Billy Goat Hill

by Mark Stanleigh Morris

  “Pretty good, I think. I’ll know for sure once I hear how things went with Lyle.”

  “Well, for starters, let me just say God is good.”

  “Speak it, brother!” Emma chimes. “Dat’s what I’m talk’n ’bout!”

  “Emma’s been giving me quite a pep talk this morning.”

  Emma grins. “I done told Miss Cherry you boys have nuttin’ but the love of Jesus in your hearts.”

  “Thank you, ma’am.”

  “No need to thank me. It’s a blessin’ and a half to know boaf of ya’ll. I reckon ya’ll got some unfinished bidness. I’ll get out the way so’s you can tidy things up.”

  “Thank you, Emma.”

  “Later, ya’ll.”

  Luke chuckles as Emma rides off into the sunset.

  “You were able to see him?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “How is he?”

  “He doesn’t have much time left, but he’s in God’s hands now.”

  “I was thinking about him this morning, how different things might have been if we had gotten married, had children. I still love him.”

  “He still loves you, too. He said in his letter that he has always loved you.”

  “I wish we all could go back and rewrite the story. Lord knows I’ve tried, but I can’t seem to forget the past.”

  “I don’t think the past is meant to be forgotten, but there are things that are meant to be forgiven.”

  “I forgave Lyle a long time ago.”

  “He doesn’t seem to know that.”

  She looks at me, and then at Luke. We are both smiling. “Luke and I have an idea about something.”

  “You do?”

  “Yes, ma’am. We do.”

  “Does it involve sliding on cardboard?”

  “Funny you should put it that way.”

  “What?”

  “Well, why don’t we take a moment to pray together, ask God for His wisdom and guidance, and then we’ll see what you think about our idea?”

  “Okay,” Miss Cherry says, bowing her head.

  “Father in heaven, in the spirit of forgiveness…”

  A little while later, Luke and I head for home with God’s blessing, two raspberry cobblers to go, and some very special arrangements to make.

  slept in this morning, no bad dreams. I feel good and refreshed after two emotionally draining days. Melissa and Kate kept me up late with dozens of questions about our visit with the Sergeant. Kate learned more about her father’s beginnings than she ever imagined, though certain details and facts were tactfully omitted. God willing, some things she will never know.

  This morning, with so much of the story fresh in her mind, she asked if she could come with me today. It was so sweet, her heart so pure, the way she wanted to be with me for moral support. Of course, I had to say no, but it means so much to me that she asked. A part of the father in me will always try to protect her innocence.

  I arrive back at Saint Mary’s in Long Beach a little after noon, full of hope and promise about day two of my reunion with the Sergeant. Nurse Naomi is in the hall when I exit the elevator.

  “Hello, ma’am.”

  “Oh good—I’m so glad you’re here, Mr. Parker.”

  “Is something wrong?”

  “Oh no. Quite to the contrary. In fact, if I didn’t know better, I’d say Mr. Cavendish was ready to be discharged from this hospital. The man woke up hungry as a lion, ate a full breakfast, drank a whole pot of coffee, and right now he’s sitting up in bed telling the orderly a hilarious story about some kid named Jakey Blume. I’ve been trying to get Mr. Cavendish to let me take a blood sample all morning, but I can’t get a word in edgewise.”

  “Really?”

  “I have three other patients I’d like you and your brother to visit.” She grins. “Actually, I don’t want to inadvertently raise any hope. We see this sometimes, a sudden but brief euphoric return of faculty and energy as the end draws near.”

  “Oh.”

  “Where is your brother, by the way? I thought he was coming back with you today?”

  “He’ll be here in a little while.”

  “Good, because Mr. Cavendish has asked me three times already when you guys were coming.”

  I hear loud laughter coming from the Sergeant’s room. The orderly, grinning and shaking his head, fixes the door in the open position. “He wants the door left open.”

  “Okay,” Naomi responds.

  “Sheesh! The kid scrambled out through a forest of legs and took off running for home with nothing but his underpants on! Unbelievable story.” The orderly walks off chuckling to himself.

  Naomi looks at me. “It’s a long, but true, story,” I say.

  “I can only imagine.”

  “Is that you, Wade?”

  “Yes, sir…I’m here. Nice talking with you, Naomi.”

  The Sergeant is indeed sitting up in bed in the middle of a room bursting with bright Southern California sunshine. I am greeted by a warm grin and a face full of color and joy. His hairless head is crowned with a bright blue Los Angeles Dodgers cap. After the shock of seeing him in such poor condition yesterday, this is like walking into the middle of a miracle.

  “Sir, you look…great.”

  “I feel great!”

  “Praise God.”

  He glances toward the open door. “Isn’t Luke with you?”

  “No, sir, he had to run an errand, but he’ll be here in a little while.”

  “Good, because this hat is for him, kind of a late replacement for the one he lost way back when.”

  “That’s very thoughtful, sir. He’ll be surprised.”

  “Naomi picked it up for me on her lunch break. If I had a little more mobility, I would have hunted up some bird-patterned gift wrapping.”

  I laugh out loud. “You remember his issue with mockingbirds?”

  “I remember a lot of things. Please, pull up a chair. Maybe it’s good that we have a chance to talk just the two of us before your brother arrives.”

  I take a seat on the window side of the bed. The sun warms my back as blue sky swims in the Sergeant’s eyes. “I’m sure glad you’re feeling better.”

  “You have no idea how good I feel. Last night I awoke from a dream, and…well, I don’t know how to say it other than I had an… experience.”

  “Really? What do you mean?”

  “Well, kind of like a spiritual thing. I think you… your forgiving me the way that you did, your willingness to overcome all the reasons anyone would need to justify hating my guts forever, has triggered an amazing thing. It has changed me.”

  “Praise God, sir.”

  “Yes…praising God! That’s part of what I want to talk about!”

  “Sure. But maybe you should calm down just a little.”

  “Okay.” He takes a deep breath and exhales with gusto. “If you don’t mind my asking, Wade, how did you get religion?”

  I chuckle. “I don’t know that I have…religion, sir. What happened is I surrendered my life to God, and I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.”

  “Do you go to church?”

  “Oh yes. We are members of a wonderful church.”

  “Huh. But you don’t consider yourself religious?”

  “Not really. At least, I don’t think of it that way.”

  “Interesting.”

  “I’m glad you think so.”

  The Sergeant effortlessly scoots himself up higher against the headboard. He adjusts his pillows and puts his hand on a Bible that I just now notice is tucked alongside him on the bed. “Naomi gave me this Bible. I did some reading last night. Can you believe it? For the first time in my life, I read part of the Bible.”

  “Rodney was in my head the whole time. He always tried to share his Christian beliefs with me. I guess he left a strong impression about his faith, because I felt his presence the whole time I was reading.”

  “I often think of Rodney when I read the Bible. When I do, it’s as i
f he’s right there with me, too.”

  “You know what I remember most about him?”

  “What?”

  “Rodney had this way about him, a kind of peace that always drew me in close. He would tell me about getting saved, but I never could get my mind around the idea.”

  “Yes. I experienced the same thing with him.”

  “Last night, I came to a verse in the book of John where Jesus promises God will send the Holy Spirit as His representative. I marked the verse right here: I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn’t like the peace the world gives. So don’t be troubled or afraid. That’s the message I think Rodney tried so hard to share with me.”

  “I’d say he succeeded, sir.”

  The Sergeant looks up at me, his eyes full of joyous comprehension and appreciation. “The way I’ve felt since you and Luke came to see me yesterday, I believe I’ve seen a glimpse of that gift, the peace of mind and heart that Rodney had, that you have.”

  “Last night, after you boys left, I prayed. I thanked God for the chance to tell you guys the truth, and I told Him that I wanted the gift, too. Later, I fell asleep and dreamed about talking with you and explaining more about what went on when you and Luke were on your own. Maybe God wants me to make sure that I have fully cleared my conscience; I don’t know.”

  “Well, all you need to do is acknowledge your past wrongdoings and confess them to Him, who already knows all truth.”

  “Yes, I understand. But I feel like I need to explain more to you, Wade.”

  “Well, then…by all means…go ahead and explain.”

  “That’s the strange thing; I don’t know what to say, other than I’m open to answer any questions you may have.”

  I smile. “I guess I am curious about a couple of things.”

  “Please, ask.”

  “I understand about what happened at Three Ponds, Shunkman, and the cover-up. But I have always wondered why you were so concerned about me and Luke in the first place. Was it just a coincidence that you showed up on Eagle Rock that day?”

  “Cops don’t believe in coincidences.”

  “Neither do champion cardboard sliders.”

  He grins. “There’s your answer. You made a big impression on me that first night we met on Billy Goat Hill.”

  “I did?”

  “More than you realized.” I was amazed by your courage, how you showed up to face the challenge to run the Crippler in the dark. Remember, I also grew up in the Highland Park area. I was a Billy Goat Hill regular a generation before you, and I never had the guts to run the Crippler in the daytime, much less in the dark. You were also incredibly courageous when my gang of bikers rode up on you.

  “I sure didn’t feel courageous.”

  “You impressed the heck out of me. You were the type of kid I would have liked to have been friends with, when I was your age.”

  “Really?”

  “You were a very special kid, Wade. And Luke was no slouch either. I was intrigued with you guys, and Cherry’s mothering instincts had kicked in, so we decided to do a little follow-up on you.”

  “I was investigated at the age of eight?”

  “Yes, you were, kind of. I made the rounds—Sal’s Liquor Store, Kory’s Market, Jake’s Barbershop, your school—all the places and people I had known since long before you were born. Very basic police work. I was casual about it so as not to worry anyone about you, but I found out a lot.”

  “Like what?”

  He grins. “Sal always knew about your taking soda bottles from the back of his store and bringing them around front for the deposit money.”

  “Oh.”

  “And the manager at Kory’s suspected you might be responsible for the theft of a comic book or two.”

  “We never stole any comic books, sir.”

  “That’s half right. Luke did.”

  “He did? I never knew.”

  “Jake the barber liked you kids a lot, too, even though you didn’t always exactly behave yourselves in his shop.”

  “You talked to Jake?”

  “Are you kidding? Everybody talked to Jake. You couldn’t pass by his shop without him dragging you inside to talk.”

  I laugh. “That was Jake, all right.”

  “But there was one person who truly cared about you guys and did more to convince me to actively look out for you than anyone else. That’s how I found out about the death of your baby brother and your dad taking off.”

  “Who?”

  “Mr. Soldenkov. He felt bad for you guys and was very concerned for your welfare, you and your mom. He told me you were both good boys.”

  “Who?”

  “Mr. Soldenkov.”

  “Mr. Soldenkov?”

  “He worked for Langendorf.”

  “I’ve never heard of him.”

  “Your neighbor, Carl Soldenkov. He was a baker for Lagendorf. He worked nights. Drove a ‘55 Chevy?”

  My chin drops to the floor. “Carl the baker got you to look out for us?”

  “Yep. He was quite a character. Did you know he and his wife, I think her name was Esther, helped your mom out after your dad left? They brought over groceries, even bought dog food for Mac. Your mom told us all about it. I think it broke Carl’s heart when you moved.”

  He and his Chevy awakened me nearly every night and rescued me from bad dreams. “I had no idea Carl cared about us that way. I did become good friends with Esther years later, when I went back to the old neighborhood to try to find you. I ended up at Ruby Place that day, and Esther befriended me.”

  “She did?”

  Holding back tears, I say, “Carl had already passed away. Esther gave me Carl’s Bible.”

  “Esther sounds a lot like Naomi.”

  “I went to the Highland Park police station that day, but I was told you didn’t work there anymore.” I’m sorry.

  “Well, since we’re on the subject, what happened? I know what you told us yesterday, but did you get fired?”

  “I resigned.”

  “You said there was an investigation?”

  “That came after I resigned.” I left because my conscience bothered me over what I had done to you boys. I had dishonored the badge and the oath I had sworn to uphold. I didn’t live up to my responsibility to Cherry, and I had become something pretty close to what Rodney had warned me about. I also thought if I put myself on the block, things might go better for Cherry, but when it was all said and done, they took her badge, too.

  “What got to me more than anything else, though, was the memory of your face as I looked back in the rearview mirror that day I drove off after giving you the ball bearing.”

  “I still have it.”

  “I’m sorry, Wade.”

  “It’s okay. Why did you give it to me like that?”

  “It was the cruelest thing I ever did. It just shows how far off the track I had fallen. Somehow, I thought it would warn you about what I couldn’t talk about. I’m sorry.”

  I smile. “You know, I have some good things, too, sir. I still have the piece of fake scar you handed to me that first night on Billy Goat Hill. I still have the transistor radio you gave me. I still have the bat Duke Snider gave me for my birthday. And I still have a lot of great memories. All of my life I have believed you cared about me. I think that faith helped get me through to where I am now.”

  “I always cared about you. But I was weak and not a very good person. Not even half the person Cherry was. I wasn’t always in contact with her, but I think she continued to try to keep track of you throughout the years.”

  “Yes, she did. At one point she showed up to bail me out of jail, and it was she who eventually turned my heart toward God.”

  “It’s been a long time since I’ve spoken directly to her. When I found out about her stroke…it buried me under a mountain of guilt. I withdrew even more. I guess I’ve been hiding under that mountain ever since.”

  “Why don’t you ask her to
come and see you?”

  “I don’t have the right to ask her anything.”

  “You sent her a letter and asked her to pass your message on to us.”

  “Yes.”

  “What would you say to her if you could?”

  His eyes well up and he looks toward the blue sky framed in the window behind me. He closes his eyes. “With all my heart…I would beg her to please forgive me.”

  “I forgave you a long time ago, Lyle.”

  The Sergeant opens his eyes and turns his face toward the door. There in the open doorway is Miss Cherry. Behind her is Luke, his hands on her shoulders offering gentle assistance as she wheels her wheelchair into the room.

  The Sergeant looks at me with a look of peace that reminds me a great deal of Rodney. He is speechless.

  “You’re welcome, sir.”

  He nods.

  “Luke and I will be back later.”

  “Love your hat, sir,” Luke says.

  As Luke and I leave, I look back to see Miss Cherry take the Sergeant’s hand and place it with hers on the Bible. They begin to pray…

  I was able to visit the Sergeant five more times before he passed away. His body was a storm raging with cancer, but his heart and spirit had found peace. His condition seemed to remain on the rebound, and all the way through to the last hour he was lucid and relatively free of pain—another gift from God.

  With each visit I learned more about the mystery of my childhood. I learned how omnipresent the Sergeant really was all those years. I learned how complicated and dangerously entwined our lives had become. He insisted he was singularly responsible for shaping my collapsing world. He spoke of the agony of conscience that battled against something deep inside him that would not allow the truth to shine. I am convinced he was a good man who made a bad decision.

  He told me he expected me to hold him up as my enemy, and he was truly amazed and grateful for the miracle of our reunion. I explained that if we are pleasing God, He will make our enemies at peace with us. From there he began to see how God’s hand is on every moment of our lives, which led to the blessing of lengthy discussions about forgiveness.

  I shared with him in great detail how Jesus and the gift of salvation had changed my life, and it was during my second-to-last visit that he told me he was ready to accept Christ. That evening at his bedside, Luke, Miss Cherry, Nurse Naomi, and I prayed over him as he spoke his confession and accepted Jesus as his Lord and Savior. He read from the tattered copy of “The Sinner’s Prayer” that Esther gave to me all those years ago.