by S. E. Lund
He opened it for me and I got in. While the driver got inside, I took out my cell and sent Drake a text.
KATE: My father is in NYP ER. He fell at home and Elaine couldn’t get him up so she called an ambulance. She thinks he lost consciousness for a few minutes. I’m on my way there now. Karen's staying with Sophie. Please text me when you get this.
We drove off to NYP and I wondered what I’d find when I got there.
The ER was busy as I walked inside, stopping at the reception area where they triaged patients to find out where my father was being kept. The nurse behind the desk glanced at me and asked who I was.
“I’m his daughter, Katherine McDermott Morgan,” I said. “His wife might have said I was coming.”
The nurse glanced at the screen and told me what room he was in and then buzzed me into the back area where the ER bays were located. She gave me directions, and I walked past a dozen tiny cubicles filled with patients, family members and banks of telemetry so the staff could monitor the patient’s vital signs. My heart rate increased as I glanced down the long hallway to a larger room where my father was housed. It was empty, except for Elaine, who sat there waiting for me. When she saw me, she stood and opened her arms.
“They had to take him to surgery,” she said and squeezed me.
What felt like a lead weight fell on me and I gasped. “Did he have a stroke?”
She nodded and pulled back, brushing my hair from my cheek. “Yes, sweetie. He had another stroke while they were doing the procedure. They had to rush him into the OR to try to stop the bleeding.”
We hugged again and then sat on two chairs side by side, our arms still around each other.
A nurse popped her head into the cubicle. “He’s been assigned a room in the ICU, if you want to go and wait. There’s also a patient room in the surgical wing you can go to and wait for his surgeon to come out.” She handed us a small pamphlet that had the layout of the hospital with a bright pink X where the surgical patient waiting room was located.
“Thank you,” Elaine said. “We’ll go there now. Thanks for letting me wait for my daughter.”
The nurse smiled. “We need the room now so it was good timing.”
Elaine and I stood, she gathered her bag and jacket and together, we took the long hallways to the bank of elevators that would take us to the surgical floor, where the OR suites were housed. Once there, we sat in the large patient room, which was bright and airy, with windows to an interior courtyard. There were big comfortable couches and tables, as well as a small kitchenette with a coffee maker, hot water for tea and a small bar fridge filled with juice and sodas.
Elaine fixed herself a cup of tea and I took a juice, not wanting to test the decaffeinated tea in case it was really old.
We sat on a sofa side by side and my cell dinged. Drake must have received my text after his game.
DRAKE: Sorry I didn’t get this until now. How is Dad?
KATE: He’s undergoing surgery for a bleed on his brain. I’m in the patient waiting area outside the OR theatres. We’re waiting to hear from his surgeon, Dr. Franks.
DRAKE: Franks is first-rate, so Dad is in good hands. I’ll be there as soon as I can. Karen will stay the evening so we can wait together and see how he’s doing.
KATE: Please tell her thanks so much. I don’t know what we’d do without her…
DRAKE: I will. I’ll be there in 30 minutes. I love you.
KATE: Are you going home first or are you coming right over?
DRAKE: I checked my messages and saw that you’d texted me. I called Karen as soon as I learned. I called over to NYP to see how Dad was. I’ll fill you in when I get there.
KATE: Okay. I’m so scared…
DRAKE: Hold on. I’ll be there soon.
I put my cell away and turned to Elaine, who was sitting with her eyes closed, her face ashen.
“Drake says Dr. Franks is fantastic.”
Elaine opened her eyes and glanced at me. “Yes,” she said in a tired voice. “The nurses in the ER told me Dr. Franks was the on-call neurosurgeon and that he was top in his field, especially in this area. We’re lucky.”
I nodded and tears welled up in my eyes once more. I covered them, not wanting to break down, and tried to breathe deeply to control my emotions. I glanced around the room. There were five other people in the room in two clusters, so there must be three surgeries going on at the moment. I sipped my juice and leaned back, taking in a deep cleansing breath to calm myself. I closed my eyes, and repeated the deep breathing exercise I had used before to regain calm and it seemed to do the trick.
“How are you, dear?” Elaine said softly.
“Fine,” I said and turned my head to look at her. She looked better as well, like the tea was calming her. It gave us both something to do.
“You said he’d been stumbling a lot lately,” I said and turned to her, feeling guilty that I hadn’t been around much or checked more often to see how he was doing. “But I thought it was him getting used to the after effects of his stroke.”
“We didn’t want to alarm you, dear,” she said and took my hand in hers. “He wasn’t feeling well but thought it was a cold. I guess he had something going on and when he fell earlier, I thought it was another example of him having trouble with his left side. I knew as soon as I bent down to help him that it wasn’t just another fall.”
“What happened?” I asked, my gut in a knot about it.
“His eyes were closed, but I thought maybe he was in pain,” she said, and squeezed my hand once more. “I asked him how he was, and he didn’t reply. I tried to shake him, to get his attention but nothing. That was when I knew he wasn’t grimacing in pain. He was unconscious. He’s heavy, and I couldn’t get him up on my own, so I called 9-1-1 right away. Luckily, my training came in handy and I was able to get him in a better position, checked his airway, and waited. I rushed to the door to unlock it and I called down to the concierge to let them know that I’d called 9-1-1. The firemen were the first to arrive.”
I thought about how afraid Elaine must have been, waiting for help to arrive. It brought me back to my own accident – or should I say, attack.
“You must have been frantic,” I said and shook my head.
“It seemed to take forever for them to arrive but finally, they came in and took over. Your father was breathing fine, but he was unconscious. When they began to work on him, assessing him, he regained consciousness, but I could see him already changing. His face had that strange mask-like look and the side of his face drooped. I knew it was a stroke.”
“What did they tell you about his prognosis?”
She closed her eyes. “It’s hard to say,” she said and then glanced at me. “The bleed was big. They’ll do what they can, but Dr. Franks told me to prepare myself. That’s why I answered your call. Your dad asked me not to call you until I knew how he was going to be. He didn’t want to stress you needlessly.”
“He was able to talk though? That's good, right?"
She nodded. "Yes, but then he stopped being able to say anything. He only nodded or shook his head."
"He was just going to die and have you tell me later?”
“No,” she said and squeezed my hand again. “He wanted for me to wait until after the procedure. He said there was no use having you disrupt your entire life until you had to. He was concerned about you.”
“And you went along with him? You should have called me last week. You should have called me as soon as you were finished calling 9-1-1. What about Heath? Have you called him?”
She shook her head. "He's in Haiti for the month. Your father didn't want to cause any problems until we knew more."
Tears filled my eyes once more despite my anger at my father for trying to protect us, and at Elaine for doing as he asked.
“I would have come down right away and spoken to him,” I said, wiping my eyes with my free hand. “I could have told him I love him in case he doesn’t make it through surgery. Heath would fly
back right away…”
“He knows, dear,” she said and smiled sadly. “He knows you love him. He knows that Drake loves him, too. Having you two together has been one of his greatest joys. Seriously, he was so worried about you before you met Drake. He was afraid you were losing your way, and would never do what you wanted. When you met Drake, you blossomed. You became who you were meant to be. That made him so happy.”
I sat and cried for a few moments, silently, tears sliding off my cheeks. I wanted to be able to speak to my father before he went into surgery, to hold his hand, and to tell him how I felt and how lucky I was to have had him as a father. All those years, I was so wrong about him and how he felt towards me. I always felt like he didn’t approve of what I wanted to do and I had to do what he wanted or he wouldn’t love me. Instead, he was always encouraging me no matter what I said.
In about half an hour, after Elaine and I caught up on how my father had been during the previous week, the door to the waiting room opened and in walked Drake. I was so glad to see him, dressed in his camel coat, a plaid scarf around his neck, his hair still a bit damp at the edges. He had a cloth bag in hand.
He came right over and I stood so we could embrace. His arms went around me and he pulled me close, his face pressed into my neck. I heard him inhale deeply and knew he was smelling my perfume. Then he kissed me and hugged me again.
“How are you?” he asked when he pulled away.
“I’m okay,” I said. “He’s still in surgery.”
Drake nodded, his expression solemn. “He’ll be a few hours. I stopped by the apartment to check on Sophie and brought this,” he said and held out the bag. I took it and peered inside. It was my breast pump and container for breast milk. “You’ll probably have to expel soon."
I nodded. “Thanks,” I said and took the bag from him. “I probably will. I had a nap and Karen fed Sophie a bottle so I’ll be more than in need of expressing.” I set the bag beside me.
He turned to Elaine. “How are you doing?” he asked and held his arms open for her. She stood and stepped into his embrace for a brief hug and peck on the cheek.
“I’m fine,” she said with a tired smile. “I’ve spoken with his doctor and know that if he makes it through surgery, it will depend on how the mend works.”
“He had a bleed and they’ll have to go in and repair the vein. It may take some time for him to regain function. We won’t know for a while.”
Drake took off his coat and scarf, hung them on the coat rack, and then returned to where we were sitting. He glanced at the two of us. “If you’re okay, I’ll go and talk to the nurses, then be back with any news.”
I nodded and he squeezed my hand, kissing my cheek before he turned to leave us.
“I’m glad you called,” Elaine said when he left and we were alone. “I was feeling bad not calling you, but I have to respect your father’s wishes. It’s better that you’re here. How is Sophie?”
“She’s doing great,” I said and smiled softly. “She’s gaining weight and sleeping longer.”
“Good,” Elaine said. “I’m also glad that you got a nanny-slash-housekeeper. New mothers need far more help than they get. I learned that when I worked for a while on the maternity ward. I’d never want to have a baby and be completely alone. I volunteered for a while with single moms who were receiving aid. They do so much. There’s so much stress.”
“I’m so lucky I have Drake at home with me. I don’t have to worry when I need a break. He’s always there. Plus, now we have Karen Mills. She’s cooking dinner and did some tidying, plus she took Sophie so I could nap. I feel bad leaving her with Sophie the first day on the job.”
“I’m sure she understands, considering what happened with your father.”
I sat back and took in a deep breath, calming down somewhat now that Drake was here. He’d go and find out what happened to my father and report back what he could find out. Elaine was good because she was a nurse and knew medicine, but she hadn’t been practicing for several years. It was good to have Drake there.
I hated to think of leaving Elaine alone at the hospital, however Drake or I would have to go back to the apartment, either to feed Sophie or to take back the bottles of breastmilk. Karen couldn’t be expected to stay for the entire evening.
Elaine and I sat together and talked about my father for about fifteen minutes. Finally, Drake returned.
He sat beside me and put his arm around my shoulders. He glanced between Elaine and I and his face seemed a bit more relaxed than when he arrived.
“I popped in and watched surgery for a while on my screens,” he said. “Things are going according to plan. That’s all I know. We’ll have to wait to see how he does. He should make it through surgery. They didn’t seem overly concerned.”
“That’s good,” I said and closed my eyes, trying hard not to start crying again. I covered my eyes with a hand, and Drake pulled me into his arms, not saying anything. The feel of his arms around me was comforting, and I was able to get control over my emotions once more. When I pulled back, he caught my eyes and his expression was so tender and compassionate. How could anyone ever think he was a sadist? If they knew him, they’d know he could never hurt anyone on purpose or get any pleasure out of it.
“I’m okay,” I said. I inhaled deeply, trying to be strong. I had to face whatever happened. I couldn’t be a mess. I had Sophie and Drake and Elaine to think about.
“I spoke with Karen and she said she’d be happy to stay until midnight, if that’s necessary. I told her that I’d call her and let her know, depending on how Ethan is.”
I nodded and sat back, sitting between Elaine and Drake, watching the clock and waiting for news of my father.
It was going to be a very long day.
Chapter 9 : Drake
As a neurosurgeon, I knew that Ethan was in considerable peril, given the new bleed and how weak he already was. But as a neurosurgeon, I also knew that the brain was much more resilient than we previously understood.
If Ethan got through surgery well and didn’t have any complications, he would probably survive. It would be a long slow recovery, and he might lose even more function, or recover less than he previously had, but he would likely survive.
I hoped.
Kate was struggling to keep from breaking down. I could see it on her face, which was haggard already from disrupted sleep due to nursing. Now, she was even more ashen and her eyes had a haunted look that suggested she thought Ethan was going to die.
There was nothing I could say to her to alleviate that fear for even I had no idea whether he would survive. His chances were about 50-50, but I wasn’t going to tell her that. If he survived surgery, they were still about even, so it was truly touch and go as far as Ethan surviving was concerned.
We sat in the waiting room for surgical patients, hoping for news of Ethan’s condition. The longer we waited, the less concerned I was. If he died, he would have probably died quickly, and if he survived, the surgery would take a while. So every passing quarter of an hour gave me hope.
Finally, Dr. Franks came to the door and waved at us. The three of us stood and went to the hallway, standing in the empty corridor with Dr. Franks He had pulled down his mask and was smiling. That was a good sign.
“Mrs. McDermott, Dr. Morgan, Mrs. Morgan,” he began. “We’re finished with Ethan’s surgery and he’s done remarkably well, considering the extent of the bleed. We were able to repair the rupture in his vein and will be treating him with medications to keep him asleep for a while to let him heal. He’ll slowly regain consciousness over the next few hours, so he’s not conscious at the moment. You can go in and see him in ICU. He’ll be there once he’s stable. They’ll take him to recovery for a while to make sure everything is stable and then bring him to ICU.”
I extended my hand and we shook. “Thank you. I appreciate it.”
“Yes, thank you,” Elaine said and she shook Dr. Frank’s hand as well. On her part, Kate smiled at him but see
med unable to speak. Of course, her eyes filled with tears and she covered them with a hand.
“Thank you,” she managed to whisper. I caught Franks’ eyes and he nodded knowingly, understanding that Kate was overcome.
“I’ll be stopping by to check on Ethan later, so we can talk further if you have any questions.”
We said another thank you and then went back into the waiting room. I hugged Kate, and she stood in my arms and let me embrace her.
“He survived the surgery,” I said in a soft voice. “Now, we have to get through the first twenty-four hours.”
Kate nodded, her face pressed against my shoulder. “I want to stay here,” she said and then she pulled away. “Can you go home and give Sophie another bottle?”
“I could bring her here for a feed, if you want.”
Kate shook her head. “I don’t want her in a hospital with all the infections.”
“I’m sure Karen will stay until midnight. She’ll give Sophie a bottle when she’s hungry.”
Kate looked up at me with huge haunted eyes. “I don’t like both of us to be away from her for so long.”
“I’ll pop over for a while and check on her, if you want.”
She nodded and closed her eyes, leaning her head against my chest. I could tell she was exhausted and so scared. She was right to be. Ethan was in a precarious position and could go either way in the next twenty-four hours. I didn’t want to leave the hospital, just in case. While he had an excellent surgical team looking after him, and would have an equally great team in the ICU, it was still dangerous. He could die.
I didn’t want to even consider it. Usually, as a neurosurgeon, I had to take an objective look at my patients and realize that for some, there was only so much I could do. I’d looked over Ethan’s CT results and his stats, and knew that his condition was critical.
No matter how good his surgeon, there was still a huge risk that he’d hemorrhage and not recover or would have irreversible brain damage that would kill him or leave him a vegetable. I knew his surgeon’s work well, and he was top rate, but even top-rated neurosurgeons lost patients. All the time. It was the nature of the beast.