Find Me Series (Book 3): Finding Hope

by Trish Marie Dawson

  I found that decidedly unsurprising. “Lucky for you.”

  “Suppose so. Made adjusting easier,” he laughed. I didn’t join him.

  “What about parents, siblings?” I asked.

  “Uh, no. Never was close to my parents and my brother was a self-righteous son of a bitch. Good riddance, I say.”

  I looked at him again, sensing a different side to Ryder I’d not noticed before. “Did you find them?”

  He shook his head. No. Then he cleared his throat and returned back to his self-conscious self. “So, yeah. Anyway. I got permission to split the run into two groups. You and Drake, and Keel plus one other. We don’t know who yet, but we’ll figure that out, you don’t have to worry about it.”

  “Permission?” Nice. The Ark was feeling more and more like a jail.

  “Well, sure. We don’t want to lose people or vehicles. But I think it’s clear that you and Drake can handle yourselves.”

  If he only knew the truth behind his statement, he’d probably piss in his pressed khakis.

  “Great, well, when do you need us out again?”

  “Tomorrow. Unless of course the storm circles back this way. Are you good with that? You’ll meet Keel at the gate, so everyone can leave at the same time.”

  I mulled over it. Kris was busy with Cole. Jacks was more than happy to have Winchester following at his heels. And Lily was taken care of by all.

  I wasn’t exactly needed at the Ark. “Yeah, tomorrow works.”

  “Excellent! I’ll get the list put together and the transportation sorted for you. You can even take your dog, if you want.”

  I bent down and gave Zoey a good scratching. “Did ya hear that, girl? Field trip tomorrow.”

  Ryder moved away in the direction of the community building and joked over his shoulder, “Hopefully this time you guys can make it back before nightfall.”

  “Sure,” I said.

  But considering what Drake and I would most likely do once alone again, I highly doubted that.

  * * *

  It was hours past dark when Drake quietly entered the bedroom, smelling of dirt. Zoey lifted her head, gave off one sleepy huff, then collapsed back on Drake’s mattress. Kris had yet to return herself, and I doubted she would before dawn. Cole was obviously keeping her busy. I cringed at the thought of what they could be doing and rolled over to watch Drake cross the room and kick his boots off.

  “Did I wake you?” he asked quietly.

  “Not really.”

  He stripped out of his jeans and I watched without blinking as he pulled his shirt over his head, throwing it into the pile on his side of the room. When he sauntered into the bathroom and closed the door, I felt a pang of sadness that he hadn’t crawled into bed beside me. It wasn’t just sex I wanted, but someone to wake up to in the morning. I rolled back around and faced the wall, listening to him wash his hands and brush his teeth. When he came out, he crossed the small room and stood at my back.

  “You didn’t fall asleep in the last two minutes, did you?” he joked.

  I scooted closer to the wall, leaving him room to slide in next to me. He fluffed the pillow and then drew lazy circles along the top of my back with his finger.

  “All the salvageable flats of crops were moved into the greenhouse,” he eventually said, flattening his palm against the middle of my back.

  “Good. That’s good.” My voice sounded sleepier than I felt.

  “I suppose we’ll survive the winter,” he murmured, moving his hand from my upper back to the curve of my side. He let it stay there for a minute then dragged his hand up and over my hip, where he gripped my thigh. The sudden sensation of having his fingers digging into my flesh instantly woke up my nerves.

  I let him lift my leg and sucked my breath in as his fingers slipped inside my underwear.

  “Kris could walk in at any second,” I said, my breath already hitching from the movement of his fingers between my legs.

  “Then I won’t waste any more time,” he teased, stripping me of my undergarment.

  * * *

  Drake sat on the edge of the firm mattress and watched Riley sleep. She was naked, on her stomach, her arms bent up and tucked beneath the pillow, her face soft and expressionless. He pushed her blond hair off her cheek and tucked it behind one of her perfectly shaped ears and sighed loudly.

  What the hell had he gotten himself into?

  He was more than a little aware that she was hung up on another guy, and if that man just happened to walk into the room the next minute, Riley wouldn’t even remember what Drake looked like. She said Connor’s name sometimes when she slept and Drake had ignored it before, but after she kissed him, after having felt himself inside her, he couldn’t ignore what she really wanted anymore.

  It wasn’t something he could tell her – that the sex was more than good, it was fucking mind-blowing – because she’d already said it was only for fun. It was just to feel again. He was okay with that when she’d said it, but the thought of stopping now seemed impossible. Could he even stop going to bed with her? Would he bother trying? Nah. That would be like asking him to stop breathing. But he could shut the emotional side off for as long as possible. Then, he supposed, if he had to, he’d leave. He wasn’t going to let another woman break his heart.

  So he watched her sleep. Enjoyed the smell of her and the sound she made when she breathed against the pillow. He dragged a finger over her shoulder blades, where the skin was soft and supple. Drake found himself jealous of the man who’d been with her before and had so much time with Riley. Which was ridiculous, because he was probably dead. Still, he hated the guy for stealing Riley’s heart, because it meant she wouldn’t give it to Drake, not ever.

  It wasn’t fucking fair.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  In the morning I woke up surprised to find that the bunk bed had survived the previous night’s activities. And I woke alone. No Drake. No Kris and no Zoey. After dressing in a rush and pulling my hair back, I spent an hour looking for the others and eventually found Kris behind the community center, making out with Colton. Their mouths were fused together, quite literally, so when I came up behind them and cleared my throat, I heard a sucking sound as they jumped away from each other. Zoey stood at Kris’s feet, an impish look on her furry face, and she yanked herself free from the hold Kris had with her foot on the leash and ran at me, happy and panting.

  Putting my hand up to prevent the outpouring of embarrassing comments from either of the kids, I cleared my throat again. “Kris, have you seen Drake?”

  She shook her head, keeping her lower lip pulled in. Colton wouldn’t meet my eyes with his own.

  “Oh for Christ’s sake, guys. I only caught you kissing. Figured you already had before now, anyway. I’m over it; you should be too.” I turned and slapped my leg for Zoey, ducking around the corner before Kris could see the blush on my face. Of course, it was mortifying to stumble upon her and a boy with their hands and mouths all over each other. But it was a normal teenage thing to do, and at this time, normalcy was important for Kris.

  I was pouting over the fact that she was transitioning into a young lady right in front of me, when someone ran up to my side and threw a heavy arm around my shoulders. It was Jacks, amazingly without the baby. My mind flipped through every day of the last few months, and I couldn’t remember a time we were able to walk alone.

  “Hey, you,” he said, tugging on my hair.

  I swatted him off, then hugged him from the side as we walked. “Hey, yourself. Where’s Lily?”

  “Napping. Finally. And no, I didn’t leave her alone – Win’s with her,” he said, looking up into the bright morning sky. There were a few spotty clouds, but no sign of the storm that froze over us just a few days before.

  “You and Win…becoming close friends?” I asked.

  “Yeah, I guess. He’s cool.”

  “He’s cool.” I repeated.

  Jacks frowned down at me. “What?”

  I considered spil
ling everything, but couldn’t do that to Winchester. “Nothing.”

  “Okay, I know that look. Something’s bothering you.”

  It was easier to lie. “I’m going out on another run today with Drake. Guess I don’t want to get snowed in again,” I laughed. It wasn’t true, not in the least. I didn’t mind the prospect of getting stuck indoors with Drake again. Not at all.

  “Oh, I’m sure that sucked,” he teased.

  After peering at him with one squinted eye, it was clear he had his suspicions about me and Drake, but he wasn’t going to say so out loud. A bit mature, for Jacks, but I didn’t invite him to tease me further. That would be like throwing gasoline on an already lit campfire.

  For a few more minutes we chatted about nothing particularly important, and when I’d circled around the compound for the second time, we both saw Drake climbing out of a dusty 4 door SUV.

  “There’s your boyfriend,” Jacks said, swatting me on the butt before waving goodbye.

  Great. I wondered if everyone could see it. And for the briefest of moments, I worried about what they thought of me. Did they consider me a slut…a whore for sleeping with an attractive man I’d known only a handful of months? Did they consider me an unfeeling bitch who didn’t care anymore about losing her last lover before moving on to another? Though I’d said to Drake that I didn’t care what others thought, of course I did, at least a little bit. It was how I chose to react that mattered.

  “This must be our ride?” I asked Drake. Ryder hopped out of the passenger side and dumped an empty backpack on the seat.

  “I assume you have another pack?” he asked.

  “We have a few.”

  “Great! Drake has the list, pretty much the same thing as before minus the USB cords. Also, we added medical supplies, like previously mentioned.”

  He wished us luck and ran off toward the community building, eager to go on about his day without too much conversation. The man was a weird one. There was nothing threatening about him, but also nothing genuinely pleasant. He just…was. I found that a bit disturbing.

  “Hey, wait,” I said to Drake. “I’ve gotta grab a few things. Meet you back here in five?” I left Zoey with him and jogged back to the room, emptying my backpack of its meager contents onto the bed, leaving only a few necessities inside. On my way down the hallway I ran into Winchester exiting his room with the baby secured to his chest in a carrier.

  “Hi,” he said, giving me a sideways hug. “You’ve been busy lately, feel like I’ve not seen you in days.”

  “Probably because you haven’t,” I shrugged.

  “Heading out for another run?”

  “Yep, need anything?”

  His head bounced once. “Yes, actually. But I’d like to keep it private, if you don’t mind?”

  “Sure,” I said, curious.

  Instead of telling me, he placed a folded-up piece of paper in my back pocket and gave me another hug before walking with me to the surface.

  “You taking Zoey this time?” he asked, trying - and failing - to discreetly scan the property.

  “I am. We should be back before dinner. Hold the fort down, and save us a plate.”

  From across the sandy courtyard, Ryder waved in our direction, and I hoped it wasn’t me he was looking for. He jogged up to us and then, to my relief, addressed Winchester.

  “The Doctor needs you. Sorry, but it can’t wait, apparently.” Then he jogged back the way he came.

  “Duty calls,” Winchester said. He smiled and as he walked away, he gave a quick nod to Drake, who had pulled the SUV up closer to the lodging building.

  “Oh no, you don’t,” I said, throwing my pack and two coats inside the open driver’s window. “I’m driving.”

  * * *

  From the gate, Keel sped ahead of us and eventually turned west. We followed the highway East, under a crisp blue sky that gave away everything and promised nothing. Though the breeze was cold, the open windows let the fresh air pour in as we cruised down the road until we passed the small town marked on the map with a big red X. Two more structures were crossed off, but what appeared to be a small strip mall had been left untouched. It would be at least a two-hour drive.

  “Guess we can start here,” Drake said, folding the map into a rectangle.

  “Hit up stores, houses and the like?”

  “Sounds good. Ryder threw these into the pack before seeing us off.” Drake pulled out his pistol, then mine, and tucked them both into the middle console.

  “How kind of him,” I said.

  The open road called to me, and when Drake quieted, I found the lull of the passing trees and wet shoulder inviting. What if I just kept driving? What if I drove till I ran out of concrete and dirt or gas? It was tempting. Which terrified me. I had an itch to take off and leave everything behind, though I wasn’t sure why. Perhaps it felt easier to leave. To just…ride.

  “What’s on your mind?” Drake asked after a long silence in the car. His gaze bore into the side of my face, watching. Waiting.

  I blinked, trying to focus on the present, and not the unclear future. “I don’t know. I guess…tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow? That’s an awfully long way away, isn’t it?” There was humor in his voice, but I didn’t laugh.

  “No. It’s immediate and close. And it will come even if we died today.”

  He grunted. “Well, that’s a pleasant thought. You aren’t planning on driving us off a cliff, are you? If so, let me put the seatbelt on first.”

  I glanced at him quickly. Maybe a bit too quickly. “No, of course not.” I didn’t know what I meant. Just that tomorrow wasn’t as far away as he said. “Maybe we should spend less time worrying about it. There’s no guarantee tomorrow will come. I think that’s what I meant.”

  “In other words – live for the moment?”

  Is that what I wanted? To live in the moment? “Yes and no.”

  He shook his head. “You aren’t making much sense today.”

  “Do I ever?”

  * * *

  It took four hours to find something worth stopping for. After driving around several multiple car pileups and burned areas, and pulling over twice to let Zoey pee, we came to a stop in front of a liquor store with more than a little relief.

  “You stay,” I told the dog, who reluctantly sat in the driver’s seat after I climbed out. First, we’d clear the area of other people, other dangers. And then I’d let her loose.

  Drake leaned forward, his chin just an inch above the dash, his eyes squinting to see through the open store door. “Please, God, let there be tequila.”

  With an uncomfortable squirm in my seat, I was thinking of something else entirely. “I hope they have a bathroom.”

  He froze half-in and half-out of the car. “Riley, go piss in the bushes like you have a hundred times now. I won’t tell.”

  I’d relieved myself in many places I would never have imagined over the last year, but nothing compared to an actual toilet. And almost any toilet was better than squatting behind a tree, precariously balanced in such a way that one wrong move would mean disaster. I didn’t enjoy urinating on my own feet, or stumbling into the puddle. So, as Drake drew his gun and cautiously entered the liquor store, I bounced on my feet behind him, doing my best to keep my potty-dance at bay.

  It was dark inside; the windows were covered in bars and a thick layer of dirt. And the place reeked. Something sweet and rotten filled the entire store, even with the door open. Once stepping into the room and allowing our eyes to adjust to the dim lighting, we saw right away that the building had already been looted. Anything that could have been edible had long ago been taken and what was left was either damaged, opened, or questionable.

  “It’s like a damn crime scene in here,” Drake groaned from the front counter. When I moved closer to him, I could see what he’d meant. Every bottle behind the counter of alcohol had been smashed. Every. Single. Bottle. As if someone took a bat to the shelves for the hell of it.


  “Well, guess we know where that smell is coming from,” I said. I’d pinched my nose shut once we entered and didn’t dare lower my hand while standing in front of the pools of vodka, rum, tequila, gin, mixers and everything in between that had dried on the counter and floor in thick gooey puddles.

  “I can’t believe this,” Drake complained. “We actually find a liquor store and some bastard has walked through the place and busted up everything. What the hell! It’s like desecrating a church!”

  I shrugged, eager to leave before his sense of humor vanished completely. “I’m going to look for a bathroom. If you search through that mess, don’t cut yourself. There’s a shortage of penicillin these days, if you haven’t heard.”

  My shoes squeaked on the floor as I picked my way around the empty shelves. Some had been turned over, which meant it took a lot longer than should have been necessary to get to the far wall of the store. There was indeed a restroom, but the handle was locked. Kicking at the door didn’t help, neither did slamming into it with my shoulder. The door didn’t budge.

  “Great. Looks like I’m going outside, after all.”

  I left Drake in a state of shock as he carefully stepped his way through dozens of broken bottles, cursing every time he bent over to retrieve one, only to find it empty. Once outside, the chill in the air hit me hard. It hadn’t been there just moments before. Though the sky was clear, the rain was coming. It might take a day or two to arrive, but it would show. My joints felt it.

  The relief of an empty bladder is almost a euphoric experience. Even if it meant I had to squat behind the building in dropping temperatures while doing the deed. While buttoning up my pants, a rustle in the trees along the property line startled me. At first, I thought it was a bird, but the rustle sound turned into more of a repetitive thumping and thudding. Like something was in a dead run - coming straight at me.

  Whatever, or whoever it was, I couldn’t see. I backed up against the building and peered into the trees, looking for the source of the sound, which couldn’t be more than twenty feet from where I stood. The hairs stood up on my arms and my neck and I tossed what little curiosity I had aside and ran like my life depended on it.