“I tell myself I shouldn’t have those feelings for Steven. I know we’re married, but yet we aren’t. I also realize that it is probably next to impossible for anything to change between us. He has built a wall so high and so thick around himself that no one can get through.” Emily sighed.
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that. I noticed him looking at you a couple of times when he thought no one would see, especially you, and what I saw has possibilities. I say the man is falling in love with you. He probably won’t admit it even to himself right now, but he certainly has feelings for you,” Rosemary told her friend.
“Steven is carrying around a big load of problems that he has to work out before he can love anyone. Right now he can’t even let anyone love him,” Emily commented as she prepared a tray with glasses and a pitcher of lemonade. “We’d better carry some of this lemonade out to the men.”
They visited with the men on the porch, and just before the visitors left, Brother Lemons once again asked Steven to the services. Steven still wouldn’t commit himself; he just smiled.
“I’ll be praying for you, Steven,” Brother Lemons called as he mounted the wagon.
That evening Steven drove the family to the service as usual. He dropped them off and left, but before he got very far down the road, he abruptly stopped the wagon. He kept hearing a little voice telling him to turn the wagon around and return to the meeting. The little voice was insistent. It nagged him until he finally obeyed.
He returned to the meeting, but he parked the wagon out of sight. He stood under a tree near the arbor, where he could still hear and see but yet remain undetected. There was singing and shouting the likes of which he hadn’t heard in years. When Brother Lemons started to speak, Steven stood spellbound.
The preacher spoke of forgiveness. He said that God would forgive all our sins. We don’t have to clean ourselves up for God—God does the cleaning for us. His message said all a person has to do is to ask God’s forgiveness and He gives it freely. God will take our burdens and carry them for us. We don’t have to be weighted down anymore.
Steven stood there thinking. Could this be true? Would God forgive him for all he had done? This preacher had said almost the same thing Calvin had told him that day in the bank. Could it be that someone was trying to get through to him?
The final hymn was being sung. “Just As I Am” was ringing through the night. The words of the song were almost the same as the preacher had spoken: God takes you just as you are. Steven wanted forgiveness. He wanted to know peace in his life. He had lived with this guilt long enough, and he didn’t want it any longer.
Steven fell to his knees right there beside the tree. He prayed, “God, forgive me for all my sins and my mistakes. I want peace in my life. I want You in my life.” That was all he could get out. The tears began to flow like rain washing his soul clean.
The service ended and Steven made his way to the wagon. A part of him wanted to shout from the rooftops what had happened. Another part wanted to keep silent and enjoy the peaceful feeling for a while. The silent part won.
The next week everything was the same around the farm except for the look on Steven’s face. Ever since Friday night, he’d been wearing a peaceful look that Emily had never seen before. He even smiled occasionally, which was a rather unusual condition for him.
Sarah noticed the change in her father. “What’s happened to Daddy?” she asked Emily. “He doesn’t look so unhappy anymore.”
“I’m not sure,” Emily answered. “But I noticed something different about him, too. I think maybe he has asked Jesus to come into his life.”
Sarah looked confused. “Wasn’t Jesus his friend before? I thought Jesus was everyone’s friend.”
“He is,” Emily assured her. “But you’ve heard the preacher talk about forgiveness and asking Jesus into your heart. Jesus doesn’t just force Himself into your life. You have to ask Him to come in. A person also has to ask forgiveness for their sins and wrongdoings before Jesus can forgive them.”
“And you think that’s what Daddy did? He asked God to forgive him for his sins?” Sarah puzzled. “Did Daddy do something real bad?”
“No, sweetheart, I don’t think your daddy did anything real bad. I think he just had a lot of problems on his mind. And I think he thought he did some things he shouldn’t have done.”
“I sure hope he feels a lot better now. Maybe I’ll ask him if Jesus is his friend now.”
“Maybe we had better wait until he feels like telling us about it. It may be something he wants to keep to himself for a little while,” Emily said.
“I don’t understand. If Jesus is his friend now, shouldn’t he want to tell people about it? The preacher said that you should tell people about Jesus being your friend.”
This was turning into one of those discussions with questions that could become difficult to answer to a child’s satisfaction. But Emily would try.
“Some people have a hard time talking about their friendship with God. It’s much easier for them to show other people by the way they live their lives. You know—by going to church, helping other people, loving their family. Even by the look on their face. You and I noticed a different look on your daddy’s face.”
“Yeah, but Daddy doesn’t go to church.”
The questions continued to get tougher. “Well, it’s not absolutely necessary for a Christian to go to church. They should go so they can fellowship with other Christians and renew their faith. You know church for a Christian is like food for your soul. You have to eat food to stay alive, and if you go to church, it helps you grow stronger in your faith.”
“Well, shouldn’t Daddy go to church so he can grow stronger?” Sarah continued her inquisition. “Will his faith die if he doesn’t go?”
Emily was going to have to come up with some answers that didn’t lead to more questions. This child’s curiosity was getting the best of her.
“As I said, church is good for you, but you don’t have to go. You can read your Bible and pray without going to church. That can help you grow as a Christian also.”
“I’ve never seen Daddy read his Bible and he only prays real short prayers at the table.” Looking thoughtful, Sarah quietly added, “I wonder if Daddy has a Bible?”
“It isn’t necessary for someone else to see you read your Bible or hear you pray. It’s only necessary for God to see and hear you.”
Sarah seemed satisfied with Emily’s answers for the time being, but Emily was afraid a lot more of these endless question sessions lay ahead.
Steven drove the wagon to service every night the next week but left as usual, or so it appeared. He would park the wagon out of sight and walk back and stand in the shadow of the trees.
Friday night came, and the revival would be over after the service that night. When Emily walked out to get into the wagon, she noticed Steven had on a clean shirt and pants. He had never cleaned up to drive them to church before. Emily prayed that this was a sign that he would join them for the service that night.
Arriving at church, Steven helped the women from the wagon. He then offered Emily his arm. The duo walked to the brush arbor, with the younger children following close behind them. A large crowd had already gathered, which meant the back pews were filled. As the procession marched down the aisle, all heads turned, and a hush fell over the congregation.
Emily had been in a state of shock from the moment Steven had offered her his arm. She realized that she had a very tight grip on him, but she was afraid to let go for fear of falling over.
Steven stopped at a pew close to the front, and everyone sat down. Emily was finally able to take a deep breath, but she was still unable to speak. She just looked up at Steven and smiled. This was the first glimmer of hope that someday they might actually become a family.
Brother Lemons preached a powerful message that night. He talked about the meaning of families and the obligation of the father to be the spiritual leader. Emily saw that Steven listened intently, a p
uzzled frown on his face.
When the service ended and the invitation was given, Steven fought an incredible battle. He felt the pull to go to the altar and confess before God and this company his newfound hope. But his pride and the devil were standing in his way. Finally, just before the last verse of the closing hymn, he made the short walk to the altar. He fell on his knees, and the ministers joined him.
“Thank you for caring enough to pray for me,” Steven said as he embraced Brother Lemons at the altar.
“Steven, my boy, I’m not the only one that cares for you. You will never know how many prayers have gone up for you,” Brother Lemons informed him. “Although your battle is just starting. I know you still have a lot of things to get straight at home. It won’t be easy and it won’t happen overnight. You will have to be persistent, even when you feel all is lost. Just remember, in the end the victory will be worth the battle. My prayers will remain with you and your family. Also remember, Brother Kirkland will be here to help when you need him. And you will need him.” Brother Lemons smiled. “So be man enough to ask him to be your friend and to allow you to cry on his shoulder.”
After the service, most of the folks made their way to Steven and shook his hand. He was welcomed warmly back into the fold by the majority, although there were obviously a few skeptics in the crowd.
The ride home that evening was very quiet. Steven didn’t think he had ever seen the stars shine brighter. The moon lit up the way like a brilliant torch. It was a grand and glorious evening! If only this feeling could last forever. He felt as though all of his problems had melted away. That, of course, was not true. Four of his problems were riding in the wagon with him, while two walked home. He would just have to pray for God’s guidance on how to make things right with his family.
Unable to sleep that night, Steven walked out onto the porch and found Emily sitting in the porch swing.
“It’s beautiful tonight. Don’t you agree?” Emily asked.
“One of the prettiest I’ve seen in a very long time,” Steven confessed.
“Your decision tonight was the answer to a lot of prayers. I’m real happy for you,” Emily said as her eyes filled with tears.
Steven wanted to share his contentment with this woman who shared his name. But no matter how much he wanted to, he wouldn’t allow himself to do it.
“Thank you,” was all he managed to respond.
CHAPTER 7
It was a hot and humid summer day and nothing pressing had to be done. After breakfast Steven told the twins that if they would help him dig up some worms, they would head to the creek for a little fishing. He had decided that a fishing trip might be a way to start winning over the twins.
Emily had never witnessed so much excitement from the two little boys. They grabbed their hats and headed to the barn to fetch a shovel. It was difficult for Emily to picture so much enthusiasm over little crawly things.
Watching the three of them almost running down the lane lifted Emily’s heart. She was glad Steven was finally making an effort to get to know his children.
“Since the boys are fishing today, you and I should think of something special to do,” Emily told Sarah.
“What could we do? I don’t like to fish,” Sarah informed her.
“I don’t care much for fishing either.” Emily smiled. “I was thinking more of something we girls enjoy doing. Why don’t we look through all that material in the trunk and see if we can’t find enough to make you new curtains for your room.”
“Really? You mean I can help make them?”
“Sure. I was about your age when I started to learn to sew,” Emily said.
“Sarah, do you know why your mother had all of this material?” Emily questioned, as they looked through the trunk.
“Somebody sent it to her. Every so often a big package of material would come. I asked her who sent it and she just said it didn’t matter.”
“Why didn’t your mother make it up into clothes?” Emily asked.
“I don’t know. She made us new dresses at Easter and the boys a new shirt sometimes. I guess she didn’t like to sew very much. Now what about my curtains?” Sarah’s tone told Emily she didn’t want to answer any more questions.
Emily removed one of the worn curtains from the window to use as a pattern and let Sarah cut the first panel as she watched. Sarah was almost as excited about her curtains as she had been months ago about her Easter frock. They cut and stitched until time for dinner. Sarah rang the dinner bell for Matt and Mark, but the two older boys never came in.
After the fishermen returned with a bountiful catch, Sarah went out on the back porch and found her father washing up. Grabbing his arm, she cried, “Daddy, come to my room. You’ve got to see what Emily and I did today.”
“Let me dry my hands,” he answered, taking the towel from the hook.
“We made new curtains, Daddy, see,” Sarah instructed as the two entered her room. “Aren’t they beautiful? Emily let me sew a whole bunch on them.”
“They certainly are pretty,” Steven said, looking into the innocent face of his daughter. “Looks like the two of you did a terrific job.”
Steven smiled at his little girl as she took his hand and started pulling him back toward the kitchen.
“Daddy likes my curtains, Emily,” Sarah announced.
“They’re really nice,” Steven said, then asked, “None of you would happen to know where my horse is, would you? It’s not in the barn.”
“Maybe the boys let it out to pasture,” Emily suggested.
“Where are Matt and Mark?” Steven asked.
“We haven’t seen them all day,” Emily responded. “They didn’t come in for dinner and they haven’t been around the house all afternoon.”
When the family sat down for supper, Matt and Mark still hadn’t arrived. They waited awhile and then started eating without them. They were just finishing their meal when the two strays wandered in.
They had begun to help themselves to the food on the table when Steven asked, “Do you boys know what time meals are served around here?”
“Yes sir,” Mark replied.
“When the dinner bell rings you know to drop what you’re doing and come in. Do you not?”
“We didn’t hear the bell,” was Matt’s reply.
Steven asked them where they had been and if they had taken his horse. The boys gave limited responses to his inquiries and he informed them that if they made it a practice to be late for meals, they would go hungry.
“The meals are prepared and on the table on time. The least you can do is show up on time to eat them,” Steven stated firmly.
The boys offered no response to his proclamation. They continued to fill their mouths and their stomachs.
As Steven relaxed on the porch after supper, Sarah came out to join him. She had her hands behind her back as she approached her father.
“Daddy, would you read me a story?” she asked in her sweetest tone.
Delighted, Steven responded, “I guess so. Do you have a particular story in mind?”
Sarah held her hand out to her father as she said, “I’d like to hear a story out of here.”
Steven took the book from her and smiled as he read the words “Holy Bible” on the front cover. “What story would you like to hear from this book?”
“It doesn’t matter to me. You pick one,” Sarah told him.
“Let’s go into the living room, where we can sit by the lamp to read,” Steven suggested.
As he sat himself in the large rocking chair, Sarah climbed into his lap. He opened the Bible to First Corinthians, the thirteenth chapter, and began to read. As he read the words of the chapter on love, a warmth began to fill his being, yet a sadness lingered there also.
Sarah had laid her head on his shoulder. He hadn’t held this child in his arms since she was two years old. Tears falling from his eyes, he put the Bible on the table and hugged his daughter.
Seeing his tears, Sarah asked, “Daddy, wh
y are you crying?” Getting no response, she added, “I love you, Daddy.”
As she laid her head on his shoulder, he softly kissed the top of her head and whispered, “I love you, too, Sarah.” He continued to hold her until she fell asleep in his arms.
This man who had been so unfeeling, so isolated within himself, had finally let someone into his world. Sarah lay limp and peaceful in her father’s lap. Apparently, she had finally gotten what she had wanted: a daddy. The thought made new tears prick Steven’s eyes.
“I’ll get her dressed for bed if you’ll take her to her room,” Emily offered as she walked into the living room.
Steven smiled at her and stood with Sarah in his arms. He carried her to her bedroom and laid her gently on her bed. For a moment he looked down at the angelic face. He could never make up for all the years he had missed, but he would try to make the future the best that he could.
Leaving Sarah’s room, Steven went upstairs and found the twins wrestling on the floor of their room.
“It’s time for you boys to be in bed,” he said.
“Yes sir, we were headed that way. Just got a little sidetracked,” John confessed.
“Well save some of that energy for tomorrow. I need you two to help me in the fields,” Steven told them.
“You mean we can go to the fields with you?” Luke asked. “We never got to do that before. Matt always said we were in the way.”
Steven leaned over to tuck the boys in and assured them, “You won’t be in my way. I think it’s time you boys started to learn how to farm. Now get to sleep.” He blew out the lamp on his way out the door.
Steven paused a moment in front of Matt and Mark’s door, but he didn’t feel he would be welcome in that room. God, he prayed, please show me how I can win their respect. Maybe even their love.
Emily was in the swing when Steven stepped out on the porch. “Get everyone tucked in?” she asked.
“Well, three of them. The other two will have to tuck themselves in,” he responded.
A Bride's Agreement Page 9