Jeremy had a lot going on at the moment, and it could be that he just wanted some alone time and Paul was in the way. Paul would like to think that they’d made a connection that could be the start of something really great, but in all fairness, he wasn’t sure his real life and his work schedule would let him give Jeremy what he deserved, anyway. Maybe they both needed a little space. What they’d shared was pretty intense for two people who barely knew each other, and while Paul didn’t like the thought of Jeremy being on his own when he was obviously still hurting, maybe that was what he wanted.
God, he was crappy at this kind of thing.
Paul’s head was starting to hurt again. For the first time in his life, he really wished that he were good at the emotional stuff so he’d know what to do to make Jeremy happy. He knew for a fact that when Jeremy seemed happy it made him feel happy too, and up until that morning, it had been pretty easy to get a smile out of the other man. Paul had had to try so hard with Cecily, and he’d still never seemed to do or say the right thing most of the time. With Jeremy, it just happened. It clicked. They clicked. And he didn’t want to cock it up just yet.
Paul stewed in his worries while they cleaned up from breakfast and moved upstairs to get dressed so they could start shoveling again. He tried being playful and kissing Jeremy a few times, but Jeremy’s responses were a little hesitant, so Paul decided to back off.
After they finally finished freeing his car from the snowy mountain it was encased in, Paul changed the flat tire for the spare—glad that he’d gone for the full spare and not the donut, because finding someone to fix his tire on Christmas Eve would have been a nightmare. When his car was ready to go and they’d cleaned up the tools, Paul followed Jeremy back to his house so he could get packed up and head out.
Jeremy had said very little while they were out working, and now that they were inside, he was even quieter. Paul didn’t really know what to say, so he decided to just go with his gut, and he grabbed Jeremy by the hand and led him up to the shower. There, they didn’t need words, and if Jeremy didn’t want to, hopefully he’d say something.
Paul spent the better part of the next twenty minutes worshipping every inch of Jeremy’s lean body until the other man was a puddle in his arms. They tumbled into Jeremy’s bed just as they had the day before and made love to each other with passion and tenderness. Afterward, Paul lay propped on one elbow, looking down at Jeremy and trying to figure out what he was supposed to say. He couldn’t leave without saying anything, and leaving was turning out to be the most awkward part of all of their interactions so far, mostly because Paul didn’t really want to go. He was only doing it because he thought he should. The fact that Cecily could still get to him, even six years after their divorce, irked him no end, but she always knew what buttons to push to have him questioning everything he did.
“Guess you should probably hit the road soon, huh?” Jeremy said quietly as he looked up at Paul with those deep hazel eyes.
“Yeah,” Paul agreed, although he didn’t make any move to leave.
“Call me when you get home? You know, so I know you got there in one piece?” Jeremy asked as a blush crept up his cheeks.
“Yeah, I’ll call.”
“Good.” Jeremy relaxed a little in his arms but sighed a moment later and rolled out of bed. “I’ll go get a travel mug so you can take some coffee with you on the road.” He pulled on those adorable Christmas pajama pants and a sweatshirt and quickly headed out of the room. Paul reluctantly dressed and made his way downstairs a few minutes later.
When he walked into the kitchen, Jeremy came to him carrying a mug and his cell phone. “I programmed my number in your phone.”
Paul smiled and slid the phone in his pocket before accepting the mug. “Thanks.” When Jeremy just stood there, looking at him uncertainly, Paul pulled him in for a kiss that lasted several minutes. They were both breathing hard and flushed when they pulled apart.
“I’ll call you when I get home. Count on it,” Paul said, and Jeremy’s smile brightened.
“I will.”
Before Paul could change his mind, he packed up his car and headed out, waving to Jeremy as he passed. The drive home was the longest hour of his life, mostly because he had no desire to be in the car. He picked up Boomer from his ex’s house and endured the inevitable tirade over all of his faults in silence before putting the cat carrier in the backseat and heading toward home.
Paul was actually sitting in the parking lot of his apartment complex, holding his phone in his hands, when it dawned on him that he was being really stupid.
“When it’s right, you’ll know.” His mom’s words echoed in his head.
Everything had felt right with Jeremy up until the moment he’d decided to leave, and now everything felt wrong. Maybe Jeremy did want to have some time alone, but Paul hadn’t really asked. He should have asked. Paul tossed his phone into the passenger seat, put his car in reverse, and headed back out onto the road. He should have asked, so that was exactly what he was going to do, but not over the phone.
Halfway back to Pittsburgh, he stopped at a Walmart and picked up everything he might need in case Jeremy said he could stay for Christmas. Boomer hated car rides, so he’d been meowing incessantly since Paul had picked him up, but Paul barely heard him. He had butterflies in his stomach, he was so nervous and excited at the same time. From the way he was feeling, you’d think it was his first date ever, but he couldn’t seem to help it.
Miraculously, Paul’s parking space was still empty when he got back to Jeremy’s street. He took that as a good omen. As soon as he parked, Paul grabbed one item in particular out of the shopping bags, picked up Boomer’s carrier, and hurried to Jeremy’s door. He knocked and waited nervously in the cold until the door cracked a little and Jeremy peered around the edge.
“Uh. Hi,” Paul said stupidly.
Jeremy’s eyes and nose were puffy and red, and Paul’s stomach sank the moment he saw them.
“You didn’t call,” Jeremy said quietly before he sniffled a little and looked away.
“I’m sorry. I was in such a hurry to get back I forgot. Forgive me?”
Jeremy gave him a watery smile and nodded as he opened the door to let Paul in.
Paul lifted the carrier and said, “Uh, this is Boomer. I hope you’re not allergic. Shit. I should have probably asked that first.” The nonsense that was coming out his mouth made Paul cringe, but now that he was back and Jeremy looked so upset, Paul’s brain didn’t seem to be working all that well.
Jeremy laughed and shook his head. “Not allergic.”
“Oh good. I also got these,” Paul said, holding up the red Grinch pajama bottoms he’d bought. “I was kinda hoping I could get in on that Christmas tradition thing you had going.”
Jeremy just stared at him for a moment wide-eyed, until Paul starting thinking he’d screwed up, but a moment later Jeremy launched himself at Paul and kissed him to within an inch of his life. Paul dropped the carrier with Boomer in it so he could brace himself and keep them both from falling into a heap in the entryway, and Boomer let out an aggrieved meow.
When Jeremy let him up for air, Paul said, “I’ll take that as a yes?”
Jeremy wiped the wetness from his eyes and laughed. “Yes. That’s a yes. I can’t promise I’ll be the best company for the next two days, but I also can’t tell you how glad I am you came back.”
“You and me both,” Paul said before kissing Jeremy on the cheek. Tension flooded out of him now that he knew Jeremy wanted him there as much as he wanted to be there. They’d figure things out between them. When you really wanted something, it wasn’t that hard to figure out how to make it happen. Now that he was assured of his welcome, Paul decided he could push just a little. “Let me go get the rest of my things, and we can do this thing right. Maybe even pull out a decoration or two from those boxes I saw in that basement of yours?”
Jeremy chewed on his lip for a moment before giving him a half smile and a nod. �
��Maybe one or two,” he agreed.
“Good. Because I haven’t done anything for Christmas in so long I think I need a lesson in how to do it right.”
He went back out to his car to get his luggage and the bag of cat litter, litter box, and food that he’d picked up. As he closed the car door, Paul glanced at the spot on the pavement where he almost lost his life only a couple of days before. He never would have thought so much could happen in such a short time, but maybe someone out there thought his life needed a little shaking up.
He glanced up at the sky. Only a few stars could be seen this early above the ambient light of the city, but they twinkled at him like they knew he was watching. He whispered his gratitude to whomever or whatever it was that thought he needed a change, just in case anyone was listening—although he could have done without the near-death experience part. That was a little overkill in his opinion. Just sayin’.
Paul turned to find Jeremy standing on the front stoop of his house with his arms wrapped around himself and his eyebrows raised, and he couldn’t help the smile that split his face. Change was good. He could get definitely get used to change.
Come home for holiday romance.
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About the Author
ROWAN MCALLISTER quit her day job in 2007 and moved to her dream home in the woods of Virginia to follow her muses and explore her creative side full time. She’s a firm believer in practical romanticism, requires a strong cup of coffee every morning to be even remotely human, and has a healthy obsession with romance and fantasy fiction, small (and not so small) furry creatures, and anything to do with working with her hands. She can be found most days either hunched over her sewing machine or hunched over her laptop. Though she has spent a lifetime making up stories in her head when whatever task she was occupied with failed to keep her full attention, she only recently discovered the challenge and reward to be found in committing those stories to paper. Now that she has, there’s no going back.
Contact Rowan at [email protected].
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Copyright
Feels Like Home ©Copyright Rowan McAllister, 2011
Published by
Dreamspinner Press
382 NE 191st Street #88329
Miami, FL 33179-3899, USA
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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the authors’ imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Cover Art by Catt Ford
This book is licensed to the original purchaser only. Duplication or distribution via any means is illegal and a violation of International Copyright Law, subject to criminal prosecution and upon conviction, fines, and/or imprisonment. This eBook cannot be legally loaned or given to others. No part of this eBook can be shared or reproduced without the express permission of the Publisher. To request permission and all other inquiries, contact Dreamspinner Press at: 382 NE 191st Street #88329, Miami, FL 33179-3899, USA
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Released in the United States of America
December 2011
eBook Edition
eBook ISBN: 978-1-61372-288-6
Feels Like Home Page 6