Shadow Dancer Boxed Set

by Courtney Rene

  I looked to see if any family was found, but there was nothing in that file about family either. Did they even look? Did no one want me?

  Once the desk lady came back from her break, I made it out of the building pretty easily. I didn't care at that point about getting caught. I had the information I'd come for, and I took it with me. They didn't need a file on Leif Daniel Hagan. I was no one to them anymore. I was just another name that would soon be closed out and forgotten.

  I waited for the records room to be unlocked. The moment it was, I walked to the elevator and just pressed the button. The prim lady behind the desk didn't look up until the door dinged. Then when she saw no one in the elevator, she disregarded it entirely as a mistake. I stepped on. The moment the doors closed, I dropped the shadows. It didn't matter if I was seen anymore.

  I exited the building a different person than the one who entered it. I lost something when reading that file. My innocence maybe? I just know I wasn't that small scared child I'd been that same morning. I wasn't afraid anymore about my future or about what was going to happen to me. I may not have been a hero, but I was something special. I had a gift and I was going to use it. With it, I would never go hungry again, or be cold in the night. No one cared about me? No one wanted me? Fine. I didn't give a shit about anyone else either. I was out for myself. That's all I could count on anyway. Myself.

  Chapter Six

  Three Days Ago

  I was tired of the Fire Realm, especially now that everyone knew where I was. I needed to go somewhere where I was unknown, somewhere I could be surrounded by people, but still alone.

  I pulled into the cool arms of the shadows, then pulled further and made my way to the Water Realm, Earth. I found myself standing in a clearing at the top of a hill, where a huge cross stood. Memories of the hours and the days I spent in that clearing blasted through my mind.

  Pain coursed through my heart at the invasion those remembered moments caused. I pressed my hand flat against my chest and pushed hard. I tried to hold the pain in and at bay at the same time. I didn't want the emotions. I didn't want to feel at all. I couldn't hold them back, though. I dropped to my knees and bowed my head as they washed over me.

  I saw Sunny as she learned to use her bow and arrow. How angry she got at Gavin and how she ended up losing control of her gift on him. Did she know that Gavin had made that bow just for her? Her small, feminine arms needed something customized.

  I could see Sunny as she ran through the hills with Leigha. Her long hair tied back in a ponytail, flyaway curls stuck to her face. Sunny was breathing so hard I thought she would collapse. I remembered the feel of her as I held her against my body in the cold of winter. Her lips warm and lush as they gave away beneath my own. Pain darted through my heart. I missed her so much. How had I lost her?

  Even after all this time, I still couldn't understand how I ended up where I was. An outcast. I was alone and lonely, but happy to be both. I'd known the end was inevitable. I was an orphan after all. One who would never be more than just a tracker. I couldn't be king. I wasn't good enough for her then. I certainly wasn't good enough for her now.

  I'd wanted to be, though. Once. If I could have just been the leader of the army which helped take down the king, then maybe I would have been good enough. Maybe I could have ruled with her, at her side.

  Even that was taken from me. Oh, I'd killed the king, but then… "It was an accident!" I shouted into the air with all my might. I hadn't meant for it to happen.

  "But it did happen, didn't it," I said out loud. I could still hear the slide of metal as it pushed through her. It was that sound. That sound! I shook my head to try and shake the noise out.

  Yes, it had happened. That one moment in time was a mistake; the biggest one of my life. If there'd been one shift of weight, one hesitation, that moment maybe would not have happened, but it had, and I couldn't change it. I dropped my face into my hands and breathed in. I smelled the clay dirt from the Fire Realm on my hands.

  Cinder's face suddenly popped into my mind. The pain in my chest lessened. "Cinder." I said the name to the wind to try and erase my previous statement from my ears. Her name was easy and light to say.

  Cinder was the complete opposite of Sunny. Cinder was tall and dark haired with pale pink skin. Sunny was small, with long golden hair and pale, white as the snow, skin. Put them side-by-side and they were nothing alike. So why was Cinder's face suddenly in my head?

  The scent of clay brought me back to the present and I realized I could use a bath and a shave. Cinder had said I smelled and was looking ragged. Wait. Why did I care that she said I smelled? Why did I care what I looked like? What did it matter if I was planning to die anyway?

  I ran my hand down my whiskered face and realized that I didn't know why I cared, but that I suddenly did. I brushed off my dirty jeans as best I could with little results. I rolled back my sleeves to hide the frayed edges. I brushed off the back of my pants. I stopped. The crinkle of paper caught my attention.

  I pulled out the invitation from Sunny and looked at it. The wedding was scheduled for May fifth. When was that? I didn't even know what day it was. "Do I care?" I asked myself.

  I thought about it. Did I? It would give me a chance to see her, one last time. Maybe I would be able to say how sorry I was and she would forgive me. Maybe.

  I phased into the shadows once more and headed down the hill into town.

  ~ * ~

  "Oh, my, God. Leif, what are you doing?" Cinder said.

  I peeled open my eyelids and stared at her with still sleep blurred vision. Why did that girl always find me when I was trying to be alone? When I was sleeping or thinking or whatever? "What does it look like I'm doing," I snapped.

  "Um, well it looks like you broke into Sunny's house, stole into her bedroom, laid down on her bed, and took a nap." she said with a hard tone of sarcasm.

  Actually, I'd used her shower first and one of her razors, but who was counting. "So?"

  "So? That's all you have to say? Don't you understand how strange that is? How wrong?"

  What was so wrong with it? I'd used all that stuff before. "She told me that I could use whatever I needed."

  "When? Two years ago?" Cinder all but shrieked. "That invitation expired. You can't do this anymore."

  A steady thrum was beginning to beat at the back of my head. I rubbed my forehead as I sat up and threw my legs over the edge of the bed to stand up. "Why?" I didn't see what the big deal was. Sunny had given me permission. She never said I wasn't allowed to use her shower. She never said I couldn't use her stuff.

  Cinder's mouth fell open. Then she stuttered around a moment. "Why? Well…just…just because. That's why."

  "But I like it here." It was comfortable and reminded me of better times. The times before the bad; when I was happy, when I knew what I wanted and what I needed to do to get it. The times before the world turned red with blood and it all got so confusing and complicated.

  Plus, I could still smell her on the pillows. Her shampoo smelled like vanilla. I liked it. I could sleep there. It was one of the few places anymore that I could sleep, the real kind of sleep. Not the half awake, waiting to run type of sleep. The memory of that scent made me feel like I was home, like I belonged there.

  I took in a deep breath to try and hold that feeling of home close, but a new scent was starting to permeate the room, changing the feel of the room. It was a soft scent: a little sweet and a little flowery, not harsh and in your face. I tried to breathe in again to catch the scent, but it was elusive, moving.

  My eyes snapped to Cinder. It was her! Her scent was spoiling the room. I didn't care that it was a good smell or not, I hated it being in there because it was different. It didn't belong in Sunny's room!

  "It doesn't matter if you like it here. You can't come into someone's home unless they invite you."

  "Then what are you doing here?" I asked. "You should leave then, too."

  "Sunny asked me to pick up a few items. I
have permission to be here."

  I felt the swell of emotion begin to gurgle within my body. I took a step in her direction and said low with feeling, "I don't want you here. You're ruining this place. Your smell is contaminating it."

  "My smell?" she said and took a step away from my towering form.

  "Yes," I hissed.

  I watched with a bit of satisfaction as she again took a step backward, but then she stopped. She straightened her spine and glared up at me. She surprised the heck out of me when she slammed her palm against my chest, and snarled at me, "Stop it. You don't get to bully me around."

  The anger slipped right out of my body and in its place came a hint of embarrassment. "That's not what I was trying to do."

  "Yes, it was," she said. "You know it was." Then she leaned in toward me and sniffed. "At least you smell better. You still look like crap, but not as bad as before." She gave me a good glare for a moment then said, "Do I even want to know how you shaved?"

  I didn't answer her.

  "That's what I thought. Ewww, Leif. Don't you understand personal boundaries?"

  Did I? I guessed not.

  "Stop glaring at me like that, too. It's not intimidating me. Have you seen my dad? If you have, then you should understand," she said.

  More like babbled. I made her nervous. I thought about that for a moment and realized, maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. I stepped up, almost against her. I felt her take in a breath. Was she afraid? Did I want her to be? There was her scent again. I breathed her in again, memorized the smell of her skin, her hair.

  "Stop it," she said softly and pushed against my chest with her hands. Not hard, just enough for me to take notice.

  No, I didn't scare her. It was something else. I stared into her face, into her dark eyes. The pupils were dilated just enough for me to notice. "No."

  Would she taste like Sunny? She didn't smell like her or look like her, but would she taste the same? Would she feel the same against me? I hesitated just a moment to give her time to decide what she wanted. When she didn't protest, I leaned in and pressed my lips against hers.

  They were as full and soft as they appeared. I ran my tongue against the seam of her lips, asking, almost begging for entrance. She complied almost instantly and I finally was able to do what I wanted most in that moment: to taste her.

  My brain fogged of everything but her. She tasted hot and her passion ran just as heated. I felt my own knees go weak when she gently sucked on my tongue. What was that? How could I get her to do it again? I wrapped my arms around her and lifted her up off her feet, so that I had better access to her mouth. I dove in and she met me every moment and breath.

  Suddenly I felt her begin to struggle against me. I instantly dropped her back to her feet and stepped away from her. Her eyes snapped fire at me. Her hands were fisted at her sides. Why was she mad?

  "You should not have done that," she snarled.

  I watched her a moment then said what I felt, "We did that. It was not me taking anything from you."

  "Fine! We should not have done that," she snapped right back.

  "Why?" I was truly perplexed. Why was it wrong? "Do you already have a boyfriend?"

  "No. It's just not right. You and Sunny…"

  I was already shaking my head at her before she could even begin to finish that sentence. "Are nothing anymore."

  "But you were once," she continued on.

  Yes, we were. Once. That was over, though. The color red fell over my eyes and blocked out the rest of the colors. Sunny's blood shaded my entire world for a moment. I could see the dark drops as they fell from my sword to the ground, where they landed and splattered against the trampled, grassy ground.

  "Leif," Cinder said and took hold of my hand.

  At the touch of her skin against my own, I drew away from the red and back into the light. Then I was angry. I jerked away from her touch. It was too warm and too soft. I didn't deserve that touch. "What," I snapped at her. "What do you want from me, Cinder?"

  She quickly pulled her hand back and then let it fall to her side, where I watched it hang, dejectedly. She slowly shook her head back and forth and said, "Nothing. I don't want anything from you."

  Then she phased into the shadows and was gone. The only thing left of her presence was her scent. I tried to hold the scent to me, but it grew more and more elusive, the more time that passed.

  I dropped down to sit on the end of the bed and let my head fall into my hands. What was I doing? I was lost. I could admit that to myself, but not to anyone else. I had lost my purpose when I had lost Sunny. I'd spent my life, years and years of my life, hunting and tracking, and looking for her. I never thought about what I supposed to do once I found her.

  Now that my quest was over, where did I go? What was my purpose? What was I supposed to do now?

  I couldn't stay in Sunny's room forever. Her parents would be home soon enough. I couldn't go to Acadia. I just couldn't. I couldn't face what had happened there. How I'd run when I was needed. How I'd caused more harm than good. How I'd lost everything in one second of time.

  I phased into the shadows, then I pictured in my head where I needed to go. I landed quietly, inside the clothing store across town. I slipped on a down winter jacket, the color of night. Its darkness suited my mood. I grabbed a pair of leather gloves to match and then phased right back out.

  I was a thief. It was a necessity for me right then. I didn't have any money. I didn't have a job. I didn't have a place to live or stay or sleep. My life was just one phase to another. One theft to another. Need food? Steal it. Need a shower? Find an empty house and take one. Need clothes, go in and get them anywhere you wanted.

  Did I feel guilty about it? Sometimes, when Sunny's voice was particularly loud in my head. Other times, not at all. I only took what I needed, so why should I feel guilty? I wasn't stealing money or TVs. I was stealing necessary items that allowed me to live. Maybe that was where my guilt came from. Maybe I wasn't supposed to be living. Maybe.

  I pushed those thoughts out of my head for the one-hundredth time that day and quickly phased to my next stop. The realm of ice.

  Chapter Seven

  Present

  This is it? This is her special place? It's nothing but an empty space. There is not much here. Just a bit of grass and dirt. I guess it doesn't matter where, though. This will work just as well as any. She loves this spot, does she? I think I will leave her a small gift, one that she won't even realize I've left. Giddy happiness floods my system as I squat down over one lonely yellow flower, and urinate all over it. Now there is nothing left of beauty here, none that I can see anyway. Doesn't matter, soon this place will be nothing but a memorial to a lost queen.

  Chapter Eight

  Ten Years Ago

  Pickpocket, thief, vandal, thug; I was all those things, and more. I would jump into the shadows and take whatever I needed or wanted, whenever I wanted it. Didn't matter what it was, as long as I could carry it, it was mine.

  After finding out that I was well and truly on my own, thanks to the Records Department of Child Protection Services, I'd set up a small apartment for myself in a condemned building. I'd sealed it up to keep out the weather. I stole food, and electronics, money when I could pull it off, and let's face it, I could always pull it off. I set up electricity with batteries. Generators were too loud and tended to be noticed. The last thing I wanted was to be noticed, by anyone. So, if there was anything I couldn't set up to work with batteries, I didn't need it. I had a gas heater for the winters, and several portable fans for the hot summers.

  The place was actually pretty decent to my way of thinking. It was one room, but it was awesome. I had an air mattress that I'd picked up from a camping supply store, along with a small gas stove, lanterns, mats, sleeping bags, and all sorts of stuff. I'd pinched plates and silverware from the home goods store. If I needed clothes, I just went shopping after hours at any store I wanted.

  Everything was mine for the taking. Everyt
hing was easy to take. When you're invisible, the world is at your feet. I finally had a place of my own that no one could take from me. It had all the stuff I needed to survive. It was perfect. I loved my world for the first time.

  It didn't last. It never does. The moment things start to go well for me, something always comes along to change it. This time it came in the form of a traveler.

  A fat man, with his baggy pants and big pockets, stood right in front of me. I was right there, I could feel his breath on the top of my head, and he didn't know I was there. How could he not feel me? Even after years of knowing it, it still spooked me. He couldn't see me within the folds of the shadows, but seriously, he didn't feel me, at all?

  I stifled a giggle, and slowly, with a steady hand, eased just the tips of my fingers inside his front pocket. I brushed over the smooth surface of the wallet. I pinched my fingers together and fast as a whip, snatched it out of its confines, and into the safety of my shield of darkness.

  I moved on to my next victim. She was a short, tiny lady, with a fat, gigantic purse. It was bigger than she was, and full of more crap than any one person could need. I leaned over the open zipper and peered within its depths. An animal print wallet was snug in the center, just waiting for me. I obliged and snatched it out and into the shadows with all the others.

  By the time my work was done, I had pinched seven wallets for a grand total of one thousand two hundred twenty-six dollars and some odd cents. Guys carry around a lot of cash, but some of the old ladies had wads of it. Their loss was my gain. I didn't bother with the credit cards. I took the cash and dumped the remains of the wallets into a trashcan on my way home.

  Life was good.

  I stuffed my freshly pilfered money into an inside pocket of my jacket. I knew better than to use any of the pockets in my pants. Too easy to pick. Inside pockets were usually better. You never knew which side the stash would be on. A group of street kids ran past me, almost into me. I stepped quickly into a nearby alley and dropped the shadows. I peeked out into the street and called out to one of the boys I knew. "Chris! Hey."