The Art of Happiness

by Dalai Lama

  It then occurred to me that this was the perfect opportunity to practice developing patience. So, I started in on the technique of visualizing my enemy in my aisle seat as a cherished benefactor, placed next to me to teach me patience and tolerance. I figured this should be a snap – after all, as ‘enemies’ go you couldn’t get any milder than this – I had just met this woman, and she hadn’t actually done anything to harm me. After about twenty minutes, I gave it up – she still bugged me! I resigned myself to remaining irritable for the rest of the flight. Sulking, I glared at one of her hands that was furtively encroaching on my armrest. I hated everything about this woman. I was staring absently at her thumbnail when it occurred to me: Do I hate that thumbnail? Not really. It was just an ordinary thumbnail. Unremarkable. Next, I glanced at her eye and asked myself: Do I really hate that eye? Yes, I did. (Of course, for no good reason – which is the purest form of hate). I focused in closer. Do I hate that pupil? No. Do I hate that cornea, that iris, or that sclera? No. So, do I really hate that eye? I had to admit that I didn’t. I felt that I was on to something. I moved on to a knuckle, a finger, a jaw, an elbow. With some surprise I realized that there were parts of this woman that I didn’t hate. Focusing on details, on particulars, instead of over-generalizations, allowed a subtle internal change, a softening. This shift of perspective tore an opening in my prejudice, just wide enough to look at her as simply another human being. As I was feeling this, she suddenly turned to me and started a conversation. I don’t remember what we talked about – it was small talk mostly – but by the end of the flight my anger and annoyance had been diffused. Granted, she wasn’t my New Best Friend but also she was no longer The Evil Usurper of My Aisle Seat – just another human being, like me, moving through life as best she could.

  A Supple Mind

  The ability to shift perspective, the capacity to view one’s problems ‘from different angles,’ is nurtured by a supple quality of mind. The ultimate benefit of a supple mind is that it allows us to embrace all of life – to be fully alive and human. Following a long day of public talks in Tucson one afternoon the Dalai Lama walked back to his hotel suite. As he slowly walked back to his room, a bank of magenta rain clouds spanned the sky, absorbing the late afternoon light and sending the Catalina mountains into deep relief, the entire landscape a vast palette of purple hues. The effect was spectacular. The warm air, laden with the fragrance of desert plants, of sage, a dampness, a restless breeze, held the promise of an unbridled Sonoran storm. The Dalai Lama stopped. For several moments he quietly surveyed the horizon, taking in the entire panorama, finally commenting on the beauty of the setting. He walked on, but after a few steps he paused again, bending down to examine a tiny lavender bud on a small plant. He touched it gently, noting its delicate form, and wondered aloud about the name of the plant. I was struck by the facility with which his mind functioned. His awareness seemed to move so easily from taking in the complete landscape to focusing on a single bud, a simultaneous appreciation of the totality of the environment as well as the smallest detail. A capacity to encompass all facets and the full spectrum of life.

  Every one of us can develop this same suppleness of mind. It comes about, at least in part, directly through our efforts to stretch our perspective and deliberately try on new viewpoints. The end result is a simultaneous awareness of the big picture as well as our individual circumstances. This dual outlook, a concurrent view of the ‘Big World’ and our own ‘Little World,’ can act as a kind of triage, helping us separate what is important in life from what isn’t.

  In my own case, it took a bit of gentle prodding by the Dalai Lama during the course of our conversations, before I began to break out of my own limited perspective. By nature and training, I’ve always tended to address problems from the standpoint of individual dynamics – psychological processes occurring purely within the domain of the mind. Sociological or political perspectives have never held much interest for me. In one discussion with the Dalai Lama I started questioning him about the importance of achieving a wider perspective. Having had several cups of coffee earlier, my conversation started to become quite animated and I began to speak about the ability to shift perspective as an internal process, a solitary pursuit, based solely on an individual’s conscious decision to adopt a different view.

  In the midst of my spirited discourse, the Dalai Lama finally interrupted to remind me, ‘When you speak of adopting a wider perspective this includes working cooperatively with other people. When you have crises which are global by nature for instance, such as the environment or problems of modern economic structure, this calls for a coordinated and concerted effort among many people, with a sense of responsibility and commitment. This is more encompassing than an individual or personal issue.’

  I was annoyed that he was dragging in the subject of the world while I was trying to concentrate on the subject of the individual (and this attitude, I’m embarrassed to admit, on the very topic of widening one’s viewpoint!).

  ‘But this week,’ I insisted, ‘in our conversations and in your public talks, you’ve spoken a lot about the importance of effecting personal change from within, through internal transformation. For instance, you’ve spoken about the importance of developing compassion, a warm heart, of overcoming anger and hatred, cultivating patience and tolerance . . .’

  ‘Yes. Of course, change must come from within the individual. But when you are seeking solutions to global problems, you need to be able to approach these problems from the standpoint of the individual as well as from the level of society at large. So, when you’re talking about being flexible, about having a wider perspective and so on, this requires the ability to address problems from various levels: the individual level, the community level, and the global level.

  ‘Now, for instance, at the talk at the university the other evening, I spoke about the need to reduce anger and hatred through the cultivation of patience and tolerance. Minimizing hatred is like internal disarmament. But, as I also mentioned in that talk, that internal disarmament must go with external disarmament. That I think is very, very important. Fortunately, after the Soviet empire collapsed, at least for the time being, there is no more threat of nuclear holocaust. So, I think this is a very good time, a very good start – we should not miss this opportunity! Now I think we must strengthen the genuine force of peace. Real peace – not just mere absence of violence or absence of war. Mere absence of war can be produced by weapons – like the nuclear deterrent. But a mere absence of war is not genuine, lasting world peace. Peace must develop on mutual trust. And since weapons are the greatest obstacle for development of mutual trust, I think the time has now come to figure out how to get rid of these weapons. That is very important. Of course, we cannot achieve this overnight. I think the realistic way is step by step. But anyway, I think we must make our ultimate goal very clear: the whole world should be demilitarized. So, on one level we should be working toward developing inner peace, but at the same time it’s very important to work towards external disarmament and peace as well, making a small contribution in whatever way we can. That’s our responsibility.’

  The Importance of Flexible Thinking

  There is a reciprocal relationship between a supple mind and the ability to shift perspective: a supple, flexible mind helps us address our problems from a variety of perspectives, and conversely, deliberately trying to objectively examine our problems from a variety of perspectives can be seen as a kind of flexibility training for the mind. In today’s world, the attempt to develop a flexible mode of thinking isn’t simply a self-indulgent exercise for idle intellectuals – it can be a matter of survival. Even on an evolutionary scale, the species that were most flexible, most adaptable to environmental changes, survived and thrived. Life today is characterized by sudden, unexpected and sometimes violent change. A supple mind can help us reconcile the external changes going on all around us. It can also help us integrate all of our internal conflicts, inconsistencies and ambivalence. W
ithout cultivating a pliant mind, our outlook becomes brittle and our relationship to the world becomes characterized by fear. But by adopting a flexible, malleable, approach to life, we can maintain our composure even in the most restless and turbulent conditions. It is through our efforts to achieve a flexible mind that we can nurture the resiliency of the human spirit.

  As I got to know the Dalai Lama I became amazed at the extent of his flexibility, his capacity to entertain a variety of viewpoints. One would expect that his unique role as probably the world’s most recognized Buddhist might put him in the position of being a sort of Defender of The Faith.

  With this in mind, I asked him, ‘Do you ever find yourself being too rigid in your viewpoint, too narrow in your thinking?’

  ‘Hmm . . .’ He pondered for a moment before replying decisively. ‘No, I don’t think so. In fact, it’s just the opposite. Sometimes I’m so flexible that I’m accused of having no consistent policy.’ He broke into a robust laugh. ‘Someone will come to me and present a certain idea, and I’ll see the reason in what they’re saying and agree, telling them, “Oh, that’s great!” . . . But then the next person comes along with the opposite viewpoint and I’ll see the reason in what they are saying as well and agree with them also. Sometimes I’m criticized for this and have to be reminded, “We’re committed to this course of action, so for the time being let’s just keep to this side.” ’

  From this statement alone one might get the impression that the Dalai Lama is indecisive. Wishy-washy, more like it. No guiding principles. In fact, that couldn’t be farther from the truth. The Dalai Lama clearly has a set of basic beliefs that act as a substrate for all his actions. A belief in the underlying goodness of all human beings. A belief in the value of compassion. A policy of kindness. A sense of his commonality with all living creatures.

  In speaking of the importance of being flexible, malleable, and adaptable, I don’t mean to suggest that we become like chameleons – soaking up any new belief system that we happen to be around at the time, changing our identity, passively absorbing every idea that we’re exposed to. Higher stages of growth and development depend on an underlying set of values that can guide us. A value system that can provide continuity and coherence to our lives, by which we can measure our experiences. A value system that can help us decide which goals are truly worthwhile and which pursuits are meaningless.

  The question is, how can we consistently and steadfastly maintain this set of underlying values and yet remain flexible? The Dalai Lama has seemed to achieve this by first reducing his belief system to a few fundamental facts: 1) I am a human being. 2) I want to be happy and I don’t want to suffer. 3) Other human beings, like myself, also want to be happy and don’t want to suffer. Emphasizing the common ground he shares with others, rather than the differences, results in a feeling of connection with all human beings and leads to his basic belief in the value of compassion and altruism. Using the same approach, it can be tremendously rewarding to simply take some time to reflect on our own value system and reduce it to its fundamental principles. It is the ability to reduce our value system to its most basic elements, and live from that vantage point, that allows us the greatest freedom and flexibility to deal with the vast array of problems that confront us on a daily basis.

  Finding Balance

  Developing a flexible approach to living is not only instrumental in helping us cope with everyday problems – it also becomes the cornerstone for a key element of a happy life: balance.

  Settling comfortably into his chair one morning, the Dalai Lama explained the value of leading a balanced life. ‘A balanced and skillful approach to life, taking care to avoid extremes, becomes a very important factor in conducting one’s everyday existence. It is important in all aspects of life. For instance, in planting a sapling of a plant or a tree, at its very early stage you have to be very skillful and gentle. Too much moisture will destroy it, too much sunlight will destroy it. Too little will also destroy it. So what you need is a very balanced environment where the sapling can have a healthy growth. Or, for a person’s physical health, too much or too little of any one thing can have destructive effects. For example, too much protein I think is bad, and too little is bad.

  ‘This gentle and skillful approach, taking care to avoid extremes, applies to healthy mental and emotional growth as well. For instance, if we find ourselves becoming arrogant, being puffed up by self-importance based on one’s supposed or actual achievements or qualities, then the antidote is to think more about one’s own problems and suffering, contemplating the unsatisfactory aspects of existence. This will assist you in bringing down the level of your heightened state of mind, bringing you more down to earth. And on the contrary, if you find that reflecting on the unsatisfactory nature of existence, suffering and pain, and so forth, makes you feel quite overwhelmed by the whole thing, then, again, there’s a danger of going to the other extreme. In that case you might become totally discouraged, helpless and depressed, thinking that, “Oh, I can’t do anything, I’m worthless.” So under such circumstances, it’s important to be able to uplift your mind by reflecting on your achievements, the progress that you have made so far, and your other positive qualities so that you can uplift your mind, and get out of that discouraged or demoralized state of mind. So what is required here is a kind of very balanced and skillful approach.

  ‘Not only is this approach helpful for one’s physical and emotional health, but it applies to one’s spiritual growth as well. Now, for instance, the Buddhist tradition includes many different techniques and practices. But it is very important to be very skillful in one’s application of the various techniques, and not to be too extreme. One needs a balanced and skillful approach here too. When undertaking Buddhist practice it is important to have a coordinated approach, combining studying and learning with the practices of contemplation and meditation. This is important so that there won’t be any imbalances between academic or intellectual learning and practical implementation. Otherwise, there is a danger that too much intellectualization will kill the more contemplative practices. But then, too much emphasis on practical implementation without study will kill the understanding. So there has got to be a balance . . .’

  After a moment’s reflection, he added, ‘So, in other words, the practice of Dharma, real spiritual practice, is in some sense like a voltage stabilizer. The function of the stabilizer is to prevent irregular power surges and instead give you a stable and constant source of power.’

  ‘You stress the importance of avoiding extremes,’ I inserted, ‘but isn’t going to extremes what provides the excitement and zest in life? By avoiding all extremes in life, always choosing the “middle way,” doesn’t that just lead to a bland, colorless existence?’

  Shaking his head no, he answered, ‘I think you need to understand the source or basis of extreme behavior. Take for example the pursuit of material goods – shelter, furniture, clothing and so on. On one hand, poverty can be seen as a sort of extreme and we have every right to strive to overcome this and assure our physical comfort. On the other hand, too much luxury, pursuing excessive wealth is another extreme. Our ultimate aim in seeking more wealth is a sense of satisfaction, of happiness. But the very basis of seeking more is a feeling of not having enough, a feeling of discontentment. That feeling of discontentment, of wanting more and more and more, doesn’t arise from the inherent desirability of the objects we are seeking but rather from our own mental state.

  ‘So I think that our tendency to go to extremes is often fueled by an underlying feeling of discontentment. And of course there may be other factors which lead to extremes. But I think it is important to recognize that while going to extremes may seem appealing or “exciting” on the surface, it can in fact be harmful. There are many examples of the dangers of going to extremes, of extreme behavior. I think that by examining these situations you’ll be able to see that the consequence of going to extremes is that you, yourself, will eventually suffer. For example,
on a planetary scale if we engage in excessive fishing, without proper regard for long term consequences, without a sense of responsibility, then it results in depletion of the fish population. Or sexual behavior. Of course there is the biological sexual drive for reproduction and so on, and the satisfaction one gets from sexual activity. But if sexual behavior becomes extreme, without proper responsibility, it leads to so many problems, abuses . . . like sexual abuse and incest.’

  ‘You mentioned that in addition to a feeling of discontentment, there may be other factors that lead to extremes . . .’

  ‘Yes, certainly.’ He nodded.

  ‘Can you give an example?’

  ‘I think narrow-mindedness could be another factor that leads to extremes.’

  ‘Narrow-mindedness in the sense of . . . ?’

  ‘The example of excessive fishing leading to depletion of the fish population would be an instance of narrow thinking, in the sense that one is looking only at the short term, and ignoring the wider picture. Here, one could use education and knowledge to widen one’s perspective and become less narrow in one’s viewpoint.’

  The Dalai Lama picked up his rosary from a side table, rubbing it between his hands as he silently mulled over the issue under discussion. Glancing at his rosary, he suddenly continued, ‘I think in many ways narrow-minded attitudes lead to extreme thinking. And this creates problems. For instance, Tibet was a Buddhist nation for many centuries. Naturally that resulted in Tibetans feeling that Buddhism was the best religion, and a tendency to feel that it would be a good thing if all of humanity became Buddhist. The idea that everyone should be Buddhist is quite extreme. And that kind of extreme thinking just causes problems. But now that we’ve left Tibet, we’ve had a chance to come into contact with other religious traditions and learn about them. This has resulted in coming closer to reality – realizing that among humanity there are so many different mental dispositions. Even if we tried to make the whole world Buddhist it would be impractical. Through closer contact with other traditions you realize the positive things about them. Now, when confronted with another religion, initially a positive feeling, a comfortable feeling, will arise. We’ll feel if that person finds a different tradition more suitable, more effective, then that’s good! Then it’s like going to a restaurant – we can all sit down at one table and order different dishes according to one’s own taste. We might eat different dishes, but nobody argues about it!