Skating Through

by Jennifer Cosgrove

  Ben typed out a quick response.

  Ben: Very okay.

  “This is good, isn’t it?” Ben asked, hesitantly but hopefully. Rachel reached over to squeeze his hand, and he gave her a tentative grin. “This is going to be good.” He was feeling more confident. He’d been so worried, and now…it was good.

  “Enough of it will be, I think.” She ruffled his hair and smiled brightly. “We’ll set the rest of them on fire, how about that?”

  “Rachel, you are a little scary.” Ben wasn’t sure if he was joking or not, but judging by Rachel’s loud laugh, she appreciated it all the same.

  BEN HAD STILL been riding the high of the day when they all met in the parking lot, and he suggested they all go out. He’d completely forgotten Ryan had to work that night, and Rachel had already made plans. So it would just be him and Marcus. And, of course, Ben was absurdly nervous. Everything had happened so fast with them.

  Marcus had said to surprise him, so Ben immediately decided they should go to the public ice skating rink. Being on the ice would put him at ease, and he thought Marcus would like it.

  It was during the drive home to grab his skates that Ryan insisted Ben should change his clothes to go out. And as always, he couldn’t help giving out fashion advice. “Wear something decent.”

  “This is decent.” Ben plucked at the faded Flyers shirt he’d worn to school, and Ryan snorted. Ben was mostly messing with him, but then did wonder exactly what he should wear. He should probably at least try. “So what do you suggest?”

  Ryan thought for a long moment. “You know that grey short-sleeve shirt with the buttons that your mom got you?”

  “Why do you even know this?” Ben gaped at him. “Yeah, I think so.”

  Ryan nodded sagely. “Wear that one. It’s…” He made a vague gesture toward his chest. “Clingy.”

  “Clingy?”

  “Yep.”

  Ben thought about the shirt in question and blushed. The reason he usually didn’t wear it was because it was clingy. It made him a little self-conscious. “Are you sure? It’s a little tight.”

  Ryan gave him a leering grin. “And that, Benny boy, is the point.”

  “Why are you like this?”

  And Ryan chirped him the rest of the way home.

  “OH, THAT SHIRT looks nice, honey.” Ben looked up from his phone where he’d planted himself at the kitchen counter to catch his mom coming in from work. “You hardly ever wear it, and I always thought it looked good.”

  Ben’s face was going to just burn off and leave a smoking hole in the world. “Thanks?”

  “What are you doing tonight?” The question was asked offhandedly, but he could tell she was curious. It was rare that he went out without Ryan. Or at all.

  “I’m going out with Marcus.”

  “Oh.” She leaned against the counter and gave him a careful smile. “Like a date?”

  “Yeah.” Ben tugged at the hem of his shirt. “We’re going skating and then maybe out for dinner. Can I borrow the car?”

  She blinked at him, and for a second, Ben thought she was going to cry. “Of course you can. I’m happy for you, kiddo.”

  He grabbed a hoodie for himself and an extra one for Marcus, just in case, and ran out the door before she got more emotional. It was a short drive to Marcus’s house, so he was a little early. And when he trotted up the steps, Marcus met him at the door before he could ring the bell.

  Marcus smiled at him and gave him a kiss. “My mom’s not home yet. She was kind of disappointed that she wouldn’t get to meet you.”

  “Maybe next time.” Marcus smiled at him then, and Ben saw his eyes flick over the shirt. He vowed to never tell Ryan he’d been right.

  He grinned back at Marcus and took in his usual skinny jeans and boots, along with a sky-blue T-shirt that took the place of the ratty graphic tees he usually wore. It was a good look, and Ben’s fingers itched to see if that shirt felt as soft as it looked. “Hi.”

  Marcus threw his head back and laughed, smile even wider. “Hi, yourself.”

  They walked out to the car, and Marcus kissed him again before they both got in. It was a few minutes ride to the rink, during which Ben let Marcus know that he hated to drive.

  Their conversation was easy and relaxed. Marcus laughed at him when Ben revealed their plans for the evening. “Is this just you wanting to show off?”

  Ben blushed, and a small part of him knew that was exactly why he’d chosen to go to the rink. “Maybe.” He shrugged. “Thought it would be fun.”

  “It sounds fun.”

  “If you don’t want to—” Ben started, but Marcus stopped him with a hand on his arm.

  “I want to.” Marcus didn’t take Ben’s hand, but left his close enough so that Ben could take it if he wanted to. “But I warn you that I only skate a little bit better than I bowl.”

  Ben barked out a laugh and felt the last bits of his nervousness drain away. “Don’t worry. I’ll teach you.”

  But as he watched Marcus make his shaky way around the edge of the rink, Ben was beginning to wonder if their first date was going to be their last. Marcus didn’t look happy. Ben had offered to help him around, but Marcus had waved him off, wanting to try it for himself first. Finally, Ben couldn’t stand it any longer.

  “Can I help you? Please?” he asked, and Marcus looked up at him and blew a strand of hair out of his eyes in what looked like frustration. But he nodded, and Ben sighed in relief. “Okay. Just take my hands.”

  Ben skated backward with Marcus clinging to his hands. Ben was glad he was a strong skater, or Marcus’s admittedly adorable awkwardness would have had them both hitting the ice.

  “Told you I was bad,” Marcus mumbled, staring down at his skates. Ben knew that was part of the problem.

  “Hey, try this. Look up at me.” Ben was still skating backward, gently pulling Marcus along. Marcus dragged his eyes away from the ice and met Ben’s. “You’re doing fine. I promise.” Ben gave him a reassuring grin. “You know, it feels weird to be out here in regular clothes. Almost like being naked.” He blushed as he said it, but it was worth Marcus’s laugh.

  “Oh, really?” Marcus was smiling at him now, his awkwardness forgotten for the moment.

  “I said almost.” Ben was still blushing. “At least no one out here is trying to check me.”

  Marcus laughed again. “Maybe I will. You never know.”

  Ben smiled at him as they made their way to the back corner of the rink. Marcus’s nose was already pink from the cold, and Ben wanted to kiss him. The hoodie that he’d lent him was a little big on him, and it just added to the picture.

  He slowed them to a stop and eased Marcus against the boards. Marcus was grinning like he’d had the same thought, and Ben leaned down to press their lips together. Marcus clung to his arms as they kissed, and the cold melted away for a few seconds.

  A loud bang on the glass directly behind Marcus made them both jump, and it was only Ben’s quick reflexes that kept them from hitting the ice. He looked up and saw someone he vaguely recognized as a player from another team. Ben couldn’t remember his name, but he recognized the smirk on his face for what it was.

  “What the hell, man?” Ben growled as his heart started to race.

  “Didn’t know you were queer,” What’s-his-name snarled. He made it sound ugly and hateful in a way that banter in the locker room hadn’t.

  It was directed at Ben—at both of them, really— and he had to make a choice. He could walk away, or he could stand up for himself. He glanced down at Marcus, who shook his head slightly. He understood why when he saw that the shithead wasn’t alone.

  He made his choice.

  “So what if I am?” Ben said, loudly enough for everyone at that end of the rink to hear. “We’re still going to kick your ass next time we play you.”

  They were drawing attention now, and the asshole player started to back away. “Fuck you, Lewis.”

  Huh. The asshole knew his name, and Ben
still had no idea who he was. The thought that the jerk wasn’t someone important enough to be on his radar fueled the bright grin that Ben gave him.

  “No, thanks. I have way better taste.” He caught Marcus’s eye to make sure that he was okay and after his tentative nod, started to lead him across the rink toward the door. Marcus was keeping an eye on what was happening on the other side of the glass, leaving Ben to guide him off the ice. Ben lowered his voice. “Are they following us?”

  “No.” Marcus’s voice was barely audible over the noise of the other people on the ice. “It looks like someone got one of the attendants, and they’re getting kicked out.”

  Ben chanced a look over and saw the jerk and his friends slinking out. He would have to make sure they were truly gone before he and Marcus left. He was surprised at how calm he was. They stepped off the ice, clomped over to one of the benches, and sat.

  Ben sighed. “Well, that should do it.”

  “What do you mean?” Marcus was already untying his skates, and Ben would have laughed at his eagerness to get them off if he hadn’t suspected it was related to what had just happened.

  Ben reached over and took his hand, squeezing his fingers before slipping them around Marcus’s ankle and pulling his foot up on the bench to help. Marcus rolled his eyes, but leaned back and let him.

  “It’ll get out to other teams now,” Ben said quietly as he worked. He was amazed at his own calm. “Guys always have friends at other schools, on other teams. Gossip travels fast.” He set the skate to the side and patted the bench for Marcus’s other foot. “We all know each other from camps or special leagues. You’re around the same group of people so much that everyone kind of knows everyone else’s business. I try to stay out of it.” He gave Marcus’s ankle a squeeze before starting to work on his own skates. “But the truth is, it’ll spread faster now than if I’d put it up on a billboard.”

  “Are you okay with that?” Marcus’s hand was on his shoulder, moving up to the back of his neck to play with the thin chain that the dog tag hung from.

  Ben nodded. “For some reason, it’s not bothering me. It’s weird.” He was being honest. It might hit him later, but he was fine right now.

  Marcus’s fingers playing with the chain around his neck reminded him of something. “Speaking of gossip, Beth talks too much. My gran wants to meet you.”

  “Your gran?” Marcus looked a little nervous at the prospect.

  “Yeah. She’s moving out of state in a few weeks, and I think she just wants to get to know you before she goes.” It occurred to him this was a lot to ask of someone he’d been dating all of one day. “But…I can tell her no if you’re not ready for that. It’s a bad idea, isn’t it. I mean, it’s hardly fair…” He started to get his phone out, but Marcus stopped him.

  “Ben, I want to meet your gran, okay?”

  Ben looked at him for a moment and then put his phone back. “Well, that’s good, because I’m pretty sure she’s coming to the game tomorrow, and you’d be hard to hide.”

  Marcus ruffled his hair and grinned at him. “Don’t worry. I’m good with grandmothers. They love me.”

  They both stood, and Ben retrieved his skate bag and their shoes from the locker. After he put his own skates away and returned Marcus’s to the desk, he was at a little bit of a loss as to what to do next. They hadn’t been there very long, thanks to the jerk and his buddies, but he wasn’t ready to go home yet.

  “Um, you want to get something to eat? Early supper?”

  “Sounds good. The diner?”

  Ben nodded, and Marcus took his free hand and gave him a crooked smile. They made their way out the front doors and looked around the parking lot to make sure the jerk had actually left. The coast seemed to be clear, and they walked out to Ben’s car.

  THE DINER WAS busy as usual. Running into the jerk at the rink had given Ben some small amount of confidence in the moment, but now he was kicking himself because there was a table full of his teammates over in the corner. They hadn’t noticed Ben and Marcus yet, but it could happen at any time. He wasn’t afraid of what they’d say. Not really. But he hadn’t had to talk to them face-to-face yet. Random jerks were one thing, but these were guys on his team. Ben felt Marcus nudge his knee with his own and looked over to see that Marcus had noticed them, too.

  “We can go somewhere else if you want.”

  “Nope.” Ben gave him a smile, aiming for reassuring. “It’s okay.”

  “Are you sure?” Marcus leaned in and dropped his voice. “Because here comes Taylor.”

  “Oh god.” Ben only had a few seconds to brace himself before Smithy was squeezing his bulk into the booth beside him. He glanced over at the team’s table, and he could see the other guys, and a few girls, looking at them curiously. It made Ben bristle a little.

  “Can I help you?” he asked, a little sharpness to his tone.

  It came out a little harshly, but Smithy ignored it. “So this is who you’ve been texting, Cap?” He nodded at Marcus. “You could have said, you know.”

  Ben blinked at him. “Seriously?”

  “Well, yeah.” Smithy looked at him like he’d lost his mind. “What did you think we were going to do?”

  Ben glanced at Marcus, who looked just as confused as he felt. Luckily, the server had really good timing and showed up to take their drink order. It gave Ben a few seconds to get his thoughts in order. After their run-in at the rink, he was still ready to go on the defensive. After all, this was the same guy who was calling someone a fag last week, and now he was giving him a hard time for not speaking up? What the hell?

  The server stepped away, and Ben drew in a deep breath.

  “What was I supposed to think? Think really hard about that. Think about some of the things you’ve said in the locker room or, hell, even outside of the locker room, and then answer that question for me. I had no way of knowing how any of you would react.”

  Ben felt Marcus’s hand creep over to his, and he laced their fingers together, right up on the tabletop where everyone could see. Apparently he was incapable of doing things by halves.

  “Anyway, you and a few of the other guys might be fine with this, but I know for a fact there’s some people on the team who won’t be. And those are the people I have to rely on to do the right thing and not let it affect the game. That’s why I didn’t tell you.”

  Smithy was staring at him now, and he could see out of the corner of his eye that the group of players and their dates were trying very hard not to look like they were listening in. Smithy looked down at the table, his usual smile gone.

  “I never thought about it that way,” he said, twisting his fingers. “Sorry, Cap.”

  Ben sighed and put a hand on Smithy’s forearm—and was gratified when he didn’t jerk away. “Just watch my back on the ice, and we’ll call it even, okay?”

  Smithy gave him a grateful smile. “No problem. I can do that.” He blinked, and suddenly he was the same cocky D-man he’d always been. “Anyway. See you tomorrow.” He waved awkwardly at Marcus, who lifted a hand back at him, still looking mystified, and went back to his own table.

  “That was…” Marcus looked like he was reaching for words. “Just bizarre.”

  “Welcome to my world.” Ben took a quick look at the menu before deciding that he was definitely ordering the cheeseburger. “Hockey players are weird.”

  “Don’t I know it.” Marcus bumped his knee and grinned.

  Chapter Eighteen

  THEY LINGERED OVER dinner, and finally, Marcus suggested they go back to Ben’s house and hang out for a little while. But when they pulled up in the driveway, Ben was suddenly nervous again. He turned off the car and sat staring forward, his hands still on the wheel. Ben knew, theoretically, how dates were supposed to work. A nice goodbye kiss beside the car. And it was very likely there was at least someone in his family at home, and possibly watching.

  “Um, we’re here,” Marcus said, nudging him.

  Ben looked at the hous
e, trying to gauge where everyone was. The living room flickered with the light from the television, so his parents might not have heard them pull up. Beth’s room was toward the front of the house, and its window was completely dark. With luck, she might be out with friends or something. The coast was clear, for the moment. “You still want to watch something? Hang out?”

  “Sure.” Marcus slipped out of the car after him—Ben wincing at the noise of the car doors slamming—and followed him toward the house. On the way, Marcus reached over to capture Ben’s hand, bumping him a little with his elbow as he did so. “Did you have a good time? I mean, all things considered?”

  “Yeah.” Ben took a chance and brushed his lips over the back of Marcus’s hand. “It was really good. Even better than I thought. Despite all the stuff at the rink.” He caught a flash of relief as it crossed Marcus’s features and wondered how worried he’d been. “Come here.”

  He pulled Marcus over to the side of the steps, out of the sightline of the door, and kissed him. He finally got to touch that soft shirt as he rested his free hand on Marcus’s waist. The kiss only lasted a few seconds, but it felt like the right thing to do. “You good?” Marcus nodded, and he led him up the steps, letting go just as he opened the front door.

  “Mom? Dad?” He could hear the TV as he closed the front door behind them. There was a faint mumble in answer, and Ben motioned for Marcus to follow him. As he’d expected, his parents were engrossed in the screen, watching something involving dragons that he hadn’t made time for yet. The way Marcus’s eyes lit up when he saw what was on the screen made him groan. “I’m going to lose you to Game of Thrones, aren’t I.”

  Marcus gave him an incredulous look. “You don’t like it?”

  Ben shrugged. “Haven’t watched it yet. No time.”

  His dad piped up. “We told him he’d like it.”

  And that was the perfect excuse to not sit and talk with his parents.

  “We could go and watch the first episode. If you want.” Ben could have sworn he heard a choked off giggle from his mom’s direction.

  “There’s snacks or whatever in the kitchen,” she finally offered after she got herself under control. “Please make yourself at home, Marcus.”