Master Dogan is studied me with his tranquil eyes.
“I have an idea to mitigate your exposure,” he said, “if you and Richard are willing.”
The world lurched.
Then I was in a bathroom, fumbling with a bottle of ibuprofen. I heard running bath water. My hands were shaking, my head pounding. At last, I unscrewed the cap and poured four tablets into my palm, then tossed them back with a gulp of water. I leaned against the counter until I stopped shaking. I pulled off my robe and stepped into the steaming bath, so hot it was painful. I sunk in slowly, getting acclimated. I soaked long enough for the bath to have cooled. The throbbing in my head receded, leaving a dull ache. Back in my robe, I exited the bathroom to find Richard reading in bed.
I slid under the covers next to him and leaned against his chest. He was reading Hemingway.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“Better,” I said. “I haven't had a headache since we got here.”
The scene shifted and—
I was entering what looked like a grand ballroom. The floor was tiled in a beautiful mosaic, the walls decorated with rich tapestries. The space was circular, with a wooden staircase leading to a balcony that ringed the entire room. I was holding tightly to Richard's hand, and he gave me a kiss before going to stand against the wall with other Guardians. I walked to the center of the room and look down. I stood on the center tile of the Gateway.
The time is now.
No, comes my mental response. Not now, not ever. Eight others surrounded me, dressed in the same white robe I wore. We all took our seats. I closed my eyes and saw a beautiful ball of golden light pulsating at my third eye. I reached out, ready to form the link.
You know what I'll do to you.
It doesn't matter. I will never help you.
The first connection slid into place. A ribbon of energy pulsated between us. The second connection was made and I exhaled.
It's only going to get worse.
Stop it! The thought was loud in my head, and the connections broke, sending shooting pain through my body. I opened my eyes. Looks of shock painted the faces of the other Keepers.
“I'm sorry,” I said. “Let's begin again.”
I formed the links hastily, one after the next. There was nothing elegant about it, but my heart was racing, my palms sweating; I was afraid to go slowly. But the strength of the symbol beneath me had a buoying effect, and I began to relax. Little by little, the tension left my shoulders, my breath deepened. I felt myself at the center, connecting all of us together.
You will help me.
The link wavered, but I struggled to hang on, and didn't respond. It required all of my focus to keep the connection now.
Are you surprised, Gretchen, that I can reach you even now? Do you think yourself safe when you link with these humans?
Perspiration beaded on my forehead. My teeth were grinding with the effort.
Do you think there is anywhere you can go where I cannot find you?
The connection slipped a fraction, but I regained it. I was swaying now, trying desperately not to pass out.
It's no use fighting it. You will help me destroy the Gateway and release—
NO! The thought consumed my mind, blocking out all other sensations. I WILL NEVER HELP YOU. NOT EVER!!!
I pushed back against the Demon with everything I had. Too late, I realized what I'd done. The link had been severed; the eight lights pulsating around me winked out. My eyes flew open to see the other Keepers knocked backwards. The Guardians at the wall rushed forward, but the ground began shaking violently below us. They struggled to keep their footing. Looking down, I noticed the tiniest of cracks appear.
“No!” I screamed as it spread, spidering in different directions.
The other Keepers hadn't stirred, other than being shaken by the force that felt like an earthquake but was much worse. The center tile split beneath me. I felt my insides threatening to erupt. I cried out in agony as the pain overwhelmed me, paralyzed me. Richard grabbed my arm and hauled me out of the way as a gaping hole opened where I'd been just seconds before.
The other Guardians reached the Keepers and dragged them back from the ever-widening maw.
“Run, Gretchen!” Richard stood, sword drawn, doing his best to balance on the shifting floor.
The rumbling slowed and from the hole came a mass of demons, clawing their way to freedom. The Guardians hacked and slashed at the monsters. An alarm sounded, barely audible over the clash of battle. The demons came in torrents, raining down upon the Guardians. We were outnumbered, but the demons seemed more interested in fleeing than fighting. They streamed toward the doors only to be met by the now-rallied forces. The Guardians made easy work of them, but they kept coming.
I squeezed my eyes shut. I imagined the symbol, glowing brightly. Not just the center this time, but the whole Gateway. The ribbon of energy pulsated throughout my body. I was the Gateway—pieces fragmented, but still alive.
Something was coming, something huge, and it was going to grind me to bits.
I willed the pieces back together. I'd blocked out the sound of battle, but was acutely aware of tile scraping slowly across the floor.
The something that was making my heart pound in my chest and my blood turn to ice was still coming.
I heard a click as one of tiles slid back into place. With part of the link formed, I pulsated with even more power. Inch by inch I went, reaching out energetically to form the link, the tiles following suit and sliding into place. The center was the last and hardest one. Unlike the others, it was in pieces. My guts twisted with effort as I imagined it whole, complete, perfect. The connection was made, though the center glowed much more weakly than the others. I opened my eyes. The battle was ending, the last of the demons being dispatched. I crawled to the center of the symbol, my body like jelly, and saw the center stone, still cracked down the middle. Richard raced to my side and I collapsed into him, tears streaming down my face.
“I did this,” I whispered. “I did this.”
The vision faded and I was slammed back to the present, once again jarred to my core. I stayed completely still, but this time the world didn't shift around me.
“Oh my God, Ember, what happened?” It was Kat's voice, though I knew it was an illusion.
But as my eyes adjusted, it wasn’t the scorched earth of the demon world below me, but ordinary grass. I twisted enough to see Kat kneeling beside me, concern marring her exquisite face.
“I-I was… How long was I gone?” I asked. Moving my mouth was agony.
“What do you mean, ‘gone?’ You were storming off to find Annys and Master Dogan and then you just collapsed.”
“When?”
“Like ten seconds ago,” Kat said. “You're really freaking me out. I’m gonna go get the nurse.”
“No,” I said, grabbing her arm. My head swam, but I fought against it. “I want you to tell me about a Keeper named Gretchen.”
22
“Gretchen?” Kat said, confused. “Do you mean Gretchen Hart? What do you want to know about her?”
“Hart?”
I trembled.
“Well, yeah,” she said. “The only Gretchen I know is Taren's mom.”
As my world collapsed, Taren came racing toward us and skidded to a halt. “I saw you fall from across the lawn. Are you all right?”
He crouched at my side but I just stared at him, unable to form words.
“She asked how long she'd been gone and then asked about your mother,” Kat said when I didn't answer.
“You were…gone?” His brow creased with worry.
“Your mother,” I said, “she's a D—”
“Come on, let's get you to the nurse,” Taren said, trying to help me to my feet.
I snatched my hand away. “I'm not going anywhere with you.”
“Ember, please,” Taren said, his eyes pleading, “let me take you to the nurse.”
I stood, wincing with the pain of my
fall. “Fine, let's go.”
Kat made as if to follow, but Taren waved her off. “I've got it, Kat. Annys wants to speak with you anyway.”
“Good,” Kat said, “because I've got a few questions for her. You sure you're OK, Em?”
My nod was a lie, but she believed it and strode off in the direction of the main house.
“You better not be seriously thinking you can pawn me off on the nurse,” I said when she'd gone.
“No, I just said that so Kat would leave. Let me take you somewhere I can explain.”
“Explain what?” I said, my voice rising. “That your mother is a Daemon? That she's the one who opened the Gateway in the first place?”
Taren's eyes darted, looking to see if anyone was close enough to have overheard.
Satisfied no one had, he said, “Yes. I'll tell you everything, but we have to go where no one can listen. Please.”
I allowed him to lead me down the hill and onto the Sanctuary grounds.
“Why didn't you tell me?” I asked when we were well away from anyone else. “How could you make me think I was the only one when your own mother…when you are part Daemon?”
“I wanted to tell you, I swear I did, but I was forbidden to.” His eyes clouded with pain.
“By Annys,” I said.
I was sure of that.
“And Master Dogan,” he said.
His words stung like a slap. I had trusted Master Dogan completely.
“They were afraid that if we told you too soon—”
“‘Told me what? That if a trained Keeper like your own mother wasn’t able to escape the Demon, I never will, either? Or that no matter how hard I fought, I'd end up giving it what it wants anyway?”
That had been abundantly clear from the vision. It would always be one step ahead, pulling my strings to its liking. It had already played me—the suicide, my training, and, most recently, making me think I was stronger than it was. That there was even a chance I could defeat it.
And Taren had known all along.
“Why did you bring me here,” I asked, “when you knew I'd do more harm than good?”
“I don't know that,” he said. “You're so strong, and so determined…”
“And your mother wasn't?” She had seemed determined to me.
“She was—she is—but your progress has outstripped hers. At your age, she wasn't able to do what you can.”
“Where is she now?” I asked, ashamed that this was the first time the question had occurred to me.
Taren looked toward the path that led into the woods. Realization dawned.
“She's here? She's been here this whole time and you never said anything?”
Before Taren could answer, I strode away from him—toward the path. I'd gotten two paces when he stopped me, his touch gentle but firm.
“She's not ready,” he said, and I knew the admission pained him. “After what happened, she's very fragile. I want you to meet her, I do, but I can't let you until she's strong enough.”
I relented. I knew how it was to need to handle a mother with care.
“When was she discovered? Are there more of us?”
Taren shook his head. “No more that we know of. She was the only one until you. And she was discovered young. She had a breakdown at age twelve and was institutionalized near San Diego. She was there for over a year before she was found by a Guardian sent to that area in search of Keepers.”
I shuddered at the thought of being trapped in a mental hospital for a full year. “How did they know what she was?”
“Her drawings,” he said. “Her room was plastered with depictions of demons so exact they could have been culled straight from our textbooks…and fragments of the Gateway symbol, too.”
“Only fragments?”
Taren nodded. “That's what I mean when I say you're special. It's not just that you're a Daemon. Whether the bloodline is stronger in you, or life with your mother prepared you better, you came to us knowing the symbol in its entirety. That has to mean something.”
I wasn't convinced. “And what she was—that remained a secret even after…?”
“The Elders knew. Once they had determined she wasn't Marked but could still channel the symbols of the Gate, she was told she would be a Center and train with the others. She never revealed her origin to anyone until my father proposed. She thought it only right he should know before joining his life with hers. After the first breach, when she…” His voice broke, and he took a breath. “After what happened, the entire incident was swept under the rug. The alarms were blamed on the earthquake, the Keepers and Guardians were ordered not to reveal the attack, and the other eight Keepers on duty that night were knocked unconscious, so no one could say for sure what had happened. I was only told what my mother was—what I am—after the fact.”
“Why aren't you training to be a Keeper?” I asked.
“Because I can't channel the symbol. I've been tested—believe me. I’ve got the genetics, but not the ability. I don't think they were disappointed by that. After what happened with my mother, the Elders were so afraid of there being others out there capable of doing what my mother had done…”
“That's why the Elders weren't told about me. Annys and Dogan wanted me trained, and the Elders would have demanded they send me away,” I said.
Taren nodded. “But once the story of the Gateway pulling itself back together circulated…they knew.”
“Because they'd seen it before,” I said. “And that's why I was kept out of the ritual they did last night. They were afraid I might destroy the Gateway completely.”
Annys had lied. I wasn't sent home because my mother needed me, but because Annys and the others had wanted me gone.
“Yes,” he said, a bitter edge to his voice, “but I didn't know anything about that until this morning when I got here.”
“Why were you kept out of it?” I said. “And why were you suspended?”
Knowledge was coming fast and furious and it bordered on being too much to take, but I had to know the truth.
“After you closed the Gateway, I went to Annys and demanded we tell you everything. I knew you needed to be warned of the extent of the demon’s power, but she refused, saying you weren't ready yet. We argued and I was relieved of duty 'until such time as I could obey orders.' I now realize she'd hoped she would never have to tell you the truth. If they had been successful in sealing the Gate…” His voice got quiet. “I think you would have been expelled.”
Master Dogan's dishonesty was nothing compared with this betrayal.
“Expelled?” I could barely get the word out.
“With the Gateway properly sealed, you would be the only one capable of opening it again. I don't think they would have risked it.”
My legs gave way and I landed on the grass with a thud. Taren joined me, eying my reaction.
They had been using me. A small part of me had always known that, of course, but I'd gone along with them because I believed in the cause. But to be expelled, cast back out into the world with no protection against the Demon and no one to talk to about any of it…
“But they weren't successful,” I said quietly.
“No,” Taren said, “they weren't. After the attack on your life, I came to Annys this morning to let her know I was going to tell you everything, even if it meant she would dismiss from the Guardian ranks. That was when I learned about the ritual.”
“So what, now I'm not expelled? At least not until they can figure out a way to seal the Gate or until I somehow do it for them?”
“I honestly don't know,” Taren said. “I didn't get to finish my conversation with Annys. I was in mid-rant when I saw you fall.”
A ball of rage grew in my belly at the hypocrisy, at the betrayal. I didn't need the Demon to tell me what a fool I'd been for trusting anyone but myself. Even for all his remorse, Taren had still lied to me and let the Institute use me. I had been so sure he was different, which only proved that I couldn't be trusted, e
ither.
I stood, my legs made stronger by my fury. Taren scrambled to his feet, reaching for me.
“Where are you going?” he asked when I pulled away.
“For a walk,” I said, neither turning nor slowing my pace. “I need to think.”
23
I strode across the lawn, trying to calm my tornado of emotions.
It was my fault, really. My fault for thinking I could fit in anywhere. My fault for letting my guard down. I had wanted so much to believe, and that desire had made me weak. And I had reveled in it…the thought that I wasn't alone, that people—some of them, anyway—could be depended upon. I had allowed myself to forget what I'd known long before I'd ever channeled the symbol: people always let you down. It was just part of the human condition. Look at Kat and Callie. One had tried to kill me, the other had almost gotten me killed. Neither intentionally, but did it matter? My mother had never meant to hurt me, and she'd all but ruined my life. It didn't matter what people meant to do, it mattered what they did.
Eventually my pace slowed and my fury slowed with it, morphing into cold rationality. I couldn't allow myself to act out of hurt; I had to think logically.
I hadn't consciously chosen a direction, but I found myself at the edge of the forest. I stepped on the path, and once I did, I knew where I needed to go.
Gretchen was Taren's mother, and she was part Daemon. The scenes of her life played through my mind. She had done everything she could to block out the madness, finally going to the Elders, who had had arranged for her to live inside the Sanctuary. Her only exposure to the Demon was when she was at the Gateway, and yet, it was still too much for her to handle because the Demon was always five steps ahead. It had been alive for who-knew-how-long; how could I ever hope to outsmart it—let alone defeat it—by myself?
The trail stretched out in front of me, beckoning me forward. The farther I walked, the more resolute I became. I had long since written this world off—my recent misguided faith in certain people, notwithstanding—but that didn't mean I could just stand by and watch it be destroyed. The Gateway, the Institute, they were bigger than my pain. I hated that I'd been used, but that wasn't important anymore. The only thing that mattered now was making sure that what had happened to Gretchen never happened again.
The Gateway Trilogy: Complete Series: (Books 1-3) Page 17