Determination

by Angela B. Macala-Guajardo

  Then let me out of here so I can face him.

  I refuse to send a child to her death.

  Roxie’s head broke the surface. She gulped in air as she rose higher, spun around, and threw Thanatos into the base of the mountain, making chunks of rock splash into the water.

  This was it. She had to kill him now or this fight would drag on and on. Landing in the water up to her knees, Roxie wrapped her hands around his shadowy neck and squeezed. “Die,” she said flatly, and braced herself for both a last-ditch attack and an escape attempt.

  Thanatos’s shadowy outlines of eyes widened and he clutched Roxie’s wrists as she listened to him weigh the pros and cons of both fight and flight.

  Roxie lifted him and bashed him against the mountain. Die, damn it! I have lives to save.

  How ironic: trying to save some lives by taking another. What a terrible price to pay. It was all screwed up. Roxie hated it. However, she’d die if she didn’t do this, and so many others would die soon after. She squeezed with all her strength and will, and sensed Thanatos reaching a sober decision.

  Roxie lifted his giant shadow body again and it vanished, leaving her windmilling her arms and falling backwards. She splashed down and started treading water, a ten-year-old boy hovering over her head. Flapping her soaked wings, she snatched Thanatos out of the air with one hand and grabbed the mountainside with the other as she started squeezing again.

  Thanatos gazed at her with his mismatched eyes and grit his teeth when she started squeezing. Our fight is over, Aigis, he said calmly in his childish voice. I yield. Please let me go.

  “Prove it,” Roxie snapped, clutching him only hard enough to keep him from squirming free.

  “I don’t want to die. I yield to your determination.”

  Keres appeared beside Roxie’s fist, looking up at her. “Please let him go. We wish to talk.”

  “How do I know this isn’t a trick to get me to let my guard down?” Roxie had a feeling her guardedness was unfounded, but she didn’t want to take chances.

  “Read us with your Frava and perceive the truth. We can’t hide it from you no more than you can hide your true intentions from us.”

  Keres was right. Roxie listened to their thoughts with her perceptive abilities Frava bestowed on her. Both deities were filled with relief. And fear. They were relieved she was so strong, brave, and determined, and terrified of how powerful she was. They faced mortality when looking at her. They didn’t want to throw Roxie at Nexus, but they now knew they must give her a chance. She was the only Aigis left, and Nexus’s prophecy needed to be stopped.

  She uncurled her giant fingers and held her hand palm up. Keres alighted on Roxie’s hand, next to her brother.

  “Thank you,” Thanatos said. “Now please come inside so we can send you back to the living.”

  Chapter 26

  The Value of Life

  Thanatos and Keres vanished from Roxie’s hand and she sensed them reappear far up the mountain, waiting at the entrance of a tunnel. Chunks of rock leapt out of the water and soared towards the summit like a fisherman lifting his catch out of the water. Roxie took a calming breath and eased her death grip on her rage. She still felt angry and a bit guarded. She was angry at having been put through all that, but it was over and done with. She’d earned her freedom, earned the chance to face Nexus. She felt guarded because she worried they might change their minds at any moment. They’d resisted freeing her all this time and, even though she’d earned their respect, they weren’t eager to give her what she wanted.

  Roxie climbed onto the mountain and flapped her wings vigorously, shaking out the water, then leapt into the air and flew to the summit. Once her face rose to level with the tunnels, Thanatos and Keres walked deeper inside.

  Roxie braced her hands against the mountain and closed her eyes, her body bobbing with every flap of her wings. She concentrated on shrinking and her body filled with the sensation of going down on an elevator. She exhaled until she felt her body tighten, signaling that she was back to her normal height. Opening her eyes again, she flapped her wings and rose into the tunnel entrance. It was perfectly intact, carvings and all. She couldn’t help but keep one eye on the ceiling as she headed inside. All that rock had almost crushed her to death not long ago. She kept anticipating it happening again, even though she knew it wouldn’t.

  The echo of her footsteps preceded her into the central chamber. Thanatos and Keres stood before their thrones, waiting.

  Seeing movement in her peripheral, Roxie looked up. A few of the carvings looked like they’d moved but it must’ve been the shadows playing tricks on her. She did a double-take and stopped. Several carvings wended closer to overhead, and a carving of an eagle spread its wings, glided among the figures, then tucked itself among alien creatures and fixed its gaze on Roxie. More animals, including some naked humans, wended closer as well, and the alien creatures moved out of their way. They settled down one by one, watching her expectantly.

  “They’re reacting to your presence,” Keres said. “They’re all Baku’s creations, as are you. They’re all part of your home world.”

  Home. Hearing the word made her miss it, miss her grandmother, and even Tucker their cat. She missed sleeping in her own bed, too. Home had to wait, though. That’d be the first place she’d go if she survived all this.

  “We don’t regret taking the time to test you,” Thanatos said. “It was necessary.”

  “We meant it when we said we didn’t want to throw you at Nexus and hope for the best,” Keres said.

  “We could’ve sent you back shortly after your arrival.”

  “But we thought it best to test you.”

  “Why?” Roxie said. They’d put her through hell and back. How was that necessary?

  “We are gods of the dead,” Thanatos said. “We see the universe differently from the rest of divine society.”

  “The others often forget how precious life is. They’re banned from entering our realm because of it.”

  “Yet mortals like you find a way in now and then,” he said with a wan smile.

  “I’m not the first?” Roxie said.

  “Earth has its stories, all containing grains of truth. Your journey through the underworld isn’t an original tale.”

  “But it is unique,” Keres said.

  “How did I get here? Did you two bring me here when Nexus tried willing me to die?”

  “No,” Thanatos said. “You did that yourself with your own strength of will.”

  “We didn’t interfere because there was no point,” Keres said. “If you couldn’t save yourself, then why should we bother?”

  “It’s best to let things unfold naturally than to force the outcome gods want. Mortals are protected by free will, but we could’ve fought Nexus’s will.”

  “But to what point and purpose? Our aid would only spark another war among gods.”

  “And that would become a bigger mess than this prophecy.” Frowning, Thanatos shook his head.

  “You must do everything you can to stop it, Roxie Lohr. Please.”

  “I will,” Roxie said with a nod. “I’m ready.”

  Keres held up a finger. “We know. We very well know, now. But let us add one last bit of aid to what knowledge Nero has given you.”

  Thanatos waved a hand and the altar Grandma had set up appeared beside him, laden with food. “And replenish your energy. Help yourself while you listen.” He backed away from the altar, standing close to his sister.

  “Thank you.” Roxie approached the altar and picked up a bowl of hearty beef stew. The aroma of meat and chopped vegetables woke her appetite and she began eating.

  “It is us who owe you thanks,” Thanatos said. “You’ve given us hope.”

  “But don’t assume victory is yours,” Keres said. “We are only two gods. We can’t tell you how many will fight to protect Nexus.”

  “Nero said not to expect many. Gods like living.”

  “That we do. But be prepared to fa
ce daunting numbers. Those who side with Nexus hope to gain much from his prophecy.”

  “However,” Thanatos said, “do your best to quickly overwhelm them with your will. You’re strong. Very strong. You can do it.”

  “Believe in yourself and you just might survive all this.”

  “I care more about stopping Nexus than surviving,” Roxie said and took a drink of milk.

  “Don’t perceive your life as so readily dispensable,” Thanatos said.

  “We know you have lost and sacrificed much to get this far,” Keres said, “but your must stay strong and hold on tight to your determination. All life is precious, even yours.”

  Despite all she’d lost, she had to admit she wasn’t eager to die. This was her life. She wanted to enjoy it to the fullest. She’d managed to find joy, despite being an orphan. She’d find a way to enjoy it without Aerigo. Even Grandma had found happiness after healing from the loss of her son. Aerigo was working towards becoming her spirit guardian. She owed it to them both to try to survive her fight with Nexus.

  “Which is why we put you on this journey through our realm.”

  “You’re not the same person as when you first arrived.”

  Roxie swallowed her bite of stew and reflected on it all. “You’re right.” She looked at Thanatos. “I tried willing you to die. I’m sorry. I didn’t know I had that in me.”

  Thanatos shook his head. “You need to be capable of such a thing. It’s the way of the universe we live in. If we’d sent you back right after coming here, we’re almost certain you would’ve died.”

  “But now you’re the Aigis we all need you to be,” Keres said.

  “Seeing your father... what did that teach you?”

  Roxie thought about their meeting, her helping him push past his regrets, spending some heartfelt time together, and then letting each other go. He wasn’t the perfect person she’d envisioned, but he loved her and she still loved him. She wasn’t perfect either. “It taught me to accept people’s imperfections.”

  Keres nodded. “Nexus isn’t a perfect being. He’s made some bad decisions that have dire consequences. You must accept that you don’t like the consequences any more than he will, and let your determination remain unwavering.”

  “What did your mother teach you?” Thanatos asked.

  Roxie cringed inwardly at the memories from both in the mountain and at the hospital. Her preconceived notions surrounding her mother had been dashed to pieces, and the encounter had left her heartbroken and disappointed. Not to mention, she’d almost died. “It showed me that I have the courage to do what’s right no matter how difficult the decision is.”

  “Killing doesn’t come easy to you,” Keres said. “You are young, compassionate, and have a degree of understanding how precious life is. But when having to decide what to do when it’s kill or be killed, you’ve proven you can put a stop to those living so recklessly. Nexus has no understanding of how harmful his prophecy is. He doesn’t care who lives and dies, doesn’t care about the cost of his selfish wants. While even we deem his life precious as well--he is family to Baku and Kara--his life is forfeit because he’s so selfish and uncaring. However, if he genuinely sees the error of his ways, you’re welcome to spare him.”

  “You’re an Aigis,” Thanatos said. “You reserve the right to decide which gods live and die.”

  Roxie set her empty bowl down and picked up the fruit salad. “I don’t have the right to decide that.”

  “As an Aigis, you do. If you don’t want to be arbiter of such things, you don’t have to, so long as it doesn’t interfere with stopping Nexus and his prophecy.”

  “You already know it won’t,” Roxie said.

  “That we do,” Keres said, a ghost of a smile touching her serious gaze. “Now what did putting Aerigo’s soul to rest teach you?”

  Roxie felt tears deep down eager to come up, but she pushed them deeper with a steadying breath. “Letting him go hardened my resolve to act for the greater good.” She recalled the fake Aerigo trying to tempt her into going with him, instead of confronting Nexus. That’d been really mean. She finished her fruit bowl and picked up a chocolate chip cookie.

  “We don’t need to explain why that’s important,” Keres said.

  “But you have proven to us that you can act for the greater good no matter what,” Thanatos said. “That takes monumental courage and selflessness.”

  “You have our respect and admiration.”

  Roxie nodded, unsure of what to say to that while her heart ached for Aerigo. How much she’d sacrificed was beginning to sink in. She finished the cookies and milk, even though she wasn’t hungry anymore. She needed all the energy she could store for her confrontation with Nexus. Once the fight started, there’d be no timeouts or water breaks.

  Right after she put the empty glass down, the altar vanished.

  “It’s time,” Thanatos said. He and Keres walked together down the hall the sun shined most directly into.

  Steeling herself, Roxie followed them, shielding her eyes from the sun’s rays with a forearm. This was it. After all that, she was finally about to begin her showdown with Nexus. Fear still floated around in the back of her mind, but she used it as a reminder to not get complacent or overconfident. She had all the power she needed but had to use it wisely.

  Thanatos and Keres stopped at the tunnel opening and stationed themselves on either side. Thanatos said, “In the same fashion as the mortals back on Earth, we wish you all the luck you need in your fight with Nexus.”

  “And all the courage and determination as well,” Keres said. “Our hopes lie with you. Nero and the others were right to put their faith in you. You can do this.”

  “Thank you.” Despite their assurance, her heart started pounding.

  “Head straight into the sun,” Thanatos said. “We’ll take care of the rest.”

  “We’re sending you directly back to Nexus’s realm.”

  Roxie drew her sword and faced the sun.

  “Now fly!” Thanatos said and both deities pointed to the sun.

  Taking a deep breath, Roxie ran up to the edge and jumped off, snapping her wings open. She arced downwards until she built enough forward to momentum to stay aloft, then angled towards the sun and steadily beat her wings as the wind roared in her ears. She breathed in-time with her wing strokes to help her stay calm and focus on flying into the sun.

  The sky, clouds, and sun grew streaky and Roxie suddenly felt like she was being propelled through yet another tunnel. She kept flying and the sunrise turned into streaky stars all around her. Had she just left the Realm of the Dead? Everything became thick lines of black and white, with hints of yellow and blue, and her forward moment slowed. She swung her feet ahead of her and a blinding white flash of light erupted where the sun had been. When she opened her eyes, a sandstone ground rose up to meet her.

  She landed propped up on one hand and knee, the point of her sword in the ground, and a thunderous bang rolled through the air, announcing her arrival. She looked up. This was Nexus’s realm alright. The war still waged behind her and the plateau loomed ahead. She couldn’t help but look for Aerigo’s body at its base, and felt a wave of relief when she didn’t see it anywhere. That was something she didn’t need to see. Reuniting with his ghost had been rough enough.

  Roxie purposely scanned the realm with her mind vision and felt her awareness get sucked up to the top of the plateau. The outline of his curly hair, boyish face, and heartless eyes filled her vision. She would’ve considered him handsome if he wasn’t such a selfish person. If the inside was rotten, no amount of pretty wrappings could hide the stench of what lay beneath.

  Nexus gaped at her in abject horror.

  Roxie pushed to her feet and slipped into her emotionally detached state, hopefully for the last time.

  Chapter 27

  Determination

  With aid of her mind vision, Roxie counted one hundred gods. As soon as her awareness touched theirs, most vanished. They
were terrified of her and didn’t want to take any chances. The divine numbers dwindled to less than thirty, some of those who remained surprised, thrilled, and relieved to have her back, and some shocked, furious, and worried. She recognized Baku, Din, and Nexus’s mother among them. The ones with the negative reactions were scared, like Nexus, unsure if they should attack or not. They very well knew she could kill each of them, and would if she had to.

  Interfere with my fight with Nexus and I won’t hesitate to kill any of you. She looked into the eyes of all she could see, determined to dissuade them before they could gear up the courage to join the fray. A few gods, who’d taken on incarnations of their mortals, backed away from Nexus. He gave them an openmouthed incredulous stare, but they backed to the edge without hesitation.

  The vast majority of Nexus’s realm was blanketed in warring mortals, the people whose lives were in imminent danger, and would stay that way the longer it took for her to stop the war. The last few square miles of open realm was covered in uneven rock, the plateau with a solitary tree, and some Greek-looking temple on the far side. A large thunderstorm roiled overhead. Hopefully she’d have plenty of fighting room if Nexus or anyone forced her to resort to growing.

  Roxie launched into the air with a flap of her wings and flew towards the top of the plateau. Baku and Nexus’s mother were present, but they backed off at her approach, eager to stay out of her way. Those who’d shied away from Nexus either vanished from Roxie’s awareness or flew off.

  The first time she’d met Baku, he’d told her that around two hundred gods populated the universe. Where were the rest? Maybe they hadn’t been here in the first place. They couldn’t possibly be that scared of one Aigis. Baku, Din, and Nexus’s mother regarded Roxie with a trace of fear, though, and this puzzled her. Baku had made her, called upon her to help. He had no reason to be afraid of her, yet he was.

  Maybe, since he was immortal, he looked at Aigis differently than mortals did. Aigis were the only beings that robbed gods of immortality. She had the power to kill Baku. If he developed second thoughts and tried to stop Roxie from killing his own son, she wouldn’t hesitate to do whatever she had to in order to remove Baku as an obstacle. Nexus was the root of all this death and chaos. Remove him and his potential to perpetuate the pain and suffering died with him.