The Art of Happiness

by Dalai Lama

  ‘But how can we overcome that?’

  ‘By using habituation to our advantage. Through constant familiarity, we can definitely establish new behavior patterns. Here’s an example: In Dharamsala I usually wake up and start the day at 3:30, although here in Arizona these days wake up at 4:30; I get one more hour’s sleep,’ he laughed. ‘At the beginning you need a little bit of effort to get used to this, but after a few months, it becomes sort of a set routine and you don’t need to make any special effort. So even if you were to go to bed late, you might have a tendency to want a few more minutes’ sleep, but you still get up at 3:30 without having to give special thought to it, and you can get up and do your daily practices. This is due to the force of habituation.

  ‘So, by making a steady effort, I think we can overcome any form of negative conditioning and make positive changes in our lives. But, you still need to realize that genuine change doesn’t happen overnight. Now, for example, in my own case, I think if I compare my normal state of mind today to, say, twenty or thirty years ago, there’s a big difference. But this difference, I came to step by step. I started to learn Buddhism around the age of five or six, but at that time I had no interest in Buddhist teachings,’ he laughed, ‘although I was called the highest reincarnation. I think it wasn’t until I was around sixteen years old that I really began to have some serious feeling about Buddhism. And I tried to start serious practice. Then, over the course of many years, I began to develop a deep appreciation of Buddhist principles, and practices, which initially seemed so impossible and almost unnatural, became much more natural and easy to relate to. This occurred through gradual familiarization. Of course, this process took more than forty years.

  ‘So, you see, deep down, mental development takes time. If someone says, “Oh, through many years of hardship things have changed,” I can take that seriously. There’s a greater likelihood of the change being genuine and longlasting. If someone says, “Oh, within a short period, say two years, there has been a big change,” I think that is unrealistic.’

  While the Dalai Lama’s approach to change was unarguably reasonable, there was one matter that seemed to need to be reconciled.

  ‘Well, you’ve mentioned the need for a high level of enthusiasm and determination to transform one’s mind, to make positive changes. Yet at the same time we acknowledge that genuine change occurs slowly and can take a long time,’ I noted. ‘When change takes place so slowly, it’s easy to become discouraged. Haven’t you ever felt discouraged by the slow rate of progress in relation to your spiritual practice or discouragement in other areas of your life?’

  ‘Yes, certainly,’ he said.

  ‘How do you deal with that?’ I asked.

  ‘As far as my own spiritual practice goes, if I encounter some obstacles or problems, I find it helpful to stand back and take the long-term view rather than the short-term view. In this regard, I find that thinking about one particular verse gives me courage and helps me sustain my determination. It says:

  As long as space endures

  As long as sentient beings remain

  May I too live

  To dispel the miseries of the world.

  ‘However, as far as the struggle for the freedom of Tibet is concerned, if I utilize that kind of belief, those verses – being prepared to wait “eons and eons . . . as long as space endures” and so on – then I think I would be foolish. Here, one needs to take more immediate or active involvement. Of course, in that situation, the struggle for freedom, when I reflect on the fourteen or fifteen years of effort at negotiation with no results, when I think about the almost fifteen years of failure, I develop a certain feeling of impatience or frustration. But this feeling of frustration doesn’t discourage me to the point of losing hope.’

  Pressing the issue a bit further, I asked, ‘But what exactly prevents you from losing hope?’

  ‘Even in the situation with Tibet, I think that viewing the situation from a wider perspective can definitely help. So, for instance, if I look at the situation inside Tibet from a narrow perspective, focusing only on that, then the situation appears almost hopeless. However, if I look from a wider perspective, look from a world perspective, then I see the international situation in which whole communist and totalitarian systems are collapsing, where even in China there’s a democracy movement, and the spirit of Tibetans remains high. So, I don’t give up.’

  Given his extensive background and training in Buddhist philosophy and meditation, it is interesting that the Dalai Lama identifies learning and education as the first step in bringing about internal transformation, rather than more transcendental or mystical spiritual practices. Although education is commonly acknowledged as important in learning new skills or securing a good job, its role as a vital factor in achieving happiness is widely overlooked. Yet studies have shown that even purely academic education is directly linked to a happier life. Numerous surveys have conclusively found that higher levels of education have a positive correlation with better health and a longer life, and even protect an individual from depression. In trying to determine the reasons for these beneficial effects of education, scientists have reasoned that better-educated individuals are more aware of health risk factors, are better able to implement healthier lifestyle choices, feel a greater sense of empowerment and self-esteem, have greater problem-solving skills and more effective coping strategies – all factors that can contribute to a happier, healthier life. So, if merely academic education is associated with a happier life, how much more powerful can be the kind of learning and education spoken of by the Dalai Lama – education that focuses specifically on understanding and implementing the full spectrum of factors that lead to lasting happiness?

  The next step in the Dalai Lama’s path to change involves generating ‘determination and enthusiasm.’ This step is also widely accepted by contemporary Western science as an important factor in achieving one’s goals. In one study, for instance, educational psychologist Benjamin Bloom examined the lives of some of America’s most accomplished artists, athletes, and scientists. He discovered that drive and determination, not great natural talent, led to their success in their respective fields. As in any other field, one could assume that this principle would equally apply to the art of achieving happiness.

  Behavioral scientists have extensively researched the mechanisms that initiate, sustain, and direct our activities, referring to this field as the study of ‘human motivation.’ Psychologists have identified three principle types of motives. The first type, primary motives, are drives based on biological needs that must be met for survival. This would include, for example, needs for food, water, and air. Another category of motives involves a human being’s need for stimulation and information. Investigators hypothesize that this is an innate need, required for proper maturation, development, and functioning of the nervous system. The final category, called secondary motives, are motives based on learned needs and drives. Many secondary motives are related to acquired needs for success, power, status, or achievement. At this level of motivation, one’s behavior and drives can be influenced by social forces and shaped by learning. It is at this stage that the theories of modern psychology meet with the Dalai Lama’s conception of developing ‘determination and enthusiasm.’ In the Dalai Lama’s system, however, the drive and determination generated are not used only in the pursuit of worldly success but develop as one gains a clearer understanding of the factors that lead to true happiness, and are used in the pursuit of higher goals, such as kindness, compassion, and spiritual development.

  ‘Effort’ is the final factor in bringing about change. The Dalai Lama identifies effort as a necessary factor in establishing new conditioning. The idea that we can change our negative behaviors and thoughts through new conditioning is not only shared by Western psychologists, but it is in fact the cornerstone of contemporary behavior therapy. This kind of therapy is based on the basic theory that people have largely learned to be they way they are, and by offering
strategies to create new conditioning, behavior therapy has proven to be effective for a broad range of problems.

  While science has recently revealed that one’s genetic predisposition clearly plays a role in an individual’s characteristic way of responding to the world, most social scientists and psychologists feel that a large measure of the way we behave, think, and feel is determined by learning and conditioning, which comes about as a result of our upbringing and the social and cultural forces around us. And since it is believed that behaviors are largely established by conditioning, and reinforced and amplified by ‘habituation,’ this opens up the possibility, as the Dalai Lama contends, of extinguishing harmful or negative conditioning and replacing it with helpful, life-enhancing conditioning.

  Making a sustained effort to change external behavior is not only helpful in overcoming bad habits but can also change our underlying attitudes and feelings. Experiments have shown that not only do our attitudes and psychological traits determine our behavior, an idea that is commonly accepted, but our behavior can also change our attitudes. Investigators found that even an artificially induced frown or smile tend to induce the corresponding emotions of anger or happiness; this suggests that just ‘going through the motions’ and repeatedly engaging in a positive behavior can eventually bring about genuine internal change. This could have important implications in the Dalai Lama’s approach to building a happier life. If we begin with the simple act of regularly helping others, for instance, even if we don’t feel particularly kind or caring, we may discover an inner transformation taking place, as we very gradually develop genuine feelings of compassion.

  Realistic Expectations

  In bringing about genuine inner transformation and change, the Dalai Lama emphasizes the importance of making a sustained effort. It is a gradual process. This is in sharp contrast to the proliferation of ‘quick fix’ self-help techniques and therapies that have became so popular in Western culture in recent decades – techniques ranging from ‘positive affirmations’ to ‘discovering your inner child.’

  The Dalai Lama’s approach points toward slow growth and maturity. He believes in the tremendous, perhaps even unlimited, power of the mind – but a mind that has been systematically trained, focused, concentrated, a mind tempered by years of experience and sound reasoning. It takes a long time to develop the behavior and habits of mind that contribute to our problems. It takes an equally long time to establish the new habits that bring happiness. There is no getting around these essential ingredients: determination, effort, and time. These are the real secrets to happiness.

  When embarking on the path to change, it is important to set reasonable expectations. If our expectations are too high, we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment. If they are too low, it extinguishes our willingness to challenge our limitations and achieve our true potential. Following our conversation about the process of change, the Dalai Lama explained:

  ‘You should never lose sight of the importance of having a realistic attitude – of being very sensitive and respectful to the concrete reality of your situation as you proceed on the path towards your ultimate goal. Recognize the difficulties inherent in your path, and the fact that it may take time and a consistent effort. It’s important to make a clear distinction in your mind between your ideals and the standards by which you judge your progress. As a Buddhist, for instance, you set your ideals very high: full Enlightenment is your ultimate expectation. Holding full Enlightenment as your ideal of achievement is not an extreme. But expecting to achieve it quickly, here and now, becomes an extreme. Using that as a standard instead of your ideal causes you to become discouraged and completely lose hope when you don’t quickly achieve Enlightenment. So you need a realistic approach. On the other hand, if you say, “I’m just going to focus on the here and now; that’s the practical thing, and I don’t care about the future or the ultimate attainment of Buddhahood,” then again, that is another extreme. So we need to find an approach that is somewhere in between. We need to find a balance.

  ‘Dealing with expectations is really a tricky issue. If you have excessive expectations without a proper foundation, then that usually leads to problems. On the other hand, without expectation and hope, without aspiration, there can be no progress. Some hope is essential. So finding the proper balance is not easy. One needs to judge each situation on the spot.’

  I still had nagging doubts; although we may certainly modify some of our negative behaviors and attitudes given enough time and effort, to what extent is it truly possible to eradicate the negative emotions? Addressing the Dalai Lama, I began, ‘We’ve spoken about the fact that ultimate happiness depends on eliminating our negative behaviors and mental states – things like anger, hatred, greed, and so on . . .’

  The Dalai Lama nodded.

  ‘But these kinds of emotions seem to be a natural part of our psychological makeup. All human beings seem to experience these darker emotions to one degree or another. And if that’s the case, is it reasonable to hate, deny and combat part of ourselves? I mean, it seems impractical, and even unnatural, to try to completely eradicate something that is an integral part of our natural makeup.’

  Shaking his head, the Dalai Lama replied, ‘Yes, some people suggest that anger, hatred, and other negative emotions are a natural part of our mind. They feel that since these are a natural part of our makeup, there is no way to really change these mental states. But that is wrong. Now, for example, all of us are born in an ignorant state. In this sense, ignorance is also quite natural. Anyway, when we are young, we are quite ignorant. But as we grow, day by day through education and learning we can acquire knowledge and dispel ignorance. However, if we leave ourselves in an ignorant state without consciously developing our learning, we won’t be able to dispel ignorance. So, if we leave ourselves in a “natural state” without making an effort to dispel it, then the opposing factors or forces of education and learning do not come naturally. And in the same way, through proper training we can gradually reduce our negative emotions and increase positive states of mind such as love, compassion, and forgiveness.’

  ‘But if these things are a part of our psyche, ultimately how can we be successful in fighting against something which is part of ourselves?’

  ‘In considering how to fight against the negative emotions, it is useful to know how the human mind works,’ answered the Dalai Lama. ‘Now the human mind is of course very complex. But it is also very skillful. It can find many ways in which it can deal with a variety of situations and conditions. For one thing, the mind has the ability to adopt different perspectives through which it can address various problems.

  ‘Within Buddhist practice, this ability to adopt different perspectives is utilized in a number of meditations in which you mentally isolate different aspects of yourself, then engage in a dialogue between them. For instance, there is a meditation practice designed to enhance altruism, whereby you engage in a dialogue between your own “self-centered attitude,” a self that is the embodiment of self-centeredness, and yourself as a spiritual practitioner. There is a kind of a dialogical relationship. So similarly here, although negative traits such as hatred and anger are part of your mind, you can engage in an endeavor in which you take your anger and hatred as an object and do combat with it.

  ‘In addition, from your own daily experience, you often find yourself in situations in which you blame or criticize yourself. You say, “Oh, on such and such day, I let myself down.” Then you criticize yourself. Or, you blame yourself for doing something wrong, or for not doing something, and you feel angry towards yourself. So here also, you engage in a kind of dialogue with yourself. In reality, there are not two distinct selves; it’s just the one continuum of the same individual. But still, it makes sense to criticize yourself, to feel angry towards yourself. This is something that you all know from your own experience.

  ‘So although, in reality, there is only one single individual continuum, you can adopt two different perspectives. W
hat takes place when you are criticizing yourself? The “self” that is criticizing is done from a perspective of yourself as a totality, your entire being, and the “self” that is being criticized is a self from a perspective of a particular experience or a particular event. So you can see the possibility of having this “self-to-self relationship.”

  ‘To expand on this point, it may be quite helpful to reflect upon the various aspects of one’s own personal identity. Let us take the example of a Tibetan Buddhist monk. That individual can have a sense of personalized identity from the perspective of his being a monk, “myself as a monk.” And then he can also have a level of personal identity that is not so much based upon his consideration of monkhood but rather of his ethnic origin, like Tibetan, so he can say, “I as a Tibetan.” And then at another level, that person can have another identity in which monkhood and ethnic origin may not play any important role. He can think, “I as a human being.” So you can see different perspectives within each person’s individual identity.

  ‘What this indicates is that when we conceptually relate to something, we are capable of looking at one phenomenon from many different angles. And the capacity to see things from different angles is quite selective; we can focus on a particular angle, a particular aspect of that phenomenon, and adopt a particular perspective. This capacity becomes very important when we seek to identify and eliminate certain negative aspects of ourselves or enhance positive traits. Because of this capacity to adopt a different perspective, we can isolate parts of ourselves that we seek to eliminate and do battle with them.

  ‘Now, in further examining this subject, a very important question arises: Although we may engage in combat with anger, hatred, and the other negative states of mind, what guarantee or assurance do we have that it is possible to gain victory over them?