Captured Secret (The Captured Series)

by Raynne, April

  Pierce picks up his vibrating phone. “What dude? You’re blowing up my phone.” His face is instantly concerned, and his eyes dart back and forth scanning nothing. My heart starts to race because that is never a good phone call. His eyes lock on me. “Fuck. Okay. What? When? Where are you guys? Oh shit. Okay, I’ll come down.” A huge bang happens at our front door and it flies open. “Too late,” he says to the person on the other end as Zoey and I jump, not sure what’s happening.

  “Bro, please, just… let’s head home and me and Pierce will help you with this, okay?” It’s Jaxon, his voice is stern yet worried.

  “No, where is she? Stella!” I stand as I hear Ty’s voice at the front door. Zoey asks Pierce what’s going on. He shoots me a panicked look. I hear more banging as I round the corner. I see Jaxon assisting Ty back to the upright position after he teetered over into our front door.

  “Stella!” Ty calls out into the condo. “Dude, I know she’s here, causehercarsparked out front,” His words are slurred and all run into one another. When he sees Zoey, he exclaims, “I did it, Zoey. Yep, Stella and Jason went out on a date.” He starts to walk, but loses his footing. “Hey! Boyz! Take it easy,” he yells a bit louder than I think he wanted to at Pierce and Jaxon. “Relax, I just came to see how it went.”

  Zoey shoots me daggers and whispers without moving her mouth, “You went out with Jason and didn’t tell me? When?”

  “We had dinner tonight,” I say softly to her as my chest constricts seeing Ty’s perfect face.

  I’ve been standing right here and his eyes finally find mine. “Was it nice, Stella?” Ty slurs my way.

  “Ty, are you trashed? What the hell is going on?” Zoey asks, and looks from me to him. My heart is banging in my chest.

  Max walks in behind the chaos. It takes everything I have not to run to him, spin him around and make him take me away from all this. He looks around to all of us. “Holy tension, is everything okay?”

  Ty laughs. “Oh, Stella…look, Baby. It’s your knight in shining armor. Three in one night, huh? I didn’t take you for that kind of girl.”

  I didn’t realize how intoxicated he is. He’s not even being rational. Max lunges at Ty, so I have to grab his arm to hold him back. He basically just called me a slut. “Watch what you say, Ty. Look around you. Everyone is here and listening to everything you say.” I’m pissed. I cannot believe he just said three in one night.

  “Oh, Baby, I see them. You think I give a shit? I came to see if you fucked Jason or not, and if you remembered our agreement? Now that I see number three strolled in ready to go, I’m not sure you are keeping up your end of the bargain. Did you ever? Then again, you told me that you can’t do this anymore. You’re ending this. So does that mean the agreement is on or off? Cause I’m confused. Me, Jason and Max…Stella, you said you didn’t want to go back to your old ways.”

  My eyes dart around to three people who are thoroughly confused, and one who keeps Ty in his grasp and knows exactly what’s going down. Instant anger fills my entire body. “I’m confused as well, Ty, to tell you the truth. What the hell do you care what I do with anyone? You pushed me to go out with Jason! Remember how happy he is supposed to make me? Do I look happy? Do I look fucking happy now?”

  “You look exhausted, but keeping up with three men will do that to a girl. You never answered my questions, just for the record.” Jax finally lets him go and he has to think about walking over to me. It’s a bit unstable, but after concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other, he makes it. Ty cups my chin and speaks softly, “Was it fun? Did you have fun? Did you break our deal? Is our deal on or off?”

  I shouldn’t fight with him. He’s not going to listen anyway. I look him straight in the eyes. “It was nice, Ty. Jason took me out on this thing called a date. He was proud of me. Talked to me openly, without worrying constantly if he was crossing any lines... because there were NO lines! He’s not embarrassed of me, and didn’t hide me away like his dirty little fucking secret! As for our agreement, we don’t have one. Remember, we were just casual and what was the other line of bullshit…it’s not you it’s me. Honestly, Ty, for being Mr. No Filter, I really thought you could come up with something cleverer than that.”

  Ty gets close to my face and I can smell the recent consumption of liquor on his breath. “I told you to never say you’re my dirty little secret ever again. Remember, I fucked that thought out of your head.”

  Zoey gasps. I don’t skip a beat. “And I told you that I don’t do bullshit lines anymore, and yet, I fell for all of yours! And I am, in fact, your dirty little secret. You’re the one that hides me away! Oh, that’s right, you explained that. It’s because we aren’t public, when you slum it, you usually do keep that a secret, Ty. And our agreement was over when dirty, dishwater, wallet leaving, slutty blonde kneeled down and sucked your fucking dick! How many others, Ty? Trust me, I realized our agreement was that I don’t fuck anyone, and for the record, I didn’t. But you never said you wouldn’t, and now that we are being honest…how many others do you bend your precious rules for? Is it just me you won’t kiss? Cause I’m sure you kiss the others. And the others, do you let them stay with you all night in your bed? I’m not even sure I want you to answer that, but you did good, Ty. I’ll give you credit,” I chuckle sarcastically. “You made me feel special. You made me feel like you just might let me in, and want something more. That’s what I don’t get. Why? Why fuck with me when I was so open with you?” I pull my face out of his grip but we stand inches apart.

  “I only bent my rules for you! All the others are one night only! One night, Stella, and none of those was while I was with you.” He gets a big, yet, shitty smile on his face. “You sure our agreement is over? I mean, you were the one moaning out my name about five hours ago. How was Jason, Stella? Did you beg him like you beg me?”

  Max lunges for Ty again and Zoey steps between the two. “What in hell is going on with you two? Are you fucking kidding me?” We turn and face Zoey, who is visibly upset. I look at her and feel so guilty that my best friend has no clue what is going on.

  “We’ve been having sex, Zoey,” I answer, and look back at Ty as my chest heaves in and out trying to find air.

  “How… why didn’t either of you tell us? Why didn’t you tell me? We are supposed to tell each other everything.” Her heart looks broken that I kept this from her.

  “Ty doesn’t want to date. He says he just can’t. But in reality, he just won’t. It was just sex. Hence, I allowed myself to settle for being his silent whore. It was obvious after the first time we did it that he didn’t want you all to know. I didn’t care if you did. To be honest, it seems like we aren’t telling one another everything anymore. I was informed you and Pierce are moving in together and I haven’t been told when my move out date is yet. Nor have you two broken that news to me.” Great, now I’m lashing out at my best friend. I cool my jets and hang my head. “Sorry, Zoey, fuck. This all just kinda started to blow up last night.”

  “To be honest, Stella, not everyone is out to get you. You have to trust some people that they have your best interest at heart. Pierce and I have been talking about living together, but it will benefit you as well.” She waves her hand in the air like she’s swatting a fly. “That’s neither here nor there at the moment. So, are you two together?”

  Ty slurs, “I wanted to talk tonight. She left with Jason. I can’t give her more than I have been giving her. It’s all I have to give. I won’t be crushed again. I won’t have another girlfriend fuck someone right under my nose ever again.”

  “I never asked you for more. You asked me if I wanted it, I said yes, but I never officially asked you for anything other than a true friendship. You never open up to me. I know something is going on in your life and you stay closed. You told me to go out with Jason. I had no desire and you pushed. You wanted me to go. You pull the rug out from under me all the time. It fucking hurts, Ty. To never be good enough! To not hold your attention! For you to pi
ck the not so pretty girl at Carson’s over me! You promised ME last night!”

  “You left me tonight! You said you were mine! You walked out on ME today!” He speaks to me with clenched teeth, “I even pleaded with you not to go. You left me!”

  “You told me to go!” It’s gotten heated again. I never expected this to blow up like this.

  “I can’t have you fucking my clients, Stella, I just can’t.” He looks like a bulldozer hit him. His face looks like something physically hurts inside of his body. He goes stone cold still. I’ve never seen the numbed out glazed look he’s hitting me with.

  “I’m confused,” Zoey interrupts. “Do you guys like one another or not? Neither of you would be this upset if the answer is no.” We just stare at one another. It seems as though neither will admit either way. “Okay, answer this. Stella, did you have sex with Jason tonight? I thought shark week started?” Zoey asks.

  Ty points at me. “Oh trust me…I was between her legs tonight, and she was not on her period.”

  “I thought you said it started.” She looks confused at me.

  “It did, at dinner. And no, I did not have sex with Jason. I have never chosen Jason, not even tonight.”

  “Ty, what do you want from her, just sex?” I can see Zoey’s eyes well up with tears.

  “No. Yes. We agreed to casual. I needed you tonight, Stella. You walked out on me.” He’s calm and I can tell he’s sincere, but what would have come of talking? I probably would have screwed up and told him my true feelings. I love him.

  “I’ve needed you too. I care so much for you, Ty. You’ll never know the extent of my feelings. You’ll never let me in. It’s hour by hour with you, Ty. Hour by hour, you decide if I’m enough. I’m not. I get it. You said you can’t. Well, neither can I.”

  I walk to my bedroom, and hear Ty shout, “She didn’t even finish me, Stella! She wasn’t you! The bottom line…is…she wasn’t you!” I assume he’s talking about his girlfriend from last night. I close my door and lock it, head into my bathroom, close the door and lock it. Strip my clothes, start the shower and get in. I sit, hang my head and cry. Really cry. I will call this a disgusting display of emotion as I see it. I’m bawling like a baby. My heart is broken. He’s drunk and being mean and I was just as mean back…destructive.

  It’s all so simple, and a neon sign is flashing the solution to all of this. End it. He’s worried I’ll stray and he won’t give me anything more than casual. I’m not enough to hold his body, mind or heart. Why force it any longer? It’s all so simple on how to end our misery. Just end it for good.

  We aren’t, and never were, truly a couple. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t feel that way a lot. So why does this hurt so bad?

  The answer…There is one thing I can’t deny. I love him, and all I ever wanted was for him to love me.

  I wanted to be with him. I should have never gone out with Jason. I went for all the wrong reasons. I wear every poor decision on my shoulders, and in an instant, I switch it back and put it all on Ty. I feel so confused when I think of him clinging to me tonight asking me not to go. What would the outcome be if I didn’t go? What would he have told me? What would he have said if I told him I love him? I wince, thinking of his reaction.

  I know they all want in. I can hear them banging, but I just need to be alone. I turn off the cold shower and wrap up in towels. My bed is warm and the tears still fall uncontrollably. I wish the fist squeezing my heart would ease up. I allow my mind to go day by day of being with him. So many ups and downs and ultimately we both wanted different things, day in and day out. Him, just wanting some companionship and sex with no strings attached. And me, completely opposite, I wanted it all. I wanted him and me. I wanted love.

  I know I will have to go through the range of emotions. Right now, it’s sadness and my body is heavy with it. A soft knock lands on the door and I hear Zoey’s gentle voice. I get up, turn the lock and lie back down. She enters and slowly slips on my bed. Lying on her side, with her head propped up on her elbow, she rubs through an exposed part of my hair. “They left. Pierce went with them to drive them home. They both reeked of alcohol. Pierce just called and Ty is still drinking but has at least calmed down to where they aren’t fighting him to keep him from coming back over here to you. He is still insistent that he needs to talk to you.” I don’t speak a word. My eyes are fixed on a button on her shirt. “You don’t want him to come back over, right? I told them absolutely not.” I shake my head no. “Oh, friend, why didn’t you tell me? I’ve always been there for you. Why did you do this alone? I would have understood. I mean I know I told you to have sex with him, but I saw from both of you that it was not just sex. I knew not to push more than the physical attraction. Pierce told me Ty doesn’t do relationships.”

  I croak, “He doesn’t, and I’ll never try again either. I just need to shut down this heart that has so many feelings and live everyday not worrying about love. I know I was settling, but you make sacrifices for the ones you love. And Zoey, I love him.”

  “That saddens me, Stella. It really does. Does he love you, friend?”

  “No,” comes out on a whisper and all the bits of my crushed heart blow away in the wind. We lay in silence. Zoey falls asleep before me. I tuck into her chest and at some point, after hours of crying, my eyes close.

  I realize Zoey’s gone. I pee, wrangle my still wet hair into a bun, and throw on a tank and panties. As I slide back into bed and pull the covers over my head, I beg my mind not to think. I called out of work today and plan to sleep all day so I don’t have to feel. Don’t have to deal. Don’t have to face how inadequate I feel. The weeks of never stopping, and my brain being on emotional overload, sends me back into a deep sleep.

  My phone dings, and when I emerge, I see it’s four in the afternoon. I pick it up and I didn’t think my heart could hurt any more, but it does when I see Ty’s name.

  Ty: Stella PLEASE!! I need to see you! I need to know you are okay! I need to apologize! God, please, Stella…talk to me.

  Me: I’m crushed.

  Ty: Fuck! Can we talk please? Meet with me! Talk to me on the phone…anything. Text me. I’ll take anything Baby.

  Me: Sure lets text and make it short and sweet. You were right. I was wrong. It always comes to an end at some point. This is the end. It hurts and then you have to rebuild. And I’m most certainly going to have to rebuild.

  Ty: Told you I speak the truth. Sorry. Sorry for everything Stella. :0(

  And the tears return. I grab a box of Kleenex and head out on the balcony. I need a change of scenery to let all this drip from my eyes. I want to grab my phone. I want to call him and meet him. I want us to wind up having sex. I want to hear what he wanted to talk to me about. I want to know what he would have said. Not knowing is driving me to the brink of insanity. I fucked this up. I agreed to casual and pushed for more. This was all my fault. I get up and run to the front door to make sure it’s locked. I panic thinking he would come over after our text. I just can’t see him or talk to him. Oh God. My mind gets like this when I’m stressed. A million thoughts a minute and they all crash together. I feel like I’m going to explode! Too many bombarding me at one time! I find allergy medication that I know will knock me out. Two pills down along with Ibuprophen for my cramps and about fifteen minutes later, I lay on the chaise, numb, and fight my eyes.

  “Stella, Stella.” I pry my groggy eyes open to see Pierce with a bottle of water. “Hey, I wanted to see if you want to move to your bed. You’re all balled up on the chair. I got you water, too.”

  I sit up; I can only imagine what I look like. I take the water and realize it’s been, like, twenty four hours from the last time I ate or had a drink. “Thank you, and no, just leave me. I’m just sleepy.”

  “I really wish you guys would have at least told me and Zoey. Maybe none of that would have happened if you guys would have had a sounding board. I mean, it was obvious you both let everything fly out last night. It’s very obvious you both care a
bout one another or none of that shit would have bothered either one of you.”

  “I almost told Zoey one night, but there really wasn’t much to say. She would have had a million questions and I didn’t have any answers. I owe her an apology. We tell each other everything. Sorry you all had to see that last night. That has never happened. I think it just all came to a head.”

  “You have no idea. The last time I saw Ty that crazy mad was the time he found Lacey with the neighbor. His mom makes him that crazy too. I want to apologize for some of the things he said. I was floored some of that came out of his mouth. He never talks to anyone like that, much less a woman he cares for. I think I stayed quiet because I was in shock you guys were together, and I couldn’t believe the shit coming out of either of your mouths, especially his. He would kick his own ass for speaking to a woman like that if he was right in his head.” He tucks a wild strand of hair behind my ear. I sip the water and snuggle back down into my blanket.

  “Sorry I made him that way, Pierce. Some of it was my doing. Some of it wasn’t. It never should have gotten to us showing our asses like last night. I rarely ever said anything about our arrangement… neither did he. I just want to get back to normal. I hope we can be cordial to each other one day.”

  “Me too, how long has this been going on?”

  “About a month. We’ve spent a lot of time alone, Pierce.”

  “Wow. He doesn’t stay with women that long.”

  “Really? Or does he just not tell you?”

  “No. If you think about it, Stella, Zoey and I are new at dating. I was with him all the damn time. The women were one night. Maybe two. And they were very fast and uncomplicated.” My tears well and fall. “Damn, I don’t want to make you cry, Stella. I just want to understand better. You guys kinda blindsided me, Zoey and Max. Jaxon admitted to us that he knew.”