My Crazmad Book of Poems
Page 2
fur,
My paws and whiskers give also a hint,
And the smile on my face is most significant.
I can see by your fur, said Alice – I do,
And also your paws and whiskers; it’s true,
But that smile on your face has me all in a tizz,
Coming and going, in such a whiz.
Still smiling at Alice, the Cat dryly replied,
You’d never believe me; you’d think I had lied,
If the smile on my face was gone; it’s a fact,
No one would listen or look at this Cat.
Without offering Alice a chance to reply,
The Cat went on with his horrible lie,
Creeping closer and closer, until ever so near,
He pounced, lashed out, and cut her left ear.
Feeling the hurt and blood running down,
Alice said, I was such a clown,
To have ever believed a Cat with a grin,
Take that, and that, you horrible thing!
At 50
I’m 50: It came so fast,
The big five-0, I am aghast.
Where are the years? They flew so fast,
As ever closer to the grave I pass.
If I could have that time again,
Oh, what changes I would make.
Moving On
My time on Earth is almost run,
A time well spent,
A time; some fun.
I must move on now,
To a different place,
Another realm, another face.
Will we meet again?
It’s hard to know,
And if we do,
Would it be right if so?
Ah!
Time does not exist,
Ah, but here’s the twist,
It’s NOW.
No before or then,
No happy ever after,
For mice and men.
It’s NOW,
It has always been NOW,
Before and after,
Is just a silly dream.
Why Wait For Christmas?
(From my story Alice on Top off the World)
Why wait for Christmas when you can have it every day?
Be it June or September, March, April or May.
The thing to remember is not the date or day,
But the thought that goes along with it; share it right away.
Enjoy your time for living; enjoy your time on earth,
A spell for celebration, a chance to spend in mirth,
Each day will then go brightly as you strike out forth,
All of this made possible because of the virgin birth.
Why wait for Christmas when you can have it every day?
Be it June or September, March, April or May.
The thing to remember is not the date or day,
But the thought that goes along with it; share it right away.
Laughing Larry
(From my story Harry Rotter)
I am Laughing Larry, Laughing Larry today,
I am laughing Larry, Laughing Larry hey hey,
You might think I’m not serious and I might even agree,
But I’m still Laughing Larry, Laughing Larry hee hee.
Fle’s Fertilizer Mine
(From my story, Alice On Top of the World)
Fertilizer is a thing we don’t always sees,
Though it’s used quite a lot, know yous this if yous please.
It’s a spread on the ground, all around and around,
The plants that are a needing it, by the once and the pound.
Oh, I’s loves my business when I’m mining the stuff,
I’s carts it around and then I’s bags it all up.
I’s stores it away until it’s needed, for sure,
T’bring on the plants in a glorious rapport.
I’m the luckiest, here, elf in charge of this mine,
This wonderful place, the luckiest of finds.
I’s thank my stars that I’s can be of some help,
T’bring on the plants into a wonderful health.
T’end this here ditty, hear you this boys and girls,
If yous ever come t’visit the top of the world,
Yous’ll get a right welcome and a tour of my mine,
Then return home again in a new frame of mind.
Christmastime Is Nowhere At All
(From my story Alice in Wonderland on Top of the World)
Christmastime is nowhere at all,
It’s nowhere at all, if it’s not in your heart.
If it’s not in your wishes right there from the start,
Christmastime is nowhere at all.
Christmastime, a time to be glad,
A time to rejoice in all that you have,
But let us remember this time of good cheer,
Is also the time to erase every fear.
Christmastime is nowhere at all,
It’s nowhere at all, if it’s not in your heart,
If it’s not in your wishes right there from the start,
Christmastime is nowhere at all.
Christmastime, a time to be glad,
A time to rejoice in all that you have,
But let us remember this time of good cheer,
Is a time to share blessings, oh, this is my prayer.
Summertime And The Living Is Easy
Summer time and the living is easy.
Heck, that's no way to be enjoying yourself!
Get up, off your butt! Yes – YOU!
See that bottle? I thought you'd NEVER see it!
Pick it up and then drink its contents!
Pardon? You want to know what it contains.
You've blown it. Go away, you creep.
I'll find someone else, someone more deserving than you.
Summer time and the living is easy.
I am sure you are wondering what that was about, Let me explain:
I’m the Crazymad Writer,
The Crazymad Writer today.
I’m the Crazymad Writer,
The Crazymad Writer, hey hey!
You may think that I’m not serious,
And I might even agree,
But I’m still the Crazymad Writer,
The Crazymad Writer, hee hee.
Do you understand now? There ISN’T anything to understand!
I'm crazy; the Crazymad Writer of children’s stories – ARRRGH.
Stone the Crows
Stone the crows.
What can you mean?
I said stone the crows.
You are awful mean,
To think you could hurt such wonderful birds,
I say stone you too, you are so absurd.
Stone the crows.
Not YOU again.
Stone the crows.
You are not my friend,
That you could maim such marvellous things,
I say stone you too, you horrible thing!
Stone the crows,
It’s a figure of speech!
Stone the crows?
It’s how I speak,
It means, Well I never,
I won’t harm the birds.
Stone the crows are such wonderful words.
Red-hot Chilli Cola
Hot, hot – ever so hot!
New Chilli Cola,
It burns on the spot.
Will you dare try,
A sip of this beast?
Cola so hot, it makes your eyes weep.
Hot, hot – ever so hot!
New Chilli Cola,
How I forgot;
Everything after the very first sip,
Faded away, burned to a crisp.
Hot, hot – ever so hot!
New Chilli Cola,
It burns on the spot,
This is your chance,
To step up and see,
If you are made of the stuff,
To enjoy this rare treat.
Well, do you think you are up tough en
ough to try some?
Mystical Cola
Mystical Cola, powerful might,
Thunderous magic, hidden from sight,
Disguised by a treat,
Sugary and sweet,
A shortcut to enlightenment,
The Cryptic Agenda decree.
If this has you thinking,
I would like to try some of that,
Go visit their temple,
And study their tack,
But watch out for that bottle once it’s uncorked,
Lest you are drawn to its magic and inside it are caught.
Cola Blue
It's new; cola BLUE,
An icy mint flavour,
Made especially for you!
Are you willing, are you game,
To break the taboo,
And drink something other than THAT cola, for true?
Forget red and the white,
The new colour is blue,
I knew you would try it,
Icy cold Blue.
It’s cool and it’s bright,
A minty delight,
Drink Cola Blue,
Made especially for YOU.
Normal People
What is normal, I ask of you?
Why do people want to follow; it’s true!
Why can’t they stop and think for themselves,
And reject normality’s living hell?
Why do they follow like cattle so do?
I am sure they know it, know that it’s true.
Perhaps acting this way gives peace of mind,
Or perhaps it lessens their daily, mad grind,
Pain, however, MUST be met head on,
In doing so we can have a brighter anon.
Other People’s Dogs
There is a line, quite fine I know,
Between man’s best friend and bitterest foe,
What makes this change within a dog,
From man’s best friend to animal loathed?
Is the fault with man or beast?
I say it’s man which will not please,
Dogs mimic what their owners all do,
If it acts up the cause is YOU!
Sunshine Days
Sunshine, warmth; it feels so good,
Healing rays sent down from God,
I might live forever if it were always so.
The Lotto Show (What a Menagerie)
Each Saturday evening people sit watching TV
Glued to a programme that is not really a quiz,
It’s all about greed, giving false hope,
To thousands of people who live for this show.
When someone strikes lucky and wins a great wad,
Thousands are left feeling so sad,
Facing another week of gloom and despair,
Until balls drop again they whimper and stare.
Why don’t they see it, that this is not right?
Hoping for a miracle in their short life,
Make your own luck; you can do it for sure,
Ignore your TV with its false promises galore.
Get up off your butts; put your brain into gear!
Create your own wealth; you have nothing to fear,
You can do it, you can; go on, give it a try,
Turn off your TV; let the Lotto programme die!
The Twelve