by S. E. Lund
“Maybe you shouldn’t,” I said. “Drinking and parenting don’t mix well.”
“Aww,” he said and leaned closer, peering at Sophie, who was sucking intently on her pacifier. “I’m sorry, lil girl, but Daddy is a bit tipsy. Don’t want to drop you or fall with you in my arms.” He pouted and shook his head when he met my eyes. “I’m sorry. You probably hoped I could take over when I got back. I didn’t think…”
“It’s okay,” I said and squeezed his arm. “She just fed so it’s time for her to have some swing time and maybe a nap.”
“Good,” Drake said and plopped down onto the sofa, his feet up on the coffee table. He watched while I put Sophie into her swing and turned on the timer for 20 minutes. I hoped that would give me time to relax, put my feet up and listen to what Drake had to say.
Once she was set, I watched to see if she would fuss, but she seemed content to stare at the tiny mobile that hung from the swing and suck on her pacifier. If she settled, she’d sleep for a while.
I sat down beside Drake, my own feet on the coffee table, glad to finally rest myself.
“So, tell me what happened,” I said and turned so I could watch Drake’s face. He looked haggard, his eyes dark under a frown.
“The same things they asked me at the hospital. This time, McDonald showed me the letters and gave me a list of dates to check. I imagine they’re the dates that Lisa has claimed we were together plotting your death.”
“Oh, God, Drake,” I said, a surge of adrenaline going through my body. “What a crazy bitch she is. Doesn’t she think the police can check those emails to see if you sent them? Doesn't she think you’ll check and can prove you weren’t together?”
Drake shrugged. “She claims we were together secretly at functions. That we snuck off to meet in broom closets and basements. It'll take time to do the forensic work on her computers to see where those emails originated.”
“She’s lying, so I’m sure they'll find out soon enough. You can prove you were with other people on those dates.”
“I hope so, but I did often get up to leave the concert to take a call from the hospital or go to the washroom, for Christ’s sake. How can I prove I took a piss and that I didn’t meet with Lisa instead? Unless they have video footage of me standing at a urinal, I don’t know how I can prove anything.”
“The hospital will have records. Your cell will have records. You weren’t with her,” I said adamantly. “There’s no way she can prove you were.”
“It’s all about reasonable doubt,” Drake said, his voice tired. “If she can make them doubt my statements, they could arrest me. I’ve read about cases where innocent people are convicted. It’s not necessarily a given that I’ll be safe.”
I sighed and leaned my head back, closing my eyes. I was tired, and had a bad night of sleep, even though Drake got up with Sophie to give her a bottle of expressed milk. My sleep was plagued with weird dreams, and I felt exhausted even though I napped during the day when Sophie did.
Besides that, my nipples still hurt like hell when I fed Sophie and at times, tears would run down my cheeks from the short intense pain. Elaine suggested I quit nursing but there was no way in hell I was going to give up. The midwife told me that it sometimes takes eight weeks before everything was good. It had been more than eight weeks since I started nursing Sophie.
I kept holding out for the day when it would be easy.
“Come here,” Drake said, his voice low. “I need you.”
I turned my head and saw him looking at me, an expression of desperation in his eyes. I knew what he meant, but I wasn’t ready yet. He told me he’d wait and let me signal to him when the time was right for us to resume our sex life, but that wasn’t now. Especially not today, when I felt so crappy.
But he looked so forlorn, leaning back, his head against the back of the sofa, his body limp. His expression tugged at my heart, but my body didn’t respond to the idea of us being sexual yet.
“I’m sorry,” I said and shook my head. “I can’t.” Then, my eyes filled with tears and I glanced away, unable to stand the look of rejection on his face.
“No, no,” he said and reached out to me. “I mean, just for a hug. I need to feel your warmth. I promise, no sex, okay?”
“I’m so sorry,” I said and covered my face with my hands, crying in earnest now. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m so tired all the time. All I want to do is sleep.”
I felt his arms go around me, pulling me against his body and onto his lap and I didn’t fight.
“Shh,” he said, his voice soft and warm. “Katie, Katie…” He kissed my forehead and my cheeks and tilted my head up so that I had to look at him. I finally met his eyes and there was complete sympathy for me. “You’re still getting over a major trauma. I don’t expect anything from you except getting better. I’ll do anything I can to help you. I told you I’d never push and I meant it. All I want is to hold you and for us to comfort each other.”
I wiped my eyes and nodded. Then, I leaned my head on his shoulder and sighed, giving in to him. His body felt so damn good against mine, so warm and firm and he smelled so good, his cologne bringing back so many good memories of our life together. I wanted to be lovers again, but at that moment, I was still so tired and felt so worn out, I couldn’t imagine doing anything sexual.
“One of these days,” I said and slipped my arms around him. “We’ll get back on track as a couple.”
“Whenever you’re ready,” he whispered, his face tucked into my neck, his lips beside my ear. “I’ll leave it up to you. Just sit with me for a while…”
So I did. We sat together like that, me straddling his hips, my arms around him, my head on shoulder. He said nothing and did nothing, and I said nothing and did nothing. It was nice to sit like that and feel connected physically to him the way we once were.
So much had happened so quickly in our lives. My pregnancy had been difficult, with me being nauseated for so long. Then, the problem with Lisa, and how Drake felt he had to pull out of the program because of her. Then the attack and my surgery, Sophia’s premature birth. Now, the investigation and the way Drake had been publicly outed as a member of the BDSM community. How it affected his Foundation…
We both needed a vacation.
“I wish we could run away, the three of us,” I said, thinking of a trip to the Bahamas. “We could stay at the hotel where we stayed before.”
“We will,” Drake said. “As soon as this is over. As soon as Detective McDonald gives me the all clear to leave the state, we’ll fly there for a couple of weeks. You, me, Sophie and the sun and surf. It will be wonderful.”
I pulled up and looked in Drake’s eyes, smiling at him. He was such a sweet sweet man, underneath the Dom and highly skilled surgeon persona.
I was so incredibly lucky to have him.
At that moment, I was filled with so much love for him and for Sophie that I felt as if my heart would burst.
I leaned down and kissed him, my hands on either side of his face.
“I love you, Drake Morgan,” I said in a soft voice.
“I love you, Katherine Morgan,” he replied.
When I kissed him again, he pulled me more tightly against him and I thought he might have misunderstood the kiss as a signal that I wanted to make love, but he didn’t make another move or do anything but hold me.
I sighed and closed my eyes, my head against his shoulder – his strong firm shoulder – once more.
We had a quiet week for the rest of the week, and I started feeling a little bit better once Dave Mills’s aunt Karen came by. A tall strong woman with silver hair and piercing blue eyes, she was formidable looking, but also had this kind expression in her eyes. She reminded me of one of those stolid women you might see working in the fields, pulling a tractor in good old Soviet Russia. A permanent smile on her face and a light green nursing uniform on, she felt good. It felt like she knew what to do and how to do it.
She had so much experi
ence that I felt comfortable letting her take Sophie from me.
We had a nice meeting, she met Sophie and then described what she would do for us – take Sophie for a while each day, cook a meal for us and do some light housework. I liked her a lot and she held Sophie with a sense of comfort that made me relax.
The first afternoon Karen came to work for us, she entered the apartment, checked out our home as if looking for work to do, took Sophie from my arms, checked her out from head to toe, and then smiled at me.
“Go and sleep,” she said and waved at me. “You look like you need a bath and then a nap. I’ll change her, feed her a bottle of breastmilk, and keep her occupied while I fix supper. As for you,” she said and turned to Drake. “Go out and do something manly. Go work out at your club. Play a game of – what was it? Racquetball, Dave said? Call him and get out of the house. The two of you need to get a bit of normalcy back into your daily life.”
Drake glanced at me and chuckled. “What? No bath and nap for me?”
Karen shook her head and plopped Sophie’s pacifier into her mouth. “No. You didn’t merely go through a pregnancy and major life-saving surgery. You need to get back into your regular routine as much as possible. Go. Dave will be glad for a break from work. You’re his boss, so it’s entirely up to you.”
Karen smiled at Drake and fully expected that Drake would comply.
He looked at me again to see my response.
“Go,” I said and nodded. “She’s right. We need to find a new normal.”
He shrugged his shoulders. “Who am I to argue?” He kissed my cheek, then stroked Sophie’s cheek before leaving to go to his office . “I’ll call Dave and order him to meet me at the club for a game of racquetball.”
Karen turned to me. “You go and run a nice warm bath with lots of lavender scented Epsom salts. You’ll find them in the bag I brought. It’s over by the door.”
I went to the re-usable cloth bag by the door and sure enough, inside were several objects I didn’t recognize but thought they might be part of a massage therapy kit, and a glass container with a scoop attached. The label had been hand-drawn and said Lavender Epsom Salts. ½ cup to 1 cup added to running water.
I took the container and went upstairs to the bathroom, following her orders, glad that someone else could take over for a while. On my way to the bathroom, I passed Drake, who was pulling on his sweats by our bed.
“Are you okay with this?” he said softly, stopping to kiss me.
“Yes,” I said. “She seems like she knows what she’s doing.”
“Good,” he said and finished dressing. “I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”
Then, I went and ran my bath, pouring in the Epsom salts and enjoying the scent of lavender that filled the room. For the next half hour, I luxuriated in the warm bath, letting my mind drift off while I did absolutely nothing. I heard the stereo turned on and some soft music drift into the bathroom through the heat register. It sounded like something classical, soothing. I could practically see the candles lined up along the mantle and her giving Sophie a massage with baby lotion.
My eyes blinked open. I still couldn’t relax completely. There was a part of my mind that seemed on hyper-alert, listening for Sophie’s lightest sound or cry.
I got out of the bath and wrapped my bath robe around me, then ventured down to the main floor. There I found Karen working away in the kitchen. She had Sophie in her chair on the island, watching her work.
I smelled garlic and onion sautéing in a pan on the stove.
“What are you cooking?” I asked, moving closer.
“Beef Burgundy.” She pointed to a shank of beef and some aromatic herbs. “I brought the ingredients, based on what you indicated you liked for meals. It cooks for hours in the oven, until the meat is fall off the bone tender. It should be ready for seven o’clock. I’ll fix some noodles and sautéed vegetables to go with it.”
“Sounds yummy,” I said with a yawn. “Sophie seems happy.”
“She had a bottle and seems content to watch her mobile. She’ll probably go down for a nap soon, I would think. You should, too.”
I sighed. “You seem so in control of everything.”
Karen laughed. “I had five children of my own and worked as a pediatric nurse for fifteen years before I became a doula. Now, besides being a doula, I freelance as a lactation and nursing consultant. I love babies. Now, go to bed. I’ll wake you in 30 minutes.”
“Okay, if you insist,” I said, smiling.
“I insist. Everything’s fine. Look at her,” she said and gestured to Sophie while she chopped some carrots. “Her eyes are heavy. I’ll put her in her crib soon, on her side. You go nap.”
“I will,” I said and took one last look at Sophie before doing exactly what Karen said.
My bed never felt quit as good as it did at that moment and I slept within moments of my head hitting the pillow, the blankets warm around me.
I woke to the scent of delicious and very aromatic Beef Burgundy, wafting up from the kitchen on the main floor of the apartment. My bed was warm and comfortable, and I almost snuggled down into it for a longer nap, but I checked my watch and saw I’d already been asleep for almost an hour.
I jumped out of bed and quickly brushed my hair, adjusted my clothes, and went to see how Sophie was doing. I went to her bassinet, which we kept in the back bedroom, and saw that she was still asleep, so I smiled and went into Drake’s office to use my computer and check my mail.
I sat at the desk and opened my laptop, to find I had several new messages, from various junk mail providers, all of which I deleted.
There was nothing from my father, which made me frown, and so I decided to call the house. There was again no answer.
I left a message and then sat for a moment, my cell in my hand, and wondered where they were that they couldn’t answer the home phone. So, I tried my father’s cell and got the same response – no answer and then his voicemail. I left a new message there.
Hey, daddy. I hope you’re okay. I tried to call you at home but there was no answer so I’m assuming you and Elaine are out. Please call me back when you get this message and let me know everything’s okay. I love you, Kate.
Then I tried Elaine’s cell, thinking that she should be able to answer. On the third ring, just when I thought I’d be sent to voicemail, she finally answered.
“Hello,” she said, her voice a bit brusque.
“Hey,” I said, glad to hear her voice. “I’ve been trying to call you but you were out. How is everything?”
When I heard her sigh, I knew things were not good. “Your father’s in the ER here at NYP. He’s being examined right now, and so I’m out here in the waiting room.”
I frowned, a jolt of adrenaline coursing through me. “Why didn’t you call me right away? What happened?”
She paused on the other end. “I’m sorry, Kate, but he asked me not to. He didn’t want to worry you over nothing.”
“Nothing? Why would he be in the ER if it were nothing? What happened?”
“He fell,” she said, her voice wavering. “I wasn’t strong enough to get him up. That’s all, dear. It scared us both, because usually, I can get him up. I’m strong enough. But he was unresponsive for a couple of minutes and I thought he was unconscious.”
“Did he have a stroke?” I asked, fearing the worst.
“Maybe,” she replied, the fatigue clear in her voice. “The doctors are examining him now and he’s going for a CT with contrast to see if there’s been a new bleed. It could be a balance problem – you know, he doesn’t have the strength in his left side anymore and sometimes, he stumbles a bit.”
“I’ll be right down,” I said and took in a deep breath. “We have a new nanny working for us. She can keep Sophie until Drake gets home from his fitness club.”
“You don’t have to come down, Kate. I’m sure there’s nothing you can do until they get the results back from the CT scan. Why don’t you wait?”
; “I want to be there with my dad,” I said insistently. “I can’t sit around here and wait. I’ll go nuts.”
“You have your new baby and you’re still recovering.”
“I’m fine and Sophie’s fine. I’ll be there in thirty minutes.”
I hung up, hoping that it was merely a minor loss of balance and not a stroke. I went right to the kitchen where Karen was busy tidying up the counter, putting things away from her preparations for our dinner.
“What’s the matter,” she said when she saw me. “You’re white as a ghost.”
“I just found out that my father is in NYP ER and is having a CT scan. He fell at home and his wife thinks he was unconscious for a few minutes. He had a stroke last year and so it could be another.”
She wiped her hands on her apron. “Do you want to go and be with him?”
I nodded, and of course, my eyes filled with tears. “Yes. Can you stay with Sophie until Drake gets back?”
“Of course, dear,” she replied, a look of sympathy on her face. “You sure you don’t want to wait for Drake to get back?”
I shook my head and struggled to speak for a moment as emotion overwhelmed me. “No,” I managed to say. “I want to go right away.”
“Okay,” she said and came over to me, putting her arm around my shoulder and squeezing. “You go right ahead. Sophia's having a good sleep. When she wakes up, I can give her another bottle. She’ll be fine until Drake gets back. He said he’d be here around six, so that’s only in another hour.”
“Thank you,” I said and at that moment, I felt such affection for her for understanding my need to go right away to be with my father. “I appreciate it.”
“No problem,” she said. “You go. I’ve got this handled.”
I nodded and left the kitchen, taking my cell out and calling for the limo service to take me to NYP. Then, I took the stairs to the second floor so I could quickly wash my face and brush my teeth, make myself a little more presentable.
By the time I got down to the street, after pulling on my fall jacket and shoes, the limo was already waiting for me, the driver standing beside the back passenger door.