't even get the information I needed! The whole point was to find out information about my birth...parents, God, I still couldn't say it even to myself. Instead I got nothing. I hurt my parents, myself, my frame of mind, for nothing. It sucked.
"So, what are you thinking?" my mom asked. She was doing the look. The intense, read you-like-a-book look. What to say? I guess the truth was as good as anything.
"I'm thinking I'm sad." My mom wrapped her arms around me and squeezed. I don't think any of us knew what to say at this point. We just sat there with our own thoughts. One question kept circling in my mind, so I finally asked it. What could it hurt at this point?
"Why do we really move so much?" I was looking at my dad. He is a bit easier to read. He grimaced and gave a slight shake of his head. I don't believe the headshake was directed at me, but more to himself instead. Finally he said, "We're only human, Sunny."
What the heck did that mean? "Yeah, I know that."
"We, your mom and I, moved the first time, as we were always so afraid your birth mother would come back to the house and try to take you away. She knew where she had dropped you off. She could come back at anytime and try to take you. I don't think we could have survived that. It would have killed us to lose you.
"As soon as the adoption was complete, we packed up and moved as far away from Florida as we could. Those fears have never really gone away. Even after all this time. Something would set us off. There would be a woman with your eyes, or a man with your hair. Anything really, and we would pack up and move again. Truthfully, it has become more of a habit at this point than because of any real threat to you or us."
That was a place to start at least. "I'm tired of moving. I don't want to move anymore. You just said that it was more habit now than need. I like it here. I have friends here."
"We know, Sunny. Your mother told me you were quite upset when you were told we were thinking of moving. We'll think about it for now. We like moving. Do you realize how much of the country you've seen already in your life? Not many people will ever see as much of the world in their whole lives. You're lucky."
I didn't feel very lucky. I also didn't really feel like talking anymore. I stood up and looked at both of my parents. They both looked worried. I gave them both a hug and said, "I'm not mad or anything. I need some time. Just to think about all this." I headed out of the room. I stopped at the doorway and looked back at them. They still sat there together on the couch. Both of them had sad looks on their faces. Both looked a little worried. "I love you both."
"We love you right back," my mom said with a tentative smile. "Is it really so bad being adopted?"
"No, it's not." That was not a lie. Since I had had some time to get used to the idea, it wasn't so bad. Plus, what did it really change? I had it better growing up than lots of other natural-born children. What did I really have to be all that upset about? "You said you may still have the note, the one from when you found me. Do you think I could have it?"
"If I can find it, you can have it. I'll look later today. Okay?"
Chapter Eight
Aiden
I needed to get out for a little while, so I decided to hike to the cross. I figured this would give me some time alone to sort out my conflicting feelings as well as work off some of my aggravation. If I was honest with myself, there was also swirling around in the back of my mind a small hope I would run down Leif while I was out. I hadn't heard from him all day and could have used his support. I kept expecting him to pop up or call or something, but I ha
dn't heard from him at all since last night. I wasn't actually worrying, but I was wondering.
I was starting the hike up the wooded hill when I felt a tingle of awareness, something that caused the little hairs on the back of my neck to stand up at attention. I paused mid-step to wait to see what would happen. I realized unhappily that if something was to happen, the steep hill was so not the place to be. I hurried forward to get to the flat ground at the clearing where the cross stood. I was breathing heavy and my legs where burning from my quick, well alright, my almost frantic run up the hill.
When I reached the clearing, I turned in a slow circle, scanning the area around me, trying to locate where my unease was coming from. Leif was going to be so mad at me when he found out about this. I could hear him saying that I should never have gone off alone, what was I thinking, blah, blah, blah.
With a suddenness that took my breath away, a figure appeared not one foot in front of me. It was a giant, hulking figure that towered over me by more than a foot. It was covered head to toe in a dark gray cloak. Its face was shadowed inside the hood, making it impossible to see inside. I took a deep breath in order to scream my lungs out, when it reached out a gray gloved hand, grabbed my arm then said in the most ferocious growling voice I had ever heard in my entire life, "Don't scream."
Well, I can tell you that order didn't stop me. I bellowed with the loudest scream I could possibly push out. Too bad for me though, it only lasted a millisecond, because as soon as the first sound left my mouth, he wrapped his big monstrous arms around my body and squeezed me until it hurt, causing my scream to end in a shriek of pain before I silenced.
Oh, I was so mad. Who did he think he was? I suppose I should have been afraid, but for some reason I was just incensed. What was I, a magnet for trouble? I growled slowly back at him, enunciating my words clearly through my clenched teeth, "Let go!"
Of course he did no such thing. Lucky for me though, he did change his hold on me. He held on to me by one of my upper arms. I don't suppose he thought I was much of a threat. He towered over me in height and outweighed me by at least one hundred fifty pounds. So, I did what any respectable girl had been taught to do. I aimed and kicked as hard as I could right between his legs.
Once contact was made and he made his own shrieking sound of pain, he let go of his hold on me entirely. I took my chance at escape and phased immediately to the shadows. Then I turned to run. Of course, that was the one time in my life my grace deserted me. My feet tangled up together in my haste, and I fell to the ground in a gangly heap with a grunt. I stilled immediately and rolled over onto my back to watch the gray guy.
He was glowing with a base color of dark muddy green, but as I watched, a dark red began to flow within the green. Good, he was angry. Now we were even. I breathed soft and steady, knowing he could hear me if I made any real noise. He took a few deep slow breaths while hunched over his knees. He straightened up and stood still for a moment, still breathing deep and slow. He looked around himself briefly then jumped into the shadows with me.
I suppressed a squeak of fear and lay on the ground perfectly still, holding my breath. Could he see me? Did he have that gift? He simply stomped by me, just inches away from where I lay. His gray cloak brushed the tips of my hair where it lay fanned out beside me on the ground. I realized happily he couldn't see me any better than Leif could. So, maybe I was more than just an aura reader after all. Ha ha.
I quietly got to my feet and followed Mr. Happy down the hill towards town. I wanted to find out what was going on and what he wanted from me. If he didn't want to cause me any harm, he would have simply introduced himself. I think he would have taken down his hood so I could see him. I bet he figured that at least I wouldn't be able to describe him to anyone.
What he didn't know was that I may not be able to describe him to anyone, but I would know who he was in the shadows because of his aura. Each person has their own individual color. Like fingerprints, they are all just a bit different. His color would give him away. Also, I figured this was my chance to actually do something useful. I would see where he was going and what he was doing. Once Leif calmed down after realizing what I did, I would be able to tell him what I found out. It made sense to me. He should be happy I was able to do this.
We made it down the hill and were back on the main street of town when the cloaked person suddenly stopped in his tracks. I was not far behind him so I could see what had attracted his attention.
Oh, God, it was Leif! If he knew about me then it stood to reason he would know about Leif as well. Leif was walking down the street. It looked as if he was on his way toward my house. All I knew was that he was unaware of the danger hiding in the shadows.
Wait. Was he? His color was changing. His base was still blue but there was a wave of murky gray making its way through the blue. Gray meant many things, but it was fear I attributed to it now. Fear for himself, or fear for others, I couldn't tell you. I could see his body was tense, and his eyes looked aware. I was happy to assume he felt the danger in the air. I breathed out a slow breath and tried to think of what to do to help.
The gray figure was almost upon Leif, silently skulking though the shadows towards him. I still didn't know what to do. Should I jump on the back of the guy and try to take him down? That thought made me smile. I would be like an annoying fly to him, not much of a threat.
What to do? Finally, without any real thought, I grabbed at the shadows around us and ran toward Leif, but instead of wrapping myself up in them, I guess you could say I threw them over Leif, phasing him into the shadows with me without a word of warning. I then tossed myself, all the weight that I could, into him.
I must say he took the phase and being tackled, pretty well. He staggered a few steps back, wrapped his arms around me protectively, and before we fell to the ground, he twisted us around so he would take the brunt of our fall. I pressed my hands over his mouth immediately and stared with wide eyes into his, shaking my head, desperately trying to say without words to shut up, not to say a word.
His eyes were twinkling at me with amusement. This was one of those times I just didn't understand boys. What was so funny? He shook his head then pulled us to our feet, all the while patting me down. I assume this was to confirm that I was unhurt, which I was.
I leaned in close to his ear and whispered, "Can you see him?"
Leif lost his easy smile and looked around us. Then he shook his head at me. I tried to lead us off further to the side of where the gray man stood, but Leif kept shoving me behind his body. It was sweet but a bit annoying. I could see the danger. Leif could only sense it.
Without first checking with Leif, I said softly in the direction of the gray figure, "I know you are there, why can't I see you?" I could see him just fine. I just didn't want him to know I could, that I had that gift. I also wanted to see what, if anything, he would say.
He stood silent for a moment then replied, "None of the Shadow Walkers have that gift anymore. I have heard of only one line that carries the gift of Shadow Sight. I met the last descendant of the line once many years ago. We believe the gift of sight in the shadows to have died with her."
This was exciting news. If it was a gift that was passed along through the family lines, then it was a good guess that I was part of that line. Before I could get too excited though, I remembered he also had said that the last of the line was dead. That seemed to be my life at that time …good and bad always mixed together.
"What, or who, are you?" I asked. I was leading Leif and myself around the gray figure so that we were never in the same place after I asked a question. I was thinking he wouldn't know exactly where we were at any given time if we kept moving. He shifted impatiently on his feet then, almost as if he were annoyed, he jerked the hood from his head. For the first time, I was able to get a good look at the man in gray.
He had a head of long shaggy yellow hair. He appeared to be in his late thirties and still had the look of quite a handsome man. His eyes were the sam
e blue as my own, only they were hard eyes, dark and shadowed. He did carry the signs of age in the lines around his eyes and mouth, but they were not the lines of laughter. They were the lines from living a hard life.
"I am Aiden. I am a Knight of the Shadow Guard. I have been sent to retrieve you."
I looked at Leif and mouthed, "Shadow Guard?"
Leif shrugged his shoulders at me and looked quickly away. That was odd, but I didn't have time to think about it now. I would wonder what was going on with Leif later. "What if I don't want to be retrieved?" I asked.
I didn't like the sound of that word. Retrieved to where? Besides, when did I become a ball or a stick? Aiden didn't look much like a dog to me. Although, come to think of it, he did growl like one.
"You do not have the choice. You are to be retrieved, along with the other one."
Leif and I looked at each other again. I guess he didn't like being called "the other one" anymore than I liked being "retrieved." It was a bit insulting.
I couldn't decide whether to continue to stay and find out what I could, or if I should take what I had already found out and leave. Finally, I had to ask, "Why?"
"That is not for me to answer." He never gave anything away, even without his hood up. His face was still a mask with no real emotion. Even his color had leveled off again, to just the dark green.
"Who should I ask then?" Shadow Walkers were all the same, it seemed, all questions and no answers. Leif was the same way. It was annoying.
"Your King."
Oh really? "I don't have a King. This is not eighteenth-century Europe. Welcome to the land of the free." Leif had pushed me behind him again at my sarcastic retort.
"Of course you do. All Shadow Walkers owe allegiance to our King, whether you like it or not. Whether you are aware of it or not, you belong to us, not this world you claim."
I realized a bit perplexed that Aiden was looking directly at me. He then gave me a strange, proud smile and was gone. I don't mean he left the shadows, I mean he was just gone. Poof, vanished.
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