Determination

by Angela B. Macala-Guajardo

  “Ready to meet your mom?”

  Roxie stood and stretched out her limbs. “No,” she admitted. “But I don’t think I’ll ever be ready. I just have to go there and meet her.”

  “Probably.” She stood and stretched as well. “Let’s go.”

  Sekiro took flight and Roxie followed her through the church’s nonexistent roof. The colorful sky appeared as the church’s roof and steeple dropped away below them. It was part of a quaint neighborhood full of dead stillness. She followed the Numina towards the southern section of Buffalo, where Pollyanna Hospital lay.

  Sekiro looked over one shoulder. “You’d sounded really interested in reincarnation,” she said loud enough to be heard over the sound of buzzing wings and wind in their ears, “until I told you that we don’t retain memories from past lives. You looked really crestfallen. Not that you have to think about it right now, but don’t rule out reincarnation as an option for you one day.”

  “That wasn’t what I was thinking.”

  Sekiro scrunched her brows.

  Roxie wanted to confess the cause of so much heartache but it wasn’t tears that made her hesitate. If she verbally admitted he was dead, she’d make it official that she was never going to feel safe in his arms ever again, never share another meal with him, never hear his deep, soothing voice again, never kiss him on the lips, nothing.

  Sekiro slowed her wingbeats and the pitch of the buzzing lowered. She rolled so she was flying with her back to the ground, then sunk just below Roxie’s altitude and let her catch up so they were looking face-to-face. Holding her wings still, Sekiro touched Roxie’s forehead with her fingertips for the space of a heartbeat, then twisted down and away, taking the lead once more. “Your thoughts center around someone named Aerigo. He’s causing you intense pain and yearning. I take it he’s dead.”

  A fresh wave of pain stabbed her aching heart. It hurt enough to make her feel nauseous for a second.

  “I’m sorry to hear,” Sekiro said. “I know that’s a stock thing to say, but I mean it. We Numina are here not only to guide you, but also to help you through any pain weighing you down. Please don’t hesitate to come talk to me.”

  “I don’t want to talk about it.” Roxie tried to say it politely, but the words still came out with an edge.

  Sekiro’s tone remained soft. “I didn’t mean now; only when you’re ready. Besides, we’re about to meet your mom. That’s enough to think about. We’ll take care of the turmoil surrounding Aerigo later. I have a hunch he’ll be an issue you’ll have to face, just like your parents.”

  Roxie heart leapt. “You mean I’ll get to meet him?”

  “If it’s necessary. Where’s he from?”

  Her mind drew a blank as the pale brickwork of Pollyanna Hospital rose into view in the distance. Aerigo’s home world had never been mentioned in any of their conversations. At least she didn’t recall him divulging that tidbit of trivia. “Not Earth,” she said unhappily.

  “Oh,” Sekiro said in a way that made Roxie’s heart sink right back to where it was a moment ago. “Um.” She thought a moment. “We’re on Earth’s spirit world, but... that might not matter. I dunno. I could be totally wrong. But the thing is, I’ve met Numina from other worlds, but I’ve never met souls from other worlds, and I have no idea if it’s even possible to get to where his soul is from here. I don’t wanna fill you with any false hope.”

  “That’s okay,” Roxie said and meant it. The sooner she knew and accepted how reality worked, the sooner she’d be able to accept the truth and move on. Aerigo wouldn’t want her to get stuck like he had with his former wife Sandra. “What you just said might begin to explain how I ended up here. I wasn’t on Earth right before I woke up here. I still have no clue how I got here, much less why.”

  “You weren’t trying to follow Aerigo?”

  “No,” Roxie said, taken aback. “I was trying to chase after a god and attack him.” What had gone through her brain in that moment? She attack a god? Right after Aerigo had been so decisively taken down? And he’d had so much more battle experience... Maybe it had been an even more fortunate thing to arrive in the spirit world than she’d first thought. “Hey, I just thought of something.”

  “What is it?”

  They angled downwards and alighted on the street that passed in front of the main entrance. A statue of a woman holding a baby stood in a recess above glass double doors. The hospital was lined with six floors of windows. Some white blinds were drawn. The rest were black rectangles that offered no clue as to who or what resided within. At least sight of the two small gardens comforting to see. She hadn’t expected to see flowers in the spirit world.

  “I’m wondering if Baku sent me here before Nexus could kill me. Maybe I’m supposed to find Aerigo and have him train me more. Time means nothing here, so I have all the time I need.”

  “Time is still passing for the living.” Sekiro stepped onto the sidewalk and stopped to admire the flowers. “I don’t know how fast or slow. I think it fluctuates. I’m not sure though. I’m no expert on how time really works. All I know is that Thanatos is the keeper of time.”

  Roxie felt the color drain from her face. She had to look as pale as the statue. “Then maybe I do need to hurry up and get out of here.” She looked at the silent hospital, then at the city around her.

  Sekiro shook her head. “You can’t rush your journey here. Thanatos doesn’t want me to bring you to him until you’re ready.”

  “But I am ready!”

  “No, you’re not,” she said, her face dead serious. “Trust me, you’re not.”

  “Then what do I need to do to be ready? How am I not ready?”

  “You have too much inner turmoil for me to see what you need in order to be ready. Maybe we’ll find out that you do need some training before he’ll tell me to bring you to him. I don’t know. By the way, why would Baku physically send you here for training? It’s such a dangerous place for a live one. People can commune with the dead without coming here.”

  “You don’t think he sent me here?”

  “I hate to take away your morale boost, but I don’t want you to cling to what I’m pretty darn sure isn’t true. So no, I don’t think Baku did this to you.”

  Roxie took a deep breath and sighed through her nose. “Well this sucks.”

  “Sorry.”

  There went that theory. At least she agreed she’d rather not cling to an untruth. Yes, her frustration with not understanding how or why she got here returned, but at least she knew one thing the truth wasn’t. “It’s okay. I guess we’ll just take this one obstacle at a time.”

  “No better way to do it.” Sekiro headed along the sidewalk at a brisk walk, hands stuffed in the pockets of her varsity jacket. Once she reached the glass double doors, she un-pocketed her hands and reached for one of the stainless steel handles, then paused before she touched it. The hospital inside looked pitch black. Either that, or the doors were tinted. “Roxie, I’d get your sword out if I were you.”

  Roxie slowly drew her blade, and it made a metallic hiss. She held the weapon at her side. “Now might be a good time to let you know that I don’t really know how to use it.”

  Sekiro spun in place and gave her an incredulous stare. “You really do need training. What are you doing armed with a weapon you don’t know how to use?”

  “I don’t know. It’s just a dagger my power transformed into a sword. At least it feels right to have it.”

  “With your wings and getup, yes. You look like some sort of warrior angel.”

  “Are angels real?”

  “Yeah. That’s one of the things you can become after you complete your death’s journey.” Sekiro turned back to the doors. “Are you ready as you’ll ever be, miss not-actually-a-sword-fighter?”

  “Gee, thanks,” Roxie said sarcastically. “But yes.”

  “Good. Now, stay. Alert.” She tentatively reached for the handle and the door swung open with a groan that mirrored all the pain this building
had hoarded over the years. They walked into a vaulted lobby decorated with plants and paintings, along with blue signs with white letters and arrows pointing to where everything was. To their right lay the two closed elevators door. Beside them sat a wide reception desk protected by glass panels with metal ports to speak through. High above was an angled glass ceiling that let in a cheerful amount of sunlight. The main entrance was south-facing, optimizing the daily dose of sunlight--in the living word at least. Strange how she hadn’t been able to see inside from the other side of the doors.

  They passed the wide reception desk and plodded deeper into the hospital. Their footsteps pattered along the thin blue carpeting. Their footsteps seemed to be the only sound in the entire hospital. And even though Roxie couldn’t see anyone yet, she felt their eyes on her. Goosebumps popped up all over her arms. She had no clue how close or far they were. Her mind’s eye showed only empty rooms and corridors. The gift shop on their right was empty as well, minus all sorts of presents to buy. Roxie paused by the glass windows showcasing stuffed animals. Her heart settled on a teddy bear wearing a knitted red shirt, arms spread, ready to be hugged by its recipient.

  Roxie said, “Do you think I’d be able to pick up any of the stuffed animals and give her one?” Yes, let’s show up with a teddy bear in one hand, and a sword in the other. That’ll make Mom so glad to see me.

  Sekiro pulled up next to her and peered through the glass. “Only if you were on Earth’s physical plane. You’ll have similar problems as when you were trying to write that note to your grandma. When you get back to the living and have a minute, you should come back and get her one. It might do some good.”

  “I will.” Roxie recommenced following Sekiro and the directory signs to the maternity ward.

  Once they turned down a main corridor leading perpendicular from the lobby, Sekiro gasped and spun around, scrambling past her, and held a protective arm in front of Roxie.

  Shadow people. Not a lot of them. Maybe four. They stood in random spots in the lobby, looking like black statues with their featureless heads hung low.

  “Here’s the problems I was worried about.” Sekiro glanced past Roxie, in the direction they wished to head. A few more shadow people stood in the distance. The hallway was as long as a football field. Hopefully the maternity ward wasn’t all the way at the end.

  Then again, if it was, they’d be closer to an emergency or side exit, so it would be a good thing.

  The shadow people didn’t move, unlike last time. Were these ones like ghosts that didn’t move, unless you had your back to them? One stood in the middle of the hallway running opposite from the one they needed to head down. Another sat in one of the cushiony chairs laid out in a circle near the center of the lobby. The third stood by the reception desk, as if talking to a receptionist that wasn’t there. And the fourth one stood by the entrance to the gift shop, which made a chill go up and down her spine. It could have reached out and grabbed her a moment ago, and stolen some of her life energy. “Whoa, my arm had to have gone through that one,” she said, pointing with her gauntleted hand glued to her side. “Why didn’t it try to take my energy when we were so close?”

  “It might not’ve had the energy to reach out and grab you.” Sekiro took Roxie by the wrist and pulled her toward the maternity ward. “We need to move. You entering this building was like ringing a dinner bell for the dead.”

  Roxie began following Sekiro at a brisk jog, their footfalls echoing “What do you mean by dinner bell? I get the whole wanting my energy part, but not the rest.” She glanced back towards the lobby right before she rounded the corner. The shadow people still hadn’t moved.

  They hurried past doorway after doorway, and a few side halls. “Ever been in a room with several people, then one more person enters the room and the energy of the whole atmosphere changes?”

  Roxie recalled the moment in Nostrum Hospital when Arryk had mentioned Kabiroas, the Elf assassin, and suddenly she and Aerigo had their back to the walls. The tension had been unsettling. “Yeah. I know what you mean.”

  “Your living energy entering a building is like someone hitting a gong, and the sound ripples through the whole building, carrying a message about how much energy you have. You’re like an unmanned ice cream truck sitting in the middle of a bunch of kids.”

  “Just great,” Roxie said sarcastically. “How do I defend myself?”

  “Just do what you did last time if they steal your energy. Other than that, try to stay away.” Their pace quickened as they ran between two shadow people standing opposite each other in the hallway. They stood before doors like soldiers guarding whatever or whomever lay within.

  Roxie expected them to animate and reach out with them with monstrous claws and glowing red eyes or something, when she and Sekiro got close enough. She thought of running really close behind the Numina and using her as a shield but, not only would that probably make no difference, it would probably make her look cowardly and ridiculous. She held her breath and closed her eyes as they ran between the two shadow people.

  She felt no coldness seize her. She opened her eyes and saw no shadowy tendrils latched to her arms or any part of her body. They slowed their pace and passed two more sets of doors, and Roxie snuck a glance over her shoulder. Those two guard-like shadow people hadn’t moved. “I’m not killing them when I hurt them, am I?”

  “Roxie, they’re already dead.” Even though she didn’t laugh, there was laughter in her tone. “You’re just severing them from the energy they gathered. They de-manifest and are forced to gather it all over again. And the energy they stole from you goes into the atmosphere.”

  “Good. Sort of.” That meant her kill count was back down to one. It would stay that way until at least Nexus. She’d deal with her newfound ability to shut off her emotions and go into kill mode later.

  The thought nauseated her. Maybe a lot later. “Is there a way to get my energy back?”

  “Food. Rest. Whatever goes into the atmosphere gets recycled.” They jogged under a hanging sign that read “Maternity” and turned down the side hall it pointed at, then slowed to a walk.

  When the air temperature plummeted, Roxie stopped and gripped her sword tight. Sekiro turned, confusion all over her face. Roxie said, “You didn’t just feel the temperature drop?”

  “No. I just know we’re very close to one tormented soul. I feel their energy and emotions, and the psychic tug of a lost soul. It’s how I found you.”

  “Is there another Numina with her?”

  Sekiro looked at her with one eye, instead of two. Her mouth twitched into the slightest of frowns. “No,” she said, turning away. “That’s not who she needs right now.”

  They continued in silence, their steps growing slower. The temperature dropped from what felt like air conditioning up too high, to the frigid cold of a Buffalo winter. It felt cold enough to snow, cold as the shadow people’s touch. She glanced behind her again but saw no shadow people. Instead, the hallway looked darkened, like distant windows were the only light source. She didn’t remember the hallway being that dark a moment ago. The hallway ahead was darkening as well. “What’s happening to all the light?”

  “The lost souls are taking energy from it,” Sekiro said in a tone that conveyed she didn’t want to explain more.

  Roxie didn’t press her. Instead, she kept her guard way up. The fading light made it feel like the walls and ceiling were closing in on them. She wasn’t claustrophobic, but the darkening space added to her mounting anxiety.

  She and Sekiro jumped when they heard a woman scream--not a blood-curdling one, but a deep-throated one of intense pain. Assuming it was her mom, Roxie started running towards it.

  “Roxie, don’t take the lead!”

  Roxie slid to a halt, her greaves scraping the floor, and she mentally cursed. She’d broken her promise that had potentially dire consequences. She felt her eyes heat with a yellow glow.

  Sekiro closed the fifty-foot gap between them, ran past her
and stopped in front of her, pale eyes full of panic and anger.

  “I’m sorry. I trust you. I just reac--”

  Her glare shifted past Roxie’s shoulder and the Numina’s eyes widened.

  Four shadow people stood at the hallway junction, no eyes, and no facial features to glean what they were thinking or feeling.

  Sekiro said, “I know. But I can’t protect your exact location from the dead if you run out of my aura.” The nearby woman screamed in pain again. “You have no idea how close this place is to turning into that scene at the lighthouse. Every spirit in this building knows you’re here; just not where exactly.”

  “Is that why they’re not moving?”

  Sekiro nodded gravely and her glare softened to a slight frown. She swiped at her bangs, pushing them out of her eyes, then turned and headed down the hall. A third scream reverberated off the shadowy walls.

  Oh, god, I’m being hunted. Roxie followed close behind, heart pounding, eyes glowing, yet yearning to see her mother face-to-face. They entered a birthing room and the lighting grew brighter, but tinted red. Two medical staffers passed through Roxie and Sekiro and rushed to a pregnant woman standing over a gurney with her head bowed and back to the doorway. Their passage hand’t felt cold or anything. The air didn’t even blow by. What kind of ghosts were they, besides ones not interested in her energy? The woman wore a hospital smock, an identification bracelet, and had a few wires and tubes running from one arm to a machine and a hanging IV bag. Her feet and legs up to her knees were bare.

  Roxie’s pounding heart caught in her throat, which constricted with tears. “That’s...” She swallowed, getting her heart to go back down. “That’s my mom.” She recognized the same dark blonde hair, the same way it fell in loose waves past her mother’s tense shoulders. Roxie moved to sheathe her sword, but once she’d aligned the tip with the sheath’s opening, a warm hand wrapped around her elbow.

  “Don’t. Just because I’m hiding you doesn’t mean they won’t find you.”

  Two staffers joined a third that suddenly appeared next to her mom. The trio talked to Mom--well, their mouths moved but no sound came out. Mom shook her head and insistently pointed to her IV bag. One doctor kindly placed a hand on her shoulder, then shook his head and said something else. Mom turned her head and, eyes narrowed and face red, spoke in a way that made the doctor flinch. Eyes hard, he left the room without looking back. The second doctor who’d run through Roxie and Sekiro looked at Mom, then followed the first one back out. The remaining female doctor started gesturing with her hands as she spoke, her brows crinkled with empathy. Mom insistently pointed at her IV bag and shouted back, but the female doctor held her ground and continued speaking calmly. Mom shook her head, then grabbed her swollen stomach and bent over.