Faking It

by Christine d'Abo

  God, he felt sick. “Why didn’t you tell me this before? I could have . . .”

  “You were fifteen, had just figured out you were gay, and your mother had died. You blamed Father, and he didn’t know how to handle that while grieving. What would you have done with that information? You were angry enough.” Lincoln leaned back. “And I didn’t help matters.”

  “You didn’t do anything. Shit, you weren’t even here.”

  “Exactly. Ever wonder why I went to England for university when there are perfectly acceptable ones here in Canada? It wasn’t for the prestige. It was the farthest away I could get. I ran away and left you and Father to deal with your grief on your own. That was probably the most selfish thing I’ve ever done in my life.”

  Grady stared at his brother. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Just . . . give Father a chance. He wasn’t right in what he’s done to you over the years. He sure as hell shouldn’t have tried to force you to get engaged to someone you didn’t love. But the two of you got into this push-pull cycle that started the day Mother died. One of you will have to break it.”

  Hearing the truth was never an easy thing, especially when it resulted in the need for Grady to change. But somewhere along the way his life had gone off track, and he was the one who needed to take charge, to stop blaming others for the problems he created. “I’ll talk to him.”

  “I have a better idea. Maybe for once you should listen to him. Listen not just to his words, but what he’s not saying. I don’t think the two of you will ever be best friends, but there’s no reason why you can’t at least get along.”

  “I’ve tried that. He’s the one who doesn’t listen to me.”

  Lincoln sighed. “I know. But the two of you have been at odds for years. It’s going to take more than one attempt on your part to make things better. He’s going to push back, and probably still be an asshole on more than one occasion. But you can’t give up. If you give him another chance, maybe he’ll clue in and give you one as well.”

  “Yeah. Maybe.” Grady had never been more painfully aware of the crossroads his life had brought him to than he was at this moment. He picked up his empty glass and held it up. “To my brother. A man who is patient, smart, and will make an amazing husband.”

  “You want me to fill you up?”

  “No. I think it’s time I start to grow up and take actual responsibility for my life.”

  Lincoln smiled. “Poor Max has lost a customer.”

  The spark of joy building inside him snuffed out. “I doubt Max will ever think of me again.”

  “God, you are so fucking thick at times. That man was in love with you.”

  “He left.”

  “From what I saw on that video, you didn’t give him much of a reason to stay.”

  Grady groaned. “I’ve pretty much ruined his privacy. It won’t take long for people to figure out who he is. What makes you think he’ll want anything else to do with me?”

  “Well, you’ll have to make things up to him.”

  “How do you propose I do that?”

  “You’re a smart guy. After the wedding is over, buy a ticket and go to Toronto. Groveling is free and the best way to get back into someone’s good graces.”

  “You sound like an expert in that.”

  Lincoln smiled as he took a sip of his beer. “You have no idea.”

  Life had a funny way of turning things around on a person. Grady knew that despite everything he wanted to make right between his father and Max, the only thing he really should be doing was giving his brother one last night of fun before the marriage shackles were put firmly in place.

  “As your best man, I feel it’s my duty to ensure your last evening as a free man is as much fun as possible.”

  “Honestly, I’d like nothing more than to hang out with you and watch the game. I have some Coke in the fridge if you want it.”

  “That sounds good.” Tonight, he’d enjoy being Lincoln’s little brother. Tomorrow, he’d watch him get married to the woman who was his best friend.

  After that, he’d figure out what he’d do to make things right.

  Wedding Day . . .

  Serena’s white dress was elegant, as were the flowers both in her hands and in her hair. Everyone in the church cooed and awed as she made her way up the aisle. She was the most beautiful woman Grady had ever laid eyes on.

  Lincoln’s hands shook as he slipped the ring on her finger and tears slid down his cheeks when he said his vows. Grady’s thoughts drifted to Max, wishing that things had been different. He should be here, sitting in the pew behind Grady’s family. What a fool he’d been to let him leave.

  Grady stood beside his brother, doing his best to memorize every moment. Occasionally, his gaze slipped to his father, who was seated in the front row. Theo Barnes barely moved, his back ram-rod straight, a small smile on his lips. But it was the sadness in his eyes that broke Grady’s heart. After his heart-to-heart with Lincoln last night, Grady knew he needed to be the one to change things.

  “I now pronounce you husband and wife.”

  The church erupted in cheers when Serena grabbed Lincoln by the face and kissed him hard. Then, hand in hand, they raced down the aisle, on their way to get pictures done.

  Stand here.

  Smile.

  Now the men.

  Ladies, over here.

  After twenty minutes of that, Grady found himself beside his father watching Lincoln and Serena posing.

  Grady glanced at his father. “Beautiful service.”

  Theo nodded.

  “You looked sad.” God, he didn’t even know how to talk to him like a normal parent. “What were you thinking?”

  Grady had seen his father in many states, but shocked wasn’t one of them. “I wasn’t sad.”

  “You were. When they were saying their vows.”

  Theo stared at him for several moments. “I was thinking about your mother.”

  Grady shouldn’t have been surprised, but he was. “You miss her.”

  “Of course I miss her. She was my wife and the mother of my children.”

  And that was the one thing Grady had always refused to see. “I’m leaving for Toronto in a few days. I need to figure some things out.”

  “If you’re going to ask me for money—”

  “I’m not.” The temptation was there to snap out a snarky response, to fall into the cycle Lincoln had mentioned. Grady took a breath and let it out slowly, along with his anger. “But I might need your advice. If you’re willing to give it.”

  Theo narrowed his gaze. “What kind of advice?”

  “Of the business variety. You see, there’s this gym in Toronto.”

  Standing in the sun on the day of his brother’s wedding, Grady hatched a plan to win Max back.

  The day after the wedding . . .

  Max set the log upright, placed the axe in the middle to line things up, and took a giant swing to split it down the middle with a single stroke. He’d been at this for over an hour now, and the muscles in his back and arms were screaming at him to stop. His father had only mentioned in passing that he needed to hire someone to bring some wood in so they were ready for the colder weather to come, and Max had raced outside.

  Despite the challenges that he and his dad had in the past, this visit had been surprisingly low-key. They’d had their morning coffees together, talked a bit about the bar, and Max got his parents caught up on Zack’s new relationship. Neither of his parents had said anything about his engagement to Grady—not that they knew his name or anything about him.

  Max picked up the two pieces of split wood and tossed them into a pile. While his parents’ house wasn’t exactly in the middle of nowhere, they were on the outskirts of Calgary. They’d been through enough power outages over the years that his dad had insisted on a wood stove as a backup heat source. Max figured it had less to do with that, and more with the strength of the heat that came from the stove.

  “That’s
a good pile.” His dad had come out at some point and was standing on the back porch watching. He’d left his new walker in the house, which wasn’t at all surprising. His father hated being reliant on anything. “I’ll have enough to get me through to next June.”

  “I still need to cut some kindling for you.”

  “It’s fine. You have to leave something for me to do in November.”

  Max drove the axe into the log and made his way to the porch. “Mom will want you out of the house again.”

  “Your mother won’t admit it, but she likes when I’m out. She can spend her time in the sewing room without feeling guilty.” He opened the back door, reached in, and grabbed Max’s coffee mug from the counter. “I need to make a fresh pot. But here.”

  “Thanks.” The coffee was hot, but not as strong as he normally liked. “It’s good.”

  “It’s shit, not that you’d ever say. Your mother made it.”

  He loved his mother to death, but she couldn’t make proper coffee to save her life. “What’s she doing?”

  “Went to get groceries. I think she was giving us some space so we could talk.”

  Max took too big a sip, and the hot coffee burned his mouth. “Talk about what?”

  “Whatever it is that’s put a bee up your ass.” He pulled one of the plastic deck chairs off the stack, set it in place, and sat down. “I’m here. So talk.”

  Max loved his parents, and after having spent time in the company of Grady’s family, he couldn’t help but appreciate the relationship he had with them. It wasn’t perfect, but they loved one another. Knowing this conversation had been a long time coming, Max grab a chair of his own, placed it beside his dad’s, and sat. Together they looked out over the wood pile, to the trees that were starting to change color.

  “I met a guy.” Max took another sip of coffee, and tried to figure out where to go from there.

  “Yup. We figured.”

  He closed his eyes and couldn’t help but bring Grady’s face to mind. “He’s the complete opposite of me. Rich, not close to his family, jobless. He’s drifting through life and doesn’t have a clue what he wants. When I first saw him, he was throwing up in the alley behind the bar.”

  His dad snorted. “That’s how all the best relationships start.”

  “I had to drag his drunk ass back to his hotel and put him in bed. I wouldn’t have thought about him again if it hadn’t been for the fact that he tracked me down the next day to thank me.”

  The rest of the story tumbled out of him—the flirting, Justin, the fake engagement, going to Vancouver. His father said nothing and drank his coffee while he listened.

  “The worst part, Dad, was Grady’s father. He didn’t care about him, not a bit. The whole thing came down to some sort of business deal. Who does that?”

  “Different worlds, son.”

  “Not really.” Max shifted in his seat so he could better look at his dad. “I mean, you’d never do that to me.”

  The words weren’t exactly true. They’d had problems over the years, things they’d never said to one another, especially regarding the split. Max had blamed his dad for so long, and his father had been so angry for a long time, that they’d never really worked things out. Max was as guilty of not talking to his father as he’d accused Grady of being.

  His dad didn’t meet his gaze. “I know you’ve talked to your mom about my arthritis and how bad it’s getting.”

  “She’s worried about you. So am I.”

  “It’s been bad for years. Even when you were little. I couldn’t do the things with you that I wanted. I couldn’t play catch with you, or run around. I wanted to, but it hurt. I was frustrated and angry.”

  “I know. I never minded that you couldn’t do those things.”

  “I did.” His dad drained his coffee and set the mug on the floor by his feet. “I hated myself for a long time. I was somehow less of a man for not being able to be a proper father. I had to let your mom do most of the heavy lifting, and I guess I resented her for that.”

  Max knew his father had been angry, but had always assumed that anger had been directed outward. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

  “What kind of father was I? What kind of husband? We drifted apart. I ended up having a one-night stand with some woman I met at a bar. Thought it made me some kind of man, still attractive, someone who was wanted by others.”

  The revelation made Max want to vomit. “You what?”

  “I know. The next morning after I’d done it, I came home and confessed everything. Your mother is a saint. She forgave me, even understood why I’d done it. The problem was, I couldn’t forgive myself. How could I have done that to her when she’d given me the world? I was so ashamed. Every time you’d look at me like I was some sort of hero, knowing what I’d done—I couldn’t stand it. I told your mother I wanted a divorce. She wouldn’t agree to one, but did take you and move to Toronto.”

  All those years that they’d been apart, Max hadn’t understood what had happened between his parents. The thought of his father cheating made him ill. “I thought you hated me. That was why you’d stayed behind. Even when you came to Toronto to visit, I always felt like you didn’t want me.”

  “Not want you? God, no. You were always trying to take care of me. You were doing so much, and I had foolishly almost ruined my marriage because I thought physical strength is what made me a man. You showed me through your actions what being a man was. Is.”

  Tears were flowing down both their cheeks as they looked at one another. His dad reached out and brushed the tears from Max’s cheeks. “Your mom would call me every few days when you were away. She told me about you going to that gym to learn how to protect yourself. You grew into a man who puts others first. You made me so proud, showed me that true men aren’t selfish. You’re a better man than me, Max. I love you.”

  “I love you too.” Max pulled him into an awkward, seated hug. “So why the hell won’t you talk to me? You and Mom are okay, right?”

  “Of course.” He shook his head. “I’m trying . . . but it’s hard for me. I know up here,” he tapped the side of his head, “that not being able to physically care for your mother doesn’t make me less of a husband. But here,” he tapped his heart, “I still find it difficult.”

  Max looked really hard at him. Despite thinking they were different in their outlooks on life, he realized that they were so much alike. “Me too. I want to take care of everyone. Be the peacekeeper, the perfect boss and friend. It’s too much for one person, isn’t it?”

  “See, I knew you were smarter than me. I’ve just come to that realization recently.” He patted Max’s thigh. “You need to be a little selfish, let people in who are willing to care for you as much as you do for them. It’s what makes life good.”

  Clearing his throat and wiping the remnants of his tears away, his dad crossed his arms. “So, what happened with that fake fiancé of yours?”

  Max groaned and let his head fall back against the chair. “I called him a coward and left to come here. Unless he got his head out of his ass, he’s probably engaged for real to some kid he had nothing in common with.”

  “Well, the way you broke up with him, it wouldn’t surprise me if he did just that.”

  Max rolled his head to look at his dad. “What?”

  “Your mother and I hated seeing you like that, but you were right in what you told him.”

  “Wait a second, back up. What do you mean, what I said? How could you possibly know?”

  “It was on that stupid entertainment show that your mother likes to watch after the news. They didn’t have your name, but I know my son when I see him. You should have seen the look on his face after you walked away. The boy was upset.”

  Shit, shit, shit. If his parents had seen this, then everyone would know. He’d never hear the end of it when he went back to work.

  You were engaged?

  Why didn’t you tell us?

  How could you have done that to him?r />
  You broke Grady Barnes’s heart!

  Wonderful.

  “When was this on?”

  “The day after you got here. You were sulking in your room and your mother and I didn’t want to add fuel to the fire. Seeing as how we found out about the relationship from that investigator fella, we figured you’d tell us the whole story when you were ready.”

  “I never expected anyone to know. When Justin told me that he’d sent someone here to question you, I was ready to hit someone.”

  “I nearly did myself. Man was a pompous asshole. Some arrogant private detective who was as subtle as a sledgehammer.”

  Max had no problem imagining his dad taking a swing at someone, even if it resulted in his hand being crippled. “I’m glad you didn’t. No sense in both of us getting charged with assault.”

  “What are you going to do now?”

  “I don’t think I have to do anything. Justin said that there wouldn’t be any charges pressed against me—”

  “I meant about Grady.”

  “There’s nothing to do. I’ll be heading back to Toronto in a day or two, and he’s probably wrapped up with his brother’s wedding.” He hated that he hadn’t been there to wish Lincoln and Serena well. But he was equally glad that nothing would happen to ruin their big day. “I’m surprised no one has tried to call me since I’ve been here. Especially since that thing was on TV.” When his dad made a bit of a face and looked away, Max knew something was wrong. “What did you do?”

  “What makes you think I did anything? I’m not the meddler in this family.”

  “Fine. What did Mom do?”

  His dad shifted in his seat. “You know what she’s like. Always wanting to keep you safe and sound.”

  “Dad.”

  “I think she took the card thingy out of the back of your cell phone.”

  “She what?” He didn’t wait for his dad to explain further. Max got up and went inside to grab his phone. Sure enough, the SIM card was gone. “Where is it?”

  “Up in the cupboard. By the cereal bowls. She didn’t want anything to happen to it.”

  Max fumbled for a few minutes to get the damn thing back into place and restarted his phone. The second it came back on, it began to ring and vibrate with notifications. “Jesus.”