Skating Through

by Jennifer Cosgrove

  He had more questions now than he knew what to do with. He carefully packed everything back into the box and placed it in the drawer so he wouldn’t be tempted to obsess over it before he could get some answers.

  It was time for bed, and he was tired, but that didn’t stop him from grabbing his phone when it buzzed.

  Ryan: guess who has a date this weekend?

  Ben huffed out a laugh. He’d been waiting for the inevitable to happen.

  Ben: Try not to spill anything on her this time.

  Ryan: that only happened once!

  Ben: Twice. Remember Tracy’s party?

  Ryan: I hate you

  Ben smiled at his phone and locked the screen. Ryan had a date. That was a good thing. He hesitated, waiting for the bitter taste of jealousy to hit him, but it never did. Rachel was cool. She actually talked to him like a person, without seeing him as some weird kind of competition. He might actually be on his way to being her friend.

  It was the same thing he hoped was going on with Marcus. He’d certainly been talking to him a lot, and Ryan and Rachel had been a hot topic of conversation. It was nice to have someone to talk to who was watching the same thing play out. Plus, he just liked talking to Marcus.

  He put the phone on his nightstand without setting the alarm, fully intending on sleeping in the next morning. Hopefully, his body would let him.

  “YOU CONSTANTLY TELL me that I have no idea how to dress myself, so how the hell am I supposed to be helping right now?” Ben lay on Ryan’s bed, head hanging off the edge so he had an upside-down view of Ryan tearing off and then putting on yet another shirt. He’d walked over to Ryan’s house after a series of frantic texts that included several blurry mirror selfies that were getting more and more pathetic.

  “You can at least tell me if it looks good or not.” Ryan’s voice was muffled until his head popped through the neck hole. “How about this one?”

  “I think you tried that one on already.” Ben didn’t actually think that, he just wanted to mess with him.

  “Seriously?” Ryan frowned down at the shirt, and Ben couldn’t keep a straight face. He started laughing. “You dick!”

  Ben curled up in a ball before Ryan could pounce on him, just managing to say, “You’re going to mess up your hair,” between gasps of laughter, which put a stop to their roughhousing. Ryan popped up in front of the mirror again, and Ben resumed his position on the bed, still looking at him upside down. Ryan did look good, objectively speaking.

  He’d never really been attracted to Ryan. Ben could appreciate his strong build and that he had nice eyes, but attraction had never played into it. He supposed it was because they’d been friends for so long, but he had no idea how that even worked. Why were some people attracted to dark hair and light eyes, when he found himself drawn to warm dark brown eyes under a shock of brightly colored hair?

  He flicked his gaze back up to where Ryan was still staring into the mirror, biting his lip. Ben could feel the insecurity rolling off of him. Ryan was normally the most confident person he knew, diving into social situations without a second thought, but this was different. He must really like her.

  “Hey.” When Ryan looked at him, Ben made a weird face to make him laugh. “You look good, all right?”

  Ryan turned back to the mirror, appearing a little less panicky. “Yeah?”

  “Yep.” Ben gave him a thumbs-up before checking his phone for the time. He’d missed a text from Marcus.

  Marcus: since Rachel is dumping me and going out, you want to do something?

  Ben didn’t notice Ryan reading the text over his shoulder, hadn’t even realized he’d crossed the room until he started laughing. “See! I told you he likes you!”

  “Shut up.” Ben cursed his pale skin, because he knew he was practically glowing. “We’ve been talking.” Ryan cackled, and he raised his voice. “As friends, you asshole.”

  “Good.” The sudden about-face made Ben look up. “I mean, I know you like him and all, but it’s good that you’re friends.” It was Ryan’s turn to look embarrassed.

  “Yeah, yeah. You big softy.” Ben tried to turn it into a joke. “Aren’t you going to be late?”

  Ryan smirked. “Aren’t you going to answer that?”

  Ben turned his phone over in his hands. “What should I say?”

  “Well, what were you planning to do tonight?”

  “Watch a movie on my laptop.”

  Ryan shrugged. “So ask him if he wants to do that. Don’t make a big deal out of it, just hang out.” He pointed an accusatory finger at Ben, almost touching the tip of his nose. “Gossip about us like I know you want to.”

  Ben crossed his eyes to look at Ryan’s finger and laughed. “I think I can do that.” Ryan made an impatient gesture at Ben’s phone. “I guess I’ll do it now.”

  Ben: I was going to watch a movie or something on my laptop.

  Ben: Want to hang out?

  “Oh god, why do I sound like such a dork?” Ben covered his face with his hand.

  Ryan elbowed him. “Because you are a dork. Look, he’s texting back.” Three stupid little dots, and Ben was terrified of them.

  Marcus: sounds good. text me your address.

  Ben stared at his phone until Ryan took it away from him and put in his address. There was an immediate reply.

  “You’ve got like twenty minutes or so. Go home and panic about how the boy you like is about to meet your family.” When the blood drained from Ben’s face, Ryan looked at him with alarm. “Or, you know, pass out or something. Jesus, man, breathe.”

  Ben gave him a wide-eyed stare. He’d completely forgotten about his family, who didn’t know anything about— “Oh god.”

  “He’s a friend, okay? No matter what else is up here—” He tapped Ben’s forehead. “—he’s just a friend. It’ll be fine. The Lewises are my favorite people. They won’t embarrass you or whatever.” Ryan gave him an encouraging smile.

  Ben tried to return it. “I’m supposed to be the one making you feel better. You’re going on a date.”

  Ryan shrugged. “It’ll be fine.”

  “I hope so.”

  “Just think of it this way. If he survives meeting Beth, then he’s worth keeping around.”

  Ben laughed. “You might be right.”

  BEN RAN MOST of the way home.

  And made himself slow down one street over so he wouldn’t look like a maniac bursting in. He walked very calmly through the door and peeked into the den where his mom and dad were watching TV.

  His mom noticed him first. “Hey, kiddo. Thought you were over at Ryan’s.”

  “I was. He had something that he had to do.” He didn’t dare say date. They always got this look when they knew Ryan was seeing someone, and Ben didn’t want to go there. It might make him ponder how much they knew. Or suspected, at least. “My friend Marcus is coming over in a little bit. We’re going to watch a movie in my room.”

  “Sure, hon. Just bring down any dishes if you take any snacks up there.”

  “Okay.” Ben breathed a sigh of relief and started to go up the stairs when his dad called him back.

  “Marcus. Is he on the team? Plays left wing?”

  Dammit. “Nope. He’s just a friend from school.”

  “Oh. Okay.” Ben fled up the stairs before he made a fool out of himself.

  He burst into his bedroom, opening the door with enough force to send Biscuit looking for cover, and glanced around to make sure there wasn’t anything that needed to be put away. He was reasonably neat and believed in laundry hampers, so it wasn’t too bad. Ben got his laptop out and put it on the bed, which was the only place for two people to sit besides the floor, and started to panic again. He sent a quick text to Ryan.

  Ben: I can’t do this.

  The response was immediate. Ryan must not have left yet, probably still looking at his hair.

  Ryan: yes you can. now go away so I can leave

  Ben rolled his eyes. Ryan had been waiting for him t
o text, knowing he’d have one last freak-out.

  Ben: FINE

  Ben took one more look around his room and figured it would have to do. At least he’d already taken the smelly hockey gear out. He’d just sat down to start scrolling through Netflix to find something that wasn’t completely boring for them to watch when he heard it. How had he forgotten that Marcus rode a freaking motorcycle?

  Marcus had gotten it the year before, and Ben hadn’t quite known what to do with himself the first time he saw him on it. He liked them in general. And as with most things, Marcus on a motorcycle made them seem even cooler.

  Ben heard a faint “Who is that?” from the living room and pelted down the stairs to get to the door before one of his parents. He stopped and took a breath, making himself wait until Marcus rang the doorbell before yanking open the door and herding him away from prying eyes.

  The doorbell rang.

  “I’ve got it!” He said it like no one was aware he was already there, but he was committed. He took another deep breath and opened the door.

  “Hey.” Marcus’s hair was bright purple and sticking up from the helmet. Ben felt an insane urge to smooth it down with his fingers and clenched his hand into a fist at his side.

  “Hi. Um, come on in.” He stepped to the side to let Marcus in and took a peek outside at the motorcycle. It was a nondescript black, and Ben wouldn’t have been able to identify what kind it was if he tried. It was cool because it was Marcus’s. Impressive. And kind of hot.

  Get it together.

  Ben lowered his voice. “Sorry about this in advance.” Marcus gave him a confused look before following him into the den, helmet still in hand. “Mom, Dad, this is Marcus. Marcus, these are my parents, Anne and Rich.” Marcus stepped forward with his hand out to shake. Ben’s dad flicked his eyes up to the purple hair before shaking his hand firmly and grinning.

  “It’s nice to meet you. We’ve heard absolutely nothing about you.”

  Ben willed his parents not to be overly weird about anything. He had friends that weren’t Ryan, after all. Teammates, people in his classes. He just didn’t invite them home with him. Usually.

  His mom shook Marcus’s hand as well, shooting Ben a look he couldn’t quite read. “Don’t be like that, Rich. There’s snacks and things in the kitchen if you boys want something.”

  Ben took that as his cue to escape with Marcus in tow. “Um, you want to put that down or…?” He gestured toward the chair that was next to the door. Marcus put the helmet down and ran his fingers through his hair, making it stick up even more. Ben decided it was a good look on him. As were his pink cheeks from the chill outside. “Do you want a drink or anything?”

  “Sure.” They walked into the kitchen together, and Ben could breathe again. He was not going to be awkward about this. They were going to go watch a movie, and it would all be fine.

  Chapter Eight

  OF COURSE, IT was the dumb cat that made him relax. Biscuit, for some reason, decided he liked Marcus almost as much as he liked Ryan. He poked his head out from under the bed when they came in, and Ben assumed he’d bolt for the door. Instead, he gave a plaintive little meow, and Marcus sat on the floor, cross-legged, right next to the bed.

  “Who’s this?” He held out his fingers for Biscuit to sniff, and Ben prayed the cat wouldn’t do his patented “sniff, sniff, chomp” on him. He was completely surprised when the cat came out from under the bed and promptly demanded head scritches.

  “Wow. I mean—that’s Biscuit.”

  “Biscuit?” Marcus gave him a grin and tugged off his jacket before settling down with his back against the bed.

  Ben looked away, embarrassed. “It’s another name for a puck.”

  “Seriously?” Marcus sounded delighted. “I never knew that.” Biscuit had worked his way almost into Marcus’s lap by that time, and Ben couldn’t help but laugh.

  “Ryan is going to be so jealous.” Marcus gave him an odd look. “I mean, sometimes I think he only comes over here for the cat.”

  Marcus laughed at that and it was like something clicked, and suddenly, Ben was okay. Marcus managed to move Biscuit enough so he could straighten out his legs. He then kicked his boots off and announced that he couldn’t possibly disturb the cat, so Ben would just have to come down there with him.

  Somehow, Ben found himself sitting next to Marcus on the floor, close enough together that their shoulders touched, his laptop resting across his thighs but angled so they could both see. Marcus picked the movie, and it was something Ben had never heard of, but he was told, in detail, that it was based on a series of comic books he’d be required to read.

  Ben was just thinking that the movie had been good so far, and he might give the comics a try, when Biscuit finally decided he’d had enough and wriggled out through the cracked door. Ben adjusted the laptop so that they were sharing it on both of their laps, and Marcus shifted slightly toward him. Ben had been able to mostly ignore his proximity so far, but now he was painfully aware of how closely they were pressed together.

  “Watch this part. This is really cool.”

  It was really cool. There was a music battle on the screen with some great animation added, and when Ben turned to say something about it, Marcus was right there, looking at him. Ben’s breath caught in his throat. They were sitting so close together, and Marcus’s eyes were so dark where his hair had flopped over his forehead—

  Marcus leaned over and kissed him.

  Ben froze in place, only vaguely realizing that Marcus’s lips were soft and dry against his own.

  Marcus pulled back. “Oh god, I’m so sorry. I thought—” He looked horrified.

  Impulsively, Ben kissed him back, a quick chaste thing, barely a press of lips. It wasn’t his first kiss, or his second. But it was the first time with a guy and the first time that it felt right. Marcus looked at him closely, eyes roaming over his face, before bringing a hand up to run fingers down Ben’s jaw. That produced a shiver, which awakened nerves that seemed to be connected to other things.

  “Can I?”

  Ben nodded, still a little shocked at what was happening. It was better than anything he’d ever imagined. Ben closed his eyes, and Marcus’s lips were on his again, more firmly this time. Ben felt the laptop start to slide sideways and shut it and set it aside without looking. Then he finally got his fingers into Marcus’s hair, and it was just as soft as he had thought it would be.

  A swipe of Marcus’s tongue on his lower lip had Ben making an embarrassing noise in the back of his throat and opening his mouth to let him in. He felt hot all over and wasn’t sure what to do with his hands. Marcus rolled toward him, hooking one thigh over Ben’s and fisting a hand in his shirt.

  Ben heard the footsteps coming up the stairs and reflexively pushed Marcus away, eyes wide. He grabbed the laptop and opened it back up, hitting the spacebar to start the movie again. The steps paused but then went down the hall toward Beth’s room. She must have just gotten home.

  He listened for a long moment and waited for his racing heart to calm down. Nothing. Except for his own harsh breathing.

  “Are you okay?” Marcus’s concerned face was very close, and Ben desperately wanted to kiss him again. But then the vision of Beth or his parents walking in and seeing them spiraled into his teammates finding out, and it all made his stomach turn. He made himself take a deep breath and moved farther away. The hurt he saw in Marcus’s eyes was almost too much. Ben put the laptop to the side again.

  “I’m sorry.” Ben’s voice was hoarse. “I don’t—”

  “It’s okay.”

  “It’s not okay.” He was whispering now. “It’s not. I can’t—I’m not—”

  Marcus sighed, and Ben watched as he clenched his fingers together in his lap so hard his knuckles turned white. He let go and started to put his boots back on. “It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have.” He tied the laces tightly. “I’m going to go.”

  Ben wanted to tell him to wait. That he really liked him and,
god, could they try that again? But his courage failed him. Instead, he got up and reached for Marcus’s jacket where he’d tossed it on his bed a million years ago. Ben handed it to him and silently followed Marcus out the bedroom door and down the stairs. His parents were still in the den, and he dimly heard Marcus saying goodbye to them because he was nice and polite, and Ben was an awful person.

  Marcus met his eyes again as he picked up his helmet, turning it around in his hands. “I guess I’ll see you at school?”

  Ben couldn’t help but look away. “Yeah. See you.”

  He closed the front door behind Marcus and waited until he heard the motorcycle start up before he escaped up the stairs, thankful that his parents had gone back to whatever they were watching on TV.

  He couldn’t decide if he wanted to curl up in bed or hit something. He felt stupid and guilty. Ben grabbed his phone, intent on texting Ryan and asking him what the hell he should do, before he remembered Ryan was still on his date. He dropped the phone on the bed, flopped down face-first, and covered his head with his pillow.

  “What’s wrong with you?”

  Ben groaned. Beth. Of course, she’d have to come and stick her nose in. “Nothing.”

  “Uh-huh. Whose motorcycle was that?” She shoved at him until he moved over enough so that she could sit beside him, propped up against the headboard.

  “Friend from school.”

  “I knew that.” He could practically hear her eye-roll. “But who? You don’t have any friends.” She really hadn’t meant anything by it, but that cut deep.

  “Go away.” He should just answer her, which was the quickest way to get rid of her, but he didn’t want to.

  “Nope.” She sounded so cheerful that he wanted to push her off the bed. He didn’t. “Come on. Whose was it?”

  “Marcus Blake.” Saying the name made guilt and shame wash over him. Marcus was probably blaming himself for the whole situation, and Ben was letting him. He felt sudden hot tears prick the corners of his eyes, and he wanted Beth to just get out. “Can you go away now?” He swallowed hard, struggling to control his voice. “Please?”