“Oh, they’ll come around,” she assured him. “You just have to be patient with them.”
“I have a feeling those two will push patience to the limit. I’m not sure Job could have survived them. They make pestilence look pleasing.”
“Steven, they’re not that bad. They just have a lot of anger built up inside. We just have to get through that wall of anger and then we’ll find the young men inside.”
“I think anger is too mild a word. Hate seems to fit better,” said Steven.
They sat in silence for a while before Emily bid him good night and went inside. The same little voice that had made him stop the wagon and go back to the camp meeting started nagging him again. This time it was talking about Emily. It told him he was an idiot to treat such a special lady this way. It told him that he needed to work on his relationship with Emily before it was too late.
It was a very persistent little voice, but for tonight he managed to ignore it, or at least put it off. He kept telling himself, and the little voice, that it was much more important to get everything straightened out with his kids first. Steven’s experience told him that this would not be the last time he heard the not-so-gentle nudging from inside his soul.
After breakfast the twins left for the fields with Steven, and Sarah ran out to play. Emily found herself alone in a house where she still felt like a guest. There had to be something she could do to make it feel more like her home.
She decided to start with the living room. Rolling up her sleeves, she gave the room a good scrubbing. Then she rearranged the furniture. The windows were covered with worn shades, and she decided to make curtains. She would start on that right after dinner.
After dinner, Emily set about her task. If she worked really hard, she could get most of the curtains finished so she could surprise everyone after supper.
Using the material from Rebecca’s trunk, she made simple, straight curtains. She devised a way to hang them on the windows with some nails and heavy string. She made tie backs so she could pull the curtains open and let the light into the room. Pleased with her handiwork, Emily could hardly wait for everyone to come home.
Emily had supper ready when the family came in. As everyone started eating, Sarah commented, “I like the new curtains in the living room and the way you did the furniture.”
“Thank you, Sarah,” Emily responded.
With a look that could kill and a voice to match, Matt asked, “What did you do to the living room?”
“I just rearranged the furniture and made some curtains,” Emily replied.
Matt jumped up from the table and ran to the living room. Angrily, he began to rip the curtains from the windows. Steven went after him and grabbed his son by the shoulders.
“Matt! Stop this!” he demanded. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“What gives her the right to change my mother’s house? She has no right to be here at all, and for that matter neither do you! Why don’t you just get out?” Anger and hatred flowed from the bitter young man.
Without thinking, Steven spun Matt around and almost hit him, but Emily grabbed his arm before he could deliver a blow.
Looking Matt in the eyes, he demanded, “You will apologize to Emily for this outburst and for destroying her hard work.”
“I’ll never apologize to her!” Matt shouted as he struggled to release himself from his father’s grip.
Steven took Matt by the collar and escorted the young man to the barn where the razor strap should be hanging.
After Steven and Matt left the house, Emily began to pick up the curtains. Matt had only torn them off two of the five windows, but as Emily picked up the last panel, she sat down on the floor and began to sob. She couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. Tonight was the last straw. She didn’t know if she could go on, or even if she wanted to.
Sarah walked over to Emily and put her little arms around her shoulders. “Don’t cry, Emily. I’ll help you put the curtains back up.”
Emily looked up and saw the twins standing before her. “Yeah, we’ll help, too.”
These precious little children! She knew she had to keep trying for their sakes. Drying her eyes on her apron, she said, “Thank you, all of you. I would really appreciate your help.”
Evaluating the damage, Emily realized all Matt had done was break the string that had been supporting the curtains. They were easily fixed and reattached to the windows.
“What do you think Daddy’s gonna to do to Matt?” Sarah asked.
“He’s gonna belt him good,” Luke proclaimed.
“Now kids, you have to leave the discipline up to your father. Matt behaved very badly and your father will talk to him about it,” Emily said.
“Yeah, he’ll talk to him with a belt,” John chimed in.
About that time the back door opened and in walked Matt, followed closely by his father. Matt did not give the impression that he had enjoyed his conversation with his father. Steven stopped and washed his hands before he entered the kitchen.
Matt was headed out the doorway leading into the hall when Steven’s voice stopped him. “Matt, just where do you think you’re going?”
With a stubborn cutting edge to his voice he replied, “To my room, sir!”
“I don’t think so. My memory appears to be better than yours. I think you’ve forgotten to do something.”
“And what might that be, sir?”
“Matt, do we need to make another trip out to the barn to refresh your memory?”
Giving his father an “I’ll get you for this one day” look, Matt turned to Emily and bitterly spit out, “Sorry.”
It was apparent to everyone that he really wasn’t sorry. But he did say it. Clearly, Matt was in a power struggle with his father. Whether Steven wanted it that way or not, he would just have to prove he was man enough to handle the job of father.
Steven came around the corner of the house and spotted Emily sitting in the porch swing as usual. He sat down on the edge of the porch.
They sat for a long time in silence before Steven finally spoke. “I want to apologize for what Matt did tonight. The room looks really nice.”
“There’s no need for you to apologize. You didn’t do anything. I should have been more sensitive to their feelings. I should have realized how hard it is for them to have someone else come into their mother’s home and take over.”
Steven couldn’t hear her crying, but he could see her body tremble in the moonlight. “Emily, you’ve bent over backwards to be sensitive to everyone and not hurt anyone’s feelings. This is your home now. Rebecca doesn’t live here anymore.”
Emily’s sobs seemed to deepen with every word Steven said. Crying women had never been a specialty of his, and Steven didn’t know what he should do. What he wanted to do was take her into his arms and hold her, but he couldn’t allow that. Instead, he reached into his pocket, pulled out his handkerchief, walked over, and handed it to her.
Emily took it and tried to dry her eyes, but it was no use; the tears wouldn’t stop flowing. The main valve had been turned on and there was no way to shut it off this time. Steven stood helpless. She looked like a child sitting there. What had he done to this lady? He had brought her from her well-known world to a world that was strange to them both. He could stand it no longer; sitting down beside her in the swing, he took her into his arms. He held her while the rest of the water flowed over the dam. He could feel the dampness of her tears through his shirt. He had no words of comfort; he just held her.
Neither of them knew how long they sat there. Emily’s tears eventually ceased, but Steven continued to hold her. She finally lifted her head and looked into his eyes. “Thank you. I needed that.”
“I didn’t do anything,” he replied gruffly.
“You did more than you’ll ever know.”
Looking into her eyes, she looked so helpless and vulnerable. He wanted to kiss her, but before he gave in to the urge, he stood up and left her sitting alone in the swing.
“If you’re feeling better, I’m going to make one last round to check on things and then I think I’ll turn in,” he stated.
“You go ahead. I’m okay. I’ll turn in soon,” she told him.
Steven walked off. There was nothing to check on; he just needed to walk some of this tension off. He could hear his little voice in the distance, like it was coming up behind him. He turned and said out loud, “Now you just wait. Don’t start with me tonight. I still need to take care of my children first before I can think of myself and my needs.” Why had he said that? Was he beginning to need Emily?
His little voice couldn’t help but answer his question and it stopped Steven in his tracks, for it was as audible as if someone was standing right there. “Yes, Steven. You are beginning to need Emily, and furthermore, you’re in love with her.” His little voice had a lot of nerve to tell him something like that and then just leave, but that’s exactly what it did, and Steven was left alone with his thoughts.
Emily found it difficult to fall asleep that night. Her mind was swirling and her heart was pounding. It had felt so good and so right to be in Steven’s arms. She was proud of the way he was getting close to his children, the younger ones at least. If they could get close as a couple, maybe they could become a real family. She was in love with the man and there was nothing she could do to change that now.
CHAPTER 8
Emily was in the midst of her morning chores as her mind replayed the events of the night before, over and over again. That morning at breakfast Steven had acted no differently toward her. She didn’t know what she had expected, maybe a smile. There was nothing. She really needed to talk with someone. Maybe she could visit Rosemary Kirkland this afternoon.
Steven had some work to do around the barn that afternoon, and this gave Emily the perfect opportunity to visit Rosemary, as he would be close in case the children needed anything.
Steven was repairing a harness when she entered the barn. “Steven, I’m going to visit Rosemary Kirkland for a little while,” Emily informed him.
“Okay,” he said. “I’ll hitch the buggy for you.”
Steven hitched his little gray mare to the buggy and brought it around to the front of the house, where Emily waited. He took her arm and helped her up into the seat.
As she started to drive away, he looked at her and smiled. “You be careful.”
It was such a little thing, such a common statement. But his smile and his concern meant the world to Emily. She was a goner, and she knew it.
Rosemary was sitting on her front porch shelling peas when Emily arrived. Emily greeted her, then pulled up a chair and sat down.
“It’s good to see you. What brings you up my way in the middle of the week?” Rosemary asked.
“I just needed a little female conversation,” Emily confided. “Have you got another pan? I’ll help you shell these peas while we talk.”
Rosemary disappeared into the house and returned with a pan for Emily. Emily quickly filled it and began shelling the peas.
“Is there something special you wanted to talk about?” Rosemary asked.
Emily blushed as she spoke. “Oh, nothing special.”
“Let me guess. Could the subject be about six-foot-three and weigh about 190 pounds? Tell me, has there been some new development?” Rosemary questioned.
“Am I so obvious? You always seem to know when Steven’s on my mind.”
“It’s not that hard to figure out. I’d bet Steven’s on your mind most of the time,” Rosemary teased.
Emily blushed again. She told Rosemary about the events of the past few days, beginning with Steven’s newfound affection toward Sarah and the twins. She ended with Matt’s outrage the previous evening.
“It sounds as though Steven’s beginning to take his role as a father seriously. I’m very happy to hear it,” Rosemary noted. “I agree that he still has a long way to go before he wins over Matt and Mark, but I think he can do it. My question now is, has he started taking his role as a husband seriously?”
“I had a small glimmer of hope last night. I’m probably making too much out of it, but it really meant a lot to me at the time. After the fiasco ended and all the kids were in their rooms, I went out and sat in the porch swing. The whole evening had been a nightmare. I had only wanted to turn the house into a home and all I accomplished was to turn it into a battlefield again. Steven walked up and sat down on the porch.” Emily paused for a moment; she didn’t want to start crying now.
“He apologized for Matt’s behavior and I told him he had nothing to apologize for. I should have been more sensitive of everyone’s feelings. I know it’s hard for the children having a stranger come into their mother’s home and take over.”
“You told Steven that you should have been more sensitive?” Rosemary wanted to know.
Emily nodded, then continued. “Steven tried to make me feel better by telling me that I’d tried to protect everyone’s feelings and that it was my home and I could fix it like I wanted. He said Rebecca didn’t live there anymore. Well, that’s when I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I sat there and cried like a baby. I was so embarrassed, but I couldn’t do anything about it.”
“You shouldn’t have been embarrassed. Steven was right. It is your home now, not Rebecca’s,” Rosemary tried to comfort her friend.
“You’re both wrong. Rebecca Barnes lives in every corner of that house. She lives in the faces of her children and she still occupies the place in Steven’s heart that I’m rightfully entitled to. I didn’t want to cry in front of him, but with every word he uttered I cried harder.”
“What happened next?” Rosemary asked.
“Steven offered me his handkerchief, then he sat down beside me in the swing and held me in his arms until I finished crying. For just an instant I felt safe and secure and maybe a little loved.” Emily had tears in her eyes once again.
“I don’t think you’re making too much of this. Steven has to care about you. If he didn’t, he would have just let you cry alone. Tell me, how did he act this morning to you?”
“Like he always does. It was as though nothing had happened last night. But this afternoon when I left to come over here, he hitched the buggy for me. And when he helped me up onto the seat, he smiled and told me to be careful.” Emily giggled. “Boy, I’m really grasping for straws now, aren’t I?”
“Not really,” Rosemary affirmed. “If it were anyone else smiling and telling you to be careful, I’d think nothing about it. But this comes from a man who, up until very recently, barely acknowledged you existed. Any small gesture becomes very significant when it comes from him. Now about his holding you last night—did he release you as soon as you stopped crying, and what happened when he did let you go?”
Emily thought a moment, then answered, “Well, actually he held me for a little while after my crying had stopped. And just for a moment, after he released his hold, I thought he was going to kiss me. But he didn’t. He excused himself and left.”
“That’s very promising.” Rosemary set down her pan of shelled peas. “Let’s go have some lemonade and move this conversation into the kitchen.”
Rosemary poured two glasses of lemonade and set a plate of cookies on the table. “I told you I saw something in Steven’s eyes the day we had lunch with you,” Rosemary said. “I really believe he’s starting to have feelings for you but is afraid to act on them. I think maybe he’s afraid of marriage.”
She took a cookie, then continued. “Most folks around here thought Rebecca Barnes was wonderful, but I’ve got a hunch that all was not what it was made out to be. There was just something about her attitude. I heard her make a few comments about Steven that made me wonder if he didn’t kind of have a rough time at home. It could be he feels like a failure as a husband and is afraid to try it again.”
“Rosemary, how do you come up with all this insight on people? I know there’s something in his past that’s haunting him. And I know there was some reason why he di
dn’t return home after he earned enough money to get the farm out of debt. But I just don’t know what the answers to those questions are.” Emily sipped her lemonade, then thoughtfully added, “If a man’s happy at home, then why would he stay away for five years?”
“That’s my point exactly. If Rebecca was such a wonderful wife, then why didn’t her husband come home? Now either she wasn’t so wonderful or he’s just a scoundrel. I didn’t know Steven before he left, but from what I’ve seen of him since his return, I don’t think he’s a scoundrel.”
“Okay, so his marriage was far from perfect and he’s afraid to try it again. So where does that leave me? Looks like my chances might be pretty slim.” Emily sighed.
“Not necessarily. You know a horse can be a little skittish, but he can still be broken. You just have a fellow who’s a little gun-shy, but he can be brought around with proper handling.”
“Look, you’re talking to the wrong woman. I’m about as inexperienced as they come at handling men,” Emily confessed.
“You were married before, so you had to have won at least one man’s heart. That makes you experienced. Anyway, mostly you just have to be yourself. Steven is falling for you already. You just have to give him a little push.”
“And how do you suggest I push?”
“Take every opportunity when you’re alone to flirt a little. Let the man know you’re interested. He’s probably afraid of rejection, so he won’t make a move. Let him know in subtle little ways that he won’t be rejected.”
“Do you want me to throw myself at him?” Emily asked.
“No! You know how to flirt, surely. Just be extra nice to him. Give him the opening and see what happens. This man’s your husband, not some total stranger.”
“He’s almost a total stranger. I know very little about him. And just because we have a piece of paper that says we’re married doesn’t mean we’re husband and wife.”
“Look, you’ll figure out what to do as the opportunities present themselves. Just follow your instincts. Pray about it; I have a strong feeling that the Lord is on your side.”
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